Zhan's pov
Day by day my mood was getting worse.
Day by day I was spiraling, I hated everything, I wanted to cry my eyes out, I wanted to scream my lungs out, but I had to bury my feelings deep within my heart.
It wasn't healthy I knew, but I didn't want to appear like a victim, like I was trying to get attention and sympathy. My parents were pushing me to start applying for colleges and I was trying my best to make excuses or lie to them that I had already applied, but I was getting tired and day by day it was getting tougher lying to them, I hadn't told them yet that I don't want to go to college, but I knew they wouldn't like that.
My father's questions about my life and my future plan were getting on my nerves, my mother had a lot of big dreams for me, she wanted me to go to elite colleges.
I laughed at that as if they had the money for that as if I had the calibre for that.
Here I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling, I felt like I was drowning in my thoughts, just what was I doing with my life?
I felt like my mind was rotting and I felt heaviness in my chest, and an empty pit in my stomach, sometimes it was hard to breathe, and sometimes it was hard to get out of bed. I sighed as I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.
I could hear my parents argue and I was getting more and more annoyed, can't they just go and fight somewhere else? Why the fuck did they even marry when they hate each other so much.
I was told that my parents had a love marriage and if love marriages are like this then I would like to stay away from it.
Unable to take it anymore I got out of my bed and slowly got out of my room, surely my parents were fighting, and even if I didn't want to hear it, I stopped in front of their room and heard them.
"It's all your fucking fault!" my mother yelled, "In this old age you are thinking that you can do something big! Just keep your big fat ego aside and fucking take help from them!"
"NO! Why should I? I have got this house, I raised our son, put him through school, took care of you, and supported you when you said that you wanted to become a housewife! I can take care of the expenses you don't have to..."
I didn't hear anymore I just walked out of the house and went for a run, I ran and ran till I came in front of a familiar house, it was not a mansion but a cozy house, it belonged to Yibo.
This place once used to be my safe haven, I always came here when I was hungry, when I was sad, or simply when I needed something, I missed this place.
"Zhan." I looked at the person who called my name and it was Mrs. Wang Yibo's mother, she was a sweet little woman, she always treated me like her son, I was always grateful to her for packing an extra lunch for me.
Sometimes it pained my heart when I thought about her illness.
She smiled as she saw me and came near me before she hugged me, "How are you dear? Why don't you come here anymore? I miss you."
I hugged her back I missed her too.
"Did you and Yibo fight? "
"No."
"Then why did he ask me to stop packing lunch for you? Is It because you don't like my cooking anymore?"
"Of course not, your cooking is the best in the world Aunty... nothing can beat that. It's just I...um..." my throat felt tight as I thought of an excuse, "I am on a diet."
Her smile dimmed as she looked at me up and down, I felt a little insecure when she looked at me, I was extremely skinny, basically, I was skin and bones and it felt like she was going to judge me which I knew she would never do.
"Zhan...why don't you come inside and-"
"I have to go..." Zhan said, "I'll leave see you again Aunt."
I said before I turned around and ran back.
Once I came back home I was greeted by my mother she gave me a small weak smile, she was so weak, so tired I hated not being able to help her.
"Welcome back, where did you go?"
"For a run," I said.
"Zhan... I wanted to say something"
"Yes, mom."
"Um... I got a job..."
I nodded but my heart broke, my mother was weak, she falls sick every other day, sometimes headache, sometimes fever how would she work?
"What job is it?"
"It's a cleaning job at a big mall. I will be starting work from tomorrow," she said and I just nodded before I went back to my room.
~~
"My mother told me that you came by yesterday," Yibo said.
But I didn't want to talk to him, not now, I didn't want to face him, I was thinking about my mom's job, a cleaning staff, she was going to clean toilets? mop floors? can it get any worse?
I felt embarrassed.
"Why didn't you come in yesterday?"
"I didn't want to," I answered mechanically, I thought that he would get a hint, but he didn't.
"Why? We could have had fun. See my mother sent this for you." He said as he took out a tiffin and pushed it towards me, "its-"
"GODDAMN YIBO! WILL YOU GET LOST!" I said as I turned towards him, the tiffin fell on the ground and he became quiet.
"LEAVE ME ALONE! DON'T YOU GET IT? JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND HAVE FUN WITH YOU OR HANG OUT WITH YOU! WHY WOULD I HANG OUT WITH A FA-"
I stopped myself when I saw the tears in his eyes, Yibo hated being yelled at he didn't like loud voices and so did I.
My eyes widened as I realized what I had just said, I had gone too far, I was going to say such a bad word to him, how could I? How could say something like that after he had trusted me and come out to me, only me.
He wiped his tears before he picked up the tiffin and walked away, I tried to talk to him and reach out to him but he just ran away, I felt my heart being crushed when I saw him walk away from me, and suddenly it became hard to breathe again.
I kept my hand over my chest as I realized the gravity of my words, the hurt that I caused him, I kneeled on the ground as tears streamed down my face