After thinking a lot about it, I decided to go to the damn party, I called Henry and asked him the address.
I needed to get away, school was no longer fun because my teachers had high hopes and I had to be perfect in front of my friends.
Zhan was no longer my safe place and home never was my safe place.
Maybe it's time to find something else.
I got dressed and looked at myself in the mirror before I left for the party.
"I am glad you came." Henry spoke, he gave me a smile, "You look good."
"Thanks," I spoke, maybe I was going mad or maybe it was because of stress, or maybe I was thinking too much, but I thought that Henry checked me out and not in a friendly way.
"Come let me introduce you to my friends."
Henry's friends were older than him, but they were welcoming and nice, I felt good there.
Henry then came to me with some drinks, "Is it alcohol?" I asked and he smirked, "Come on sweet cheeks, try some, you are at a party, let yourself lose."
I looked at my glass with some hesitation, I had never tried alcohol before.
"Hey, no one is going to force you, and promise you that I will make sure you reach home safely."
I smiled at him and drank the glass, and it was bitter as fuck, I made a bad face and nearly puked but after two more glasses I fucking loved it.
"Come on, let's dance," Henry said as he grabbed my hand and dragged me to the dance floor, maybe it was alcohol, but my body moved according to the beat of the music, and soon I was full-on dancing, it was fun.
It was so much fun.
Henry was dancing with me too.
~~
After a while, when I got really tire,d I walked off the dance floor and Henry followed me.
I was breathing heavily and my chest was heaving back and forth, but I was laughing and so was Henry.
"That was fun!" I said.
Henry smiled too, "you are a great dancer."
"That I am." I looked at him and he looked back at me, we made eye contact, he moved closer to me and I just stood there doing nothing, I held my breath as he moved closer to me and kept his hand under my ear before he leaned in and kissed me on the lips.
I didn't react for a while, but when I felt the warmth of another body and the gentle touch, I closed my eyes, wrapped my arms around him, and kissed him back.
One moment we were looking at each other and now we were making out like crazy.
It was my first kiss and it was wild, it felt amazing and good. I hadn't realized how amazing intimacy and human contact were, I wanted more, however Zhan's face flashed in my mind and I came to my senses, I pushed Henry away and broke the kiss. I looked at him before I ran away from there.
I wasted my first kiss on him, I was saving it for Zhan, what have I done? I felt like I cheated on my crush.
But that was stupid, I knew Zhan would never like me, he would most probably get together with a woman and get married, why would he pay any attention to me, in any case, he would get offended if he ever got to know my feelings, and after hearing everything he said to me today I was certain that he could never be mine.
I had the right to explore and move on and get with other people, but I don't want to.
It hurts.
~~
When I came back home, I heard screaming from inside the house, I braced myself and took a deep breath, there was my mother screaming her lungs out.
"MY SON IS NOT IN THE ROOM! THE DEVIL MUST HAVE TAKEN HIM! HE IS GONE! HE IS GONE!""
Martha was trying to calm her and the other nurse, Cheryl was there too.
"Mom, I am here." I said, she stopped and looked at me, she then ran towards me and cupped my face, "Where were you? Why weren't you at home? Did the devil try to take you? I should take you to the temple!"
"I am fine Mom."
I tried to reason with her, but she was way too hysterical, she was convinced that I was taken by the devil,l and now she wanted me to go to the temple and get cleansed.
After a lot of convincing and some medicines, my mother finally calmed down and went to sleep, but she refused to leave my room and wanted to stay with me.
I didn't get a good sleep that night.
~~
The next morning I got dressed early to leave for school, but when I came downstairs I saw my dad and his mistress over there, I was shocked to see her there.
She gave me a smile that I did not return.
"Good morning son," my father said to me.
"Have you lost your mind, Dad? Why did you bring her here? You know mom won't like that."
"Your mom does not like anything, I had to get a few things, and then I'll leave."
"But if mom sees her then..."
"Then we will just tell her that she was just paranoid."
That left me speechless, I was stunned at what I had heard, how could my father stoop so low?
"Hello," the mistress spoke to me, she gave me a smile, but I hated her, "I know that you must not like me, but I will try to be the bigger person.
You should cut some slack to your father he works really hard, you should spend time with him because, after a few months, he is going to be busy caring for another person." she said as he placed her hand over the tummy and when I realized what it meant I couldn't stay there anymore.
I felt sick.
She was pregnant?
What the fuck!
Holy shit!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
My father was a shit human being.
~~
When I reached school, I avoided Zhan like plague, but it was not just Zhan who was after me.
"Yibo." Henry said as he sat beside me, "Look, I am sorry for what happened, but you don't have to think so much about it, we were drunk and mistakes happen, it wasn't anyone's fault.
Look, if you are mad at me, then I am sorry."
I sighed, Henry was right, it wasn't his fault, after all, I pulled him towards me and kissed him back, besides he was a good guy and we could be good friends, I don't want to lose him, "it's alright."
"So we are cool?"
"Yeah."
"So can we hang out after school?"
"Sure."
~~
During the break, my hand was grabbed and I was forcefully dragged by Zhan, I didn't protest, I let him drag me, honestly I didn't even have the energy to fight back.
Once we reached the rooftop, he finally let me go but I refused to look at him, however, he grabbed my chin and made me face him, and once my eyes fell on his face, all my feelings came running back to me, making me realize that I still loved this guy.
"What?" I asked.
"I am sorry," he said, "I didn't mean what I said."
"It's okay, get it, why you are trying to distance yourself from me, it was because of my sexuality, right?" It hurt to say that.
"Fuck no," he said looking horrified
"It's alright Zhan, I get it. I am a horrible person anyways you are better off without me I..."Â was right I am a lying fuck, who is lying to his mother, and doing weed and alcohol.
"What? No, What are you saying?" he said as he stared at me.
He stared at me for a long time before he finally said, "Yibo, what's wrong?"
He looked at me, and he finally noticed, he noticed that something was wrong, but I was not ready to tell him, but I wanted to tell him, I wanted to get this off my chest, I wanted to pour my heart out to him, and let everything out
But could I trust him? What was the guarantee he was not going to throw my insecurities right at my face or use my secrets against me?
Unable to think clearly, I just turned away and walked.
I hadn't expected Zhan to wait for me after school, but it felt nice to see that he cared.
"Wait, Yibo let's talk," he said.
"I don't want to."
"I am sorry, I really am, I didn't mean anything I said... I swear I..."
"I know." I snapped, "I know you are tensed, you are worried you are having financial problems, but I have problems too! And they are eating me alive too!" my eyes became wet, "What is my fault? Why are you so rude to me? Why are you cruel to me? I just wanted to help, I just want to talk to share your worries, to share what's going on in my life with you but-" I stopped myself from peaking further, "forget it."
There was a lot I had to tell him.
A lot, it felt like I could explode at any moment.
So I walked away but he grabbed my hand and refused to let me go, "Wait Yibo I-"
Before he could complete his sentence, his phone rang.
"Let me answer this," he said and answered his call, and just after a minute the color drained from his face.