His father was ill.
And my father was going to make my mother more ill.
My mother deeply missed him, she cried and begged him to come back, but all he did was give her fake promises that he would be back soon.
She screams and calls his name at night, and even when I ask him to come back he never does he has totally given up on this family. He didn't even attend my graduation but my mother was there just like always, despite being sick she is always there for me.
While my mother misses him and cries for him, he is out there spending time with his mistress, his mistress once sent me a photo, it was a family photo and I finally learned that my father had started talking to his side of the family again. And he was taking his mistress to meet them.
It hurt to see that but I didn't let that get to me, I blocked him and his mistress and I never want to see any of them ever again.
I spent more time with Zhan and made sure to help him to the best of my abilities, his father was getting more sick day by day and it was hard to see the man like that.
Henry was getting more and more unhinged as well, he was addicted to drugs at this point, and he was confessing his love to me every day and it was getting exhausting, I had tried to ghost him and not talk to him but I needed the weed and all the other things he gives me.
But now he wanted to make out or wanted a blowjob in exchange for giving me weed, he was getting more and more demanding and now he was pushing me to have sex with him, which I didn't want to, I wasn't ready.
Every aspect of my life was shit.
Zhan was an emotional mess, there wasn't much he could offer me, and I didn't want to drag him into my mess, he thought that I was a perfect little golden boy with a perfect home, and grades, he had no idea what a mess I was.
I thought about everything as I sat on the hospital rooftop, I had come to visit Zhan's father and here I was sitting all alone, while Zhan was with his uncle and aunt.
I suddenly felt a hand over my head and I looked up to see Zhan's father, "Oh... uncle... sit down."
"You sit too." Zhan's father said as he sat beside me, we sat in silence before he asked, "Are you okay son?"
I looked at him and saw a fatherly smile on his face, those four genuine words made my eyes wet, he was genuinely asking me if I was okay.
I was going to smile and say that I was fine but my tears betrayed me, I quickly wiped them but they kept falling.
"I...I... am sorry I..."
"Come here," he said as he hugged me tightly, I cried onto his shoulder pouring my heart out.
"My mother has schizophrenia and my father is cheating on her, I am doing weed behind her back and this guy who I thought was my friend is asking for sexual favors... I am so fucked. I have no idea what I should do anymore."
His father heard everything I said, he was patient and gentle, "That's a lot you are going through, and still you are here for Zhan."
"I am here for me more than for him. I don't want to be at home and there is no place else."
"Son, you are so strong and so brave, I am so thankful that my son has someone like you in his life. But Yibo you need to find a purpose for yourself, your mother and father have lived their lives you have the right to live yours the way you want.
And this friend of yours is bad news, it will be hard but you have to cut him off. It's the best for you and him and the best thing you can do right now is focus on yourself, and be a little selfish, your life does not have to revolve around your mother, father, or Zhan all the time.
Spend some time with yourself to son, give yourself love too, don't be so hard on yourself. And stop doing weed" he said the last part in a stern tone of voice
"Zhan does not know about all of this so..."
"Don't worry your secrets are safe with me, I will take them to the grave."
That made me laugh, we talked for a while and it felt nice to talk to him.
It made me genuinely sad after he passed away.
~~
He was right, I have neglected myself so much these days, I don't pay attention to myself, and I have not been kinder to myself.
I am done trying to find comfort somewhere else, I am going to make things right, I will break things with Henry and then tell my mother about cheating and then focus on college.
That evening I went to Henry's house, he smiled when he saw me and jumped on me kissing me, but I pushed him back, "I wanted to talk about something."
"What is it?"
"I think we should stop, I don't want to continue whatever we have."
Henry's smile dropped, "What?"
"You heard that right, this is getting toxic and I don't want to do this anymore. Let's end this."
"Woah why? we were doing just fine." he said as he came closer, "this is because of Zhan right? What did he say? Did he finally decide to fuck you! Return your feelings?" he came closer to me and he was getting agitated.
"Calm down Henry this is all my decision, Zhan had nothing to do with this."
"DON'T LIE TO ME IT IS ALL BECAUSE OF HIM!" He started to scream as he grabbed my arms and pinned me against the wall, "Get away from me Henry you are hurting me!
And what about what you did huh? You are hurting me too!"
"LET GO HENRY."
"You know what let me show you that I am better than him, let me show." he said as he attacked my neck and his hand traveled my shirt, I panicked as I tried to push him off of me, "Let me HENRY LET ME GO!"
"No, let me show you that I am better than him," he said as he kissed me forcefully his hands entered my pants, and he pushed me onto the ground and hovered over me, at this point I was panicking, I begged and started to cry.
He stopped when he saw my tears, "Oh my god, I am sorry Yibo...I am sorry... Holy shit I didn't I didn't mean that...I...I..."
I pushed him got up from the ground and ran outside the house in that disheveled state. I wanted to go home and cry. However when I reached back home I was greeted by my mother, she looked out of it and I didn't want to deal with that, "Where have you been?"
"I was out." I started walking towards my from but she stopped me, "Where were you!"
"WHY DO YOU CARE?"
"WHAT IS THIS?" she showed me a photo actually many of them, it was of me and my father with his mistress eating lunch, it was an old picture.
"Your father is cheating on me and you knew?" my mother asked, "this person who sent me the photos also says that you and your father both were trying to make me look mad when I saw her in my house, turns out I was right all the time."
I looked at her and said nothing, she suddenly started to cry, "Oh my god, how could you.... how could you..." she cried and muttered gibberish, as she kept her head over my shoulder, slowly she started to cry and chant something.
She was losing it again.
Before I could say something she suddenly grabbed my neck and started to strangle me, "I KEWN IT! SHE MUST HAVE DONE SOME VODOO ON YOU RIGHT! THAT WITCH HAS DONE SOME MAGIC ON YOU, AND YOU ARE UNDER THE CONTROL OF DEMONS AREN'T YOU SON?
THAT'S WHY YOU WENT OUT WITH HER THAT'S WHY YOU HELPED THEM FRAME ME, SHE IS TURNING YOU AGAINSTÂ ME! BUT I WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN I WON'T"
She squeezed my neck harder and I was losing my breath I struggled hard and finally managed to push her away, "Mom have you lost your mind! what are you doing?!"
She then grabbed a knife, "You are not my son, you are a demon, you are..."
Martha and Cheryl came there and grabbed her, but she struggled against them while pointing her knife at me, "Leave me son demon, get out of him!"
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU MOM!" I finally blew up this was too much, I yelled at the top of my lungs, "You are sick and crazy and delusional that's why Dad left you and cheated on you, he was right, you are dangerous to be around, look what you did, you tried to strangle me, your son that you claimed to love, I hate you, I hate you so much. You deserve what did to you he was right!"
It's so hard to be your son! I wish I was never born, I wish I had a better mother! Fuck you! I am so tired "
I ran to my room closed the door and cried myself to sleep.