People ask me if I'm ok
Of cause I'm not ok
1. The monsters in my head never let me sleep
It gotten to the point I am afraid to fall asleep
Whenever I shut my eyes I see them my friends
The people I love dieing and it's my fault there screams haunt me even when the sun rises there still there
2. My body rejectets itself
Meaning I hate what it has become
Even inch of skin is wrong and disgusting
3. Every word spoken from my mouth is out of place
It's like I'm crying at a wedding
And laughing at a funeral
My words are of of place
And only I understand what is being said
While everyone asked me to repeat the sentence
I just keep getting more and more annoyed with myself
Because I know the people around me don't understand a single word that is spoken from my mouth
4. Every time people question my happiness
I simply smile like nothing is wrong
Because it's easier not explain my pain for them to not understand in the first place
I want to speak and shout what's wrong with me
But my mouth is betrayed by mind thinking it would be safer
To keep quiet and act like everything is fine
5. My brain seems to think that the past is better than the future
That better days have gone by
That I will never have the same amount of fun that I have memories of
I guess I'm scarred of what will happen today
Or I never want tomorrow to happen
6. I honestly believe that I mess up everything and everyone
I believe that people are better off without me
I've always believed it
Even when I'm laughing with them I still feel distant
7. Even in a crowded room filled with people I love I am completely and utterly alone
To me they are half the world away
I'm not in the same room as them I'm far away where they can't see me
In a conversation I am an outsider glancing from room to room trying to find a home
But I know I never will because I can never live in the present
8. I've written so many suicide notes but I don't know how to die
I want to God I want to so badly
But a friend once told that I should live for the girl I love
Because living for me would be to bot live to leave to words and to not come back
So I live just for someone else's pleasure