Being in a closeted relationship with Axel under normal circumstances isn't really that hard. I mean, the closeted part. The relationship part, obviously, is really good. I like him a lot, and knowing that he likes me and getting to kiss him and play love songs on his piano for him is amazing. But hiding it isn't as difficult as I was expecting. I mean, neither of us are really out, and the people who know about one of us being gay don't know about the other, so they all kind of assume it isn't really a possibility. We don't hang out a school a ton- though, we do start to a bit more, in the company of both our friend groups.
Cody fits in pretty well with the popular rich kids. I wasn't too worried- the reason why he has no friends aside from Keira and I is mostly because he's too smart for other people. He's good with social stuff too, though, so I wasn't concerned that he'd be super awkward or uncomfortable around the popular kids. He gets along well with Axel, Peyton, and Daily, as well as a few other guys that are usually there as well (they're not in band, so I have no idea what their names are- I need some sort of instrument association to remember names easily). Cody especially likes getting to hang out with all the hot girls, though Keira berates him for that mindset on a daily basis- I think he might just be doing it partially to bug her at this point.
Anyways. None of our friends have any idea that Axel and I are in a relationship, now. We don't act that differently around each other- I'm still easily embarrassed around him, and tense, though for a different reason than before. And we don't really interact at any other times, around people. Just in school and then at his house, in private.
We do have to be pretty careful whenever we're doing anything particularly gay at his house, though, to make sure his parents don't somehow find out. Like, if they walked in on us kissing, we'd be dead. So whenever we're making out or flirting or even sitting particularly close, we have to exercise a fair amount of caution. It would be nice to just lock the door so we don't have to worry about them just barging in and seeing something incriminating, but I think that if we start locking doors when we're alone then one of Axel's parents might have a seizure. And since I'd really like to not be the reason why one of Axel's parents dies- manipulative and homophobic as they may be- we've kind of just got to be really careful.
Whenever we're not feeling up to the sneaking around, we go out together. We don't do anything particularly relationship-y, just in case, but honestly, just being with him is enough for me most of the time. Sure, I'd love to be kissing him at any given time, but I also love just being close to him. Talking to him. Seeing his smile- his smile is the most vibrant thing on the planet. Having it directed at me, looking at him, it feels like his smile is lighting me up from the inside out, creating this little ball of compact, aching happiness in my chest somewhere near my heart.
I'm sure that if I looked too deeply into how I feel about him, I'd be terrified. Which is why I don't look too deeply into how I feel about him. How he makes me feel. What that little ball of compact, aching happiness next to my heart is called.
Instead, I just focus on him. Being with him. It's possibly the happiest I've ever been- not just when I'm around him, but with other people too. Like just having him in my life has transformed me. Made me happier. Which. Yeah. I mean, it has.
We're currently at his house, feeling a little tiny bit safer than usual because his parents aren't home. Of course, they could come home at any time, but still.
We spend this time very wisely. By that I mean making out, of course. In the library, because that's where we usually are and it would be suspicious if we suddenly started going to his room or something. The only other place we could be without arousing suspicion would be the basement, but then we can't hear people approaching.
Except, as it turns out, we can't hear people approaching either way, because suddenly the door swings open, practically giving me a heart attack. I'm straddling Axel's lap, both arms around his neck, and he's got both of his arms around me, and we're clearly making out, so there's really no escape if it's his parents.
Fortunately, it's not. It's Jason, because of course it is.
He comes inside, closing the door behind him and crossing his arms as he looks at us. I take this opportunity to quickly get off of my boyfriend, cheeks burning.
"You guys really have to be more careful about this," he tells us in a low voice. "You let me sneak up on you and I was barely even trying. And even if I hadn't caught you..." he gestures at us, and I redden some more, "it's pretty obvious what you've been doing." He looks at me. "If you leave looking like that," his gaze shifts to Axel, "our parents will skin you alive."
"Right," Axel says, biting his bottom lip. "Okay. We'll stop making out here. Thanks for the heads up."
Jason gives him a slight smirk. "No problem. But really, I thought this would have all been obvious."
Axel scowls at him, but it honestly looks more like a pout. It's adorable. I grin.
When I look back at Jason, he's looking at me. He points, giving me a stern look. "Remember what I told you."
I assume he's talking about the 'if you hurt my brother I'll murder you' incident. "Yeah. Don't worry. I will."
He raises an eyebrow at me.
"I mean- I won't. I promise. I meant I will remember what you told me. But I promise, I won't."
He's still raising an eyebrow at me, not giving me any reasons to feel comfortable. "Good."
I glance at Axel, seeing his cute confused face. "What are you guys talking about?"
"Don't worry about it," Jason tells him, going to the door. "Just find somewhere else to do..." he gestures at us. "That."
"We will," Axel murmurs, and Jason leaves. Axel turns to me. "So... your house? Is that an option?"
"I mean. My parents usually aren't home. And they definitely don't know I'm gay. I'm not really supposed to bring friends home, though. So if they do show up and see you, they'll probably chew me out regardless." I shrug. "But the chances of them being at home at the same time that we're there is kinda slim. And the repercussions of them finding you in our house is basically nothing compared to your parents finding us here. So, yeah. Makes sense."
Axel's eyeing me, and I can tell he's searching me for the reason why we haven't been going there since we got back from the band trip, since it makes infinitely more sense. "You don't have a piano at home, is that it?"
I blush, ducking to hide my face. He grins, shuffling across the couches towards me and pulling me into his arms, rubbing the tip of his nose against mine. "You're adorable, Nash. I'm sure you have plenty of other instruments that you can serenade me with, though."
"Fine." I peck his cheek, unable to stop smiling. I can't help but glance over my shoulder to look at the door though, paranoid from our lecture from Jason a few minutes ago. "So... want to go to my house now?"
He grins. "Definitely."
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So we start making out at my house instead. I'm not too worried about my parents walking in on us, since they tend to ignore me even if they are at home. Which isn't often.
There is, of course, the downside of me not having a piano. Or a video game console, for that matter (though, let's be honest. That just means that Axel and I have nothing to do at my house but make out, so is it really a downside?). My parents have never wanted to encourage my music obsession, or encourage me to have friends over, or really do anything to make this small building feel like a home at all to anyone. I know that the main reason they don't want me having people over is because they don't trust teenagers even a little bit, since my dad was a jock and my mom was a cheerleader in high school (super cliche, I know) and they both threw wild parties all the time when their parents weren't home. I'm not a jock or a cheerleader- which makes me a disappointment, since that's exactly what they were hoping for- and I'm probably way more responsible than they wanted me to be, but oh well.
Anyways. I'm not even someone who would enjoy wild parties, and having Axel over doesn't really count as a wild party anyways, seeing as he's just one person, so I don't feel too bad about breaking their rule. Also, I don't really care about obeying them that much. They haven't really fulfilled any of their parental duties anyways (aside from giving me food and enough money that I don't have to get a job), so I don't think I should have to be a particularly good child to them.
Axel doesn't seem to mind breaking my parents' rule either. In fact, he seems to be enjoying it quite a bit.
"So, if your parents do show up before I leave, do you think I should, like, sneak out your window?"
I blink at him, then look at my bedroom window. "Would that be safe?"
He's grinning as he goes to survey it. "Hm. I mean, I think I could probably get out without breaking the window, if that's what you mean."
"No, I'm mostly referring to the fact that the roof underneath my my bedroom window is slanted and pretty small. It's just an overhang, really. And there's nothing to hold on to. Plus, the rain gutters are disgusting."
"I can try and do a ninja somersault jump and then land on the ground without even touching the roof."
"Our porch is underneath my window. It's cement. And we're on the second floor- this really isn't a safe idea, Axel."
He slips an arm around my waist, still grinning as he pulls me towards him. "I'll bet I could do it."
"Well, as long as you're gone before eight, you shouldn't have to. And even if my parents did come home early, I think I'd prefer them lecturing me about bringing friends home than you breaking your neck trying to sneak out my bedroom window."
He begins to trail kisses up my neck. "It sounds cool though, doesn't it?"
"What's cool about breaking your neck?"
He pulls away from me to roll his eyes, wearing a slight smirk now. "No. The sneaking bit."
"We're already sneaking around. We're in a gay relationship and we're both in the closet."
"You're impossible," he murmurs, pressing kisses to the other side of my neck. I tilt my head away, smiling to myself.
"I try."
He hums a little, then falls backwards onto my bed, pulling me with him and capturing my lips with his. And. Well. I guess that's the end of that conversation (which hopefully means I won, and he isn't planning on actually trying to jump out my bedroom window if my parents show up before he leaves).
And as the world narrows down to just the two of us together, I can't help but think that I'm the happiest I've ever been.
So sorry for the late update! What do you think of the chapter? Thoughts on their relationship? Jason's warning? And Axel's plan to do a ninja somersault out the window? Let me know!
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