Once Eliyas dashed inside and noticed me, it didn't take him not even a split second before he snatched me from my coworker's arms, carried me between his arms like a wheat powder bag and started to issue one order after another to his surrounding.
"Drag her IV carefully".. "Clear the way" .. "Call an ambulance"
Feeling his strength, and being surrounded with his familiar yet strange warmth my heart had already started to calm.
It is indeed unexplainable and out of the ordinary how certain people in our lives still bring us comfort no matter how we try to deny their importance and push them away from us.
It is exactly this way between me and my ex husband, and it always has been like this..
few months after our marriage i somehow came to realise that whenever i was facing problems i would unconsciously go cuddle to that man's side like a hurt kitten although i never complained to him about any of my difficult times, i'd squeeze my self under his arm and he would just encircle me and accept my strange behavior, never asking any question.
and i started to notice that man too often came to me for no particular reason.. Put his head in my lap and put my hand above his head akin asking me to softly tap on it.. And coincidentally i'd find out later that in those certain days he had trouble in work which i never asked about and he never mentioned.
We had mountains of pride between us when we were together.. Yet we only found comfort in one another in our bad times.
Such comfort.. Not even a separation would take it away.
After Eliyas put me carefully on the bed i finally started to gain back my consciousness fully, although the doctor tried to intervene and check on me yet Eliyas refused to move and made his job very difficult standing so close by my side.. It was for this reason that the first thing i noticed when i became wide awake was naturally Eliyas's face, looking rather sour and very troubled.
I somehow understand him, usually the one can read approximately the state of a patient based on his looks, but in my case i'd look on my death bed be it in a serious situation or for a sting of a bee.
I consulted so many psychologists along my life.. But ever since my miscarriage it seemed like my phobia only worsened. So i only try to cope with it for the time being.
I looked at Eliyas and said:
_"i'm fine, no need for an ambulance"
After that I addressed the administrative group who followed Eliyas inside the room as well saying:
_"sorry for causing you trouble.. You can continue your work, i'm fine"
_"what happened?" Eliyas asked in a rather harsh tone.
It wasn't the kind of tone you'd expect from the person who had just helped carrying you to comfort, but more like the tone of a detective who is investigating about a crime scene in which you are the number one suspect.
Needless to say it, all the comfort i had initially unintentionally felt had dissipated.
I replied as if it was not a matter that needed a question:
_"i'm here to receive treatment for headache and fatigue"
_" i know that already, what happened after that?"
He asked in an angry way again.
He knew that already?
I looked at him skeptically.. Is it possible that he was there in the clinic because of me?
But i didn't have the time to justify nor think of his reasons for being there, because another realization had hit me. Eliyas was not only looking at me in the middle of his sudden investigation session .. But he was as well digging holes and aiming arrows at the poor innocent young employee who had accompanied me.
He must have started to build wrong assumptions about the whole situation and maybe thought that my poor coworker was the reason behind my worsened state so i immediately explained:
_"i had moved my IV needle by accident.. And when i saw the blood i was scared"
Eliyas didn't utter not a single word after that.
He tapped on the steel of my bed in an impatient way.. And finally moved away to leave space for the doctor to do his job properly.
I watched him as he walked steadily towards the window, and looked out of it towards the distance absently.
"What is in that man's head?" I thought.
It maybe was what everyone in the room thought along with me.. As we all silently watched him.
The doctor was the first among us to snap out of the scenery of the powerful young man at the window.
Since he finally found a chance to intervene. He called the little nurse to fix my IV for me and change the blooded stick on my arm into a clean one since my particular situation needs that as well, while she did that the doctor took the chance to examine me and ask if i was doing better.
All the while Eliyas was just giving us his back not minding to turn to look our direction again, i wondered why he didn't simply leave if he was just going to ignore our existence, or was it that he specifically enjoyed sightseeing at the moment that he had forgotten necessary details like he was doing that at the wrong time in the wrong place.
To top the awkwardness that i felt, the administrative group of nine people who stood like unimportant accessories all along found them selves very idle and very bored that they simply decided to watch the doctor doing his job with me. For a moment it looked like i was the queen of the nation and all the generals were concerned about my state of health, it was uncomfortable in every way.
after the doctor finished, one of the administrative stuff suddenly commented:
_"it seems like our boss really cares for his employees, not only he personally carried the lady.. But he as well took the initiative to inquire about her health. Miss, you're very fortunate to have the big boss's special treatment!"
Am i fortunate?
I laughed in mockery inside my heart.
i looked at Eliyas's back again as if asking:
" do you think i'm fortunate to have you in my life?"
Because I definitely was not. what was initially an average trouble free life of a new hired journalist turned into a messy drama and prison alike misfortune ever since i had taken that man as my husband.
He too could have married some heiress and had their most awaited offspring, he would have carried his cold emotionless life with her where giving her a limitless credit card would make her the happiest wife in the country.. That is if he wasn't entangled with me.
We were far from being fortunate after meeting one another.
_"everyone carry on with your work and leave the room" Eliyas suddenly spoke again not even looking at us.
His manner was so bossy and cold that even the ghosts in the room felt frightened and left.
After the whole group of people was gone, my coworker included, we were left alone ..
Eliyas walked towards me again, dragged some chair, put it close to me .. And then he just sat down beside my bed.
_"why are you here in the clinic?" I took the initiative to ask.
_" i was informed that you were sick and needed an IV, i had no idea how serious it was so i came to see"
_"and why did you bring so much people along?"
_" i didn't bring any one.. They just met me on my way and freeloaded unnecessarily.. If i must put some conceptions right for you, you are the only person who wants to ran away from me"
He laughed mockingly in opposition to the serious atmosphere and then he added:
_" and you're the only person i want to keep"
I didn't find any more words to say to him.. So i simply lifted my gaze to observe the dripping IV again and calculate in my head the time needed for it to finish.
Few moments later.. Eliyas's voice echoed again in the empty room:
_" i will assign a company car to drive you between the company and your house, it is risky for you to take public transportation. You don't have to come to work if you feel sick in the future"
_"hmm" i simply agreed. Keeping my eyes on the plastic bag hang above my head impatiently waiting for it to be empty so as i can finally leave.
I couldn't possibly ask that man to go since, after all, the building belonged to him, if anyone was to leave first then it was me.
Suddenly i felt movement on my bed.. When i turned to look at Eliyas again.. I found that he stood up from his chair.. Lifted my quilt and had already sat down on my bed and he was taking off his shoes at the moment:
_"what are you doing?" I asked taken aback.
He didn't answer.
After he finished taking off his shoes he simply squeezed himself and lied on the bed beside me.
_"don't try to act impulsive or else the UV might move again" he shamelessly ordered.
The problem was that the bed was too small to fit us both so his whole body was pressing on my side, so much that i could feel the vibration of his voice when he spoke on my shoulder.
I glared at him and then i reminded:
_"i can still shout and gather people in the room"
_"but you won't" he softly hushed while burying his head in the gap of my neck.
He was right.. In every way.
Having him so close again although i hated him i still couldn't refuse him, somehow i felt comfortable having him there in such a way.
After some time.. I felt his hand moving under the quilt to hold my free hand.. His fingers untangled with mine and held them tight.
_"Noursine" he called my name softly close to my ear.
_"hmm"
_"can you let me hold your hand for just a little?"
Although he asked.. He still didn't wait for my answer.
He lifted my hand slowly with his.. And finally put it on his head.
Like he used to back in the days when we were together.
I felt my heart breaking with that..
I know that man very well, he only does this when he's feeling so sad that he desperately wants me to tap on his head and somehow tell him wordlessly that everything will be fine.
He started to move my hand lightly above his hair mimicking the way i always did with him when we were together.
For a long time..
No saying a word.. Not attempting anything else.
Realising that all what Eliyas Filladi had in his intention was simply to seek comfort wordlessly,
I suddenly started to wonder how life was for him in those years when i didn't see him.
And for a flash selfless unintended moment, i wondered.. How bad was it for him to lose our son as well?
The IV bag finally was empty, putting an end to everything.
i hushed looking at Eliyas's buried head:
_"help me call the nurse to take off the needle"
I felt his whole body going stiff after i finished talking.. And his hand held mine even tighter.
As if refusing to let go of the moment.
In a matter of seconds.. He relaxed again, and let go of my hand.
He sat properly on the bed .. Put on his shoes and fixed his outfit, then went out of the room to call the nurse.
This is how Eliyas Filladi had always coped with life.
He'd be weak for a moment .. And gain tremendous strength and coldness in the next.
Few moments later.. He came back inside the room with the nurse.
She extracted the needle from my forearm, and said that i was free to go.
I put on my coat again.. Pulled my hair out from the collar and was about to dismiss my self when Eliyas suddenly suggested:
_" you don't need to go back to your work today, i'll drive you home"