Chapter 3: Bound By Hatred: Chapter 2

This wedding was a farce. Aria leaned away from Luca and clutched my hand the moment we sat down. It was obvious how unhappy she was. She was trying so hard to hide it, but for me it was plain as day. Of course nobody gave a shit. It was pretty much standard that the bride was forced into marriage, so unhappiness was a given. Nobody ever asked what we wanted. Nobody ever cared. Not even the other women.

It was then that I made a promise I was determined to keep: I wasn’t going to end in a loveless marriage. I didn’t care if it was my duty or if honor dictated it; nothing in this God-forsaken world could make me marry for anything but love.

Matteo kept glancing my way from across the table, that annoying cocky grin on his face. He’d pretty much ogled me throughout the entire wedding so far. I had to admit he didn’t look too shabby in his light grey vest, white shirt and dress pants. Somehow his tall muscled frame stood out even more dressed up like that. Of course I’d have bitten my tongue off before admitting to anyone that I found Matteo’s looks tolerable, especially when his personality wasn’t anywhere close to being sufferable.

Aria clutched my hand under the table even tighter because of something Luca had said to her. She was oblivious to Matteo’s flirting with me. Oblivious to anything but her distress.

I squeezed her hand but then the dance floor was opened and soon we were ripped apart as Luca led her to their first dance as a married couple. I quickly pushed to my feet, desperate to sneak away toward the bay where I could be alone, but Matteo cornered me at the edge of the dance floor, that same cocky grin on his striking face. Why did the bastard have to look so good?

His dark hair was intentionally messy and his eyes were so dark, they were almost black. It was impossible not to check him out. Of course he was perfectly aware of the effect he had on most women and obviously expected me to fawn over him as well. Hell would freeze over before that happened.

He bowed without taking his eyes off me. “May I have this dance?”

My stomach did a stupid flip at the sight of his grin. He was more easygoing than most Made Men, but I had a feeling that was only a cover up. Maybe he’d perfected the boy-next-door routine, but beneath that a predator was lying in wait, ready to pounce. I wasn’t going to be his prey.

Father watched me from his spot at the table, so I had no choice but to nod in response to Matteo’s question, or risk a huge scene. Not that I would have cared but I didn’t want to add more stress for Aria. She was already on edge.

Matteo took my hand and rested his palm on my lower back, the warmth of his skin seeping through the thin fabric of my dress. My stomach lurched but I forced my face into a mask of boredom. I hated how my body seemed to react to Matteo. If I’d be allowed to interact with other guys, I’d probably be unimpressed by Matteo. Right?

I peered up at him. This close up I could see that his eyes were dark brown with an almost black outer ring. He had thick black lashes and the shadow of stubble ghosted his cheeks and chin. His smile widened and I turned my head away, focusing on the dancing guests around us. Everyone was laughing and smiling, enjoying themselves. From the outside it looked like a marvelous feast. It was easy to be taken in by the mansion’s garden that was decorated to perfection. It was so damn easy to let the breeze drifting over to us from the ocean carry away reality. The unique atmosphere only a place in the Hamptons could offer could convince anyone that life was a dream.

I knew better.

Matteo pulled me even closer, pressing our bodies together so I could feel every inch of muscle as well as the weapons hidden beneath his vest. I squirmed, though part of me wanted to lean in, get closer, and claim his mouth for a kiss. That would have been the scandal of the wedding, no doubt.

Father would blow a gasket. That was almost enough to make me want to do it. Why should girls be forced to wait with their first kiss until they were married? It was ridiculous. I pitied Aria for having to experience her first kiss in front of the entire wedding party. That wouldn’t happen to me. I didn’t care whom I had to bribe to kiss me.

Matteo leaned down, a teasing smile curving his mouth. “You look gorgeous, Gianna. The pissed off look goes really well with your dress.”

Before I could stop myself, a laugh burst out of me. I tried to cover it up with a cough but Matteo didn’t buy it judging from the look on his face. Damn it. I narrowed my eyes – in vain. I decided to ignore Matteo for the rest of our dance, hoping that my body would do the same, but then the bastard started moving his thumb back and forth on my back, and every nerve ending in me seemed to jerk to life.

I wanted to kiss him, and not just to spite my father and every other male in our world who thought it was okay to keep women on a leash. I wanted to kiss him because he smelled delicious, and that was exactly the reason why I needed to get away from him quickly.

Sadly, Matteo seemed intent to drive me crazy, because after our first dance he managed to steal two more dances from me, and to my utter annoyance my body didn’t stop reacting to his closeness. I had a feeling he knew, and that was why he kept stroking my back ever so lightly, but I couldn’t ask him to stop without admitting that it was bothering me, and somehow part of me didn’t want him to stop.

It was almost midnight when people started to shout for Luca to bed Aria. She didn’t manage to hide her panic. When she stood and took Luca’s offered hand, her eyes met mine but then Luca was already leading her away, followed by a crowd of shouting men. Anger surged through me. I pushed to my feet, determined to follow and help her. Mother gripped my wrist, jerking me to a stop. “This isn’t your business, Gianna. Sit down.”

I glowered at her. Wasn’t she supposed to protect us? Instead she watched without a flicker of compassion. I wrenched away from her, disgusted by her and everyone around us.

Father stood beside Salvatore Vitiello who shouted something that sounded like “We want to see blood on the sheets, Luca!”

I almost tackled him. What a bastard. New York and its sick traditions. Despite Father’s warning glare, I turned and followed after the men. Luca and Aria were almost at the house, and I had trouble fighting my way through the male guests to get to them. I wasn’t even sure what I was going to do if I reached them. I could hardly pull Aria into our shared bedroom and lock the door. That wouldn’t stop anyone, least of all Luca. That guy was a beast.

A few of the men made lewd comments in my direction but I ignored them, my eyes firmly focused on Aria’s blond head. I’d almost reached the front of the crowd when Aria disappeared into the master bedroom and Luca closed the door. My breath caught, worry and anger taking center-stage in my body.

I was wavering between storming into the bedroom to kick Luca’s ass and run as far away as possible so I didn’t have to hear what was going on behind that door. Most of the male guests were on their way back outside to resume drinking, only Matteo, who was shouting disgusting suggestions through the door, and a few younger Made Men from New York were still around. I backed away, knowing there was nothing I could do for Aria, and hating it more than anything else. So often in the past Aria had protected me from Father, and now when she needed protection, I was unable to help her.

I decided to go to my bedroom instead of returning to the party. I wasn’t in the mood to face my parents again. I’d only get into a huge fight with Father, and I really didn’t need that on my plate today. Before I could head down the corridor toward my room, two guys stepped in my way. I didn’t know their names. They weren’t much older than me, maybe eighteen. One of them still sported some baby fat and acne. The other was taller and looked like more of a threat.

I tried to sidestep them but the taller guy blocked my way. “Piss of,” I said, glaring at the two idiots.

“Don’t be a killjoy, Red. I wonder if you are red down there too?” He pointed between my legs.

My lips curled in disgust. As if I hadn’t heard those words before.

The acne guy snorted with laughter. “We could try to find out.”

Suddenly Matteo was there. He gripped the tall guy in a headlock and held a sharp long knife to the guy’s crotch. “Or,” he said in an eerily calm voice. “We could try to find out how long it takes you to bleed out like a pig after I cut your dick off. How does that sound?”

I used the moment to ram my knee into acne guy’s balls. He cried out and dropped to his knees. I probably shouldn’t have enjoyed it as much as I did.

Matteo raised his dark eyebrows at me. “Wanna have a go at this one too?”

I didn’t need to be told twice. Instead I landed a good kick and sent the second guy to his knees as well. Both guys looked up at Matteo with fear-widened eyes, ignoring me completely.

“Fuck off before I decide to cut your throats,” Matteo said.

They scrambled off like dogs with their tales between their legs.

“Do you know them?” I asked.

Matteo sheathed his knife. He didn’t look as drunk as he’d seemed at the party. Maybe it had all been for show. A quick glance around made me realize that we were alone in this part of the house, and from the way my heartbeat quickened and my stomach fluttered, I knew this really wasn’t a good idea.

“They are the kids of two of our soldiers. They aren’t even Made Men yet.”

Inducting them into the mafia probably wouldn’t turn them into nicer human beings. “I could have handled them myself,” I said.

Matteo scanned my body again. “I know.”

That wasn’t the answer I had expected, and I wasn’t entirely sure if he was pulling my leg or not. “It’s funny how you can act like a knight in shining armor one second and the next you’re encouraging your brother to sexually assault my sister.”

“Luca doesn’t need encouragement, believe me.”

“You make me sick. All of this does.” I turned and stalked away but Matteo caught up with me and barred my way with an arm against the wall.

“Your sister will be fine. Luca isn’t cruel to women.”

“Is that supposed to reassure me?”

Matteo shrugged. “I know my brother. Aria won’t get hurt.”

I searched his face. He seemed serious. I wanted to believe him but from what I’d witnessed, Luca was anything but a kind man. He was brutal and cruel and cold.

“I really want to fucking kiss you,” Matteo said in a rough voice, startling me.

My eyes widened. He didn’t move. Just stood in front of me with his arm propped up against the wall and his dark eyes boring into mine. We weren’t engaged, thank God, so speaking to me like that was more than inappropriate. Father would have gone nuts if he’d heard. I should have been anxious, embarrassed at the very least, by his words, but instead I found myself wondering how it would be to kiss someone. The girls in my class had all kissed and done far more already. Only Aria, I and the other girls from mob families were sheltered by bodyguards. How would it be to kiss someone forbidden? To do something a good girl didn’t do?

“Then why don’t you?” I heard myself say. Alarm bells went off in my mind but I ignored them.

This was my choice. If we weren’t who we were, if we hadn’t been born into this screwed up world, if Matteo wasn’t a Made Men and a killer, maybe then I could have fallen for him. If we’d met as two normal people, then maybe we could have become something.

Matteo moved closer to me. For some reason I backed away until I bumped into the wall, but Matteo followed and soon I was trapped between cold stone and his body. “Because there are rules in our world and breaking them has consequences.”

“You don’t seem like a stickler for rules.” I wasn’t sure why I was encouraging him. I didn’t want his attention. I wanted out of this fucked up world and its fucked up people. Getting involved in any way with someone like him would make that impossible.

Matteo smiled darkly. “I’m not.” He reached for my face and slowly raked his fingers through my hair. I shivered at the light touch. I didn’t even like Matteo, right? He was annoying and arrogant and never knew when to shut up.

He’s like you.

But my body wanted more. I grabbed his vest, my fingers crinkling the soft material. “Me neither. I don’t want my first kiss to happen with my husband.”

Matteo let out a quiet laugh and he was so close that I could feel it more than hear it. “This is a bad idea,” he murmured, his lips less than an inch from mine, his eyes dark and devoid of the usual playfulness.

My insides seemed to burn with need. “I don’t care.”

And then Matteo kissed me, lightly at first as if he wasn’t sure if I was being serious. I tugged at his vest, wanting him to stop being careful, and Matteo crushed his body to mine, his tongue slipping between my lips, tangling with mine, giving me no time to wonder what I was doing. He tasted of whiskey and something sweeter, like the most delicious whiskey truffle I could imagine. His body radiated heat and strength. His hand cupped the back of my neck as his mouth set my body alight with need.

God, no wonder Father didn’t want us to be around men. Now that I knew how good kissing felt, I never wanted to stop doing it.

There was a gasp, and Matteo and I pulled apart. I was still dazed when my eyes settled on my sister Lily who stood frozen in the hallway, probably on her way to her room. Her eyes were wide. “Sorry!” she blurted, then took a few hesitant steps in our direction. “Does this mean you’re going to marry?”

I snorted. “No, it doesn’t. I won’t marry him. This means nothing.”

Matteo shot me a look, and I almost felt bad for my rude words, but it was the truth. I had no intention of marrying a Made Men, no matter how good he could kiss, or how much he could make me laugh. The men in our world were killers and torturers. They weren’t good men, they weren’t even decent men. They were bad, rotten to the core. Nothing could change that. Maybe they occasionally managed to imitate normal guys, especially Matteo had that act down to a T, but in the end it was only a mask.

Matteo turned to Lily. “Don’t tell anyone what you saw, okay?”

I slipped away from him, needing to bring some distance between us. How could I have let him kiss me? Maybe I was lucky and he was more intoxicated than he let on. Maybe he wouldn’t remember a thing tomorrow morning.

“Okay,” Lily said with a shy smile.

Matteo gave me a knowing look before he walked past Lily and turned the corner. The moment he was gone, Lily rushed toward me. “You kissed him!”

“Shhh,” I said as we walked down the hall.

“Can I sleep in your room tonight? I told Mother I could.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“How was it?” she asked in a hushed whisper. “The kiss I mean.”

At first I wanted to lie but then I opted for the truth. “Amazing.”

Lily giggled and followed me into my room. “So are you going to kiss him again?”

I wanted to, but I knew it would be a majorly bad idea. I didn’t want to give him any ideas. “No. I won’t ever kiss Matteo again.”

I should have known that it wouldn’t end that easily.

***

The next day, a couple of hours before my family had to leave for Chicago, Matteo caught me alone in front of my bedroom. He didn’t try to kiss me but he stood very close. It would have been easy to bridge the distance between us, to grab his shirt and pull him against me. Instead I put my guards in place and glared. “What do you want?”

Matteo clucked his tongue. “Last night when we were alone you didn’t give me the cold shoulder.”

“I’d hoped you were too drunk to remember.”

“Sorry to disappoint.” If he didn’t stop smiling that arrogant smile I’d wring his neck, or kiss him, I hadn’t decided yet. Choice number one was the better option, no doubt.

“It was a one time thing. It didn’t mean anything. I still don’t like you. I only did it because I wanted to do something forbidden.”

“There are plenty of other forbidden things we could do,” he murmured, stepping closer and enveloping me with his scent.

“No, thanks.”

“Why? Losing your courage? I could ask your father for your hand in marriage if you’re tired of forbidden things.”

“Right,” I said sarcastically. “I will never marry you, that’s a promise. And now that Aria’s already trapped in New York, Father wouldn’t send me away anyway.”

Matteo smiled. “If you say so.”

His overconfidence made me snap. I jabbed my finger against his chest. “You think you’re irresistible, don’t you? But you aren’t. You and Luca and every other man in the fucking mafia think you are oh-so-great. Let me tell you something: if you weren’t fucking rich and didn’t carry a fucking gun wherever you went, you wouldn’t be better than anyone else out there.”

“I’d still be good-looking and I could still kill most of the wimps out there with my bare hands. What about you, Gianna? What would you be without the protection of your family and the money of your father?”

I sucked in a deep breath. Yes, what would I be without all that? Nothing. I’d never had to do anything by myself, never had been allowed to do so, but not for lack of wanting. “Free.”

Matteo laughed. “You won’t ever be free. None of us are. We are all caged in by the rules of our world.”

That’s why I want out of this world.

“Maybe. But a marriage to you won’t ever be my cage.” I stalked off, not giving him another chance for a comeback.