Han Xiaoâs house was in an upscale neighborhood. I had no idea how long I sat waiting on the stairs.
I watched a little girl, about five years old, practicing cycling under her fatherâs tutelage on a meandering trail.
Then I recalled when I was a kid learning how to ride a bicycle, Dongyu had watched me nervously as he carefully controlled the center of gravity of the bicycle from behind me.
At the time, I was only six years old. I stepped on the pedals and nervously gripped the handlebars. I looked like I was ready to die trying.
As Dongyu shouted at me to relax, he pushed the bicycle forward.
When I first started learning, I wasnât very proficient. I often lost my balance, but every time I was about to fall, Dongyu would rush up. His thin body could always withstand my weight.
Once, when I fell, he cushioned me from beneath, and I fell into his arms. When I got up, I was laughing like I didnât have a care in the world. When we got home at night, I found a few abrasions on his back, but I wasnât the least bit ashamed. Instead, I laughed at him for being so delicate.
I didnât know why, whenever I reminisced about the innocence and monotony of childhood, I always thought that everything changed when we grew up. The burdens we bore became heavier as well.
â¦
In the evening, Han Xiao returned home from school. She saw me as she walked towards the door with her school bag. She was shocked.
âXiachun!â
I looked up. When I saw her, I stood up nervously.
âWhy are you here?â She was a little surprised. âYou werenât in school all day today. Your parents came to look for the form teacher and they seemed anxious! When I passed by the form teacherâs office, I heard your mother say that you didnât go home last night either. Theyâve already gone to the police station to make a report!â
âHan Xiao, can I stay at your place tonight?â I ask cautiously.
âAre you crazy? Why arenât you going home?â Han Xiao asked in astonishment.
âIâ¦â I bit my lip. The thought of what I might face going home reduced me to tears.
âHan Xiao, I donât have anywhere else to go except hereâ¦â
Han Xiao squatted in front of me and cupped my face in her hands. She finally noticed something odd.
âXiachun, where did you go last night?â
ââ¦â
âTell me, talk to me!â
Han Xiao gripped my shoulders tightly and asked anxiously, âWerenât you with Su Qi last night? You didnât go home. Where did you go?â
âStop asking, okay?â
I pleaded in despair, âDonât ask anymore⦠Pleaseâ¦â
ââ¦â
Han Xiao hid me in her room.
Because I was worried her parents would find out, I was careful even to not speak too loudly.
Han Xiao returned to her room after dinner and brought me a carton of milk.
âOnly this. Iâm sorry, Xiachunâ¦â
She set the milk aside, but I had no appetite.
I thought, I must look terrible, so Han Xiao must have been scared out of her wits. She sat beside me, put her arm around my shoulder, and cried, âXiachun, donât scare me, okay? Itâs good to talk to me. Iâm so sad to see you this wayâ¦â
But how could she understand my sadness?
In a matter of one night, my whole world was shattered.
At night, I lay in bed and didnât dare close my eyes, just because when the world was dark, I would see the scenes from last night.
I felt so dirty, but while I was in the shower, I was already trying my best to scrub my body. I wanted to wash away all these sins, wash away the scent and the marks that the man had left behindâ¦
The pain was like being burned by a raging fire. I felt like I was being burnt to ashes.n/o/vel/b//in dot c//om