Kristal Anderson
"Guess what I have in my hands right now!" Thea asked, excitement laced in her tone and the bright smile plastered on her face.
I kept my eyes on my screen taking note of her hands that she made sure to keep her hands down where I couldn't see them. Facetimes with my best friend Thea were always a much needed stress reliever, talking to her always felt like we were back in highschool talking about nothing and everything at the same time. Our friendship was timeless.
"Hmm I don't know give me a hint,"
"It's something we've both always wanted," She replied cheerfully.
I let out a gasp sitting up straighter, "You created a machine that brings fictional men to life,"
She let out a groan, "Gosh, don't remind me. I mean seriously my dating life has gone from bad to worse," Her hands were back in view as she lifted her braids up and away from her face tying them into a ponytail. "My friend set me up on a blind date last week and the guy was an absolute douche, he wouldn't stop talking about himself! Even when he did ask me questions, he would always think of a way to relate my answers back to him. I think I'm this close," She held up her thumb and index finger just about an inch away from one another, "to hitting rock bottom and downloading a dating app,"
I let out a chuckle before a deep sigh rolled its way through me, "Do you think our standards are just too high?" I asked and we stared at each other for a few moments, a knowing silence spreading it's way between us.
We both burst out in laughter after fully taking in what I had just said, "Absolutely fucking not, you know what I always say; if he doesn't meet your standards then he isn't for you," We uttered the last part in unison, "okay, okay, guess again come on Kris think of something you really want,"
I brought my thumb and index finger to my chin as if I were thinking long and hard about my answer, "You finally found my will to live!" I said with a gasp.
The smile from her face dropped as she rolled her eyes with a sigh, "Kris, be serious for once! "
"Tee," I let out a groan, "you know I suck at guessing, tell me, enough with the suspense,"
"You're no fun but fine," The smile was back on her face in a heartbeat, "so, we've been raving about this since last year so I thought why not give us an early Christmas gift," Her hands were back in view holding up two dark blue tickets, snowflakes scattered across the dark backdrops, "I got us tickets to the winter music festival!"
I pulled my laptop closer without realizing it to get a better view of the tickets that made a wave of excitement bubble up inside me. But it was short lived, it was gone just as soon as it started leaving nothing but a bitter feeling behind.
"I know exactly what you're thinking, but Kris the festival is two months away. Surely your life will be back to normal by then?" The optimistic smile on her face practically begged for the answer that we both wanted to hear, but it wasn't realistic.
"I don't know, Tee, this is all so very complicated so I-I really can't promise anything," I felt my heart break a little more with every word leaving my mouth, the guilt inside me grew with every passing moment.
"Kris, I know, I understand that this situation is extremely sensitive but fuck, you can't stop living your life, you can't stop doing the things you enjoy because that just means that you're letting that old fuck win, he's succeeding because he's ruining the life that you've built after he left, and that just doesn't sound like the Kristal that I know,"
A smile forced its way on my lips, though it held no humor or joy, only sadness laced the curve of my lips, "This isn't just about me anymore, Aunt Jenna is involved in this whole mess and she's doing everything in her power to protect me. I can't put all that to lose,"
She nodded in agreement, "I understand but maybe," She paused for a moment, seeming to reconsider her words," maybe, just maybe, her methods of protecting you are a little extreme. I mean, I totally get where she's coming from but man, keeping you in the house away from everything and everyone for god knows how much longer is just gonna drive you insane Kris! You need to be around people, you need to experience things, sure you need to be a little more cautious now that your dad is out but sitting around all day with your thoughts isn't doing anyone any favors,"
She was right.
My mental health has gotten debilitatingly bad these past three months. My thoughts had become my biggest companions as well as my worst enemies. They had the ability to make feel safe and warm when I people watched and filled in the gaps to produce a backstory like they're little characters of a never ending movie, but they also had the ability to make me want to end it all when they brought me back to the night my father took my mother's life.
I couldn't help but wish that this was a 'pull yourself up by your big girl boots and suck it up' type of scenario but that couldn't be further from the truth. "I know," I said with a sigh, "but at the same time, I feel like if anyone knows what my father is capable of it's Aunt Jenna, so if this is how far she's willing to go to protect me there might be a reason for it," I didn't miss the way she seemed to shrink back in her seat with every word coming out of my mouth. I didn't hesitate to plaster a smile on my face, "I'm not gonna let that money you spent go to waste though, there's two months left so there's always a chance that life may be back to normal for me by then," I told her trying my hardest to keep my optimism high but with the probability of that option being almost zero, it was obvious that I was lying through my teeth, "and if that doesn't happen, I know how much effort you put into getting those tickets," I told her with a smile, "so, I'll so everything in my power to convince Aunt Jenna during the remaining two months, I promise," A bright smile was back lighting up her face.
"You better," She replied.
_Â _Â _Â _Â _
Sometimes I wish I had a glass ceiling.
Here I was laying in bed staring at my plain white ceilingâ bored out of my mind if I might addâ when I could have been staring at the beautiful night that goes on beyond these walls, the stars scattered across the dark canvas of the sky.
Instances like this when I was laying in bed bored out of my mind, I could have been counting the endless stars in the sky, or making up patterns from them. But no, instead I laid here and stared at my plain white ceiling.
Thea and I hung up because she had to get back to work, I couldn't help but feel even more useless than I already felt.
Thea was successful, she was destined for it. She always had a free spirit, always was of the 'what could possibly go wrong?' mindset which had gotten her where she was today; owning a very successful Cafe in New York City.
Right after college, she packed up her things and decided to try her luck in New York. Not without asking me over and over again to join her, to open the business that we would call ours. But I declined. Owning a business was never really something that appealed to me, I sucked at working under pressure so I knew that if I went just for the sake of being close to my best friend, I could end up stalling and possibly ruining something so precious to her.
But everything worked out just fine, three years passed, we were closer than we'd ever been and we met up every Christmas when she would come over.
A slight ping against my window pulled me out of my thoughts and I instantly sat up straight. My eyes travelled to my shut curtain and unlike the first time, no fear that it could have been my father arose but instead a small smile tucked its way upon my lips because I knew exactly who it was.
Aiden.
I was up on my feet and at my window with my marker and papers in hand in just a few moments. I pulled my curtains apart and surely enough, there he was. His expression softened the moment our eyes met, his body visibly relaxed like he wasn't even expecting me to show up in the first place.
Are you okay? He held up the first piece of paper.
I stared at the words for a few moments before bringing my eyes back up to meet his and nodded, knowing full well I was the furthest thing from okay.
He held my gaze a little longer before writing, what happened last night?
Nothing. It was payback for the other day. I held up my paper in an attempt to lighten the mood.
A dimple formed on his right cheek as he chuckled lightly. That's just cruel.
I shrugged at that.
His smile dropped a little before he held up his next paper just moments later, Is there a reason why you're never outside?
It's complicated. And I'm running out of ink. I wrote in an attempt to derail the conversation. The last thing I wanted was to discuss my father with him. Our few interactions felt light and warm, I would hate to ruin it all by making him pity me.
I expected him to change the subject, ask me about somethingâanything elseâ but instead he held up a piece of paper with his number on it.
Do you always give your phone number out to random girls on windows?
every.single.time. It's an addiction at this point.
I couldn't contain the laugh that erupted from my throat. I didn't miss the way his face seemed to light up at the sight. It felt so good to laugh, so freeing.
He held up the piece of paper with his number again, I stared at it for another moment or two, hesitation laced in my expression before I finally pulled out my phone and added his number to my contacts refusing to linger on the thought any longer cause I knew I'd regret it.
Me: The only thing you need to know is that you don't have to worry about me.
My eyes moved from my screen to his window as I watched his eyes travel across his screen reading my text.
Aiden: Too late. I already am.
Another chapter done!!!
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I appreciate you all so so much.
Love, J