Chapter 25: The Devil’s Reward: Chapter 24

My stomach is jumping as I sense Shadow following behind me. I don’t know what possessed me to message him, but when I saw the flashing lights and walked down the street to see what happened, well, the only thing I could think of was making sure that Macy and I are safe. Which made me immediately think of Shadow and his security company.

Now, he’s here in my house, looking in every room, and I’m silently freaking out. It’s not fair that he’s so damn hot. How can a man look so damn near perfect after a full day of work? I look like a wreck, and I have to fight back a cringe. No make-up, old clothes, and my hair is a mess.

I won’t be surprised if he cancels our date before he leaves.

When we reach the kitchen, I hand him a pen and pad of paper. He sits down at the table, and I force myself to sit down next to him while he starts writing. This close to him, I can smell the addictive scent of his aftershave, and feel the heat coming off his body. His cut covers his shoulders and back, but it shows off the broadness of his frame and the way his black shirt cuts off mid-bicep. Not to mention, his biceps are far bigger close up than I imagined.

I curl my fingers into fists on my lap to keep from reaching out to touch him. Instead, I force myself to look at the paper he’s writing on. When he finishes, he turns it towards me, and his gaze snags mine. “This is the cost of the system, including the install.”

I look at it but frown when I quickly realize there is no way the cost is right. It’s far cheaper than what I would think it would cost for a system, even one this simple. I look at him carefully. “I think you’re trying to be overly nice and not charge me full price,” I say, forcing myself to hold his gaze.

He shrugs. “Perks of being the boss. It’s within the ballpark of what you’d pay with another company, but since I’ll handle the installation myself, you’ll be saving on the labor. We also arrange monthly payments, so you don’t have to pay upfront either,” he adds.

Why do I feel like he’s still not being completely straight with me? But still, it’s a really good deal, and I can afford a monthly payment at that price. I look back up at him and see him watching me. I try hard to fight back the blush, but it comes anyway. “Okay, well, I think I should go ahead and get it then,” I tell him, looking away and refusing to meet his eyes.

I’m about to become a bumbling idiot if he doesn’t stop looking at me. I can feel it rising in my throat, and I swallow hard to keep it down.

“Alright, I’ll get it in the works,” he says easily. He’s quiet for a moment but doesn’t get up to leave. I look over at him quickly and his eyes still haven’t moved away from me. “Are you scared of me, Quinn?” he asks, quietly, seriously.

My head jerks up and I stare at him wide-eyed. “No!” I gasp in shock. Oh my God, is that what he’s been thinking? “I’m so sorry, Shadow,” I rush out. “I, uh, well, I, ummm, I’m shy. Really shy, and I just can’t seem to make it stop.” It’s a lame excuse, but it’s the best I can come up with right now. The last thing I ever want him to think is that I’m afraid of him. I lower my head again, my face a furious red.

His hand comes up and his finger rests under my chin, lifting my head to look at him. His eyes are gentle, but direct on mine. The feel of him touching me sends my senses whirling. “Don’t be shy with me, Quinn,” he tells me quietly.

“Then you need to stop being so sexy,” I blurt out. My eyes widen as I realize what I just said. I close them and pull away from him, putting my head in my hands even as he chuckles. “Can we pretend I didn’t say that?” I plead, my voice slightly muffled.

“Afraid not,” he says, making me groan.

I lower my hands and peek up at him, finding him smiling at me. I sigh. “You really should know that I’m not the best conversationalist, and I tend to blurt things out when I get nervous.”

“Just makes things more interesting. Quinn, I like you as you are, or I wouldn’t have asked you out in the first place.”

“Yeah, I still don’t know why you did. I mean, most guys don’t fantasize about dating single mothers with daughters who con them out of snacks,” I joke lightly.

He smirks at me. “Guys are odd creatures, so it’s possible.” I laugh softly. He’s quiet for a moment. “But in actuality, I want to take you out because I can’t stop thinking about you.”

I stare at him in shock, unable to fully process his words for a couple of long, silent moments. He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about me? Really?

“Why?” I whisper. “There’s nothing special about me.”

His mouth pulls down into a frown. “Anyone who’s made you believe that is an asshole. And I can’t stop thinking about you because we have chemistry.” Something flashes in his eyes, but it’s gone too quickly for me to place it. “I want to know everything about you.”

I take a deep breath because my head feels like it’s going to explode. Is this dangerously attractive man seriously telling this? Talking to this way? I can’t remember any man, ever, saying something like this. Hell, Bobby’s idea of romance was to tell me how much he liked my ass, or to squeeze my boobs as he walked by. “I… I don’t know what to say. I feel the chemistry with you too, but that doesn’t mean we’re compatible.”

“You’re right,” he agrees. “But we won’t know until we try. Which means I’m taking you and the little grifter out for dinner tomorrow, and we’re going to get to know each other.”

“And if we decide we have nothing in common?” I ask nervously.

“Then we keep things casual and professional,” he replies after a moment. “Though something tells me it’s not going to end up that way, Quinn. But I’m not an easy man either. I’ve seen and done too much. I’m never going to be a nine-to-five guy, who wears suits and brings you home flowers and writes sonnets. Okay, I’ll probably bring you flowers, but everything else, forget it,” he jokes with a slight smile.

“I don’t need flowers. You said you were in the service?” I ask curiously. That seems like a safer topic. Otherwise, I’m just going to melt into a puddle on the floor.

He nods. “I was in the Special Forces until I was medically discharged eight years ago.” He pauses, almost like he’s debating on what else to ask, but I have a feeling I know what’s coming. “Was Macy’s father in the Army? I saw the picture in her bedroom.”

It’s always a blow when Bobby comes up in conversation. Especially with someone I barely know. It’s an even harder blow when it’s coming from a man that says he’s interested in me. I swallow hard and tell him lamely, “He was. He died just after Macy was born.”

“I’m sorry, Quinn,” he says quietly, reaching out to touch my arm.

I shrug. “It was a long time ago, and I’ve learned to not dwell on it.” Or think about it at all. Nothing good will come out of it and I don’t need to dump that on Shadow tonight. That will certainly send him running for the hills.

“How did he die?” he asks quietly. “Killed in action?”

I swallow hard. How do I answer that question? There are so many pieces to it, but maybe if I tell him, he’ll understand why we probably won’t work. But do I want him to know that part of my history? Of our life? I mean, I barely know him, and I’m about ready to divulge something that no one outside my family, the US military, and probably the President, knows.

“You don’t have to tell me if it’s too painful,” Shadow says quietly, putting his hand over mine in my lap. The feel of his hand is so warm, and yet odd. I can’t remember the last time a man, other than my father, held my hand so gently. Even at work, when men come in to see me, I either get a firm handshake or they avoid touching me completely.

“It is painful,” I tell him, lifting my eyes to him. “I’ll tell you if you want to know, but it’s not pretty. And I need you to promise me that you will never say anything to Macy.”

“I promise.” His gaze is direct and I take a deep breath, looking past him as I tell him my story.

“I met Bobby while I was in college. He was already in the military, and we had this whirlwind courtship. I loved him, and he was good to me. I didn’t mind him being away on deployment because I had my family and I was busy with school. I’m not a social person, so him being away wasn’t hard for me like it is for other military wives, and Bobby didn’t have to worry about me cheating like some of his friend’s wives and girlfriends.

“We got married after a year, almost immediately after he came home from his third deployment. He was gone again within six months, and I kept working on getting my degree in social work. I originally thought about being a teacher, but then I went to the base and met some of the people there, saw the number of Vets that came home with nowhere to go, no one to welcome them back, and I wanted to help. So I spoke to one of the people on base and they suggested social work as a career with a specialty in military discharge support.

“Bobby was pleased that I was going to be doing something that could eventually benefit him and his team. Told everyone that he deployed with to see me if they wanted to get out, that I would help them.” I give Shadow a bitter smile. “Didn’t matter that I had no idea what I was doing, I was going to be the one to get it done. Then he came home, this time for eight months. It was fine at first, but I got pregnant soon after he got back.

“You’d think he would be happy, but Bobby decided he didn’t want kids. That he wanted me to himself, and the freedom to come and go as he pleased. I was devastated, and that was the beginning of the end, I think. He wasn’t the man I married anymore. He was cold, distant, and always wanted to be out with his friends instead of staying home with me. I thought maybe something happened overseas, something he couldn’t talk about because it was classified. I tried to support him as best I could, but I was so sick in my first trimester that there were times I could barely get out of bed.”

Shadow’s eyes are stormy. “Did he at least help you when you were sick?” he asks quietly.

I shake my head. “He never said anything, but he would glare at me a lot, especially when I was throwing up and constantly exhausted.”

“Did he ever hurt you, Quinn?” he asks, his voice calm, but I can hear the danger lurking underneath. Like he’s ready to go and dig up my husband, bring him back, and beat him bloody if he did. It’s a heady thought.

“Words hurt more than fists,” I say sadly. “He never raised a hand to me, but he would make comments about my weight once I started showing, tell me I was lazy and I couldn’t do anything right because I couldn’t bend over anymore, or when I would get sick from certain smells. He was nice when people were around, but once we were alone, it was different.”

“Sorry, Quinn, but he sounds like a real bastard,” Shadow growls.

I nod. “He was. I got tired of it around month seven. My ankles were so swollen. I’d just graduated from school with my degree, and he only showed up because it was expected. He was pissed he had to come to my graduation because his buddies were going out golfing and my ceremony meant he couldn’t go. I told him he needed to suck it up and be there for me like I had been for him. We got into a fight, and I left and stayed with my parents for the night. They said if I wanted to leave, they would always have space for me and the baby. The next day, after spending a night thinking about everything that happened, Bobby told me they were shipping him out early for another tour. I hate to say it, but I was relieved.”

“Nothing to be sorry about. Sounds like he did you a favor.”

I give him a sad smile. “I knew he wouldn’t be home for the birth, and that was okay. He didn’t want to be there anyway, and I am not one of those people who hoped once he saw her he would change his mind. I talked to my parents and I told them that after the baby was born, I would file for divorce. I didn’t want Macy to grow up in a home where she wasn’t wanted. Before he left, he said some mean things that really hurt, but I just let it go. I knew I wasn’t going to have to put up with him for too much longer. Then, just a few weeks after she was born, two Officers showed up at the door of the apartment and I knew he was gone.”

Shadow scooches his chair closer to me and holds my hand tighter. “I hope you’re not beating yourself up about how things ended, Quinn,” he admonishes. “You know none of it was your fault.”

I give him a brittle smile. “But that wasn’t the end, only the start of my nightmare,” I whisper. His brow furrows in confusion. I guess it’s time to tell him the truth, and I stiffen my shoulders before I start. Being a former soldier, he’ll understand why this is hard. Maybe that’s why I feel comfortable telling him. “It turns out, Bobby wasn’t killed in action as they originally told me. About a week later, I received a message from one of his buddies, and with it was a picture.

“It was a suicide note from Bobby. A note the government never wanted me to see. The note explained that the reason he killed himself was that he got in too deep, selling American secrets and technology to the enemy.” Shadow hisses out a breath. “I was in shock. It made no sense. Apparently, the note fell under his bed so it was missed when they found him. He killed himself in the barracks while everyone was out doing patrols and he stayed back to do some paperwork. He hung himself because he didn’t want to call attention to himself with a gunshot.”

“He told you that in the letter?” Shadow asks tightly.

I nod. My eyes grow wet as I remember reading it. The horror I felt. The horror I still feel. “He said that he was sorry because it would mean I wouldn’t get any of his benefits once they found out the truth, but that I had my family to help me. Said that he hoped his kid would be okay, but that it was my job to see to it. Told me that hopefully I would find a man who would put up with me being a quiet mouse with no personality, but I was pretty enough, so it shouldn’t be too much of a hardship.” The words are sour in my mouth and I have to stop and take a deep breath.

Shadow takes advantage of my silence, lifts off his chair slightly, and then scoops me up in his arms, making me squeak in surprise as I instinctively wrap my arms around his neck to steady myself as he sits back down, me in his lap, and holds me tight against him. I’m too shocked to say anything, but I quickly drop my arms, clasping my hands in my lap.

Oh. My. God. I’m sitting on Shadow’s lap.

I can feel the firmness of his thighs under my butt, even through my yoga pants and his jeans. His chest and arms are equally solid, and I have to hold myself still to keep from burying my face in his neck to breathe him in deep.

“I’m so sorry, gorgeous,” Shadow murmurs, holding me close, hand moving up and down my back soothingly. His face is close to mine and I look into his eyes, my own wide and my face aflame. “Fuck, I wish he was still alive, I’d kill him myself for saying that shit to you. For doing that to you.”

“It was hard,” I murmur. “Especially once the note was given to his commanders. They showed up at my apartment, pissed that I knew about the letter, but since it was addressed to me, there wasn’t much they could do. They demanded to search the apartment, but since it wasn’t on base, they had no jurisdiction. I had already searched, and I found all kinds of things Bobby hid in the apartment. He kept a secret safe in the ceiling, some things in old coffee cans at the back of the cupboards, and even a little book of all his contacts, their names, what he gave them, and what he was paid in return. That one, he hid in Macy’s room. Under her crib mattress. He must have hid it before he left, because I had only just set up the nursery days before he did. And I only found the book by accident when I had to change the sheets after she had an explosion.”

“Fucker,” he snarls, jaw clenching.

I nod. “I probably could have forgiven him eventually, but after that, after he used her nursery that way to hide his dirty secrets, I knew it would never happen. So I gave them everything I had found and told them if they needed to do a full search, they would have to come back with a warrant. Being a civilian, their hands were tied, and they knew it. They were not happy and tried to get me to sign all kinds of non-disclosure agreements, but I refused.

“From there it was a year of heartache, with them serving me warrant after warrant to check our apartment for more hidden objects. They never found any. I thought about moving, but I didn’t have the strength. I was dealing with the government, the military, the police, and a newborn while trying to start a new career. Finally, my family hired a lawyer since I didn’t have the funds, and they handled everything. By that point, though, the damage was done. My husband was known as a traitor, so I was one by association. His buddies were constantly telling me it was my fault. That I drove him to it with my nagging. That if I had aborted my baby he wouldn’t have been pissed enough to betray his country and off himself.”

“Fucking assholes,” Shadow snarls. He’s truly pissed now.

I nod. “I’d have never made it without my family. I finally moved away, because I knew if I didn’t, it wouldn’t stop. Every once in a while I’ll get messages, but I ignore them. The military swept it under the rug, kept his benefits, and finally left me alone, but not before making me question everything about my life, my marriage, and who I was as a person.” I take a deep breath. “So, yeah, I’m probably not a good bet. I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t want to go out tomorrow. This is a lot to process.”

I hold my breath, waiting for his answer.