This chapter is similar to an interlude. It does not have dialogue, and is like a moment one takes a breath between sentences. Like a caesura.
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My eyes seem to be lingering on Azrael more. He catches it much more now. Not out of disgust, just because of what I know and what that does to me. It's true that by biology he doesn't have hereditary issues, and probably doesn't suffer genetic pains.
Even if it's true that he doesn't have those pains, at least in my observations, I still can almost hear his suffering. When he's near, when we stand in the kitchen and wash dishes together, or he sits next to me on the couch while watching TV, I can almost hear, and feel, a humming coming from him. Not a sound like a dog's whining, but more like a near-silent whirring that just goes on and on, of the pains that I feel plagues his bones and body everyday.
Now, at the end of the this year, and the new one only hours away, most of the other people in the house are drinking and celebrating. Cake, sweets, wine, and other foods for celebration sit on the top of the kitchen island and are set out for hungry mouths and reaching hands.
Shelly and Rafael are again at the kitchen counter, and they sit close like two doves. It's hard for me to understand that Shelly still lingers with Rafael. I would think that she'd feel that her husband had betrayed her for her own daughter. Blood won over blood. The only reason that she could have stayed with him, in my opinion, is by maybe love and true understanding that everyone has their faults.
Looking over closer to where the two of us are, Luke, Clementine, and Duke sit around the coffee table and drink and play cards while they also try to watch the TV. They get along much more in a lively mood than in the kitchen. Clementine who cried days ago is bright again. But the heavy conversation that we had has not re-emerged and there's not been an opportunity to cry.
It's probably so as Azrael and I have been close by each other for the most of the time that has transpired since the conversation. Not that being near Azrael is at all awful. It'd be better if we were near each other because of romance, rather than just coincidence and employment relations.
Looking at him again, another glance in a long line of my eyes checking his status, I see him relax on the couch. He sits at a distance that my arm could reach out and tap a finger on his shoulder, and watches the TV silently. Also he checks his phone every now and then to see the time.
He has gotten better since he got to the the farm, adding to his recovery since when I first met him. I know now that his actual skin tone is quite dark compared to when I saw him first. I thought he was pale, but in fact he has a honey-skin tone, similar to that of his father. His hair is still in parts of black and brown, but his grey eyes always draw me in. Not at all light, but quite dark in value. It almost is black, but it's not. Not to mention that light seems to be caught in his eyes in shining crescent shapes. And his usual relaxed face has his lids a little closed, and he looks almost as if he's about to sleep if he's not disturbed.
External beauty aside, there's his kind personality. A CEO usually, he doesn't at all come off as conceited. He's extremely humble. Never does he pontificate, and there's no instance I can recall where he was rude to anybody. He may have been terse, but never was he ever crass.
To me, he's gentle, and appreciative. There's always something caring the he says to me, and reaches out to ensure that I stay that way. I can't help but be pulled into that.
With his nature he can't control, why wouldn't I like him? Thinking now, just because of his familial issues, that doesn't make him a bad person. His background is irrelevant in discerning his character. No aspect of him defines his value except his actions. And his actions are all that resonate in me.
I don't have to care about this secret that Jane said I should know. It's true that indeed it would help to know about this nature of Azrael. But does it at all change my devotion of romance to him? No. Not one inch. It might actually heighten it, as I feel that as he's wounded, I want to be with him to support him more.
His nature wounds him now, and he can't come to terms with it so must hide it. It hurts him. I want him to stop hurting. I know it now, and I can wish for him to stop hurting.
Why'd I leave him hurting? He's too important to me.
Looking around, there's evident concern for Azrael, coming from his family, and his friends.
Duke looks over at the TV, and he says that it's a few minutes away from the next year. Clementine asks out loud who wants to try and go outside to see the fireworks that'll shoot out above Anchorage. We might be able to see a part of it, and that might be nice.
I look over at Azrael and ask if he'll venture out. I'm thinking it'd be nice to walk at night with Azrael and the snow on the ground would only heighten the magical atmosphere.
Azrael nods and says with a smile that he'd like to, and grabbing the coats the two of us venture out with everyone besides Shelly and Rafael, who says they'll watch from the second floor.
Walking out and about, the snow crunches under our feet as our boots trail tracks away from the house. Above stars are visible in the winter night with no city lights to get in the way.
Azrael and I walk along a little more while Duke, Clementine, and Luke spread away from us. Looking at my watch, I see that for me the new year has started. I'm just saying to Azrael 'Happy New Year' when I hear a boom from far away, and a glowing sparkling flower shines and blooms in the night near the horizon.
Azrael then turns to me with a soft smile and says what I wanted to say to me, but I smile and return the sentiment. The fireworks show continues on and colors blast out and create swirling beauty in the night.
Having thought ahead, I brought my binoculars that Azrael gifted me, and offer it to Azrael as he watches in awe. He takes the binoculars with both hands and promises to hand it back to me so that I can use it, but I say that he can use it as long as he wishes.
He looks through them at the fireworks, and the way he laughs and gets excited watching the show with an open wide smiling mouth reminds me of a child.
Similar to that of a child...
Almost as it he's making up for lost time. The child of his past that couldn't enjoy any safe and calm moment can live now, coming out from the dark enclosures of his chest.
Has he come out because the presence near him he can trust? Have I been able to invite it out?
Looking at Azrael again, his smiling face awed by the spectacle, I hope that it's so: I hope that it's true.