Book 3: Chapter 41 â Wyvern Cliffs Pt. 11
After theyâd returned to the hive, Noah found himself back inside Vionâs chamber which theyâd moved to a more convenient location in the hive. He sat in a comfortable room, looking down at his hands, feeling a strange shiver run through them. This certainly wasnât the first time heâd almost died, not even close, but something was different this time. It had felt the most certain. The most abrupt. It hadnât been on his terms. He hadnât gone in and taken any dumb risks, he hadnât chosen to fight any gods, or talk back to someone far more powerful. Heâd⦠just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.
That⦠something about that made it worse. And yet, at the same time, he didnât feel anything.
Noahâs shadow stirred, forming next to him, buzzing with what felt like barely restrained fury.
âHey,â Noah said, nonchalantly raising his hand.
His shadow seemed to open and close his mouth a few times, as if trying to speak but he just couldnât find the right words. At the end, the specter spoke through gritted teeth. âYou do realize what happened just now? You died. We died.â
âNo, we just used up our free extra life. It even said it charges back up as well,â Noah said.
âWhyâre you being like this?â The specter asked.
âI feel like thatâs my question to be asking. This isnât the first time this has happened. Stuff like this happens. From the very moment I came in this world, somethingâs been trying to kill me. The recent period of ease seems to have made you forget that,â Noah said, frowning.
âDo you even understand what itâs like to know that myself, my own reflection, do these things, knowing that itâs just your life but mine thatâs tied to you as well? Have you maybe ever given it any thought?â The specter asked.
Noah stayed silent, unable to find words to reply.
âListen⦠Iâm sorry. But what do you want me to do? I didnât instigate anything. Iâm not being stupid here. I know I can be sometimes, but this one wasnât on me, was it?â Noah said.
âYou know what you can do. What youâve had the option to do for a while,â the shadow specter said, walking closer. âWhatâre you so afraid of?â n/o/vel/b//in dot c//om
Noah looked into the specterâs eyes, pausing. âYou know, itâs ironic that youâre giving me this lecture. Wouldnât doing that just kill you?â
âNo it will not. I will return
to where I belong. To you. But⦠Iâm starting to see something now. This is all just an excuse isnât it?â The specter said, leaning back. âYou donât want to do it, not because you care about me or whatever, but because youâre afraid arenât you? Afraid of getting me back. I am the part of you that was afraid. The part you keep trying to run away from. No wonder we split apart the first chance you got. It must be so easy, without that constant voice in your head. Without the fear of the consequences haunting you. Itâs so easy to live here if you donât have to be afraid about your own life, isnât it? Itâs all fun and games, you can chase off cool things and live without any worry of any consequences,â the specter said, form wavering and darkening as shadow wisps began to swirl around it for a moment, before they settled down.
A moment of silence remained between the two of them, before the specter whispered.
âDo you even think about it anymore? About home? And the people you left behind?â
âShut up,â Noah snapped. âI didnât leave anyone behind. I didnât have anybody at all, in the first place. After mom died⦠no, there was nobody. And if you want to say that piece of garbage of a man thatâs supposed to be my father somehow matters then you donât know anything.â
The shadow specter laughed. âThatâs a lie and you know it. The memory is vague, but you remember Leah donât you? And what had happened? She wasnât the only one either, a lot of people were impacted by us. By our choices. But forget even them. There was someone more important than any of them as well, wasnât there? I donât remember. We donât remember. Not since we came here, which makes it so easy to ignore, but you feel it, donât you? Something was taken from you. Something you had,â the specter said.
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Noah felt something wavering, vague memories swirled in his mind, giving him a light headache at the back of his head.
âShe knows. Raelinah. Itâs why weâve been chasing her. Thatâs what all this has been about, has it been not? Itâs why you were so desperate, were you not? When you woke up in that void you knew you had lost something. Something truly important. More than either of our lives. How can you⦠how can you just forget that? Youâve cut that part of yourself off, shoved me aside, simply living in the moment, as if there truly is nothing you care about in the world,â the specter said, his form wavering even further.
âYou know youâre incomplete, that weâre incomplete. And if you know whatâs best for you. For both of us, then youâll fix what you broke,â the specter said, before dissolving back into Noahâs shadow.
Silence remained in the chamber after that, Noah sitting there by himself, thinking back on the words. It hurt, because all of it was right. But was it so wrong? Was it so wrong for him to just⦠live carefree?
He knew he wasnât normal. Heâd never been normal. No normal person arrives in a world of monsters and starts slaughtering them one after another. No normal person jumps into the maws of death without any concern. But why did that matter? Heâd never been normal, not even back on Earth.
This place felt more like home than Earth had ever did to him. Why could he simply just live life without any worries.
Noah clenched his fist, unable to find any answers.
But something hurt in his chest. The shadow had been right been about one thing at least. He was incomplete. No matter how much he disliked the nature of the powers these shards gave him, no matter how much he disliked how⦠inhuman he was, at his core.
And that was the thing, all along, wasnât it? From the very start, heâd understood that, at the very core of him⦠he wasnât truly human. There was something terrifying that existed inside of him, something he did not like admitting existed there, but he could see glimpses of it. In those moments, when he is fighting and living the thrill of it all, that inhuman thing inside of him felt more satisfied than anything else.
The Devourer felt satisfied.
Noah closed his eyes, trying to focus his thoughts. Magic thrummed in the chamber, and Noah felt a familiar but surprising presence arrive next to him.
He opened his eyes, and saw Zax standing there.
âApologies. It took us some while, but weâre glad to see you are unharmed Noah,â Zax said, dusting his clothes.
âNow⦠we did say we wouldnât be interfering, but the second chance thing had also been a security measure to make sure the risk and rewards were not out of balance. Technically, you died and failed the test,â Zax said.
Noah looked at Zax. âAre you serious?â
The dragon scoffed. âNo, this had always been a training exercise, but we wanted to see what you wanted to do. We canât easily charge that spell, itâs a powerful one and takes time.â
Noah paused for a long moment. Then an idea came to him. âWhat if I use my dimensional vault?â
Zax shook his head and sighed. âWe knew youâd say that, no, that would cause you to explode. Itâs why we built in some protections.â
âBummer,â Noah said.
âWe do mean it when we said we canât come to save you Noah. Weâre busy with certain tasks,â Zax said.
Noah nodded. âI know. Itâs fine. I canât have you babysitting me all the time. I need to get stronger on my own. And I have an asshole thunder wyvern to take revenge from.â
Zax thought for a moment. âVery well, weâll let you continue.â
âThanks,â Noah said. After a secondâs hesitation, he added. âAnd⦠about the thing. The spell I got, from the quest. I think Iâm ready to use it.â
Zax paused, glancing back at Noah, then, the dragon gave him a small smile. âWeâll need some time to make preparations. Complete your task here first,â Zax said.
And with that, the dragon teleported away, vanishing.
Noah sat in the chamber for a little longer, then, letting a long sigh, he made his way out. He knew he wouldnât get any rest now, so he might as well train a little.