Chapter 31: CHAPTER 23.5: Secrets and Sincerity

I flew to the pack house. I walked to Sadia’s room in my human form and knocked on the door. “Cade?

So, Lexus is canceling on me?” She sighed. “Again.”

I hated lying. “He’s been getting more work than usual lately.” I walked in. “We’ve been having fun together though right?” I really felt that way.

“We have.” She closed the door behind me and walked to her desk. “It sucks that I’ve been planning the premating ceremony all by myself. Well not all by myself since the queen assigned us someone to help plan but me and Lexus are supposed to be making the big decisions together.”

I walked over to her and saw the wedding planner on her desk. “I can help, I know what Lexus likes.”

Sadia smiled. “Thanks Cade. When me and Lexus are married and mated, I’ll start helping him with his work and we’ll spend a lot of time together again.” That is if Lexus doesn’t try to end things. I pulled up a chair and sat next to her. “Okay I want a huge flashy wedding, I’m so happy I don’t have to hold back, the King and Queen said I can spend as much as I want.”

We looked over something and she showed me what she knew she wanted for sure for the wedding and what she wasn’t so sure about. After half an hour we took a break.

Sadia laughed at a story I told about my time teaching the younger kids in the castle to fly. “You’re the worst teacher ever.” I never realized how much I loved her laugh.

I stood up and moved the chair to the side. “Well, they can fly now, can’t they?” I joked.

Sadia stood up and pushed her chair into the desk. “I’m not sure if they can with the kind of instructions and demonstration you gave them.” She giggled. “Lexus taught me how to fly, if he didn’t, I’m not sure who would have.” We laid down on our back on her carpet floor and stared up at the ceiling.

Sadia broke the silence with something that had obviously been on her mind for a while. “Last night Lydia was asking me what it meant to be a good girlfriend. She’s dating Princess Hannah, so I guess that’s why she wanted to know. We went to go for a late-night run and saw Hannah, Lexus and Aqua not too far from here.” This was news to me “Aqua was there because she was using her abilities for Hannah but I’m not sure why Lexus was with them. They just happen to both be up that late? He said Hannah needed their help, but Hannah didn’t need anything from Lexus. It’s not like he’s usually there for Hannah. He’s so closed off from everyone, even here so why would he go out of his way?”

I would feel stupid coming up with an excuse for him when I know he’s cheating with Aqua. “Lexus is hard to understand sometimes.”

“When I was talking to Lydia about what it means to be a good girlfriend, I wasn’t sure if I was a good one. Lexus isn’t the one who needs me, I need him. I’m not sure what I’m really offering him.”

I scoffed. “You’re good to Lexus Sadia. Even if he didn’t see that it wouldn’t change who you are.” If Vella was anything like Sadia maybe things wouldn’t have ended the way, they did. “You’re full of life and a caring person.”

“Maybe Lexus just thinks I only want to be Queen. Where’s the substance in that? After he proposed I went on and about myself and how excited I was to be the future Queen,” She explained with worry.

“I wouldn’t hold that against you. It’s not like you were in a relationship to begin with. You lived your life at a low status in this pack. Sure, you’re the strongest female but they don’t take you seriously as a pack member. When you become Queen, you’ll be accepted and so much will change for you.” I sat up and looked down at her. “Do you really love Lexus, or do you love what he can do for you?”

Sadia looked away. “You’re creating your own narrative… I’ve loved Lexus for years.”

“Because he was the only guy to care about you?”

She sat up and turned her back to me. “No Cade, I love Lexus because of who he is.”

I was only pushing so hard because it bothered me that she convinced herself that she loved someone who didn’t love her. This was the closest thing we’ve ever had to a fight. “Okay fine, what if there were another guy who wanted to be with you? One who connected with you more. Would you have wished you waited instead of being with the first guy who liked you?”

She didn’t say anything for a while. “Maybe you should leave Cade. I’m gonna go find Tam or Calvin to hang out with. You’re only here because Lexus sent you anyway.”

I stood up. “If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be, I’d be working like I’m supposed to be. I hope you have fun being Queen.” I liked Sadia; it was hard to admit to myself because that just makes the situation more complicated. I might have made my feelings obvious to her, but she won’t acknowledge them because she wants the life Lexus can give her and I can’t. I’ve had feelings for her for a since we started hanging out. Maybe that’s why it was so easy to break up with Vella. Vella wasn’t the same person anymore; it was like she was constantly guilty or something. My instincts told me to end things.

I didn’t want to acknowledge my feelings for Sadia until now because I felt bad about liking my best friend's fiancée. I didn’t think it could go anywhere. I don’t feel bad about it anymore because he’s the one sleeping my sister and cheating. Sadia was still out of my reach because I couldn’t give her what Lexus could.