I love you.
Veronica's brain felt like a broken record player. This one line had been creeping up on her every fifteen minutes for days. She wanted to find a secluded corner, hide herself, and keep on replaying that moment over and over again.
The world might end tomorrow for all we know. You are loved, Veronica Lovejoy. And this love makes me a better person.
She couldn't stop hearing Chan's voice. The memory brought forth other sensations that made blood rush to her face. She could feel his fingers on her skin, the warm imprints of them. She tried to keep her face neutral as she checked two guests in.
"Room number 504," she said, pulling out the keys. "Here you you. Have a pleasant stay."
I love you. Chan had casually said the words capable of upturning her life. He hadn't said them again since, giving her space to process and think everything through. But his actions spoke louder than words. She could hear it every time they kissed. Could feel it in the silences they shared.
It was out there for her to grab and keep. All she had to do was reach out. It was a scary feeling. Veronica didn't have a lot of experience in this field. The couple of relationships she had never made it to this stage. Love was such a big word. A massive feeling. Something so foreign Veronica wasn't sure how she would even know if she was feeling it.
Was the security and contentment she felt an effect of it? Was her happiness? How could she measure it?
"Veronica?" A voice broke through the cloud of her thoughts.
"Huh?" Her eyes focused on Casey standing before her. "Yeah?"
"Are you okay?" Her best friend asked, squinting her eyes. "You looked lost."
Grabbing her coffee mug, she took a sip only to realize the coffee had gone cold. "Yeah, I am good. Are you done for the day?"
Casey looked at her for a second longer before replying, "Yeah. I have a class at four, and then we have a guest lecturer coming in for a seminar, so I won't be back to help out in the evening."
Veronica nodded. She looked at her best friend and, for a second, felt a pang in her chest. A sense of loss. It was a stupid thought. Veronica was happy with her life. If she was being honest, she had never thought she would make it this far. Have what she had now. But maybe it was the cruelty of life to want more. Want what you can not have. Because Veronica wanted to go to university. She wanted to attend classes and make friends. To talk shit about professors and do assignments at midnight. She wanted to have a degree.
"Have a great day," she said, watching Casey leave. Then a thought struck her. Why couldn't she have it? She had good grades in high school. Good enough to at least try. She could study part-time while working at the inn. It might take her longer, but she could do it.
The thought filled her with hope. She felt like an inflated helium balloon rising in the sky. In the distance, she felt dread creeping along her spine. A feeling that she had been happy for too long and soon something was going to happen to take it away. That she had been sitting at the top of the rollercoaster long enough, and the fall awaiting her was beckoning her forward.
Veronica's phone rang before she could teeter further into the void of her feelings. It was Chan. Her lips were already spreading into a smile as she picked up.
"Hello," she said, carrying the mug of cold coffee back into the kitchen.
"You will not believe where I am standing," Chan replied, his giddiness traveling through the phone.
"You got the keys!"
"Yes," he replied, sounding a little breathless. "I am standing in the living room of my apartment."
Veronica grinned, pouring herself a fresh cup. She had enquired about the empty apartments in her building and found out that one of them was available for rent immediately. Chan had talked to the landlord, and she guessed had paid the deposit today.
"I am so happy for you!" She replied, sipping her coffee. "I will come by soon. I want to see it!"
Putting down the phone, she rushed to Martin's office and asked if she could leave early today. Given that they had no check-ins or check-outs scheduled, Martin relented with a grunt.
On her way, she stopped at the bakery to get something sweet to celebrate Chan's new apartment.
He had gotten the apartment on the floor above hers. She rushed up the stairs as the elevators seemed busy and rang the bell.
The door opened to reveal a grinning Chan. I love you. His words came to her, knocking the breath right out of her lungs.
"Welcome!" He pressed a quick kiss to her lips before ushering her in. The apartment was the exact replica of hers apart from the light blue walls and an extra kitchen cabinet.
"This is so great," Veronica said, looking around the empty place. "Congratulations, Channie."
She knew how big of a step this was for him. Moving out of his parents' place. Leaving his family behind. It could not have been easy. She knew that even though he might not say it out loud, he was a bit scared. Scared of this change. Guilty for moving out.
Walking over to where he stood in the middle of the kitchen, she wrapped her arms around his torso from behind.
"Are you excited?" She asked. The shirt smelled like him, and Veronica resisted the urge to take an audible sniff.
Chan wrapped his fingers around hers. "I- I think this is the most selfish step I have ever taken in my life. And it feels exhilarating."
Veronica smiled. "Oh, before I forget." She walked to grab the bag from the bakery and pulled out two donuts.
"For celebration," she said, placing the donut before Chan's lips and watching him take a bite. "And good luck."
Chan grabbed the donut from her hands and urged her to take the next bite. "Living this close to my girlfriend. I never thought I would get this lucky."
Veronica grinned. I love you. She heard his voice whispering in her head. But she could also feel her own reply stirring in her throat. Urging her to be brave enough.
She cleared her throat. "So, when's your stuff getting here?"
Chan took another bite of the donut. "I borrowed my friend's van, so some of my stuff is downstairs. The rest comes in tomorrow."
Veronica wiped her hands and tied her hair back. "Well, let's go then."
For the next two hours, they carried bags of Chan's personal belongings upstairs. As Chan arranged his wardrobe, Veronica put the crockery and glassware into respective cabinets.
Her mind wandered back to what she had thought at the inn. Of going to university. Getting a degree. The more she thought about it, the higher the flame of hope rose in her chest. She thought about attending classes, sitting in lectures, getting the opportunity to learn, and the yearning grew in her chest. Was she being selfish? Asking for more when she felt so content with her life?
"I am tired," Chan proclaimed, wandering into the kitchen. "Why do I own so many clothes, and how are most of them black?"
"I was wondering," Veronica started, placing the plates on top of each other. She mulled over her words, afraid to say them outloud. But she knew Chan wouldn't shut her down or tell her that she couldn't do this. "I have been thinking about it for a while now. I want to go to university. I want to get a degree."
She waited for Chan's reaction. Watched as his lips split into a wide grin as he rushed forward and hugged her, almost lifting her off her feet.
"This is so amazing," he said, putting her back down. "I know you can do it! I can get you a brochure from the campus tomorrow."
She knew she could do it. But it felt nice to have another person believing in her. Cheering her on. "I- I haven't figured out the logistics of it, but this is something I genuinely want."
He reached out and tucked a loose curl behind her ears. "Then you should go and get it."
His words firmed her decision even further. She would need to talk to Nate and Selena. Explain to them that she wouldn't be skirting any of her duties. But saying it outloud to someone made it feel even more real. Like the dream was within her grasp.
"I am hungry," Veronica said, closing the kitchen cabinet.
"Pizza?"
Veronica agreed. "Pizza."
Chan stepped away to pull his phone out of his pocket when Veronica's mobile started ringing. Picking it up from the counter, she glanced at the caller ID and froze.
Chan must have heard her sharp intake of breath because he lowered his own device and stepped forward.
Veronica didn't need to think twice about the last time her mothet had called her. The answer was pretty clear. Never. So when she read the words 'Mom' flash across her mobile screen, she didn't know what to do.
Her mother didn't call her. Veronica was surprised Helena even had her number. The dread, building up like acid in her chest, made it hard for her to focus. But a part of her brain knew that her mother calling her meant that something was very very wrong with her.
With shaky fingers, she picked up the call. "Hello?" Her voice came out meak.
Veronica didn't hear her mothet reply. She didn't have to. She could hear Eddie's voice roaring in the background. The sound of him breaking something. It was followed by a distant moan. Veronica cut the call and looked up at Chan, who was staring her with wide eyes and a concered expression.
"I need to go home."
Chan didn't need to be told twice. Grabbing his car keys, he was lacing up his shows within seconds. Veronica's heart was beating out of her chest, and she felt her vision swim in front of her eyes.
Digging her nails into the flesh of her palms, she made herself focus. They left the apartment together, and within minutes, she was sitting inside Chan's car rushing through the traffic.
Veronica's brain had gone quiet. She felt numb. She knew she should have been preparing herself mentally to face what she was about to face, but there was no voice inside her head telling her to get her act together. She sat in the car, grabbed her seatbelt for support, and reached the awful realization that the rollercoaster had finally dropped down. That the fall was here.