I knew it was long past that time when I did awake. I knew it from the sweet red taste, the warm feeling as it dripped down my chin, my jaw clenched around her neck, her weight on me as she doubled over, partly limp. I shouldn't have let her go, but I did. Even in this state, I could not bear to suck her dry. It felt like a wave of warmth coming over me as the blood slipped down my throat. My body stilled, my eyelids felt light, my limbs floated above the bed instead of sunk deep into it like a scared animal burrowing a shelter, and my head, cleared like a wave had swept all the clutter away. When I opened my eyes, the figures before me were clear, and so godly pale looked Rosetta before me.
She looked like a skeleton, her blue eyes hollow and dull, even her black hair had no shine, and beneath her eyes there were puffy bags of purple veins. Had she always looked like that? Had I looked like that all this time? But wasn't I skipping over something, something major, something I could see clearly now. If she had done what she must of done, and I was truly punishing her with my coldness and banishment, she would not be able to let me drink, and furthermore drink more than I should have been allotted, for now she was swaying, back and forth like an old tree in the wind. I could almost hear the wood crackling and the trunk screeching as she bent. How long would it be until she fell?
But that statement, contradicted itself greatly. For she had let me drink, so it could not be an impossibility. God, if there are two options, and only one can be true, and one is proven true, the other is false. She let me drink. Then, she had done nothing. I saw her eyes search my face franticly as I came upon it, ripping through the strands of my eyes to pull apart their red hugue, and see what lay beneath. And when she spoke, I felt perhaps I had never heard her speak ever before.
"The girl who had never even done much of anything with her own betrothed, never touched a man, pregnant with a child. And here I was being yelled at for treason, betrayal, infidelity, and I understood better than anyone what it looked like. It looked like I had gone off and cheated on the Queen of my own country, my own fiancé. But I hadn't, and I knew no one would believe that. Not knowing what to do, my life in shambles, my hormones a mess, and a country chanting for my death, I sketched out a letter to the only people I was confident would keep it and fled." Her arms flung up as she turned, restless to pace, but unable to walk from her spot, for lack of energy.
"It took me years to forgive those I had poisoned to get away. I managed finally, but it did nothing to lighten the stains that coated me from the experience. I might not have cheated on my bride, but I had condemned many of my family to suffering, left my Queen in shambles, and wrecked her reputation. And here I was being selfish and wanting to run back to her, wishing she might hold me again, but I had soiled my body with the labor of normalizing the child of a mystery. How can I hand my own filthy being back to you and expect you to treat me as you once had, even if I have not betrayed you?" Her head dropped and I watched a crystal tear fall to the carpet.
I stood and took her in my arms, if only to prevent her from falling. Never had I realized she was this much shorter than me than when she looked away from me, her blur eyes guarded by the loose black hair upon her head. It fell on her forehead. I wanted more than anything to brush it away. I don't deserve her, and she deserves so much better than me, but she doesn't think that, and I've taken plenty which I have not deserved before. Could I just maybe, take one more little gem from the world's treasure chest? It was the prettiest of the gems, but no one else was going to grab it. But I could not, not with all those other gems balanced atop her.
"So it was all my fault?"
"No, it's my fault. I chose to let my body fall as provider of my child's wellbeing, I chose to stay silent and sane, I chose to come back. It's all my fault."
"And I chose to banish you from me, I chose to let you slip through my fingers into the harsh hands of the world, when you had done nothing to deserve it. Oh my god, you did nothing to deserve it. It took the world four thousand years to create a rauzire good enough, just to throw you out. Do I have to wait another four thousand? You know I can't do that, not even in death, I can't. No amount of anyone's blood could wake me from the sleep that lurks beneath my lids now."
"I'm sorry." She was crying now, tears sparkling on the lashes of her big blue eyes, they swam like the ocean, as she sobbed, her chin contorted into deep furrows by her frown. "I'm sorry I failed you, wrecked my own potential, did all I did, and if I had a chance I would go back, do it all again, I would, but nothing would change.I'm sorry Mine. Sorry because I fought for this and now I'm not able to run. Sorry, because of so many things. I'm sorry." Her words were muddled by her tears, but they broke my head all the same. I felt my shell shatter like fools gold struck with a hammer. Perhaps my reign was already over. Perhaps, I just couldn't find it in me to care.
"No. Stop it. Just turn right around and stop it, because we both know I don't want sorry. Just drop it all, everything that happened. Don't you get it Rose," I said, bringing my boney hand up to tilt up her chin, forcing her to look at me with her big blue eyes. She didn't even wince at the cold harsh texture of the white porous bone."If I had to choose today, between loosing you again and planting a knee to this carpet and returning the ring I gave you fifty years ago, I would snatch that ring from Elly's hand so quick she wouldn't even know what hit her. Because it's yours. I won't wait another four thousand years just to find a bride only half as good and still find I'm missing you. I won't even make it that long without you."
I bent down and kissed her gawking mouth, tilting to the side and deepening the kiss. For a moment, she did nothing, but then, perhaps out of pure instinct, even pure hunger, she kissed back, rising on her tiptoes to meet my lips. We stood like that for as long as we could, only parting finally for air, and the departure, even then, was bittersweet. God I had I missed her lips, I had missed the rest of her, but those lips I must have missed more than I knew. I looked down on her tearstained face and saw it's color a little bit restored, and with my thumb I wiped the droplets of blood from the wounds on her neck.
"Sorry I," I began, realizing the suddenness of the transition.
"No," She said, pushing me away a little, "I don't want sorry either, but I can't let you do this. You'll wreck your reputation, everything you've worked for, and I'm not what I used to be. You don't love me anymore, trust me." I felt the weakness of her words as she pleaded with me.
"Perhaps my reign is over, perhaps it was a long time ago." I said. "I never wanted to rule this long, it's the whole reason I've gotten so bad off. I expected it would take only a couple generations, half a millennium at most, to find a spouse and raise another heir. But I had to wait four millennium until I found anyone suitable, and only now do I realized you were far overqualified. I'm not the Queen I once was, Rose. If you were that girl today, you would be useless to me."
"What are you going to do?" She asked, her fists clenched nervously.
"I cannot rest without a wife, and as things stand, you are the only one around. If I know one thing you will not do, even if you would do it for yourself in a heartbeat, you will not deny me peace. I don't know what I'll do." I felt my voice fading as the idea took hold of me. It really was all my fault. She had done nothing wrong, and gone through all that, just to get here and listen to me drill her each day about what she had not even done.
"I'm dirty Mortemine, you can't, it's bad enough you already kissed me, I'll go. There are others, you just haven't seen them. That Heather Morbum girl is pretty, go elsewhere." She wouldn't meet my eyes as she said it, her drooped head looked pallid like a plant sprouted from the cracks of a lightless cellar. I didn't deserve her, but she deserved all the world in her hands, and I knew of only one way to give it to her. I had changed a lot the first time around, perhaps I could change further this time.
"You're dirty?" I laughed, raising her head in shock. "You're talking to the woman who used to bathe in the blood of her enemies. I made my daughter shoot her lover, a family kill of their children for millennium, even fooled a boy into marriage just to start a revolution. By golly Rose, if I had not sold my body somewhere down the line, I would not be here today. You didn't even think to consider I might not have enjoyed half the species at all, I played my husband like a puppet and my superiors like violins. The moment I got to the top I changed my strategy from bribed by sex to threatened with death, and I stand here today with the same body that bore their nail marks to many centuries ago.
You even died Rose, if anything, you're cleaner than me. You've got a new skin, this body has touched no one, and I swear to you if you intend to argue for your mind I'll throw you a fit like a toddler. If you are guilty, I was guillotined millennia ago. If you are dirty, I am made of grime. If you are unwanted, I ought to go out and find my own lynch, for it would not take but seconds for someone else to do it for me."
"Stop." She almost shouted, her eyes a little glassy as she looked in my eyes. "If there is one thing you know I cannot stand, it is for you to tear yourself apart like that."
"Then what gives you the right to do the same?" I saw her pupils flood out into the iris of her eyes. "I made the laws here sweetheart, and I've given you no such right." I teased, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her stunned lips. They were soft and supple, the sweet aroma of her on them. She kissed back, her lips a little lazy as I felt the sun rise behind us, it's rays warming my exposed back. I had forgotten I was even wearing the dress until then. With a yawn, I pulled away from Rose and slipped it off my arms, letting the dress fall on the floor. I stepped out of the heap of fabric, settling on the edge of the bed as the sleepy feeling of the morning began to overcome me.
"We ought to get to bed." I said, pulling her over my the sleeve of her own white dress. She walked over like she expected to sleep in it, but I pulled her back again, unbuttoning the back and helping her slip it through the chain still around her waist. "The shier you are about it, the longer it's going to take to get back to normal."
"I know I just," She fumbling with her chain.
"You're just too cute, is what you are." I laughed, taking the end of the chain in my hands, briefly remembering the whole issue with Illy and that girl, before shutting it out completely. This was not their day, I would deal with them tomorrow. I flopped into bed, pulling her with me and resting my hand on her waist, but in shock I raised it to my face to marvel at it. The bony skeleton was gone, replaced completely by the old fleshy hand I knew so well. Little blue and white lights wiggled at the fingertips as the nails rebuilt themselves like sculptures of clay, until the bugs dispersed and fanned out, disappearing in the air. I must have been dreaming, I thought as my hand fell back and my eyelids shut.