A day passed.. Then two..
A week .. Then two..
Months followed and my child still lived!
I must say this child sure inherited all Eliyas's genes and neglected mine, otherwise, how come when literally there was no hope left he still survived?
I guarantee you, when I give birth to this little devil, he would come out silently .. Then start inspecting his surrounding without crying, and would only gaze at the nurse coldly waiting for her to cover him with clothes, I suppose his father did the same thing as well.
The child is a boy.. If I should define his gender, a very stubborn and willful boy to be precise, for example when a second doctor was doing my ultrasound after reading my file and coming to know how terrible my condition always was, with a very surprised face she informed us:
_" the foetus is developing in the norms."
When I smiled and thanked her for reassuring us, she repeated as if we didn't hear her the first time:
_" his growth is normal, he's normal in size, there's no abnormalities."
_" el hamdulillah for that(thank god)" I said.
She red my reports for the second time, calculated my gestational age again as well, then when she made sure she wasn't mistaken she commented brightly:
_" Your son sure is a fighter."
You see, I have a condition which should not only make my pregnancy very weak and make me have bleeding very often, it should deprive my baby from having enough supply therefore, most likely, the baby would be underweight and underdeveloped.
It is for this reason mainly that, Eliyas and I, never talk about the day when our child comes out to this world in a good shape nor the possibility of him having a long healthy life, because all facts says that will never happen.
Instead, we're content with every moment that we have with him, and very thankful for being this blessed so far..
With the passing of days pregnancy became less of a burden which is quite funny, since for other women as their pregnancy progresses so does their struggle, as for me, just the fact I wasn't in much pain anymore was loads more than what I could ask for, all the rest was manageable.
You see, I didn't simply wake up one day to discover that the struggle was suddenly over, in reality, my pain episodes only slowly and gradually became distant and rare, if this didn't happen, I would have certainly lost my sanity because of my phobia, I needed in fact an army of experts to help me go through the mental torture I was forced to endure, I had to take medication for it as well and I prayed every time that it wouldn't affect my baby.
the thing is.. After going through that difficult time and having much of my mental and physical health restored, I finally noticed that I neglected something of great importance, that is: how is Eliyas doing?
Because this man was always there, like all the time, even when I didn't have the right set of mind to see who was around me I'm certain he was there for me, witnessing it all, so it's only human and natural of me to wonder how he was getting through it all.
In order to achieve this quest, it was necessary to dress prettily, to look my greatest and to ask to meet him to have a serious chat.
However, the reflexion I saw of me on the mirror still looked sickly and fragile in whichever way I tried to improve my looks, so I conveniently decided to skip this part of my plan, instead, I put the largest dress I had to cover how skinny I became and I put on my largest smile to cover all the rest, then once Eliyas came to the hospital to see me I asked for the first time in about a month or two:
_" how are you?"
_" you seem better today." He commented with a smile as he looked at me, totally ignoring the question I asked.
I patted on the spot beside me on the bed signaling for him to come sit there, then I said once he stepped closer:
_" I'm much better, the doctor said I will be discharged tomorrow which is the happiest news in ages, and you? Is work going without trouble?"
Finally deciding to answer my questions, he nodded as he sat down, then explained a bunch of blabla related to work which I honestly don't remember nor I actually listened to, realizing that he was planning to give me the resume of the progress Filladi had during the last few months I had to interrupt him and say:
_" I miss being home with you.."
This sentence sure put an end to his work related chat, in fact, it put an end to all the words he had to say, he only kept looking at the dress I was wearing, more precisely, to the bony me underneath the large dress I was wearing, and he had nothing to add.
Seeing how increasingly uncomfortable we both were becoming, I moved closer towards him, rested both my palms on his jaw to make him lift his eyes and look at my face, and I said:
_" everything will be better, the hardest times are already over."
He nodded calmly between my palms, then whispered:
_" In shaa Allah" ( if god wants )
he added:
_" Nana is very excited for your return tomorrow, she insisted on moving to the room beside ours so as she will be closer to you, I had to remind her you need much time to rest so as she doesn't visit often."
_" and you? Aren't you excited for my return?"
To answer this question, Eliyas Filladi first had to go through a process of complex emotional transitions that only god knows of, as for the me with much less knowledge, I only realised Eliyas was certainly having an explosion of emotions inside his heart because his jaw was clenching under my palms and his breaths were becoming deeper and quicker as his eyes fixedly looked at me for a considerable length of time.
Only after this whole process that he finally remembered to explain:
_" I am the happiest that you will be back home, so much that I'm failing to show it."
I decided not to continue asking him more "emotion" related questions, mainly because, let's be honest, Eliyas isn't typically someone who is elaborate in describing how he feels. Though I was concerned about him, it seemed very uncomforting for him to talk about how he felt, therefore I decided not to talk anymore, instead, I simply pulled him towards me and I hugged him tightly, it was probably the first time in ages that I hugged him while not being in pain or in fear, I just hugged him for him, and I whispered in his ear:
_" Thank you for being with me this whole time, you have been my greatest support and relief after Allah."
He didn't hug me back, nor he moved, he remained like a stone in my embrace.
In fact, even after I went back home, he still acted a bit distant and careful for about a week or so, then one day while I was sitting on the chair in front of the mirror drying my hair, he walked inside the room and looked very surprised to see I wasn't on the bed, because for a very long time, I was kind of forbidden from leaving the bed.
I remember he walked towards me, and as he took the hair dryer from my hand and turned it off he asked somehow in an angry tone:
_" you took a shower alone?"
_" yes."
_" The doctor said__" he started to say when I immediately interrupted him:
_" the doctor said Everything is normal for now, I can move, I can do everything.."
He kept staring at me for a little time before he mumbled:
_" Are you really fine? This isn't an act?"
_" Eliyas Filladi, if you think that I'm someone who can act being fine for the sake of others then you don't know me at all, it's impossible for me to do that."
_" indeed .. You aren't." He said with a bright smile.
He then turned on the hair dryer again and started drying my hair for me, and as if he didn't spend a whole week silently handling me as if he was walking on egg shells, he suddenly started asking me a variety of weird questions like: if I desired something in particular to eat? If I had a place I wanted to visit, if he could read something for the baby.. And finally, If he could kiss me.
I nodded with a laughter to this question in particular, and when he kneeled in front of my chair and carefully moved his face closer to mine it was I who initiated the kiss being the impatient me, then it was him who made me regret agreeing being the passionate him.
After a long time he finally stopped, although it seemed he still didn't get enough, he squeezed my face between his palms and looked at me with sparkling eyes and a big smile, he didn't smile that way in a very long time.
Then he said:
_" thank you.."
As for what he thanked me for.. It will remain unknown.
I remember one day while I was resting my head on his shoulder sitting beside him on the couch and watching whatever it was on Tv at the time, he suddenly said to me:
_" Why do I feel like my son doesn't like me much."
This declaration of course threw me in a state of confusion, not only this husband of mine who rarely ever speaks about feelings was suddenly accusing our son of having such awful thing like hatred towards his own father, on top of all that, this statement had no reason at all, I mean he was plainly working on his laptop when he decided out of the blue to bother my calm temper with such words.
Being the mother of this son I felt the need to have a proper explanation for what he said, therefore I intensely gazed at him and asked:
_" why are you saying this??"
He sighed, then replied:
_" then tell me how come when I'm around he never moves, or stops moving before I have the chance to sense his movement."
Hearing this I became a bit emotional, this has to do with the pregnancy hormones, or to the fact I know that these little movements are the only memories we would probably have to remember that our child was once alive, because all doctors were saying that the chances of him coming to this world alive were very narrow, so sensing our baby's movement through my belly was Eliyas's only way to feel his son is alive.
Having my heart heavied, I didn't have in me to remind him at that time of my pregnancy our baby's movements are very tiny and for most only I can feel them, instead I just promised:
_" next time when the baby moves, I'll call you."
It so happened that for the few next times the baby moved I totally forgot I made a promise to a certain somebody, so the following morning this certain somebody threatened me before leaving the room:
_" You better call me when the baby moves."
Being the obedient me, about an hour and a half later I held my phone, called him and said once he picked up:
_" the baby is moving, like I promised.. I'm calling you."
_"I'll come back immediately." he surprisingly informed me before cutting the call on my face.
Initially I didn't even criticize Eliyas's "what the hell" decision to come back home just because the baby was moving, I just attributed it to his overwhelming fatherly affections, It wasn't until few minutes passed that I finally remembered Eliyas was actually at some rich heir's wedding when I called him, and that it would be pretty much unacceptable of him to leave such an occasion simply because a baby moved inside his mother's womb!
The fact I missed this grand wedding itself must have created few rumors, people must have assumed Eliyas and I are on bad terms, adding to that his sudden departure from the venue, I don't need to use my journalism wisdom to know for certain that someone will write an article about this to make a living.
Being the thoughtful person that I am, I soon called my husband back and I said:
_" You don't need to come, the baby stopped moving anyways, you just stay at the wedding."
_" I'm coming." He hardly said before cutting the call again!
At this point I just admitted defeat, this unsociable person is irreparably damaged, If his mother who takes social etiquettes as a sacred matter failed to fix him then how dare I try?
Anyways, few time passed when Eliyas wearing a suit suddenly dashed inside the room and he strode towards me.
His face didn't display much expressions rather than the small smile that went wider as he asked:
_" Is he still moving?"
I clearly wasted my breathes earlier informing him that the baby's movement stopped, but for the sake of the moment, I pretended to have amnesia and I said:
_" No, he stopped."
_" I came late then." He commented.
At this point, I simply didn't want to waste my breaths to explain to him that it's impossibly impossible for the baby to keep moving for long minutes waiting for his highness to ditch a wedding and come sense it, I just chose to remain silent.
However, barely few time passed when suddenly all my in-laws barged inside the room as well, and they soon attacked me with their questions, mainly about whether the baby was still moving.
And by all my in-laws, I mean even Ines and my mother in-law were jumping around excitedly yelling:
_" that's a very good sign! If the baby is moving then it means he's in a good health!"
I won't lie and say I wasn't moved by their genuine happiness, when I looked at Eliyas with a confused expression he whispered:
_" Mother caught me when I was leaving the wedding, I had to tell her the reason, but I had no idea they would follow me as well."
As he was whispering, my mother in-law continued saying:
_" Mrs Boudjouid was saying today that her niece had a very difficult pregnancy as well and she finally had a healthy daughter last week, I couldn't ask her what doctor she consulted, as you know, Noursine's pregnancy should be kept hidden, But I think you must look after this matter Eliyas."
_" Eliyas must have looked after every doctor in the country before he chose the one Noursine is consulting now Souad, so you don't have to worry." My father in-law commented as he stepped closer towards Eliyas and tapped on his shoulder.
While giving him a reassuring nod, he soon summoned the two excited women and quietly left our room despite their objections.
I couldn't not comment as they left:
_" How come your mother left the Rehal's wedding? she was expecting it since long time ago."
Eliyas smiled calmly and replied:
_" she favors her grandchild much more then."
I barely had time to think about my in-laws when Eliyas swiftly went under my quilt sleeping on the spot beside me, then he slid his hand under my clothes and rested it above my belly.
_" our son sure is smart, he knew exactly when to move to save his father from infinite boredom." He commented as he giggled joyfully.
Little time later, he moved even closer to me and pulled me towards him in a tight hug, while doing that he joyfully explained:
_" this way he will feel jealous and he will start kicking me away."
Few moments after that, he added:
_" I love you both so much .."
And all this while I was watching Eliyas's clear happiness with moist eyes and with my heart full of prayers, may allah never let this man I love know what sadness is like again.
May my child live longer..