Not long after he answered my call, Eliyas's deep familiar voice finally echoed in my ear.
He said one single word.
_"Noursine"
I felt my heart choking with emotions instantly, so much that I couldn't say a word back.
_" the meeting is adjourned" he said with a distant voice from the other side afterwards, he was addressing his surrounding and not me apparently, Soon after he said this, I heard the sounds of chairs moving and people chatting.
He answered my call in the middle of a meeting!
Ladies and gentlemen .. A miracle happened!
I remember him always putting me on a hold because of his work, even when he had only small matters to do, they were still absolutely more important than I was.
The issue isn't only here, But who's freaking insane to hold a meeting at lunch time?
Not only this .. How did he listen to what I said on the radio and issued all those orders if he was in the middle of a meeting?
This man is seriously inhuman.
_"are you not going to apologize?" He finally spoke.
I took a deep breath, barely holding my self from cursing him instead of apologizing to him, then I said:
_"Mr Eliyas Filladi, I apologize for regretting the cursed day I accepted to marry you, I apologize as well for hating you more than anything in this world, Are you satisfied now?"
_"these are not the reasons you have to apologize to me for." He seriously alarmed me, he went silent for a little time before he continued:
_" how do you expect me to behave after hearing my wife crying for another man in front of the whole city? am I a no man in your opinion?"
What the hell?
_" when did I cry for another man?!" I asked hysterically although I long promised my self not to act emotional in front of him.
_"Noursine Saadat, If your memory is that short then allow me to refresh it, today after you spoke to a certain somebody on the phone, you headed to your work, then you dared to cry on your show because you were separated from him, not only you dared to attempt cheating on me, this matter for which I was very generous and let it slide after correcting it, but you dared to cry for him too.."
I, Noursine Saadat, will never admit that I cried because of Eliyas Filladi even if this will make me look wronged, I was absolutely not going to clear this misunderstanding for him, however, there was another matter that indeed had to be corrected: that is I did not cheat on him! although I will be more than glad to find a proper man to love and treasure, but I'm still a married woman no matter what and I do not wish to deceive an innocent third party, therefore I said:
_" how is this called cheating on you? I rejected this man in every way! Anyways, my personal life has nothing to do with you to begin with, if you were not petty and gave me my rightful divorce 3 years ago, you and I would have been already married and happy with other people, we could have had children of our own by now! Give me my divorce!"
_"In front of god, of people.. And in the law, you, Noursine Saadat, are still my wife .. And I, your husband. What you did was wrong, If you don't apologize I might as well demolish the whole building were you have disrespected me when you are still my wife, you know I would do that, so you better apologize."
_"fine, I apologize, So let the station out of our private matter, I'm very, very sorry, Are you happy now?" I said with a mocking tone.
The man on the other side went silent again, then, when I was about to cut the call assuming the matter was settled, he suddenly said:
_"Noursine, I'm not happy.. not even a little."
Somehow, his voice saying these words was so genuine that it made me feel weird.
He sighed, then added to my agony:
_" a secretary will call you later to inform you about your new post in Filladi co, I let you to be away for very long to give you the time and space you needed, but you dared to betray me, Now I better keep a close eye on you. Have a good day."
he hang up right away.
How was I stupid enough to feel weird after him saying he was not happy!! May he sink in misery!
I went back to the studio to write my resignation letter and to collect my belongings, so simply like this, the career I belt as a decent broadcaster over 3 years ended in a blink of an eye, And I have to leave the show I loved.
You see, there is no room to object to Eliyas's decisions, I do not dare.. Nor I have the power to stand against him, in the past I attempted to disobey this man and to free my self from his prison, all my attempts ended with continuous failures, until I gave up.
I got so used to the loss that now it became much easier to accept it in whatever way it occurred without complaining.
After I finished collecting my belongings, Which were very little considering the long time I spent in the station, only few notebooks and some tools, I put them all in a bag, then went to the manager's office to hand my resignation letter.
_" what happened today was unfair to you, forgive us for not standing by your side in this matter, we had no power to do so." the manager said to me with a troubled face.
I just nodded in understanding, then left.
I didn't need to ask him if the suspension was lifted since it was clear that everything was settled.
I took the bus home, walked inside my empty house, turned off my phone, then fell asleep.
I gave up so many things in one day: my tooth which I didn't fix ultimately, my work, my pride.. And my promise not to contact that man again.
I was feeling so down that I simply decided to sleep.
I slept for a very long time, when I woke up it was already night time, I turned on my phone again, only to receive a message that an unknown number tried to contact me several times during my sleep. Remembering that Eliyas earlier told me that a certain secretary will contact me for a new job offer in his company, I frowned and sulked until my whole face became distorted.
I turned off my phone again, then went to take a shower.
After finishing taking the shower, I went out of the bathroom, but when I walked inside the living room I almost had a heart attack.
Because I found someone sitting on my sofa!
That Freaking Eliyas Filladi!!
I barely prevented my self from shrieking like an actress in a horror movie, because of course I needed to show no emotions in front of that person, I had to deal with him suddenly sitting inside my house without my permission, like a thief, as if it was something very ordinary and didn't shock the life out of me at all.
Although my face must have turned pale from the scare and surprise, I still tucked on my pyjamas sleeve, used my small towel to continue drying my hair like if his existence in my house was akin the existence of thin air.
He didn't come to my house in a very long time, I remember when I lived in my old apartment, the one I rented right after leaving Eliyas, he used to come there this way, like a ghost, almost every day for a long time. No matter how many times I changed my lock or attempted to install a security system he still broke into my house whenever he wanted to, my privacy meant nothing to this man.
At the time, I didn't understand why was he acting so shameless! Was it an order of his father or he simply wanted to show no respect to me?!
When he visited me then, he didn't even try talking to me nor attempted to solve our problems, he never even asked me to get back with him, he really did nothing at all!!
He simply lied on my bed, like he used to do in our room at the villa and did his work papers like a workaholic, to anyone with a head that functions, he only seemed like a little annoyed child forced by his parents to go to school.
On the nights, He plainly slept beside me on the bed, then left first thing in the morning to go to the company building.
I was so angry, I felt that my sincere decision of leaving him meant nothing to him, He didn't respect it out of petty unreasonable stubbornness, and he absolutely refused to give me my divorce!
I had a very poor state of emotions at the time, I lost a child because of this man, I had a poor health and heart, and no left power to do anything, so I helplessly treated him like if he was a ghost at first, not speaking nor looking at him at all. simply sleeping on the other side of the bed and ignoring his existence in my surrounding, patiently waiting for the day he finally leaves for good.
But when these silly actions of his continued even after a month and a half after I supposedly left him, I couldn't take it anymore.
So one night, I held a knife.. I stood in front of Eliyas.. Then put the knife on my neck.
The message was clear, I was going to end my life.
He looked at me with an aghast face, and turned paler than a sheet of paper in matter of a second, his hands started trembling so violently when he lifted them mid air wanting to take the knife from my hand.
It must have surprised him a lot that I was actually this desperate, he immediately stood up from the bed where he was lying and working on his laptop, while standing in front of me.. He kept staring at me like a statue.
I was in no way suicidal, my will to survive is even stronger than that of a grass growing up in the middle of a highway and getting stepped on by the passing vehicles. I desperately wanted to live.. And I wanted to live without Eliyas even more desperately.
But somehow, he actually believed I was going to hurt my self.. He thankfully believed my act.
_" is it that hard to stay with me?" He finally asked.
I felt relieved that he was alarmed at least, I replied:
_" yes, seeing you is torture, I just want you out of life.. Since you refuse to leave me alone then I'll leave for good, I can't take this any longer.. "
He kept staring at me, not saying a word, I was only praying he was seriously considering the words I said.
But what he finally said made me go hysterical:
_"it wasn't only your child Noursine who was lost, it was mine too.. I lost my son too! Do you think it hurts less for me?"
_"don't you dare mention my baby!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.
I felt every drop of blood in my body boiling in anger, I hated Eliyas loads more.
How dare he speak about the baby! I lost my unborn child because of him!
I started to breathe quickly and deeply.. although I wanted to control my emotions, I still failed to do that.
I violently threw the knife I was holding on the ground in anger not wanting to act even more stupid in front of this cold man.
but unbeknownst to me, the sharp blade I threw suddenly bounced from the floor due to the strength I used and it cut the Eliyas's left ankle.
At the moment, I was too consumed in my own emotions to notice it anyways, I continued to shout:
_" Every time I see you i'm reminded of what happened, I already hated you in the past, now I can't even stand the sight of you anymore, sometimes I feel thankful that my baby left very early and didn't meet a father like you__"
_"you crossed your limits." he interrupted me with a calm cold voice.
I felt scared right away, so I stopped throwing a tantrum.
he suddenly started walking towards me.. I felt terrified instantly, was he going to hit me??!
Eliyas is such a huge man compared to the petite me.. If he hit me then I'll be seriously injured if not dead!
The idea of being physically hurt already started making me tremble so hard and feel nauseated, my phobia launched.
But what happened next simply extinguished all my nonsensical thinking, Eliyas just walked pass me and left the room.
After he left, I stood still just looking at the close door in confusion.
I thought that my attempt of rebellion failed, so I turned around again wanting to collect the knife from the ground. It was only at this moment that I finally noticed what I did, The blade was stained with blood, The floor was full of drops of blood, The drops followed Eliyas's footsteps!
My heart almost stopped thinking that when he said " I crossed my limits" he meant crossed my limits by hurting him physically!
I was dead meat for sure!
I opened the door, then went after him to check on him and apologize for the harm I caused.
I heard the sound of running water in the bathroom, so I quickly went there.
I found Eliyas ..
He was standing at the sink, putting his head under the tap, and water was splashing on the back of his head and running on the sides of his neck, his hair was totally damp, the collar of his shirt was wet too, and his hands were holding the sides of the sink so tightly that his knuckles turned white.
what was worrying me though, was the fact he was bleeding somewhere, I carefully inspected his whole body looking for any wound until my eyes finally landed on his left ankle, blood was dropping from there.
You see, my phobia sometimes attacks even when I see others in hurt, and this was exactly what happened at the bathroom, I felt terrified when seeing Eliyas injured.
_"Eliyas.. Your ankle is bleeding." I hardly managed to say.
He slowly lifted his head from under the tap.. And looked at his reflexion on the mirror in front of him, I don't often feel curious about this man, but at the moment, I really wanted to know what was he thinking while staring at his reflexion so pensively.
A little time later, as if I wasn't even there, he just walked pass me towards the living room.
He weakly sat on the sofa, then buried his face in his palms.
I immediately went to bring the first aid kit, and handed it to him with shaky hands.
I couldn't dress his wound .. It was simply impossible for me to do this task without passing out.
He was still pale, his hands were still shaking. For a moment I forgot how this man ruined my life and I genuinely felt guilty for acting so careless and scaring him this way.
I knew he didn't care for me, but not to the extent of not being affected if I threatened to kill my self because of him.. I went too far.
_" i'm so sorry.. I didn't mean to hurt you" I finally apologized.
He lifted his face to properly look at me, so I kept looking at his wet state .. At his damp hair falling on his forehead, at the water dropping from his head and neck wetting his clothes.
And at his red eyes.
Seeing those red eyes.. I couldn't look away, I only kept staring at them.
Somehow, I wondered.. Was the pain I was seeing inside them true and genuine?
This man, he didn't say a word, he didn't care for me before, then why was I feeling so guilty looking at his eyes?
He soon took the kit, and started dressing his wound by himself, while he was doing this.. he finally replied:
_" No, you meant to hurt me Noursine.. You meant to hurt me deep and you succeeded."
I didn't say a word.. only observed him silently.
After he finished cleaning his wound, he didn't tell me whether it needed stitches or if it was a small cut, and I didn't dare to ask.
He closed the kit, threw the cotton in the trash.
then he went back to my room, few moments later, he walked out of there holding his bag and coat.
He put on his shoes next .. then he simply left the house without turning back to look at me again.
That was the last time we ever met for a long time, after that night, he never came to see me again for 3 years, nor I went to meet him.
And this way, we became strangers for 3 years.
That is until I found him inside my new house tonight.. Sitting on my sofa.
And somehow.. It felt like if he never left me before.