How was our first kiss like?
I can't say it was romantic, since this husband of mine, mr Eliyas Filadi, doesn't know a first thing about being romantic.
Was it around the 4th or 5th day after the wedding? I'm not very sure, but in my heart it felt much more, and yes, we kept living in the same room like a brother and a sister until that time.
To be precise, it was I who refused having any physical intimacy with him, whenever he walked inside the room I would walk out, or go hide in the bathroom until I hear no movement inside the room, when being reassured that he already fell asleep, only then I would walk out, squeeze my self on the sofa then sleep as well.
He didn't make the task of avoiding him hard for me to begin with. I must admit that if Eliyas's love for me was the size of the sun, his pride was the size of the galaxy! since except for asking me whether I needed anything every time he left the room, he never said anything else, nor tried to approach me, this attitude made me hugely misunderstand him.
You see, he and I were estranged none related cousins, nevertheless, the transition our relationship suddenly had was still hard for me to digest, and my heart wasn't ready to accept him as a husband, when he didn't try to get closer to me as well I assumed he must have shared my same feelings and thoughts, and he too wasn't expecting our marriage to last.
That is until that fateful day, I remember some of his maternal relatives were invited for dinner at the villa, they were supposedly visiting specifically to meet the new bride, namely me, and give me bridal gifts, naturally those gifts were only exquisite pieces of furniture or "very" expensive tea or coffee sets, so all of them automatically went to my mother in-law's hands and I received nothing in fact, i expected they would at least offer their blessings, But when they actually arrived, I soon realised their only purpose was to ridicule me.
There was a certain aunt among the expected guests for that particular dinner, whose name was Thiziri, I really was excited to meet this specific aunt who didn't show up to the small wedding and whose beauty my mother in-law praised every time we had a guest until my ears went sore, I wasn't curious about her looks actually, it's her name that I admired, because it meant "moon light" in Tamazight, whereas my name means " the light coming from 'Seen' mountain" in Arabic, so we both shared the light segment, you can call me a name nerd, but at that time when everyone treated me like i was a pimple on the face, I desperately wanted to have any link with anyone, even this imaginary one was enough to give me hope.
But when I finally met this Thiziri aunt, my hope soon turned to dust and was blown with the wind, not only she was the leader of the bullying gang, she even brought her two daughters(beauty queens) to show my husband that he made the gravest mistake of his life choosing the wrong cousin to marry.
From the moment she arrived, standing with the height of 170 cm and something, her first remark was naturally:
_" Is this little girl Eliyas's wife? I heard she's 23 years old already! my dearest Souad, didn't you by mistake take her from middle school to the civil affairs bureau?"
Her second remark was:
_" pardon me Souad, I really need you to translate for me what she's saying! you know we only speak Tamazight in our house, I don't understand all the Arabic dialects of our large country, it has been a torture trying to understand my brother Buelguassem for long years, and now there's a mini female version of him!"
After this remark, I readily stopped talking all together and just boringly waited for the right chance to flee the guest hall, I felt so suffocated being around those toxic people, and that was barely my first week in marriage.
My chance finally came when they were all busy discussing a certain scandal that newly happened around that time, I feigned receiving a phone call, then I left that place without looking back.
It so happened when I was on my way to the room, I chanced upon Eliyas climbing up the stairs and heading there as well, once his eyes fell on my sulking face I guess some rare sympathy was revived inside his stone heart, he halted his steps and waited for me to reach him, when I was only a step away from him he asked:
_" Do we have guests?"
I sulked until my face became distorted before finally reporting:
_" Your Aunt Thiziri is here, along with her two daughters, mrs Doudjil is here as well, and mrs Kimali, the villa will be having a feast today."
I quickly walked ahead of him, and by the time he finally arrived at the door of our room which I conveniently left open for him I was already lying flat on my stomach on the bed burying my head in the pillow.
I felt him quietly sitting on the bed beside me after closing the door, he stroked my hair behind my back, which was long at the time and apparently creating a big mess around me then he asked:
_" Is everything ok?"
_" I hate your aunts!" I yelled with a muffled voice.
I then turned to angrily stare at him then complained:
_" They are very creative in finding new things to criticize, aren't they? How come none among them really spoke about my lack of wealth yet they could find much more to be unhappy about! I guess it's only because of who you are after all, no woman no matter how perfect she is will be a match to you in their eyes and she will be criticized for the silliest of reasons!"
I really vented my anger in hopes to hear him say: " you're having it very hard as I see, I must ask mother to stop her guests from bullying you."
But what that man did almost made me turn insane, he laughed! He freaking laughed!!
There I was suffering and going through a very hard time still he was heartlessly laughing! The him who never even smiles!!
I felt so angry that I sat properly on the bed and yelled:
_" why am I even talking to you about this! And why do I have to put up with your family and their guests!? I won't go down to see that thiziri again even over my dead body!"
_" You're still the same Noursine I know, I thought you changed." He strangely commented after he stopped laughing.
And before I even understand what he meant by this so unrelated comment he suddenly crossed the distance that separated us and landed his lips on mine!
That was our first kiss, it was just a peck, yet I was so shocked and embarrassed that I felt every drop of blood rushing to my face and my heart started beating crazily faster.
Once he finished pecking my lips, he slightly moved away from me and kept looking inside my eyes.
Now that I understand him much better, I can say with certainty that in those moments my dearest husband felt like if he was electrocuted, he definitely didn't plan for that peck to happen, and once he did it anyways he was scared of my reaction.
Seeing how calm I appeared, it finally downed to him to very lately ask:
_" Can I kiss you?"
I'm most confident now that by this question he only meant to ask whether I was ok with the first peck.
At that moment though, the stupidest and dirty minded me misunderstood him, and thought he was taking my permission for a next kiss.
Some nerve must have broke inside my head, because once he finished asking I closed my eyes tightly and held my breath, I bet there was nothing tempting in my face at that second, still Eliyas suddenly backed my neck with his palm and he kissed me for a very long time.
Now I wish things were that simple, I just close my eyes then he simply remembers I'm the girl he loves and fails to resist kissing me.
It became so hard approaching him lately!
Once my in-laws were back in the Villa, it felt like they never really left before.
My mother in-law, god bless her, as energetic as she always was barely even made a step inside the house when she already called the butler and started giving orders:
_" I need you to do this, stop doing that, prepare a certain hall, bring a certain furniture out because it was the gift from a very rich acquaintance ..etc"
Ines swiftly went to her room to avoid all the drama, as for my father in-law, he smiled to me gracefully and suggested:
_" you go rest in your room Noursine, I will go speak with mother and explain to her what happened."
This was the greatest thing he could offer to do on my behalf!
I nodded vigorously and immediately stormed off heading to my room, Eliyas followed me closely, but we haven't even crossed half the entrance hall when his phone suddenly started ringing, he barely looked at the screen when he immediately informed me:
_" I need to head to the company building right now, you go upstairs and take a rest."
I nodded feeling so down, There I was sneakily planning to attack him once we reach our room taking advantage of this occasion but allah wasn't blessing my mischief!
I pushed my heavy self to walk alone to the room, but I only made few steps away when Eliyas suddenly called:
_" Noursine!"
I turned to look at him, only to notice that he was still standing right at where I left him locking his eyes on mine.
His face looked very full of all sorts of emotions when he strangely advised me:
_" don't forget to measure your temperature, and don't wet your palms and forearm they will sting."
This advice was very unnecessary since I've long been old enough to know that when water wets a new wound it stings, still I decided to act like I was a 4 years old girl and I nodded in agreement.
He hesitated for oddly long moments before he finally gave me his back and walked out of the villa.
Honestly speaking, giving weird advice is still better than not talking at all, so I felt very satisfied.
Then I naturally didn't follow any of it.
I hated the smell of hospital stuck on my body, it reminded me of being in pain, so I took a quick shower wetting all my wounds in the process, then I jumped out of the bathtub and quickly dried my wounds, my phobia didn't even had the chance to wake up when the stinging burn was already half gone.
Next, I sat on the sofa and watched Tv for an eternity, I appeared in every channel, so it was impossible not to be so excited for what was happening.
The Filladi team must have worked really hard on clearing my image, not a single news channel reported a negative thing about me! They were all full of praises to my courageous and selfless character, they were even miraculously able to bring out some of my old pictures in college where I volunteered for charity events, I wasn't such a generous person to begin with, for most of them I was only dragged there by my then very social boyfriend, what I felt even more miraculous than finding my charity events pictures, is finding the ones that didn't have Azziz stick to my side in them, It must have been really laborious to edit him out.
When I was selfishly enjoying watching my news, the room's door was suddenly knocked then a servant walked inside.
She soon informed me:
_" master lady, Mrs Filladi is asking you to come down and receive your guests."
I felt strange hearing her address my mother in-law only as mrs Filladi as if she was a stranger to the villa, it must have been Eliyas's orders, I only wish that woman fails to notice this change, otherwise she would certainly blame it on me.
_" who came?" I soon asked.
_" Mr ghemmari, Mr and Mrs Seddiki and Mrs ghalwan."
I was happy to hear that Nadir came so soon to see me, although I strongly doubt that I'm the actual aim for his visit, I bet he only wants to meet with Ines, as for the rest, they sure only came to gain favors with Eliyas, it's such a pity for them that he has already left.
I asked the servant to help me wrap a new bandage around my abrasions, I mean after all the uproar my accident has caused I should at least look a bit sickly, once she finished and left the room I chose an elegant and simple light green dress mainly made of lace covering a thicker fabric for most of it's parts, I put it on, left my slightly wet hair down then I headed down to the guests hall.
I didn't even have to say anything at all, my mother in-law took care of all the talking part, as for me, I sat beside Nana and kept quietly reassuring her that the bandages only hid superficial abrasions underneath them.
_" Are you not planning to resume your work as a journalist?" Mrs Seddiki suddenly threw this question to me.. She observed me quite intently then continued:
_" It would be such a bless to have you as a news anchor, you have a most charming voice and dialect, people would enjoy listening to you!"
I eyed her feeling very uneasy, was this a hidden mockery or something alike?
I'm a very straightforward person and it really bothers me to read between the lines unless I'm forced to, so I plainly replied to her:
_" No."
I assume she waited for a longer answer or something, and because that didn't happen she kept pushing me to talk more, she soon added:
_" It's such a shame that an aspiring journalist such as your self is forsaking her talent and staying home, I heard from someone that you were the star of your college, I don't recall his name at the moment, my memory is becoming so short, but he was the former founder of Assinat magazine, I heard he's in prison right now."
This scheming woman, she was talking about Azziz, wasn't she?
She was probably informed that I had a serious relationship with him and she's now thinking that I hid this from my in-laws and planning to use this piece of silly information against me.
I wasn't the tiniest bit affected, although I could notice how tensed all my in-laws soon became.
I eyed her thirty something years old exquisite self and prideful look then I calmly replied:
_" I think it's a bigger shame that such a meddlesome and fearless person like your self didn't pursue a career in journalism, I only was the star in my college because all the daring students who were not afraid to offend powerful people were eliminated before they rose to shine."
Of course there was no such thing, I only wanted to threaten her, and looking at her face which was turning sorer with every passing moment I guess my words clearly reached her.
I've long lost my tolerance for such people, and I came to realize that it's only a waste of my time to give them more than their importance.
The atmosphere soon turned suffocating, so my mother in-law tactfully suggested that we move to the garden to enjoy the evening breeze before dinner, needless to say it, the moment we walked out to the garden I headed north when the whole company headed south, I didn't care whether I looked rude neglecting them.
I went to stand at the pool, then kept watching the dim bulbs shining on the bottom surface under the water. And yes, I was this much feeling bored.
As I was standing there, Nadir calmly walked towards me, he stood beside me and watched the pool lights as well, then he finally said:
_" you should go rest, you were a victim of a car accident after all."
What made me turn to look at him smiling wasn't the content of his words, it was the language he used to say them.
He always speaks in French.. This was one of the rarest times he spoke only my dialect from beginning to end!
_" are you training on talking Arabic to please Nana?" I asked with a laughter.
He observed my reaction quietly before he asked:
_" Do I sound so funny when speaking my mother language?"
_" Yes." I replied bluntly.
Actually, I felt a little bad for him, while he was trying to be accepted by everyone for the sake of Ines, she on the other hand was only putting him as a backup plan.
While I was thinking about this, Nadir suddenly touched my shoulder with the tip of his fingers.
I was so surprised that I jumped a step away from him and stared at him feeling very confused:
_" did I hurt you?" he asked.
I shook my head, but he isn't allowed to touch me! That's clearly why I was startled!
_" your sleeve was creased and I fixed it for you, I saw you have a large bruise on your shoulder under the lace, it looks painful."
_" Do I??" I asked feeling panicky.
He nodded, then he stood behind me again to inspect it through the lace then soon suggested:
_" you better sleep on the other shoulder__"
_" what is there to look at ?" Eliyas's voice suddenly sounded from behind us.
When I turned to look behind me, I found Eliyas standing not so far from us with a very strange look on his face.
Nadir soon replied:
_" Noursine has a very large bruise on her shoulder, I thought she only had superficial abrasions, did she have her shoulder checked before she was allowed to leave the hospital?"
Eliyas soon walked the small distance between us, as he looked at my shoulder as well he gave me a very worried look and softly asked:
_" did they examine your shoulder? Is it hurting you?"
Before I even had the chance to reply, he suddenly took off his jacket and put it on me covering my shoulders in the process.
_" excuse us." He said addressing Nadir then immediately started dragging me towards the villa.
I was easily and silently dragged all the way to our room.
These two men clearly forgot something of huge importance, the phobic me was seriously terrified with their remarks !!