When we finally reached the villa, I was so tired of crying my eyes out that it was Eliyas who helped me change my clothes and wash up, once I put my head on the pillow, I immediately fell asleep.
But you see, my sleep was rather light, so even when I felt absolutely exhausted I still woke up when Eliyas suddenly opened the room's door a long time later and he left the room, I dazedly watched his fleeting silhouette then once he was out I lazily grabbed my phone from the nightstand to check what time it was.
It was 01:07 am..
I soon went back to sleep..
I woke up again sometime later because I felt thirsty, I probably emptied all the water my poor body contained when I cried earlier, as I extended my hand in the dark to grab the bottle of water I made little noise, so I reflexively checked Eliyas's side of the bed to see if the noise I made woke him up, to my surprise though, his spot was still empty.
I immediately turned on the light then checked the time on my phone again.
This time round.. it was 2:49 am!
I understand my husband is a very busy person and work obligations can come at anytime, so he must have left the comfort of his bed to solve so work related matter, but to do that at 3 am is insanity!
I had to go find him and force him to go back sleep, his health comes first and he can always work later!
I put on my nightgown, then I walked outside the room and headed down stairs towards his bureau.
As I expected, his bureau had the lights on, so I concluded he must have been inside there.
I slowly stepped closer, then calmly opened the door, when I did that though, I was surprised not to find Eliyas sitting behind his office, he wasn't working like I assumed, instead, he was on the floor on the prayer's rug praying, and he was at the sujood position when my eyes landed on him.
I very cautiously closed the door not to make the tiniest of sound, then I leaned on the wall, crossed my arms and watched him pray.
To my confusion though, I spent a long time watching him yet he didn't get up from the sujood to continue the rest of his prayer.
I just shook my head in amusement assuming he must have fell asleep in that strange position, I didn't even understand why he became so religious all at sudden in the heart of the night and decided to leave his bed to come pray at his bureau of all places, he could have simply prayed in the darkness in our room and I wouldn't have noticed, or maybe he was afraid I would wake up and shrike like a heroine in a horror movie thinking I saw a dark ghost.
I walked closer to him to wake him up, but as the distance shortened, I started to realize he wasn't sleeping after all, in fact, his shoulders were moving, and when I was close enough.. I heard his muffled duaa (duaa is when you ask god for something)
He was pleading god...
Needless to describe how awful I felt the instant I heard his choked voice, because this man is one of the strongest willed and most tolerant and independent of people I ever met, he always did his absolute best no matter how hard the situation was and never gave up, he must be feeling so hopeless and helpless to plead this much.
Seeing him coming secretly in the night where no one could see him to pray and plead alone made me realize how incompetent I was as his wife, earlier when we received the bad news I forgot and ignored Eliyas was sitting beside me as well, he received the same words and lived the same terror yet he kept his composure for my sake.
Later when I panicked in the car and cried terribly he was there too through it all, he must have felt very helpless.. Didn't he?
Although a part of me wanted to quietly leave the bureau and give him all the space he needed, I still decided to stay instead and show him that I was doing very fine already and ready to fight to keep our child safe, and all his desperate pleads should turn into thanks and gratitude for the gifts we already had.
I sat on the sofa, then I cleared my voice to notify him I was in the room.
He probably heard me.. Because he quickly shifted from the sujood position and continued the rest of his prayer, he turned his head to the right .. Then to the left, and he finished.
He quickly turned to look at me, the moment our eyes met I commented:
_" Tu tu tu.. You look awful.. Did you have to squeeze your forehead on the ground until it became so red?"
_" when did you come?" He asked after he cleared his voice.
I blinked my eyes, then calmly replied:
_" Just now, when I woke up I didn't find you on the bed.. I felt concerned."
He half folded the rug and left it on the ground as he stood up, he probably was planning to resume praying later, then he walked towards me and sat on the sofa facing me, he asked:
_" Are you feeling better now?"
I nodded, then asked back:
_" and you?"
_" I'm fine."
We remained silently steeling glances at one another, we both didn't know what to say although we had so much we needed to talk about.
Being a more expressive of a person, it was only natural that I ask first:
_" why are you praying at this hour? Since when you became so religious?"
He took little time before he answered:
_" I long vowed to spend a night praying and give sadaqa (do charity) if you were to be pregnant, and now I'm fulfilling that.."
_" So why didn't you go to the prayer's hall instead to be more comfortable?"
_" I feared Nana would come later and find me there, she would undoubtedly feel concerned because it's rare of me to go there , I didn't want to trouble her."
I nodded in understanding, then we reactivated the silent mode again, even the talkative me failed to break it.
As I was about to stand up and leave him alone he suddenly said:
_" Noursine, you must know that it was already miraculous that you conceived, don't you? our original consulting doctor told us before that this is the hardest step and the rest should be managed by medication and surgery if needed, the new doctor we met today only said what she said because she simply red your medical report without knowing much else about your case, she wasn't surveying you from the start to know better, so you don't have to worry much, we'll meet your initial consulting doctor later and see her opinion, we'll have a healthy child, trust me.."
I nodded in understanding, then changing the subject I tapped on my lap and whispered:
_" come rest your head on me.."
When I finished making this suggestion, Eliyas looked at me for a slight moment, then he soon lied on the sofa and put his head on my lap, I gently caressed his head with my hand as he closed his eyes, and we remained in that position for a considerably long time.
When he opened his eyes again, he turned his head to face my belly, then he moved closer and kissed it on top of my pyjama, although it was itchy, I decided not to laugh and blow the moment.
instead I commented:
_" the baby's heart will start beating around the 6th week, so the next time we'll go to the doctor, we will be able to see it."
While I was speaking Eliyas looked at me in an awe, then his expression suddenly broke into a wide awkward grin, he asked me next as if he was a child who knew nothing:
_" and when will he start moving? I will be able to feel him if I rest my palm here, won't I?"
_" we're still very early for that, don't you think?"
Eliyas avoided my gaze probably feeling embarrassed, he soon extended his arm to circle my waist and he bent closer to kiss my belly again.
A long time later, he finally said as he sat properly on the sofa to face me:
_" you should go sleep now and rest, I'll be back in the morning."
I was already fighting not to dumbly fall asleep while his head was on my lap, so hearing his most convenient suggestion I soon advised him:
_" don't exhaust your self too much, may your prayers be accepted."
I stood up, and as I was on my way to leave the bureau Eliyas called:
_" Noursine.."
When I turned to look at him again, he said with a somehow nervous expression:
_" I'm thankful for everything that comes from you, be it good or be it bad, I'm thankful as long as we're living it together, you know that already .. Don't you?"
I nodded with a smile.. Of course I did, I knew all about it.
He nodded as well for no clear reason, then he surprisingly added:
_" And I really.. really love you."
You see, It's very rare of him to act this cute! I felt so warm inside my heart like if that was his first confession! And I blushed.. To be precise, judging from the burning surge of heat that suddenly attacked my face I should rather say I turned into a somewhat of a humanly shaped tomato.
And for a reason only related to my heart that my own mind failed to understand, I was suddenly so overwhelmed that I couldn't say I loved him back, definitely less than he does me, but it's still big fat a lot too!
Seeing the expression on my face, Eliyas probably knew all about the numbness that the overwhelmed heart causes, so even when he received no words back, my plain sight made him look so overjoyed that he smiled brightly, as if I said all what he needed to hear.
Being the shy lover that he is though, he soon avoided my gaze and gave me his back as he unfolded his rug again and started praying.
So technically, I was kicked out of there.
As I was walking back to our room I thought that whatever this man prayed for for the few earlier hours.. It sure was answered.. Or else how would we both end up smiling happily and having our hope restored so soon after all the terror and despair we lived only a little time earlier ?