Chapter 26: 25

'Love to Hate me' - Blackpink

Unedited

.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.

Should I tell him or not?

This thought rung in her head several times a day, ever since he had picked up on her strange habits. Of course he would think she's pregnant because that's what her behaviour insinuated but she knew better. Yes, there could be a chance that she was, but all the tests came negative so that confirmed what she already knew.

She had body dysmorphia. Constantly worrying about her appearance, specifically her weight. She would see excess fat in places where there wasn't, and that lead her to starving herself. She'd survive on tea everyday and the one day her mother would insist on having dinner as a family, Syra would eat only a little to keep her family from being suspicious. And it worked. They thought she lost weight due to stress of her A levels, which was partially true. She never visited a doctor for any of this but she was pretty sure she was close to developing an eating disorder if she continued.

Now that she had Zayn, these habits of hers were really hard to maintain. They ate breakfast together when he came to pick her up, lunch at colly together and eat over ft together, or send pics. And if she didn't he'd go berserk. So she ate. Force herself too. And she found that soon, she didn't have to force herself. She looked forward to her meals, took them very seriously. She found that her tiredness, dizziness and headaches stopped, she could focus better and that she didn't gain too much weight- she became healthy. And she liked that.

So she begun eating weird ass shit. She became greedy with food, as if she was eating for the last time. And very stupidly reduced her exercise (not that it was much but even that stopped) so she wasn't as fit. But she planned on increasing that after college was let off for the summer.

Syra knew that keeping such a secret from Zayn was wrong. He was worrying about something which she was sure she had resolved. There's no illness and now she knew for definite, no bun in the oven. Just her being her with her strange choices of food. Her combinations baffled and sometimes disgusted others but to her - she couldn't live without them.

"Bas," Syra muttered to herself.

She concluded that would come clean to him. So he could stop worrying and move past this. He was already being bothered by others outside, she didn't want to be the one to add to his stress, but be someone he could rely on.

She was in the middle of her last period, so she would meet him outside and tell him. He was suspended at the moment so they would meet at the cafe down ge road and leave together. She could sit with him for a bit before he dropped her off to her house. This was something she had to do in person.

"Miss Siddiqi, care to answer my question?" Ms Xavier interrupted her thoughts.

Syra's head snapped up to find her entire class staring at her expectantly, with a lightly ticked off Ms Xavier at the front pointing to a question. But before she ask what the question was, a snarky voice spoke up,

"She's no Miss Siddiqi now, it's Mrs Zayn Ahmed, innit?" the voice sounded from behind her.

Syra froze. They had decided to keep their nikkah a secret from the school as they weren't even legally married yet and too many people would assume stuff. Things like 'oh she was forced', 'he's just tryna get in her pants' even the 'I bet they're cousins or su'in'. Not that it was their business anyways. But then she remembered that she didn't change her last name, nor was she in the future. It was actually forbidden for Muslim women to change their last names to their husbands once they were married as it was a disrespect to their lineage.

"I'm not Mrs anything. It's Ms. And my surname is Siddiqi and will remain so. I dare you to go find me and Zayn's marriage contract or something. Lol. And didn't you lie to your ex beau that you were pregnant just to keep him by-" Syra shot back before the girl lost it.

It was true. And she didn't care that she exposed the girl again. She just used her tears to weasel out of it. And peopl blamed her ex for rape. And she didn't deny these rumours so he was forced to leave. That girl was always so close to gossip like her block eyebrows weren't about to meet in the middle of her forehead. Such a chav-

Gurl. Calm down. Let's not bring her appearance into this.

Syra took a deep breath and turned back around, composing herself before reading the question aloud and answering correctly. All while everyone gawked at her. Wasn't like she wasn't used to it.

.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.

Syra tentatively sipped at the scalding hot chai infront of her. She normally wouldn't do this, but she was stalling. Zayn caught on and took her foam cup away from her, unimpressed.

"So you've obviously got sum to tell me, huh," he asked, curious glaze flicking all over her.

"Well, yes," she responded hesitantly.

"Ight so speak. I won't interrupt," he stated, folding his hands and resting his chin atop of them, peering at her expectantly.

"It's about what has been happening with me lately -"

"So you knew?!" Zayn questioned, shocked.

Syra's lips formed a straight line while she raised her eyebrows at him. He got the message and settled down again.

"Well I couldn't rule out the possibility of being pregnant without actually taking a couple of tests. But now I can rule that out for definite. It's actually not like an illness or something. I had very bad eating habits before - well it was me skipping meals and only having tea, but yeah. And now I've been eating properly ever since December because of you. So I gained weight. I feel much better now. And I've always had weird ass food combos but those stopped while I struggled with my weight which is why you never knew of them. And I had to tell you because it wasn't fair on you to constantly worry about something which no longer remained a problem you know. Also I don't want this to reach anyone else which is why I was so against you telling our mums and going to the doctors. I promise I'm much better and you helped me realise I don't need to starve myself, even if you were unaware of it. I just didn't want to add to your stress, but take it away. And I know you have been constantly been bothered by other guys-"

Syra was cut off by a smiling Zayn placing a finger on her lips.

"This is about you, not me. You don't have to worry about worrying me - we are in this relationship together, so we both rely upon each other. However I am glad you decided to confide in me, I really am. And if you say you are alright, and I can also see that, then we don't need to tell anyone or go to the doctors." he explained, stroking her cheek.

Syra just smiled and leaned in to his touch, glad that she had such an understanding husband. Communication really was key. And then she remembered something. She sat upright, her hand flying to her head.

"Mannn, I forgot to tell you that Saleh's mangni is this weekend." (Engagement)

"Oh,"

"And you're coming dumbass,"

"Yes I get it. Jheez so rude,"

"Sensitive,"

"Kudi yavan-" (Daughter fucker)

Syra reached out and twisted his ear. Hard.

"Ahh ahhh, let go, I'm sorry yeah," he complained.

Syra let go and sat back, satisfied. She knew how hard it was for him just to say sorry.

"Meherbani," he said sarcastically. (Much thanks).

Syra just smiled and sipped her tea. It felt good to finally be past this.

.•*•.*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.

Syra twirled in front of her full length mirror. It was the day of her brothers engagement. But today she just wasn't feeling it. To be honest she never understood the point of an engagement- just a waste of money. And she certainly had not wanted one herself especially with a black dress. But she did just to appease her in-laws extended family. But she didn't know why Saleh agreed to one. Her dress felt stuffy already, and she had yet to stuff herself with the mouthwatering food. Even though they weren't even tight.

She felt snappy and knew she would be unnecessarily bitchy tonight. So her plan was to just go around with her sisters and greet everyone, smile and nod and make herself scarce. She would put herself in charge of the food to avoid human any human interaction. She had even been declining Zayn's ever so persistent calls. She personally hated chatting over the phone, so anything he needed to say he could either text or say to her at her house. And yes, her mother had threatened to lock all the upstairs rooms, knowing Syra had planned to hideout until everyone left. Syra had bitten her tongue so hard just to not snap something back.

She knew her period was making an appearance again. Her cycle had slowed down a bit ever since she became sexually active. And the cramps, God have mercy, had worsened to the point that she was unable to move when they came. It hurt to move, breathe, talk and all she could do was stay in that place curled up in a fetid position until they subsided. She never knew such a tiny organ could control so much of her life.

Made her wish she was born a boy sometimes. First thing she would do was own a motorcycle. She had always been obsessed with them ever since she sat on one with her uncle back home, and then with Zayn on his dirt bike. And she would live alone. Her parents would never let her live alone in fear or her getting robbed.

Snapping out of her raging thought she stormed downstairs, letting her siblings know that she was not in a mood to be messed with.

.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.

There were way too many strangers in her house. Excluding the peopl her brothers soon to be in-laws invited, there were still many she had no idea. And her family look just as baffled as her. But they still were polite to them and served them, since they didn't seem to be causing any trouble or fuss.

Zayn had not yet arrived. Which was a shame because they wanted to meet her husband and his family. She was kinda mad but remembered she had declined his call so maybe it was just karma. Anyways they could resolve this once he came. She was sure he had a reason.

Speak of the devil, Syra heard his voice in the hallway. She had been too busy fuming to hear the doorbell ring. In trooped him and his many siblings and their spouses and children. And lastly his parents. Syra watched as he took his time greeting everyone, laughing and joking with them. She especially stated when he laughed at something Saleh's sister in-law said. She carefully kept her face blank and pretended to busy infatuated by her food. Yeah, she knew she definitely wasn't fooling him but she wanted to show the girl she didn't give a shit.

But it still did burn, especially with him looking fit in his thobe. (Islamic dress for men). The classic white one. She could smell his cologne from all the way here and it made her want to run over. But, damn, she was way too headstrong for that. Homeboi better come to her.

And finally he walked over to her and took a seat beside her. He patted her thigh and greeted her just so she could hear. She nodded and sent a brief smile in his direction before resuming playing around with her food. She was still hungry but she would not eat under such scrutiny.

"What's up?" he asked neutrally.

"Just eating. Why were you late?" she responded with.

"You would know if you had picked up my call," his face was impassive.

She hated this Zayn. But she couldn't be asked to deal with anything right now so she slammed her fork down, abruptly standing up.

"Syra just sit down," he whispered urgently.

"I need some air. I'll be in my garden. You can join me  if you want," she replied coolly. She didn't want to discuss anything in a room crowded with people.

"I will come after I eat. Don't want to seem rude to everyone,"

Syra scoffed. As if he really cared about that. He wanted to be petty. Fine by her.

Syra weaved through the people and exited to the hallway, pausing to pull on her shoes and jog into the kitchen and out the back door. She walked right to the end of her garden, under the tall tree. Her father had always wanted to cut it down as he thought someone could easily climb the parts that hung outside their garden and come inside but her mum shut down that quickly, saying she loved sitting in the shade during the summer.

Syra settled into the hollowed area of the tree bark, leaned back and closed her eyes. The warm afternoon zephyr helped calm her anger down. She needed to be reasonable. She wasn't really angry at him, he did have a point. She just wanted to get away from everyone. She was so close to flipping her plate up in the air and screaming at everyone to get out.

The tree leaves begun rustling, rousing her from her thoughts. Strange. The breeze had stopped. It probably was some creature. Syra stood up to investigate the source of disturbance, stepping away from the tree to look up higher. As she continued to move back, she didn't even hear as someone creeped up and grabbed a hold of her.

Her heart nearly jumped out her chest. Who on Earth was trying to abduct her from her own damn house. A hand came and clamped over her mouth to prevent her from making any noise.

"Shut up," the person hissed. She knew it was a man.

She bit into his hand, using all her strength to struggle against him. He hissed in pain, reached behind him and pressed a cloth onto her face. She held her breath so she didn't breath in the drugs but it was futile. She gave in, taking in a deep breath, her eyelids feeling heavy, succumbing to the darkness.

.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.

So basically the few chapters before this one were just filler chapters. So they are kinda dead. I ran outta ideas and had major writers block. But hopefully am back in track. I hope.

2510 words.