My mind is reeling as I walk to our room. The last few days have been perplexing but what just happened has topped the list. Charlie's apology is not what I'm confused about -that apology was within my rights and I'm not going to praise him for finally giving it to me. Rather, it's what followed.
I wasn't going to attend the Halloween party anymore-not after the way I embarrassed myself in front of all the attendees. Most especially I don't think I can face Rex after the way I acted. But I can't get Charlie's words out of my head.
You and I, the Halloween party, just as friends.
The mere idea of being anything other than rivals sounds as terrifying as it is thrilling. I must admit, despite the issues we've had in the past, the thought of being more than friends with Charlie has crossed my mind but I'd always remind myself that it would never happen. Not only can we not stand each other, but we are also not compatible. And I know It sounds awfully cliche but guys like Charlie don't go for girls like me. If this were a book or a movie, the drop-dead gorgeous jock would go for the silent girl in the back of the class but this is real life.
And reality sucks.
After just a week of knowing him, a part of me always craved being around him. I'd find myself thinking about him at the oddest of times-most times I was thinking of different ways to murder him since he was in the way of something that mattered so much to me. And it didn't help that for the first few weeks, he seemed to be everywhere I was. He'd pop up like a freaking Jack in the box disrupting my peace.
It's crazy to think that almost two months ago, I only knew Charlie as the school's star player who was most likely a myth since not a lot of people saw him around. I had only seen him a couple of times around campus without knowing he is Charlie Murtaugh. I always could tell he was someone important-from the way he carried himself to the usual crowd around him but I never knew exactly who he was.
But there has always been that familiarity from the moment he saved me from the embarrassment of being late to Byrne's class to now. Like I'm supposed to know him but I don't.
Charlie was scarce when I was a freshman -probably healing from his accident whilst drinking and sleeping his way through campus. Pair his myth-like presence with my lack of interest in sports and I wouldn't have known the star athlete if he sat opposite me in a Starbucks booth.
I let out a sigh when I'm in the comfort of our temporary room (which I only seem to use in the daytime.) I had told myself I'd strictly be carrying out operation dinosaur whilst avoiding anything Charlie related but seeing him again had me more confused than a chameleon in a bag of skittles.
Realising that I came here because I wanted to see him when I should want nothing to do with him wasn't an option. I couldn't let myself accept that-even when I actively put myself in a situation where I was locked in a room with him just so he could see me.
Instead of letting things blow over as they should because he refused to apologise to me, I kissed him-Porque soy estúpida. He then tells me he wants nothing to do with me but leapt
into the water to save me and did not pull away when I clung to him all night.
Yes, I was drunk but I was vaguely aware of the manly scent that engulfed me as I pushed myself into the hardness of his body, placing my head on his bare chest and tangling my legs with his. I was aware of the warmth that spread through my body when his hands came around to keep me next to him, the roughness of it caressing me back to sleep when I make a sleepy sound. Thinking about it now, it's like he was afraid I'd wake up and we'd have to break apart.
My dreams were filled with the dirtiest thoughts that would never make the light of day. I've never had sex dreams but yesterday night it seemed I was unable to stop them. I've never been comfortable picturing myself doing it with anybody. It's a level of intimacy that I can't imagine I'd have the courage to have with someone. It terrifies me how easy it comes when I'm with Charlie.
The physical attraction is simply too strong for a friendly relationship.
I make my way to the opened suitcase on the four-poster bed. My throat bobs lightly and fresh tears prick my eyes at the remembrance of Alexis's words. I hate not standing up for myself, I hate being such a pushover. Most especially, I hate myself for not lasting up to the 30 seconds before the waterworks started. I didn't even dare to tell Charlie that his ex-girlfriend warned me to stay away from him.
I regret the decision to go back to Charlie's room but I was packing when I realised I left my bikini top in his room. The bikini is Elle's and she would kill me if I forgot it. Plus, I needed to return Charlie's jersey. But when I got there, I was surprised to meet Alexis in his room frowning at the piece of a bikini in her hand. My immediate response was to retreat but Alexis noticed me before I could and when the realisation of who I am hit her, she didn't hesitate to pounce on the girl who slept with her ex for an article.
"I know the rumours aren't true," Her bright blue eyes don't leave my face as the words slip out of her pink lips. Neither her prominent features nor her voice gives anything away. She sounds like she's having a conversation with a friend which does nothing to calm me down. I have been in situations like this in high school-confrontations with girls who think I'm less than them. "Charlie has always had better taste than-" she gives me a thorough once over "whatever you are. Even if he did, I'm here now-your services are no longer needed."
Whatever you are.
Those words hurt me more than I would like to admit. I can still hear her announcing it to me like I don't matter-I hate that she has lessened my existence in Charlie's life to whatever I am. Not that we were anything rather than adversaries but it still makes me feel like I don't matter.
I'm here now.
What is that supposed to mean?
She's here now as in she's finally arrived at the party or she's back into Charlie's life? What's even to say she ever left his life. If we take out basketball, his accident and his niece I know nothing about Charlie's personal life-absolutely nothing. He did say she cheated on him but a lot of people get back together with their cheating partners. Especially if one of them tried to get a fake girlfriend to make the other jealous.
You don't do that if you don't care.
My phone buzzes loudly from where it's sitting on the bed. I drop the top I'm folding and reach for it. There's a message from Shadé on the group chat asking where I am about twenty minutes ago but it's the latest message that I focus on. It's from Charlie.
iMessage
Sunday 16:52
You didn't have to return the jersey
I had no reason to keep it.
It looked better on you.
I read the message at least ten times as I perch on the edge of the bed. I'm nibbling on my lower lip to fight the flutter in my chest and the tingling all over my body. I rack my head for a reply but my mind is blank and all I can think about is the fact that he thought his jersey looked better on me.
A few seconds later, another message pops up in the chat.
quick question?
yeah?
What are we going to the party as?
Mila thinks we should go as Felicie and Victor but that's bc she's currently obsessed
with the ballerina movie.
We?
Were you gonna stand me up?
I should stand him up-especially with Alexis here but I can't bring myself to. As daunting as it sounds, I want to give this a try. It's just a friendship.
No...I wasn't
Yea. We. Together. As friends
Right.
So..
So?
What are you going as?
a cookie
I thought you'd say some weird sh*t but i wasn't expecting a cookie.
What are you, 5?
Yes Charlie, a cookie.
Why would you want to be a cookie?
What's wrong with being a cookie?
Cookies are...nice
Cookies are not sexy.
I'm not trying to be sexy
istg you sound like a total 'pick me' chick.
Gee, thanks.
Why can't you be a witch or something. A vampire?
a sexy nurse?ð©ð»ââï¸ðð
Vampires and witches? So unoriginal
see what I did there?
No...
Was it meant to be a joke?
The originals?
ðð
Klaus?
Elijah?
MIKEALSON FAMILY?
Am I supposed to know these people?
ahh nvm.
What the hell am I supposed to go as if you're a cookie..milk?
I let out a small laugh as my fingers start whipping up a reply.
You could be the cookie wrapper..maybe you'll turn up in the bin by the end of the night.
Seriously. Stop w the dead jokes sophomore.
That wasn't a joke. I acc think you're trash.
Good thing I don't care what you think
We don't have to match Charlie. You can literally wear what you had planned already idm
It's okay. I'll think of something
See you at 9 Cookie.
"What in the world are you smiling at?" I look up to see Elle eyeing me suspiciously as she walks towards me. The smile I didn't know was on my face disappears and I shut my phone off. Clearing my throat, I stand up and pull out the yellow material from my back pocket.
"Got your bikini." I wave it in the air as she gets on the bed hoping it serves as a distraction.
"No. That is not what I asked." She climbs on the bed with a knowing look on her face "I was standing there for a minute and you were too busy texting and smiling to notice. Seriously, spill."
"It's Charlie." I sigh in defeat. I chuck the bikini in my suitcase and close it hurriedly before getting on the bed as well. "Don't judge me."
"There's nothing to judge." She eyes me "nothing happened last night right?"
Understanding exactly what she's asking, I nod my head. I told them about the kiss but I didn't tell them about last night. It's an intimate memory that I'd like to keep to myself "He wants to be friends," I turn to face her so I can get her reaction as I tell her about the apology. The judgemental look I'm expecting isn't there. Instead, Elle is listening attentively. This relieves me and I get more comfortable "I don't think it's a good idea but I want to give it a try."
"Why don't you think it's a good idea."
"His girlfriend is back."
"So? That doesn't mean you can't be friends." Elle sighs and sits up in the bed "Listen Lor, I think it's great that you're finally putting yourself out there. Don't let anything stand in the way of that." When I nod slowly, she falls back on the bed with a tired yawn. "This might be good for you Lorraine."
***
My friends leave me. Dante had come to pick them a few minutes ago-right after we made a pact not to drink for the night. They've all apologised profusely about last night-which I've said wasn't their fault every-time. I'm the one who decided to get drunk and act like a fool in front of everyone and then fall in the pool. The embarrassment of it all is still at the back of my mind and I've decided to stay away from any form of intoxicant for the night.
I stare at myself in the mirror, adjusting my tight corset. Shadé outdid herself with the blue and red chips ahoy logo covering my left eye. I thought having the sign on my face would be too much but Shadé is an expert and she has made it work. I must admit, I'm glad I bought the costume from Etsy-it's a sweetheart neckline tea dress in a cookie print with short organza sleeves, it comes with a corset and a short hoop skirt so that the organza layers underneath the dress flare out perfectly. It also comes with a matching cookie purse, a bow that is currently holding my ponytail and golden mesh tights. I'm matching it with similar ankle strap heels like the model on the website. Before I can overanalyse how I look there's a knock on the door and my heart lurches.
"Coming!" I call as I gather my things into my cookie purse. I retouch my lipstick, spritz some perfume behind my ears and wrists and give myself one final look in the mirror before rushing to the door.
I have no idea why I'm so nervous. I can feel the nerves curl straight to my toes. Closing my eyes, I take two deep breaths to calm myself (which is surprisingly easy with a corset on) and tell myself it's just Charlie-the worst thing that could happen is we realise that we're not compatible as friends by the end of the night and go our separate ways.
Charlie's back is to me but he turns around when he hears the door opens. Once again, I'm
blown away by how beautiful he is. How is it possible that someone gets hotter by the day? I think it's unfair that even with the layer of blue paint coating his face and tattoos, Charlie still manages to look devastatingly handsome in basic blue jeans and a white T-shirt.
He gives me a curt nod-so formal it makes me swallow hard. His eyes rest on my face for a brief second and he opens his mouth to speak but whatever he wants to say is replaced with a hasty "come on."
The car-ride is quiet and even more awkward than I anticipated. Charlie's driving ten below the limit, tapping his fingers on the wheels and hasn't uttered a word to me. I know something's up, but I'm trying to decide if it's my business to ask. I want to bring out my phone to send a quick 911 message to my friends but my hands are not moving from where they're twisting restlessly on my lap.
A small sigh escapes my lips as I proceed to stare out of the window. We drive by a bunch of similar mansions but my mind is too jumbled up to care. He didn't compliment me-hasn't even looked at me more than once-which is expected in a platonic relationship. The bitter truth leaves me feeling salty but I realise it's a good thing. It's better to wake up and smell the roses. Charlie and I are as incompatible as they come. Yes we kissed and it felt like the best f*cking thing in the world but just like every good thing in life, it came to an end.
And I just have to live with that.
I waste no time climbing out of the car as soon as we reach Sawyer's. Anything to put some distance between Charlie and me. The night air is refreshing and does good to clear my head. There's a tiny crease between Charlie's brows as he strolls over to my side. His eyes are unsettled as they peer at me which somehow makes me feel extremely self-conscious about my cookie dough dress.
I arch my eyebrows "Is there something on my face?"
"Apart from the chips ahoy logo?"
There's a charming gleam in his eyes that infers amusement but I uphold a tepid expression. He doesn't get to be a smart mouth after ignoring me for the past 15 minutes.
"What's wrong with it?" I speak unthinkingly out in annoyance, at myself, for caring that he doesn't have a preference for what I'm wearing because it's not sexy.
"It's so realistic I have to stop myself from eating you." He admits unashamedly.
I gape hard at the undisguised double entendre. I'm pleased Charlie can't notice how rosy my cheeks have turned under the blanket of the night sky. I'm too confounded to speak but I catch the look of achievement on his face-he's getting a kick out of rendering me speechless.
The thoughts of two nights ago flood my mind almost knocking the breath out of my lungs that I have to battle with myself to regain composure. I stop peering at him and clear my throat.
I can't believe I'm taking him seriously-he's covered in blue paint. Charlie could be a dumbhead who collects fake art off eBay and I'd still take words like that seriously.
But I shouldn't focus on what he just said. I know something was up a few minutes ago and now he's hiding it underneath a shield of teasing. Which isn't surprising-the guy is more closed off than anyone I've encountered.
But before I can question him we're both distracted by the sound of a familiar voice calling his name. Charlie's hand reach out to touch my upper arm almost immediately, a profound apologetic expression reflecting on his blue painted face.
"Sophomore, I'm so sorry."
I've decided to split the chapter into 2 since it was getting way too long. I'm so sorry for cutting the chapter short (which really isn't short bc it's over around 3k words but anyways lol) Apologies for the long wait but I've been going through my own personal stuff which made it hard to write. I started writing again but it's taking me longer now. I hope you guys can understand and be patient with me.
Without further ado, hope you enjoyed this chapter.