Kristal Anderson
I wanted to punch myself in the face really, really hard. Hard enough to knock myself out even.
Out of any other time, my filter decided to malfunction now and not just that, it decided to let out such sensitive information.
"Your father's on the hunt for you, that's why you've had to stay inside isn't it?" He asked breaking the silence once again, his whole body had turned to face me.
"I- I worded that completely wrong," I said through a nervous laugh, "there's no one hunting me down, I just meant that up here everything seems s-so miniscule; like my strained relationship with my father," I made sure to keep my eyes out at the view, I wasn't too sure that I could bring myself to come up with a lie staring back at his intense gaze.
"Kris look at me," I couldn't bring myself to. I felt like I would crumble under his intense scrutiny so I stayed right where I was, staring ahead like I hadn't heard him in the first place. "Kristal," His voice filled my ears a few beats lower than his usual tone, his voice deeper; demanding attention. That alone was enough to crumble my facade making me snap my head in his direction, my eyes going up to meet his. His gaze instantly softened when our eyes met, "Am I putting you in danger right now?" He spoke softly now.
I held his gaze a little while longer, fully taking in his words, "I don't know," I replied honestly but by the way at his face fell, I could tell that he thought it was another one of my cheap excuses of a lie, so I continued, "With everything I'd been told my entire life, I was more than certain that the moment I stepped foot outside my house I would be dead. But here we are, this is our third time going out and nothing has happened to me. I don't know if he's just patiently waiting for the perfect time to strike or if I'm naive in thinking that he has given up on trying to find me,"
His eyes filled with guilt and something else I couldn't quite put my finger on, but it wasn't pity like I had expected, "Krisâ"
"I know what you're about to say but please I don't want you to feel guilty about any of this, I know what I'm doing, I'm choosing to be here. . . with you. Plus we're always really careful," I reassured him with a smile, I peeled myself back from my leaning position taking a few steps forward moving closer towards the edge of the hill we were on, "my father is a subject that takes a big toll on me, and I really don't wanna waste our precious time talking about something so unpleasant," I turned back to face him and walked back over, this time standing just a few inches in front of him, "I promise you that starting from now if I ever feel unsafe during one of our excursions, I'll tell you,"
He looked at me not seeming too convinced by my reassurance but he decided to go along with it by nodding in agreement.
I smiled brightly relief washing over my body. Although I knew that this conversation had left him with more questions and concerns, it had to be that way, I couldn't burden anyone else with my sap story.
"You wanna know what would make this view a billion times better?" His intense gaze never left me as I made my way back to my original spot, leaned back against his car, staring out into the horizon.
"What?"
"A cigarette,"
He let out a short chuckle and before I could question it, he had already made his way towards the driver's side, opened the door and leaned down to reach into the vehicle. He came towards the front of the car with a box of cigarettes and a lighter in hand.
Opening the box he handed me a cigarette along with the lighter, "Ladies first," His charming smile was back on his face and that couldn't have made me happier. The mood was full tonight giving me the perfect amount of light to be able to see his face in detail.
Smiling, I took them from his hand and lit it. He followed suit, lighting his own. The thick smoke filled my chest providing that familiar relief that I craved. Silence spread across us for as far as the eye could see.
We stayed like that for a while, in silence; it wasn't an awkward silence, it was quite the opposite, it felt peaceful and comfortable. It was relaxing, we both seemed to be deep in our own thoughts but still enjoying each other's company.
Blowing out the smoke as I neared the end of my first cigarette, I finally broke the silence, "Tell me about your mother," I turned to face him, a soft smile spread across his cheeks at the mention of his mother.
"She's an angel, one of the few good souls left on this earth. My parents marriage was a facade from the very beginning and it was no secret that it was all because of me, I was the reason she was forced to stay in a loveless marriage. Many people, including my father, take that as an excuse to mistreat or even abuse their kids but my mother did the exact opposite," He trailed off for a moment, seeming to be consumed by the memories, "She showered me with love and did everything in her power to make up for my father's lack of affection,"
I smiled a genuine smile, warmth spreading across my chest as my heart filled with a growing appreciation for him just by hearing him talk about his mother, "She sounds lovely," I told him, "the way you speak of her reminds me a lot of how I speak of my mother," My smile faltered just a little at the mention of her, "and ironically enough, the universe decided to take her away from me too," I let out a humourless chuckle.
"I'm sorry for your loss," He said, his lips curved upwards in a sad smile momentarily. I returned the smile and nodded slightly.
I tossed whatever was left of my cigarette on the ground and pressed the soul of my sneaker on it ensuring that it was out. Silence filled the air once again for a few short moments before he spoke again, "Does it ever get better? That. . . emptiness inside you that their presence used to fill,"
I looked up at him, "Do you want an honest answer or shall I sugarcoat it?"
A light chuckle left his lips, "Honesty is the best policy, darlin,"
I thought it through trying to figure out a way to coherently put my thoughts into words, "They always say that time heals all wounds but I think that's just a bunch of bullshit. The pain never goes away, it never gets better, you just sort of adapt to it and learn to coexist with the pain. I lost my mother when I was nine, more than a decade ago and I still cry over her, I still miss her every single day, I still find myself struggling to comprehend the fact that she's gone. . . like really gone,"
He stared at me so attentively, taking in every word I said and that gave me the courage to go on, there was no better feeling than knowing that you were being listened to, that your words mattered. "The only thing that makes this even a little bit bearable is the people you surround yourself with. Aunt Jenna has been with me through it all, through every stage of grief with me and I think it's safe to say that I wouldn't be here if it weren't for her. So the best piece of advice I can give you is surround yourself with people who'll be there for you through every stage of the grieving process,"
I reached over and gripped his vacant hand in mine, despite the cold air that had enveloped us his hand had maintained the same level of warmth completely contrasting mine that had ran ice cold, "I could be one of those people," I added, "I mean that's what friends are for am I right?" His expression falter for a moment but he quickly recovered plastering a smile on his lips.
He fingers intertwined with mine returning the gesture, "Yeah, that's what friends are for,"
Had it been hours or mere minutes? I couldn't tell.
We talked about everything and nothing at the same time, we jumped from topic to topic like there was no tomorrow.
We had somehow found ourselves on the hood of his car, our backs leaned back against the windshield. We stared up at the stars instead of the view ahead.
"You know, you act nothing like the son of a multimillionaire," I held out my hand out to him, cigarettes in between my fingers, passing it over to him. This was the second cigarette that we had shared tonight.
"What is that supposed to mean?" He chuckled taking the cigarette from my fingers.
I turned my head in his direction and only now did I realize how close we were, our faces just mere inches away from each other. Seeing his face so up close caused my breath to hitch in my throat. I caught the moment his eyes wondered away from my eyes, down to my lips for a split second. That was enough to set my body ablaze, I couldn't help but look away staring back up at sky that was peppered with bright stars, afraid that he might notice how flustered I had gotten.
"I don't know, it's just the way you act," I replied but my voice sounded breathy like I'd been running a marathon, "you act. . . normal or at least for the most part," I chuckled.
"I have my father to thank for that, I started working for myself after college. After growing up rich and privileged all the way to my teen years, I finally learned the true value of hard work after I started moto racing full-time to make money and support myself,"
I turned my head to face him but this time I made sure to sit up first ensuring that there would be a notable distance between our faces, "Oh my gosh, you moto race?" The excitement was evident in my voice.
Chuckling he replied, "Yeah I do, not so much now that I'm back at my father's company,"
"Sounds exhilarating," I said with a giggle, "but you can't just mention something like that and expect to move Scott free, now you have to take me to one of your next races,"
Taking the last hit of the cigarette and blowing out his smoke he tossed it to the ground. He lifted his arms and slid them behind his head, his hands beneath his head cushioning it. A lazy smile on his face as he stared up at me, "How can I say no to you, darlin?"
Thanks for sticking around for another chapter <3
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There's still so much to come, so many secrets to be revealed, so many betrayals heheð
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