Chapter 12: Bound By Hatred: Chapter 11

After my lip was taken care of, Aria and I were allowed to go to my old room while the men discussed how to proceed with the wedding. Two bodyguards were ordered to keep watch on me. One waited in front of the door, the other below my window, in case I decided to climb out of it. The moment the door of my room closed I leaned against it and let out a shaky sigh.

Aria touched my cheek. “How’s your lip?”

“Okay. Matteo stitched it up for me.”

“I’m so glad he decided to marry you.”

My eyebrows shot up. “Not you too, Aria.”

Aria pulled me toward the bed and made me sit down. “Father would have given you to one of his soldiers as punishment, Gianna. And you can be sure he would have chosen the least appealing option. Someone really nasty. He’s really mad at you. Matteo isn’t a bad choice. He must care for you if he went to such great length to find you.”

“He’s a proud man. Pride made him pursue me, nothing else.”

“Maybe,” she said uncertainly. She picked up a brush from the nightstand. Everything was still as I’d left it six months ago. I was surprised Father hadn’t burnt all of my things. I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. It was almost seven in the evening. It would have been past midnight in Germany. I couldn’t believe how much had happened since I’d woken in Munich this morning.

“Was it worth it?” Aria asked softly as she combed my hair. I couldn’t remember the last time she’d done it. Her fingers felt good on my scalp and I had to resist the urge to burry my face against her stomach and cry.

I met her compassionate gaze, and for some reason her understanding infuriated me. “Was the chance at freedom worth pissing off Father and being called a whore and slut? Yes, absolutely. But was my silly wish for something more worth the life of an innocent guy? Then fuck no. My entire existence isn’t worth that much. Sid paid the ultimate price for my selfishness. There is nothing I can do to redeem myself.” Tears sprang into my eyes.

“Luca told me,” Aria said. “I’m so sorry.”

I brushed the tears off my face. “Maybe I should let Father marry me off to one of his sadist soldiers. It would serve me right.”

“Don’t say that, Gianna. You deserve happiness as much as anyone. You couldn’t have known what would happen. It’s not your fault that they killed Sid.”

“How can you even say that? Of course it’s my fault. I knew who was hunting me. I knew what Matteo and Father’s men were capable off. I knew I was putting anyone whom I let close at risk. That’s why I never dated any guys in all the other places I stayed. I flirted and kissed, but then I moved on. Your words from long ago always echoed in my mind. That being with another guy when you’re engaged to a man like Luca would mean that guy’s death.”

“I wasn’t talking about you. That’s been a long time ago.”

“But Matteo is just like Luca and I knew that. I knew that he’d kill any guy he would find with me, but I still went out with Sid. I might as well have pulled the trigger myself!”

“No. You didn’t think he’d catch you. You wanted to feel at home and start a new life like you deserved after being on the run for so long. You felt safe and wanted to give love a chance. That’s okay.”

“No. No it isn’t. You don’t get it, Aria. It wasn’t even about love. I didn’t even really have a crush on Sid. I didn’t even like him all that much at the end because he could be a jerk, and that makes it even worse. I risked too much for sloppy kisses and awkward groping, and Sid died because of it.”

“Please don’t blame yourself. Blame Father and his men. Blame Matteo. I don’t care, but don’t blame yourself.”

“Oh, I’m blaming all of them, don’t worry, but that doesn’t change that without me, Sid would still be playing his crappy guitar and flirt with Munich girls.”

“You can’t change the past, Gianna, but you can make the best of your future.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “I missed your optimism.” I rested my head in her lap and closed my eyes. “I missed you so much.”

She stroked my hair. “I missed you too. I’m so happy that you’ll live in New York with me.”

“First I have to marry Matteo. How am I going to be a wife, Aria?”

“He and Luca work a lot. You won’t have to see him very often.”

“But still. I’ll have to sleep with him and share a bed with him and try to be civil to him for God-knows-how long. It’s not like he’ll give me another chance to run.”

“You’re thinking about running again?” she asked in a small voice.

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Maybe it won’t be as bad as you think. Matteo can be funny and he’s good looking, so on a physical level at least it shouldn’t be too bad. I’m sure he’s a good lover considering how many girls he’s had in the past.”

I cringed. “Right. If we return to New York tonight, he’ll probably expect to sleep with me.”

Aria searched my face. “Are you worried he’ll let his anger out on you for sleeping with other guys before him?”

“I never did.”

Aria blinked. “You never did what?”

“I never slept with any guy. I would have if I’d had a bit more time to get to know a guy but that was never the case.”

“Why didn’t you say anything? Father treated you horribly. Maybe he would forgive you if you told him the truth.” She moved as if she wanted to head downstairs to tell him herself, but I pulled her back down on the bed.

“Don’t,” I said firmly. “I don’t want anyone to know. I don’t care if they call me a slut. I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing.”

Aria gave me a look that made it clear she thought I’d lost my mind. “You have to tell Matteo at least. You have to.”

“Why? So he can pride himself on being my first? Fuck no. He’s already acting like he’s my savior. It’ll be only worse if he finds out.”

“No, you have to tell him so he can be careful.”

I snorted. “I don’t need him to be careful. I don’t want him to know.”

“Gianna, if your first time is anything like mine you’ll be thanking your lucky stars if Matteo is careful, trust me.”

“I’ll survive.” But Aria’s words were starting to make me nervous.

“That’s ridiculous. If he thinks you’re experienced, he might take you without much preparation. That’ll really hurt.”

I shook my head. “Aria, please. I’ve made my decision. I don’t want Matteo to know. It’s none of his business.”

“What if he finds out anyway? There would have been no way I could have hidden it from Luca.”

“I’m good at hiding pain. Maybe I’ll bite into a pillow.”

Aria laughed. “That sounds like the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.”

Someone knocked. I quickly sat up, my stomach in knots. What if Father and Dante had changed their minds and I was to stay in Chicago?

When the door opened and Mother walked in, I exhaled. She didn’t smile and didn’t try to come closer. She was the image of a perfect Italian wife, always properly dressed, always submissive and polite, and incredibly skilled at hiding bruises whenever Father lost it and slapped her. She was everything I never wanted to become. If Matteo ever slapped me, I’d hit him back, no matter the consequences.

“The priest is on his way. He’ll be here in fifteen minutes. We need to get you ready for the ceremony,” she said matter-of-factly.

My eyes widened. “So soon?”

Mother nodded. “The Vitiellos want to return to New York as soon as possible, which is probably for the best.”

I rose from the bed, then slowly walked toward Mother. “Father will be glad to see me gone.”

‘What about you?’ I wanted to ask but didn’t dare to.

Mother lifted her hand and brushed my cheek for the barest moment before taking a step back. “You shouldn’t have run. You ruined your reputation.”

“I don’t care about my reputation.”

“But you should.” She turned to my wardrobe and opened it. “Now let’s see if there’s a dress you can wear for the ceremony. Of course I wish I could have seen you walk down the aisle in a beautiful white wedding dress.” She sighed. Was she trying to make me feel guilty? Because it was working.

Aria moved to my side and squeezed my shoulder before helping Mother look for a dress. Eventually she chose a backless crème-colored floor-length fitting gown that I’d worn for New Years. Aria helped me with my make-up, though it didn’t hide my fat lip.

“I’ll see if the priest has arrived,” Mother said, before hesitating in the doorway with a wistful expression. She opened her mouth but then turned and closed the door.

I tried not to take it to heart. I’d known my parents and most of the people in my world would condemn me for what I’d done, so why was it hurting so much?

“Do you think Lily and Fabi will be allowed to watch the ceremony?” I asked in a embarrassingly hopeful voice.

“Let me talk to Father. I’m sure I can convince him,” Aria said.

I didn’t protest as she walked out. If someone could convince Father, then it was Aria. I faced the mirror. My eyes were sad and tired. I didn’t look like the blushing happy bride. Not that anyone expected me to. This wasn’t even a real wedding. Despite my best intentions, regret gripped me once again. How could my life have become such a mess? All I’d ever wanted was to be free to make my own decisions. Maybe I would have married Matteo if he’d ever bothered to ask me instead of ordering me to do it. And now I wouldn’t ever get a real wedding or a beautiful dress. I’d always thought I didn’t care about these things but now that they were lost to me I felt saddened.

Aria returned. “It’s time. The priest is waiting in the living room. Fabi and Lily are there too.”

I mustered a smile. “Then let’s get married.”

Even without a wedding gown, Gianna was a fucking sight to behold. The dress hugged her curves; curves I’d take my time exploring when we were back in New York. I couldn’t wait to lay claim to every inch of her body. I’d make her forget everything that was before me.

Gianna met my gaze as if she knew what I was thinking. And I really didn’t bother to hide my want for her. I’d fuck her tonight, no matter how tired and jet-lagged I was. I’d waited too long for this. Gianna stopped beside me and I took her hand. The priest was looking down his nose at her. I couldn’t wait to leave Chicago behind. Not that people in New York would look upon Gianna more kindly, but at least they were too scared of me to show their disdain openly.

Gianna’s hand was cold in mine and she avoided my eyes as the priest spoke the wedding vows. When it was her turn to say ‘I do’ I half expected her to say ‘no’ and I really wasn’t sure what I would have done then but she didn’t. Gianna was a clever girl; she’d hide her hatred for our bond until she was a safe distance away from Chicago and her bastard of a father.

When it was finally time to slip on the wedding ring, she actually shivered. Somehow that annoyed the crap out of me. She should be grateful I wanted her as much as I did. Her stupid actions could have cost her everything. She could at least pretend to be grateful.

“You may kiss the bride,” the priest intoned.

I didn’t hesitate. I cupped her face and pressed my lips against hers. Gianna stiffened, making my blood boil even more. When I pulled back, she met my gaze head-on. She was really intent on provoking me. If she liked to play with fire, fine. I didn’t mind getting burned. I’d walk through flames for her.

***

Less than sixty minutes later we were back in the air on our way to New York. My body was humming with desire as I watched Gianna in her sexy dress. She and Aria huddled together in the last row on the plane.

Luca sank down beside me and handed me a glass of Scotch. I swallowed it in one gulp. “An espresso would be better. I need to be awake.”

Luca followed my gaze toward the girls. “You intend to have your wedding night once you’re home.”

“Damn right.”

“From what I know about Gianna, she probably won’t make it easy for you. What are you going to do if she fights you?”

I hadn’t considered that. In every fantasy I’d had about Gianna, she’d been a willing participant. I wanted her to scream my name in pleasure, wanted to make her wet. Would she really refuse me? “She won’t,” I said with more conviction than I felt.

Luca’s eyes were practically x-raying me. “Nobody would blame you if you took what you wanted against her will. It’s not like she hasn’t already done the deed.”

My hands curled to fists but instead of following my first impulse and punch Luca, I counted to ten in my mind. Luca often said things like that to gauge someone’s reaction. I didn’t think he was being serious. Maybe before Aria I would have doubted him more.

His eyes took in my balled fists, then scanned my face before smirking. “You are like an open book to me.”

“Shut up,” I muttered. My eyes found Aria and Gianna once more. They seemed to have an argument, an unusual sight. I’d never seen the two not getting along.

“What’s that about?” I asked after a moment.

“How should I know?”

“You and Aria are practically soulmates, haven’t you mastered the art of reading each other’s mind yet?”

Luca gave me the finger. “I know your wife will make your life hell, so I’ll cut you some slack.”

“How considerate of you.” I wondered how life would be with Gianna. Today she’d been mostly subdued, except for a few occasions but I had a feeling she’d recover quickly and return to her old snarky self. I hated seeing her quiet side, especially when it meant she was sad about that fucker Sid. I tried to forget the bastard but somehow he’d anchored himself in my brain. And then I couldn’t stop thinking about him with Gianna. How many more guys had seen her naked? Had been in her? I really needed to find out their names and kill them all.

When we finally landed in New York, I was back to being royally pissed again. I barely glanced at Gianna as we took my Porsche Cayenne back to our apartment building. Every time I caught a glimpse of her long leg through the slit in her gown, I almost lost my shit. I needed to get a grip on myself. It didn’t matter what Gianna had done before today. Now she was mine, and if I didn’t put a stopper to my rising wrath, I’d only do something that I’d regret later on.

Matteo had a strange look on his face whenever he glanced my way. I couldn’t really put my finger on it, but somehow it made me nervous. Of course I pretended I didn’t notice anything.

Aria had tried to talk me into telling Matteo the truth throughout the entire duration of our flight, and even now that we were pulling into the underground garage of the apartment building, she was still giving me meaningful looks. I was worried that she’d take it into her own hands to share my secret with Matteo, but she knew I’d see it as a breach of my confidence and so I hoped she’d hold herself back.

Matteo took my hand when I got out of the car and practically dragged me toward the elevator. Aria and Luca had trouble keeping up with our pace. I had a feeling I knew why Matteo was so eager to reach his apartment. We all piled into the elevator. It started moving and Matteo’s dark eyes watched me in the mirror, something hungry and furious gleaming in their depth. The hunger was inexplicable to me. I looked a mess. Shadows under my eyes, fat lip, pale skin.

Maybe I should have felt more anxious, but I only wanted to get this over with. Maybe Matteo would even lose interest in me once he’d had me, though part of me wondered if I’d really be happy if Matteo suddenly started ignoring me.

The elevator stopped with a bling and the sleek doors glided open. Without another word, Matteo pulled me into his apartment. I threw a glance over my shoulder and caught sight of Aria’s worried expression moments before the closing elevator doors hid her from my view. Matteo led me toward a door to our right. I barely had time to take in the modern furniture and stunning view of New York before we rushed into the bedroom and Matteo flung the door shut. The want in his eyes made it clear that he wouldn’t take no for an answer tonight.