Another day, another fight.
As I woke up from my slumber I heard the shouting from downstairs those two were at it again.
"I am so fed up, there is nothing in the house, my soap, no food, no nothing, the bills are not paid! What the hell are you doing!" my mother yelled at my father.
"I am trying my best! I am working my ass off to provide for us, I am doing my best, but what are you doing? you don't have a job you are nothing more than a burden, and your literature degree is just useless!"
"How can you say that..." I heard my mother's voice, she was close to crying.
I sighed as I made my way downstairs, they stopped fighting when they saw me, my mother was sniffling wiping her tears, and my father was quiet as he stood near the table holding his head.
The tension was intense and it was hard to breathe, I felt claustrophobic. It was hard to be normal in such an environment, I felt heaviness in my chest.
"Good morning," I muttered, but no one replied, my mother kept a banana on the table and my father drank his coffee and left the house, but he made sure to slam the front door and my mother also made sure to slam the door of her room.
I took the banana and slowly walked out of the house, shutting the door gently behind me.
I started to walk to my school when someone suddenly jumped on me from behind, I laughed as I knew very well who it was, "Get off me Yibo."
Yibo laughed as he got off me, we looked at each other as we laughed, "you are late." he said.
"Sorry," I replied.
"It's fine, so how was your morning?"
"Chaotic. Yours?"
"Fine," he mumbled.
I observed him for a while and saw the dark circles below his eyes, these past few days he had been a little different, according to what he told me, his parents fought a lot just like mine.
My parents fight because we have no money, they fight with each other because they have no trust.
"I am so done with them." Yibo said, "A few more months more and I'll be out of school I am going to run away from my house."
"Where will you go?"
"I have applied for colleges I hope I get selected, once I am, I'll get away from this shit place"
"I hope you get into your desired college as well," I said.
Yibo smiled as he looked at me, "are you applying to any college?"
"Nah."
"Zhan... you are smart you can get a scholarship and a job..."
"I can't Yibo, I am an average student, I am not a topper, even if I get a scholarship then what about my travel expenses, living expenses books, my parents won't be able to pay we are barely surviving," I said a little bitterly.
And it was true, at eighteen I was extremely thin, my clothes were torn, and overall my appearance was filthy. I didn't like this life, In fact, I didn't even know why was I even living.
I resented this life, I resented my parents for giving birth to me while being dirt poor, like why bring another life into the world when you are suffering from the curse of poverty?
At the same time, I felt guilty and resented myself for having such thoughts, my parents loved me they were trying very hard, and I knew they were trying to save money for my college.
My mother had health issues but she wouldn't get herself checked because the hospital was expensive my father was getting older and I knew he was tired and just wanted to rest, he couldn't struggle anymore, but he had to work hard at this because he has a son he wants to send to college.
It's not like I don't have dreams... I had dreams... a lot of them... but I didn't have money.
Yibo was quiet for some time, I knew he wanted me to go to college because he wanted to live with me, he had a lot of dreams too, he wanted to live his life to the fullest while I wanted to just die and be free.
"Zhan... maybe... you know I can get a job too and you can get a job too and if we combine our salaries then we can pay for your..."
"Don't talk nonsense Yibo," I said.
"But I want to live with you, I don't want to get separated from you. I can work too and I can give you my savings too if it means staying with you then why not!" he said in a desperate voice.
This is not the first time he has said this, he had suggested this a lot of times before, to be honest even though I didn't want to leave his side I didn't want to be separated from him, I wanted to be with him.
But I couldn't, I couldn't leech off him. Yibo's family was not rich by any means, but they were not poor either, they were middle-class people who had good earnings, enough to live a good life.
I remember the first time when I met Yibo, we were eight, in school, and he was assigned as my deskmate, it was lunchtime and I had no lunch, I was starving and I only had an apple, Yibo thought that it wasn't enough so he shared his lunch with me, he was worried that I will be hungry if I only ate an apple.
Since then he always brought two lunches to school.
Whenever he got the chance he brought things for me, sometimes they were clothes, sometimes food, sometimes books, and not once he asked me to pay back.
When I told him that I felt uncomfortable taking things from him, he would say that they were his things and they were old but I knew the clothes, books, and everything that he ever gave me was brand new.
I was grateful to him for helping me for so long.
But as I grew and slowly became an adult, my pride and my self-respect couldn't take it anymore, my perspective slowly changed and I started to think that I was nothing more than a charity case for Yibo.
I knew it wasn't like that but I hated when he would bring things for me, I became angry with him, and I started to be rude and mean to him and slowly he stopped and we grew distant.
He was once an open person in front of me and never hesitated before speaking in front of me, but now he was thinking before speaking in front of me, scared of offending me. Scared that I might yell at him again, he was trying so hard to go back the way we were, but I was making it hard for him.
I hated myself for being like this but I couldn't help it.
I hated myself for being jealous and envious of Yibo. And that's why I think that he deserved better, I don't want to be that friend who would always be jealous and bitter about his achievements, he deserved friends who would be happy for him, who are just as ambitious as him, and not like me dirt poor, someone who doesn't even know what he wants in life.
It was obvious that we would probably no longer be friends once the school was over.
Yibo was full of life and I hated this life.