09 - Chapter Nine - Leno's Point Of View.
Diego threw the glass mug at me. The smoke scent of anger was all
that could be smelt all through our home when I confessed. I ducked
from the first mug but got nailed by the second one. I deserved that
and I knew it. He was livid and I could understand that. He was going to
be so volatile for so long and I had made my bed and I knew now I
could only lay in it.
"Diego, please I did it for you.â
"You did it for yourself. You took advantage of me well I was drunk,â he
screamed punching the wall beside him. He was so fucking angry.
All thought the truth the way he put it made me even more disgusted
with myself. I didn't know it was even possible to feel more disgusted.
Vomit crawled up my throat. I rushed to the bathroom and let it loose.
Diego grabbed me by the hair and pulled me towards the back door of
our home. His next words made me nearly sick again.
"Bad fucking dogs don't get to come into the house until they learn to
behave."
He opened the back door and threw my ass outside. He slammed the
door and you could hear the lock click into place. I could feel his anger
and shock as well as many other emotions flooding through the bond.
His emotions nearly took my breath away. If I was feeling it this bad I
could only imagine how he was actually feeling. The bond was fizzling
with pure anger and it made me want to find a hole somewhere to die
in. Sitting there I was pretty sure freezing to death would be a pretty
peaceful way to go.
Things were going to be horrible from here on out. I knew things were
never going to be what they honestly could have been, but I let my
stupid good intentions get in the way. Now I was going to face the
consequences, no matter how bad they were. The strange thing was, I
could have left the house and just went to my father's but I didn't think
I would be able to even look him in the eyes. He would be so
disappointed in my horrible actions.
After what felt like hours Diego unlocked the door and let me in,
though his face told me how he wished he could have left me outside
to freeze to death. I made a line straight for the stairs and went right to
my room. Closing the door behind me I could hear Diego throwing
more things downstairs. Looking at the calendar on the back of the
door it told me in a week that Dakota and Felix would be home. Many
thoughts filled my head, the scariest one being he would ask the
alpha's to move me from his home. The thing was we were mates yes,
but this was his home, I didn't have any rights to stay here, but also
didnât have any other place to go since I had moved in with Diego. I
mean there was always my father's but I didn't want to have to live with
my father all over again. His life was finally going well for him again.
My stomach rumbled for food once I got warmed up. I quietly walked
down the hall praying he was in his room and not on the main floor.
After tiptoeing into the kitchen it seemed to be Diego free. I let out the
breath I was holding and began to make food for myself. The thought
of him knowing that I was out of my room scared me. I didn't even
want to look him in the face. I didn't think I could even look him in the
face if he forced me too.
Hearing his steps on the stairs made me rush to make my food and go
back to my room. I grabbed the hot cup of cocoa and it was hot. It
dropped out of my hand and hit the floor spraying up my leg. I hissed
in pain and Diego seemed to run into the room then. He grabbed my
arm and tried to pull me towards the bathroom but I screamed for him
not to touch me. The last thing I needed was to look into his eyes, my
guilt was already bad enough now.
"Don't touch you huh? You are the last person who gets to play that
fucking card now."
Anger flooded the bond as he dragged me to the washroom. The
whole time he looked over my legs he was mumbling and his anger just
kept growing. After he applied a burn cream to my legs and feet I said
thank you and tried to rush away from him. He grabbed my wrist like a
vice and spoke in the darkest voice I had ever heard from him. It chilled
my very bones and made me want to die, really want to die. I felt like I
didnât belong anywhere close to him at that very moment.
"Look me in the fucking eyes, Leno."
"I can't... goddess please no, I can't do it!"
He grabbed my face and made me look at him. His eyes were so angry
and destructive, they didn't hide their feelings. Regret pounded into the
center of my chest making my eyes tear and some flow down my face
and touch Diego's fingers. He pulled away like he had been burned.
That was the worst part. He pulled away from me as I had burned him. I
was nothing to him
"You don't get to cry. You chose to do it. Live with it."
He was right. I had chosen to do it and I did have to live with it, but
how long could I live with the disgusting thing I had done to him
weighing me down. if it was this bad now surely it would only get
worse with time and I would find one day I wouldn't be able to handle
what I had done to my own mate. What would I do then? That was the
question. I had taken advantage of my own mate and all on the
premise that I was doing it for him, but was I really doing it for him?
Maybe I was doing it for myself.