_"I apologize to you miss, but all dr,Yacine's patients have been forwarded to other dentists at the clinic since he quitted his work here a week ago"
What!?
There's no way he would just quit his job so suddenly without a reason, I felt so enraged immediately.. That ex husband of mine sure was the culprit behind this deed.
_" excuse me, Are you a miss Noursine?" The receptionist suddenly asked.
I looked at her surprised then confirmed:
_"yes, this is her"
_" dr,Yacine left a message for you." she explained with a playful smile.
She quickly opened the first drawer next to her then she handed me an envelop while saying:
_" we've been wondering this whole week about the identity of this female patient who dr,Yacine- even in his hurry- didn't forget to leave a message for her, he was never the kind to chaise after women, you must be very special to him."
I took the envelop, while holding it with my trembling hand I already felt so guilty, indeed I'm very special .. I'm the woman who ruined his career.
Hesitantly I opened the envelop, the first thing I noticed was his terrible handwriting, the piece of paper didn't contain much words.. Only one line of them which I decoded with great difficulty
"If you can't contact this number, ask the receptionist to give you my family's contact."
And he left a phone number underneath these words.
Once I saw the series of numbers the first idea that came to my head was logically to dial them and call immediately because I was so concerned about him, and so I did while still standing in front of the receptionist's desk.
Luckily, the call was soon picked up and Yacine's voice came from the other side saying:
_"Allo"
( author's note: "Allo" is the way we answer phones in Algeria, I'm told it comes from "hello" but we pronounce it like the French does, by dropping the H because in French H is not pronounced.)
_"doctor yacine? .. This is Noursine" I said.
A long silence followed afterwards, only interrupted by him finally saying:
_"mrs Filladi, How can I help you?"
My heart just broke the moment he called me "mrs Filladi".
Because I never actually mentioned my husband's name, I never told him I was married to a mr Filladi, most certainly, Eliyas himself surely contacted him after our last meeting.
I didn't even know how to react.
_"are you ok dr,Yacine?" I asked with a trembling voice.
_"I'm fine.."
We both remained silent afterwards, For a long time, we said nothing, until he finally added:
_" It was your husband who forced me to leave a message to you with the receptionist, with my number on it, so as you'll call me like this when you receive it, Mr Filladi said I stepped out of my borders with a phone call .. So I should fix everything with a phone call as well. For these few last days I was hoping you'd never receive that envelop because I have no face left to speak to you, but it happened eventually, I apologize for being inconvenient to you, I apologize for calling you in the radio station, I will certainly not contact you again in the future mrs filladi."
With every word he said, my heart was getting more and more shattered, not because I loved dr,Yacine, I didn't even like him, but because I suddenly reached this conclusion: that I'll never have any freedom back, and no matter where I run to.. I'll always be in Eliyas's prison.
He drove all people out of my life: my old friends, my only family -Nana-, And everyone who ever had the slightest intention of approaching me, even my neighbors avoid me like plague.. And my coworkers who tried to befriend me suddenly had a change of heart the following days.
I was sentenced to be alone by that heartless.
I hate him to my bones and deeper.
He is still very wicked indeed, not only he made Yacine lose his job, but he even forced him to end his contact with me the way he started it just to prove how powerful he is to me.
My heart was so suffocated that I didn't want to speak with Yacine any longer, I simply cut the call to spare his pride and mine from further damage.
I crumpled that envelop, threw it in the trash bin, then left the clinic without even getting my treatment.
Instead, I took the bus to my work, I Spent hours thinking of a cheerful theme for my show but in the end I still chose to talk about:
"The biggest regret in one's life"
I took a deep breath once going on air, then I honestly admitted to my listeners:
_"for a very long time, my biggest regret has been getting married to a man who I didn't love, nor he loved me back, but today, I realised that my biggest failure and regret aren't this in fact, the biggest sin I committed was to have hope. I regret every moment in which I carelessly hoped for things to be fixed and to be better, I wasted 3 years of my life living in this illusion, and now I regret it, and I hate that man who made me suffer the most. I lose to him today.. I lost to him a long time ago."
When I said my last words, My tears were already beyond my ability to stop them.
Eliyas Filladi destroyed my will to lead a respectful life in every way, Every time I tried to breathe he would cut the air from me, would sink me in a deep ocean and prove to me that no one else will dare to save me besides him, and if I want to survive, then I have to reach out to him..
Such a sadist.. I hate him with all that is left in me.
I cried awfully on air.. I didn't care about losing my job nor losing my face, my pain was much more than I could bear.
The station received so many calls but I wasn't in a state to answer any of them, I soon played the songs playlist, cut my mike and kept crying for a long time.
While I was this heartbroken, the memories of one of my last days in marriage with Eliyas before I left him came to my mind.
I remember going alone to the hospital for my check-up that day, however, as i was leaving the hospital, I noticed that the car which was waiting to take me back home had someone sitting inside the originally empty vehicle.. He was occupying one of the backseats.
The silhouette of that refined man was painfully familiar.
It was Eliyas.
When I opened the backseat's door and became certain it was indeed him sitting there, I only kept staring at him with nothing but hatred.
Logically, I decided to abandon that car and go back home someway else, at that moment, I thought the last thing I'd rather die and not do was to sit beside this man, I immediately started to walk away planning to hire a taxi to go home separately.
This didn't happen though, because I was soon blocked by his guards.
_" master lady, please get in the car" one among them ordered me.
That "please" he said was as useless as I was.
Since I had no power to fight or object, because I was sick and weak, I stepped on my pride and just sat beside Eliyas obediently, the car soon took us to the villa.
Eliyas didn't ask how my check-up went nor how I was doing, he didn't say a single word all along the way,
He didn't care the tinniest bit about me after all.
When we finally walked inside our room and closed the door, I didn't even have the chance to take off my light coat when Eliyas suddenly wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged my back so tight to his body.
I felt his disgusting hot and strong breathes brushing against my neck when he took of my coat impatiently, But I had no left will nor strength to push him away from me.
He soon stripped me off my shirt, And started kissing my neck passionately.
I just remained standing there like a corpse, like a piece of wood, not intending to stop his actions nor to follow them.
After some time he suddenly stopped kissing me, I felt him breathing hard behind me and staring at my back, But he didn't touch me anymore.
_"Just kill me Eliyas" I finally whispered, Without turning behind to look at him.
I haven't spoken to him for a very long time. This was one of the rarest times I said a word to him.
I continued:
_"just kill me.. the way you killed our unborn child."
_"you want to leave me." he said between his quick breaths after moments of silence, not as a question but as a matter of certainty, he knew I wanted him out of my life for good.
At that time, I had already started planning to leave him and get a divorce, I was just waiting for my health to be fully restored before executing my plans, but he always was one step ahead of me, always the smartest, He red through my thoughts so easily.
At those moments, I didn't even know what kept his breaths quick and strong anyways, he already lost any desire of touching me, But somehow I felt their intensity getting even stronger .. They were hitting the skin on my neck like a burning volcano. of course I didn't care the least about his freaking breathing frequency.
_"I will definitely take you out of my life one day, I feel disgusted even looking at you." I said with a tone full of loath.
I hated him this much.
He didn't say a word for a long time after hearing this, I couldn't see his face, still I was able to clearly hear him when he finally chuckled and said:
_" do you think it's that easy to leave?"
I didn't answer, at that time I thought he would simply throw the divorce papers to my face and marry some young heiress the very next day.
But I was wrong.
Because to my surprise and agony he continued:
_" I promise you'll never have a divorce Noursine Saadat, if this is hell, you will be stuck in this hell with me for as long as I live"
He then walked out of the room slamming the door shut so hard behind him.
It was one of the rarest moments that Eliyas filladi expressed any sign of emotion, he was clearly angry, And me, the stupid creature who angered this merciless beast, I'm still paying for that even after 3 years.
A coworker soon walked inside the studio where I was broadcasting, She handed me a note, then quickly occupied the chair close to mine and fixed the spare headphones and mike and made a signal for faisel and I that she was replacing me.
Seeing this, I soon took the note and red it. It said:
"The manager asked me to replace you, he wants to see you in his office immediately."
Once she started taking control of the situation, I just left the room without making a sound.
_"are you ok?" Faisel, who always assisted the broadcasters on live asked me.
Although I was still crying I just nodded and said:
_"I'm fine"
I took my bag and coat, then headed towards the manager's office.
I was ready for whatever consequences .. I knew my overdramatic manager would not let "my crying on air" go unpunished, but what happened was far beyond my worst expectations, when I walked inside the manager's office he was unusually very calm.
_"sit down Noursine" he asked calmly.
He brought out a cigarette and started smoking it in front of me not even minding to ask whether I will be bothered.
After he finished smoking his cigarette, he turned to look at me with a weird expression then finally said:
_"initially I was just going to scold you for getting too emotional and crying on air, but I don't know what superior you offended with your words, now I had a call from the committee saying that our broadcasting station will be suspended from work starting from 1pm today and the suspension will continue to be valid until you call this superior that you offended and apologize to him, I assume you already know him personally because we are not given any further info."
It was Eliyas's deed for sure. That freak!
If you wonder whether I felt anything at all, then I'm glad to tell you that I didn't actually. My husband always enjoyed torturing me and everyone around me just to keep everything under his control and make me do whatever that he wanted.
Frankly speaking, the only reason for which I was allowed to leave him was the fact I lost my child because of him, if it wasn't for the baby's innocent life that was carelessly forsaken amid our tremendous lack of love and communication, Eliyas wouldn't have felt guilty enough to let me go where I will not have to see his face again.
He already acted very "generous" towards me by allowing me to keep my job for so long without intervening, apparently his stupid generosity finally expired.
_"Noursine, do you understand in what situation the station is put under?" The manager soon asked.
_" I do"
_" I know it's selfish of me to ask for this favor, But now we're in no position to support any individual, that is of course including you as well, again I assume you already know who this superior is, so I want to ask you to apologize to him for the sake of your coworkers, then I want you to hand your resignation letter afterwards"
Although I wanted to say: "how do you expect me to help the station knowing that I will be out of job either ways!!" .. But somehow I appreciated his honesty, he could have simply asked me to help then deceived me after taking advantage of me, he was simply gentlemanly an ungentleman.
_"I need your promise first to have a new post in other stations, or else don't expect me to simply help you with no guarantee."
_"I was informed that your new post is already arranged for you and you will be hired once you apologize, I was asked to fire you otherwise this is not my attention, I wanted to keep you despite all the happenings."
I looked at the troubled expression on the manager's face, and I reminded my self that the one who was playing tricks was not him after all, but the devil himself instead, namely my ex.
_"I will see what I can do." I said decidedly.
I stood up, walked out of his office.
I leaned on some open window's frame at the long corridor, and inhaled December's chilling air trying to calm my stirred emotions.
I know that bastard very well .. He knows me too, usually, a married couple would get familiar with each other and have a sort of tacit understanding as a result of love and interest, it's quite the opposite for our case, I hate Eliyas so much that I unconsciously observed and memorised his character, until I turned into an expert in the science of knowing Eliyas filladi.
It was exactly the same for him as well I guess, He knows this weak point of mine: being righteous.
Not that I'm a very emotional person nor the slightest kind, but I have my ethics and my bottom line, I wouldn't hurt or use innocent people on my way to achieve my goals.
he used this weakness of mine countless times.
I waited until I became much more calm and collected, I wiped the tears I still had on my cheeks, stepped on my pride then held my phone, scrolled through my contacts list and finally called the number I didn't call not even for once during the long last three years.
Although I never had the intention of calling him in this lifetime, i never erased Eliyas's contact from my phone, for a reason I shall never know.
The call rang for few moments, then it was soon replied..
My heart was beating so fast..
Out of fear, of anger.. And much more emotions.
The man I wished to never encounter again in this lifetime was right on the other side, I could even hear the steadiness of his breaths.
Not long after he picked up.. Eliyas's deep familiar voice finally echoed in my ear.
He said one single word.
_"Noursine."