I didn't expect Eliyas to say these words.. Especially not in front of Lydia, because if I remember correctly he always considered her feelings and treated her so well since she is the daughter of a big man and it's not beneficial for him at all to offend her or her father.
I didn't know what I should say next: if I agree with him then it will be considered as my agreement to go back with him and I absolutely don't want that in anyway.
But, if I disagree with what he said, then Lydia will win.
So yes, I was in a true torment because of his words.
honestly, i'm not your strategic woman who can be devious and turn every situation to her favor, I am not that, I often lose face plainly because I'm bluntly frank and direct, So this was the reason I had no idea how to win in this situation, my head is simply not programmed to solve such puzzles.
I must have spent a long time thinking, because Eliyas apparently ran out of patience so he called my name:
_"Noursine."
His tone was so soft, As if he was enjoying the sound of my name.
This way of calling my name sounded so familiar.. It was exactly like how he used to do when we were together.
Back then, he loved the sound of my name, and yes, I literally mean this!
This strange man never even once said he liked me but one of these rare days when he was in a good mood he suddenly confessed:
_"I love your name."
He always called me whenever I waz around for the most trivial of things, like " Noursine.. The blanket doesn't cover your back .. You will be cold later at night" .. "Noursine, my shoe is missing" .."Noursine, don't fake falling asleep .. I can see you blinking".
Sometimes he would simply call my name, And when I turn to look at him he would only keep looking at me without even saying a word.
So one night, when his mood was so good that he kept calling my name repeatedly, and every time I replied he simply bursted in laughter for no clear reason, initially I wasn't paying him much attention since I was busy working on an article, but after 5 times of calling my name for no particular purpose I boldly asked him:
_" do you like my name that much?"
_"hmmm" he nodded while smiling.
I lifted my eyes to look at him, He was sitting right beside me on the bed with his laptop on his lap.
His face held a nonchalant wide grin, looking so very different from his usual serious self, He took a deep breath while observing me.. then surprisingly added:
_" I love your name."
I was so amused with what he said that I laughed and shook my head in disbelief. Then suggested:
_" then, let's have a daughter and name her Noursine as well so you would have double the fun calling this name"
If I knew I will be losing the child I dreamed of having because of him.. I wouldn't have said these words.
Now, even such sweet memories are very hard to recall, and I hate the sound of my name coming from between his lips.. Just as much as I hate him.
_"don't call my name." I said in a serious manner.
Even this little of me, I refused to give it to him .. He has no longer right to have anything from me, even the right to call my name.
Thinking about his words again, It was actually the first time he suggested me going back with him, for the past years he only insisted on not giving me a divorce but never dared to ask me to go back with him.
Therefore, I had to clearly explain it one more time to him, that we were over in every way.
_"am I still on a loud speaker?" I finally asked.
_"No, Only I can hear you now."
_"then, I should make this clear Eliyas, I will never forgive you for what happened in the past, if you still refuse to divorce me because of your father's respect to Nana then I will speak to them both, so let us stop this long suffering, Let's divorce."
In the past when I left him, I was so broken hearted and angry to even be able to think properly, however, what is still left in the heart after 3 years of distance is only the bad memories and the scars which don't hurt, but will never fade. I now can talk with him calmly and thoughtfully because the vivid pain of loss is shadowed with forgetfulness, I can discuss my decision of getting a divorce and convince everyone with it without bursting with tears or screaming of anger.
The man on the other side of the phone was silent after I spoke, assuming that I already made my self clear and there was no need for further words I was about to cut the call when he suddenly asked:
_" what if it is I who doesn't want to let you go? How can you convince me to divorce then?"
_"Eliyas Filladi! Don't you have any self respect?"
_" No I have a big self respect, But I don't have you Noursine.. and I'm not happy about it."
I just hang up .. Seriously.
I had no energy left to deal with him.
I don't understand what he wants! He doesn't want to divorce but doesn't really want me back either! Our situation is just a game to him, I'm just a doll that he wants to keep simply because he refuses to hand it to others!
He can have any woman that he desires, but why does he insist on troubling the only one who doesn't want him?
In the past, I would have assumed it is because he needed to keep his father's company and was afraid of losing everything if he divorced me against his father's wish, but he had already built his reputation as a powerful businessman in the past 3 years, he doesn't need the name nor the protection of Filladi co anymore since he became even more powerful than his father ever was, everyone in the field is terrified of his cold demeanor and ruthless ways in business, even his own father I bet.
So why would such man insist on keeping the averagely average me as his wife? Just for the fun of it??
I really don't get him, is it that funny being stubborn and merciless to me for no reason?
The secretary ultimately called the very next morning and fixed an appointment for me right on the day after, The woman who spoke to me was so polite and serious that somehow I felt embarrassed for turning off my phone the previous day and forcing her to go through the struggle of calling me a dozen times.
Eliyas promised I will not find work anywhere expect at Filladi co, he is more than capable of doing this easy task.
I know how powerful my husband is.. I witnessed it with my own eyes how devilish and beast alike he can be,
When we were together, I used to work as a starting journalist in a newly established broadcasting channel. At the time, it was Eliyas's decision not to unveil my identity as his wife to the public supposedly "to protect me and give me freedom" what a joke! He was just ashamed of having me as his wife!
Since I was not publicly known as this famous man's wife, I decided to continue living my life as I wished and work wherever I wanted, so I kept working as a small journalist despite being the daughter in-law of the Belguassem Filladi.
Anyways, my superior back then assigned me to a mission together with a cameraman working for the photography team, we were handed the task of investigating a certain case at a rural village, nevertheless, I didn't feel the need to tell anyone about me going on a mission which required driving 3 hours out of D city to a rural place because I was stupid. I didn't think anyone would notice my absence from the villa anyways and that all was safe since I was accompanied by a male worker.
At the time, Eliyas thought it was unnecessary for me to have the protection of bodyguards since no one knew who I were, wanting to save men power I guess he left me unshielded, I still believe this decision of his was right, because no one would want to hurt an average looking person like me, it's just that I'm very unlucky, no one could predict someone's bad luck and misfortunes.
the cameraman and I drove the broadcasting company's vehicle and for 3 hours and some before finally reaching that village.
It was a very small and isolated place, barely had a total of 10 houses if not much less, and they were all scattered and largely distant from one another.
We soon reached our aimed address, and we met the family we were supposed to make an interview with.
the very moment I saw them, I had a very bad premonition and deep inside I felt something was wrong.
When they contacted our channel, The family claimed they are living in extreme poverty and had a disabled son to support, but when the camera man and I visited .. The family of 3 people was in reality composed of 2 grown up and healthy men who seemed more than capable of making an acceptable living, and the third member, the supposedly disabled son, looked very healthy except he was sleeping on the bed.
I barely spent a couple of minutes inside the room of the supposedly disabled man when my heart started to feel extremely uneasy, So when the cameraman was having a chat with that suspicious family while fixing his materials distracting them from me, IÂ held my phone and decided to call Nana to tell her where I exactly was just in case.
However, the moment Nana picked up my call I suddenly heard a loud sound of a thud followed by painful groaning, when turning to look behind in fright to see what was going on, I found the cameraman lying on the ground holding the back of his head and groaning, while one of the two strong men was holding a metal stick and was standing right beside him attempting to hit him again.
I was terrified with what I saw!
I immediately cried on the phone:
_"Nana Help! Call for help!"
The second man soon snatched my phone, so I shrieked as loud as my voice allowed, he quickly threw the phone on the floor and stepped on it until it broke, then looked at me furiously and slapped me so hard on the face that I was thrown to the ground and only heard buzzing in my ear for so long.
I was terrified, after his slap I felt pain as well, these two were the fatal combination to launch my pain phobia, I don't clearly remember what happened next because I was already panicking and thinking that I will die.
They didn't hurt me anymore, The fake disabled man on the bed got up on his feet and he helped chaining us with a rope, they robbed our equipment and our car then fled the scene.
Although they didn't hurt me anymore, and they already left, I kept panicking, how can my unreasonable phobia be convinced that the danger was over?
Having a phobia such as mine makes it very difficult for me to think clearly and reasonably during similar situations, I don't necessarily have it during every danger I'm put in but the moment my fear gets the better part of me my head stops thinking, Although I'm consciously aware of my surrounding and know that nothing is wrong, but that terror can't be controlled, to describe how phobia is, simply imagine you have two heads at the same time, one is aware and to some extent still think coherently, then the other head is so out of your control taking all the action making you see and feel things in a very exaggerated way, convincing you you're dying.
My chest felt so tight and was hurting me as if I was having a heart attack, I was breathing so slowly, deeply, and soundly that I felt like no air was getting inside my lungs, only my loud wheezing was heard, while my tears fell down nonstop.
the worst part was, that I really believed I was dying, when panicking, it's like you're in a continuous car crush, the fear of dying is excruciating.
My heart was beating so soundly that, after sometime, I could hear nothing else.. Not even the cameraman when he tried to talk to me.
That poor man, we didn't have a phone with us to call for help because his phone was robbed and mine was broken, the only thing he could do was to watch me having a panic attack and crying my heart out.
I don't know how much time passed, But it was for sure less than an hour later when we suddenly heard the sound of helicopters coming close to where we were, moments later, it seemed like they landed in the surrounding of the house.
Merely few seconds after that, so many armed men penetrated the room where we were chained, And right behind them all.. was Eliyas.
I was in so catastrophic of a state that even seeing Eliyas didn't bring me any comfort, at that moment, everything seemed like a threat to me, everything could cause me pain and make me die.
The moment Eliyas walked inside the room, he ran towards me directly and he hugged me tight to his chest. I was sweating profusely and covered with tears yet the neat Eliyas still held me in his embrace and didn't let go.
I was shaking all the way to my bones.. so much that even his tight arms around me failed to stop me from shaking like a falling leaf.
And I couldn't speak, so I only looked at him with my eyes terrified while struggling to breathe.
Somehow, this state of mine scared him, so he stopped hugging me and he nervously held my face in his palms to properly look at me and ask.
_"Are you ok?"
Naturally, I couldn't answer, I only kept staring at him while crying, I was still thinking that I was dying even when I was safe in his embrace.
It seemed like he came directly from the company, he was still wearing his familiar brand white shirt.
But he wasn't wearing any jacket nor a tie, the first two upper buttons of his shirt were undone.
As for the reason why the whiteness of his shirt is so vivid in my memory, it is because while he was trying to talk more to me I moved my eyes and I looked at his chest, as I did this, I saw blood on his shirt.. My blood.
Apparently, when the thief slapped my face my lips were cut, It was really a small drop of blood yet in my mind it looked terrifyingly big, once I saw it I simply passed out.
When I woke up next, I was still at the same place.. Still held between Eliyas's arms, however, the look on my husband's face was by far much worse than it earlier was, he was much paler, while shaking me he kept yelling:
_"Noursine! Please Don't scare me even more! please! Wake up!"
_"where's the medical team??!" He roared addressing his men.
_"they will be here in minutes sir."
_" if something happens to my wife in this delay I swear no one will live to see tomorrow's daylight!"
When he turned to look at me again, He finally noticed that I was conscious again.
I never saw Eliyas in such a state before, he lost every drop of rationality he had, he kept holding me tight until the medical team finally arrived, Even then he refused to let me out of his sight, he stayed by my side even at the hospital.
I was not hurt, but I needed sedatives for my panic attack. Nevertheless, Eliyas still insisted that I have a full body check and asked only the best doctors at that hospital to see me.
I calmed after the sedatives were injected, when waking up again after sleeping, I already had my regular composure back, Eliyas on the other hand was akin a beast that had been awakened.
Within few days, the broadcasting channel for which I worked was suspended and all the superiors somehow ended up charged with heavy lawsuits at the court.
The village house I visited was burned to aches, and those three men were found burnt to death inside it.
In Fact, it wasn't Eliyas who told me about these happenings, I only found out about them when I was randomly watching tv and they appeared in the news.
They reported the same name of the village I went to, filmed the same location of the now burned house and gave the description of those three men I met, except for one detail, one among the three corpses had both his arms cut before it was burned.
This accident was so disturbing and scary that it appeared on every news channel.
_"Eliyas.. Did you kill them?" I asked in terror looking at the man who was calmly sitting on the sofa in our room and browsing through his work papers totally indifferent to the news in Tv.
_"No" he answered, he lifted his eyes to look at me, then he sinisterly added:
_"they were given the choice to either live or to take their lives with their own free will.. And they chose the easiest option."
His face was terrifyingly cold while saying such horrible words, It was at that very moment that I realised I was married to a monster.