I wake up alone.
As my eyes adjust to light streaming in through the large bay window, I realise Charlie must have thought leaving the curtains open is a good idea as he snuck out this morning. I don't know whether to be hurt about him escaping before I'm awake or relieved that we don't have to have an awkward conversation about what happened last night.
Either way, I feel my face heat up at the remembrance of the sordid event. In no way should I allow that to occur again. It is erroneous on so many levels. If I'm going to brag that I'm not going to sleep with someone, the last thing I should do is prove myself wrong by kissing them.
"I know that look." Shocked that I didn't realise someone was in the room, I sit up in the bed to see who graced the room with their presence. The redhead from the alpha sig party is peering at me with her hands crossed and a subtle smirk playing on her face. She's flaunting her gorgeous body in a cherry red triangle bikini top and high cut bottoms that correspond to her matte lips and ginger hair. "I'd spot that goddamn look from a mile away. I've seen it on plenty of girls who have shared a bed with Charlie," she continues as she circles to my side of the bed "I imagine that's what transpired whilst you two were locked up in my room leaving me to pulverize with a bunch of paupers for the night." Her red lips sprawl into a smile at my mortified face.
"I-he-we didn't share a bed." I answer quickly, my eyes begging for her to believe me but the look on her face states she believes otherwise and that makes my cheeks burn "I mean we did but not in that way-"
"It's none of my business what you two horny kids get up to." I catch the slight accent in her words but I'm slow to realise what country it must be from. She eyes the four-poster bed sadly "I'm just sad I wouldn't be utilising this queen-sized bed for the weekend-or any weekend for that matter."
"There is nothing wrong with the bed because we didn't do anything, I swear -" I sigh tiredly when she rolls her eyes, albeit with a red smile on her face "look I'm sorry for sleeping in your bed but I was locked in here. I had no say in the matter."
"No need to apologise, love, I'm only pulling your legs." she flips her hair before settling her pointed gaze at me "you must be Lorraine. I'm Bronte, nice to meet you."
Bronte. Aunty Bronte. The one Mila stays with when she's not with Charlie. I could tell from the alpha sig party she has some sort of relationship with Charlie but I just didn't know what kind.
You must be Lorraine-which means she knows who I am. I nod in approval and tell her it's nice to meet her too.
"Now, now, where is Charlie? I heard his delinquent ass was locked up in here for starting a fight?" She glances around the room for the presence of a basketball player with a look that states that she's about to kick him in the ass. And to be honest, I'm here for it. Charlie Murtaugh needs a good ass-kicking.
"He got in a fight with one of Ryan's frat friends and almost got in a fight with Bradley," I explain.
"This is exactly the type of sh*t that happens when I'm not around. Well, where the hell is he?"
"I'm afraid I can't assist you with that. He snuck out before I woke up."
"Typical men." she mutters to herself as she starts walking towards the door "always run away from their feelings."
"What?"
She whips around to face me "Judging from the clueless look on your face, something happened last night but you still have on what I can only presume as the same dress from last night which means not everything happened because for the first time Charlie thought with his brain instead of his manhood." She must have seen the look of confusion on my face because she sighs in that 'why do I even bother explaining sh*t to people' kind of way before waving me off "Nevermind. Well if you do see him around, tell him he needs to call the damn sitter. Mila wants to have a chat with him."
"Ok." I answer even though I know I wouldn't be speaking to Charlie anytime soon.
"See you around love." And just like that, she disappears as fast as she appeared leaving me to think about what she said. Ten lazy minutes of sitting there and daydreaming about things that shouldn't matter, I find the courage to get out of bed in search of my friends.
***
They took the news on better than I expected. I thought telling my friends about the little hot session I had with Charlie would get me a little bit of reprimanding but they all seemed okay-ish about it. I know they're holding back on talking about it because it's sort of a sensitive topic for me but either way, I'm glad they are not judging my thoughtless actions.
Instead, they persuaded me to attend the pool party planned today even though I told them I'd rather stay indoors and hide from my actions. But Elle urged me to make a move on with project dinosaur and also reminded me about the killer yellow bikini I packed in my suitcase. Which she must have put in there because I didn't pack it. I packed the one-piece Moschino swimsuit my mum got me over a year ago. I don't know if I'd be comfortable walking around in nothing but a two-piece after what Charlie said those guys said about me. I'm already self-conscious as it is and wandering eyes would only make matters worse.
But once Elle has her mindset on something, that is exactly what's going to happen. After a much-needed bath and skincare routine in fear of a zit appearing on my face since I left my makeup on overnight, I put on the yellow string bikini. I only apply some lotion, lipgloss, mascara and brush up my brows before staring at my reflection in the mirror. That same feeling I had when I was in that little white dress comes running back as I stare at the bottom of my tattoo peeking out of the bikini bra. I have a sudden surge of confidence because I want a certain someone to see me and I honestly don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing.
The party was in full blast just like the sun by the time we got there. The music isn't as loud as the chatter of people playing around in the pool, jumping in the pool, walking around chatting with their friends and around the makeshift bar which Ryan is manning. Most of Charlie's friends are hanging around the bar but there's no sight of Charlie.
Elle announces she's going to get us some drinks from the bar just as Shadé slips off to go say hi to Aarti. Samantha and I share a knowing look before walking to the free sun loungers far away from the group of girls who are looking at us like we're freaking Darth Vader.
"I mean I get that we look seriously hot in our bikinis but can you not stare that much?"
Sam asks as we settle next to each other. The lounger next to me is occupied and I have a strong feeling I know who it is even though she changed the red string bikini to a red side cut one suit and her eyes are hiding behind large glasses. The red lipstick and hair are still the same. She has a drink next to her but there's no sign of it being touched or her being awake.
"Why do boys always have to be such a jackass." Samantha muses next to me as I apply some sunscreen on my body. She's glaring at the group of boys next to the makeshift bar adjacent to where our beach beds are sitting. "It's like they can't help it. They just have to be f*cking horrible." She adds "and take a look at those girls flocking them, all worshipping the ground those boys walk on which does nothing but feed their already swelled egos. And then they cry when they get treated like sh*t."
"Girls can be really stupid for boys. It's crazy." I mumble in response thinking about what happened last night as I apply some sunscreen. Elle's having a conversation with Ryan and whatever it's about she seems kind of pissed "and that's why we get our ass handed to us."
"And our hearts are broken," Sam adds bitterly. I can't help but think about the anonymous guy that broke Sam's heart. She has told us not to ever ask about it but sometimes I wish we could. Thinking about this guy, whoever he is, still hurts her. I don't think she has healed as much as she thinks she has. "What an absolute f*cking tragedy." She mumbles before putting on her sunglasses signalling the end of the conversation.
I sigh to myself as I look around the pool. Elle is still arguing with Ryan and Shade is nowhere to be seen anymore. At least one of us is enjoying herself. She calls it exploring but I can tell Aarti's starting to grow on her.
"A world without men and we would all be free." I turn to the voice next to me. It's Bronte. She's holding a magazine in her hands, her glasses pushed up onto her head.
Still intimidated by her presence, I blink "I-I thought you were sleeping."
"I was until you and your friend woke me up." She admits as her red manicured finger flips the page "I'd apologise for eavesdropping but I'm not really sorry."
This somehow makes me chuckle a bit. "Do you really think we don't need men?" I find myself asking as I fish out a copy of Oprah Winfrey's Own It from my bag.
"Need?" She asks in that calm and controlled voice she has "You need God, you need oxygen, you need water, you need food but you do not need another human to be able to function. That doesn't mean women haven't been programmed to want men-for protection, procreation. That's we're willing to try as many times as possible to find that one person who makes us feel safe and secure. Of course, men know this and take advantage." She pauses for a moment, her eyes scanning the magazine intently. I'm not surprised she's staring at the first red dress to appear in the magazine. But it doesn't look like something she'd wear and I think she agrees with my thought because she flips past it.
She throws her leg over the lounge bed and shuts the magazine. "Most people get unlucky with love but there are lucky ones Lorraine, believe me." With that the redhead grabs her drink and walks towards her friends leaving me to ponder on her words for the second time today.
The smell of cigarettes clings to the air making me scrunch up my nose slightly. My eyes land on Charlie who's looking over the party through the window in front of the kitchen sink, an almost burnt out cigarette in between his lips. I can't help but take in his olive tan skin, the sea of ink coating his arm, those damn defined shoulders, slim waist and best ass I've seen on a guy.
Charlie notices me standing at the entrance of the kitchen staring at him and I feel my face heat up. I clear my throat and enter the kitchen trying to act as normal as possible. "I didn't know you smoke," I say in an attempt to get a conversation going but Charlie doesn't reply or move to acknowledge me. Although I get a sinking feeling in my belly, I persist as I turn around to start looking for the red cups I came for. "You know you're missing all the fun in the water. You should probably get out there."
No reply.
I turn to look over my shoulder at him and he's still in the same position-not moving.
Suit yourself.
I turn back around to search the cupboards for the red cups. Elle said she saw Sawyer stashing them away somewhere in here after complaining it's about to run out and no one would go get more. A few minutes after ruffling through all the cupboards I'm getting agitated when I don't find the cups, causing me to slam the cupboards open and shut. I open the one at the top again as I couldn't get a good look because of my height.
I let my hand do the finding as they grope the shelf for the plastic bag the cups will be in but I find nothing. Realising I'd have to go back to the girls with no cups, I sigh in defeat and close the kitchen cupboard.
"If you're looking for the cups, they're in the oven."
"Thought you weren't speaking to me." I hate that I sound bitter as I bend over to peek at the oven through the clear glass door. Sure the cups are stashed away there which is pretty smart. It's the last place anyone would think to look. I pull it open and grab enough for my friends and I. I'm sick and tired of Charlie's hot and cold attitude. "It's funny because I should be the one not speaking to you Murtaugh."
"Then don't." He shoots me a remarkably hooded gaze before shrugging as he could care less. I stare at him long and hard, trying to decipher what he might be thinking or if he's even thinking at all but he's not giving anything away. "Don't f*king talk about me or even think about me." His beautiful face houses the same rigid expression as he paces towards me. He's watching me, waiting for me to crack and I hate that I do.
"You're an ass." I spit as anger rolls out of me in hot waves. I'm so sick and tired of having to deal with this bullshit. I'm done playing Charlie's games or whatever the hell this is. "You are an ass."
"If I'm such an ass then why the f*ck are you even here Lorraine?" The question hits me harder than I want it to. "Why were you in that room last night? F*ck that, why did you kiss me?"
I stare at him, speechless. There's nothing for me to say. Hours have passed since the last time he asked me and I still have no answer. But I'm not going to let him get the satisfaction of making me speechless.
"F*ck you." I grab the cup and proceed to leave but Charlie grabs my hand and pulls me back. I look away from him so he doesn't see my eyes brimming with tears. We are chest to chest. Skin to skin. And the only thing between us is the flimsy material of my bikini top. But I know that I can't give in to whatever this is again. So I twist away from him and all but run out of the kitchen.
When I'm back outside, Elle asks why I'm flushed but I tell her it's because of the heat which is a lie. The sun's almost down and the wind is starting to pick up. I hand my friends the cup and Shade pops open the bottle of coke to mix with the tequila.
Not a minute after, I see Charlie walking out of the house to his friends. He sits next to the shower girl from his house and she places a hand on his thighs, rubbing back and forth. I scoff silently and look away. I don't care. I pretend not to notice and tell the girls we have to continue operation dinosaur tonight before downing the content of my cup.
As I stare at the night sky, I realise a lot of time has passed and a lot of shots have been done. I shouldn't have let my feelings get the best of me because I am now very drunk. Drunk Lorraine equals bad Lorraine which equals terrible terrible decisions that I end up regretting in the morning. But it's too late now. Every ounce of common sense has left my body moments ago.
"Hey look, it's coffee boy," Shadé announces from where she is in the pool with Elle. I follow her hand and see Rex walking to a slightly secluded area of the party.
"You know what that means bitches." A laugh escapes me when I stumble slightly as I hurriedly push myself off the lounge chair. Bad move for a drunk person who has been in the same position since she started drinking. Everything blurs for a second and I shut my eyes tightly before steadying myself "I'm okay." I tell my friends who don't look like they're too worried.
Drunk bitches.
"You go, girl!" Sam cheers as I start walking towards the bar where I can see Charlie chatting to his friends. I wish he would look at me and see me but he's paying too much attention to what the redhead is saying.
I should talk to Charlie.
"It's the other way!" Sam laughs over the loud music getting the attention of the few people around us. I get some weird looks as I turn in the right direction and mentally curse myself for drinking too much. I'm going to embarrass myself. I can tell.
Just put one leg in front of the other Lorraine away from the pool. Don't think about anything else.
After a full minute of fighting with the floor, I reach my destination. Just as I had thought, Rex is smoking and I find myself scrunching my nose up at the heavy smell of weed. Rex is leaning against the little deck that overlooks the beach on the other side of the house. I can hear the crashing sound of the waves over the music. The beach comes into view the closer I get to Rex. I lean on the glass balustrade catching his attention.
"Hey, champ." I greet, punching him lightly on the arm. He lets out a series of smokey coughs in return, his eyes watering up.
Hey, champ? Seriously? I wince. What is wrong with me?
"Shit, Lorraine. You f*cking scared the sh*t out of me."
"Sorry."
"It's okay." He coughs some more before clearing his throat and smiling. A damn gorgeous smile that somehow doesn't compare to Charlie's dimpled one-Okay, Lorraine. It's starting to get weird. Focus! I shake my head almost violently to clear my head and I hear Rex laugh next to me "What did you drink?" He asks immediately.
"Tequila?" I let out an airy laugh "but I only had like 6 tiny sips."
"You don't sound like you had 6 tiny sips."
"That's because I didn't?"
"You know ever since I've known you this is the most you've said to me."
My face warms that he noticed and I feel slightly lightheaded as I reply "I get a bit tongue-tied around you I must admit."
Dear God, please let me not talk too much.
"Why?"
"Well-" I begin to speak but he cuts me off before I can which I'm thankful for. I was just about to yap on about how I've been crushing on him my whole college life.
"Is that why you ran off to go save Charlie yesterday."
I suddenly realise I've never told Rex my name. I left yesterday before we could start a conversation and introduce ourself. He must have found out my name from all the rumours going about. Right? Or maybe not. Maybe he found out my name the way I did his-by putting my FBI skills to use.
"Oh, no-no-no. Charlie has nothing to do with this." I reply instantly. Why does everything have to be about him?
"So the issue with the articles and the videos..." he trails. I feel my heart sink at the prospect of him even thinking I had anything to do with Charlie.
"That-" I start feeling a slight headache "that is the most untrue, incorrect, false inaccurate piece of sh*t truth I've heard my entire life. I am not the type of girl to have a fling with the likes of Charlie? He's an jackass. He a jackass. And I don't like jackasses. I'm not that type of girl to throw herself at any jackasses." I internally cringe at the lie. I was all over Charlie last night.
"Well, that's too bad."
I blink in confusion mentally telling myself to compose myself but the alcohol is making me lose control. "What is?"
"I was thinking we could, you know, hang out if you were into sh*t like that."
It takes a second for his words to register but when it does, it's like I lose every single ounce of control left in me. Hang out. Like, hang out in the way everyone thinks I hang out with Charlie. Not only have I had enough of rejection for the whole day, I've also had enough of misogynistic males who only want girls around for sex and nothing more.
"You piece of shit," I say to myself before scoffing at the ridiculousness of it all.
"What?"
"You absolute piece of shit," I repeat louder. And for the first time tonight, I'm thankful there's alcohol in my system. Normal Lorraine would have let the embarrassment of the situation cower her away and let this slide. She would have been deeply hurt.
But bad Lorraine takes bullshit from nobody.
"Okay. I'm walking away." Rex says as he throws away the rest of his blunt. But I'm not letting this slide. I push myself off the metal railing and follow after him. It's a surprise I don't fall down the steps as I march after Rex with intent.
"You know what? Girls like that wouldn't even be into you because you're a good for nothing piece of shit. I'm too good for you anyway! ¡Eres un pedazo de mierda feo!" (you're an ugly piece of shit)
It's like everything stops and everyone's staring at me. Staring at the crazy drunk chick with sad eyes. But I don't care. Two rejections in one day and I feel like I might be losing my goddamn mind.
"And what are you all staring at huh?" I yell as I keep turning around, facing everyone. I don't know what I'm angrier about. Making a fool out of myself in front of all these people or in front of both Charlie and Rex. Either way, I'm furious. I motion towards my body as I wobble backwards "you want some of this huh? Do you want some of the girl who gave up some ass to write a stupid article? You want bad Lorraine! You have bad f*cking lorr-"
Oh no.
Everything happens in mere seconds. My knee buckles and I know instantly that I'm falling. The disequilibrium of my entire body causes a feeling of weightlessness and vertigo that I feel my stomach lurch to my mouth. My cry for help is suppressed as I hit the cold water, a huge gulp of dirty pool water forcing its way down my throat. My gag of protest and fear of swimming makes me swallow more water as I come back up for air. Not a second later I feel like I'm sinking to the bottom but keep on fighting the water "I can't-!" Sink. "Help!" Sink.
"I've got you," I know who it is before his hand grabs me but I'm still fighting the water as cold fear grips every part of my body. "Sophomore, I've got you!"
"Charlie!" I cry, hot tears spilling out of my eyes as I hold on to him for dear life. Charlie's hands find my legs under the water and I jump on him, my hands automatically wrapping around his neck as he carries me.
"Is she okay?" I hear someone ask as he hauls me out of the water but any other response is drowned out by the sound of me bawling my eyes out. The shock of the entire situation is hitting harder now that I'm out of the water. I'm sobbing uncontrollably into Charlie's chest unaware of my surroundings.
"Sh sh sh." He soothingly whispers in my ears and the sound slowly calms me down "It's okay."
A few moments later, I feel myself dropping and I cling tighter to Charlie afraid I'm about to be dumped in the pool again. However, he tells me it's his bed and I relax, letting him release me onto the soft landing. I miss the warmth of his body and my teeth clatters together as my body desperately fights the chilliness-the air conditioning is on and I'm in nothing but a wet bikini. Charlie disappears into the ensuite and comes back with two large white towels that he wraps around me and a UCLA 13 jersey that reminds me of my own little tattoo.
"I'll leave you to get changed," he announces as he proceeds to leave.
"Why?" I ask robotically as I get off from the bed "it's nothing you haven't seen before right? I did sleep with you for that article." I have no idea where it came from considering Charlie just saved me from drowning but I'm glad I said it. He still hasn't felt the need to apologise to me because I'm the girl that doesn't fight back. I'm the girl who stays quiet while people step all over me. He didn't feel the need to apologise for wronging me.
"You're drunk." He says before walking into the closet. I want to disagree with him but I know he's right. I'm drunk. I just fell in a f*cking pool. And God, I have ruined any chance I have with Rex -or any other guy for that matter. Not with how I acted in front of everyone.
What a dufus.
I take off my bikini top but leave the bottom and wrap one of the towels around my head. I tell myself I'm getting inside Charlie's bed because I'm tired and the alcohol has influenced me to but I know a huge part of me wants to be here no matter how much I try to fight it.
Now in nothing but fresh green striped pyjama trousers, Charlie doesn't look surprised to see me in his bed neither does he complain about me leaving him the slightly damp side. Instead, he gets in with a sigh.
I should be thankful for the silence that follows. After a fall like that and the alcohol in my system, my eyes are drooping and my body is pushing for sleep but the events of the night won't stop playing in my head making it difficult. As I turn to face Charlie, the smell of his sheets hit my nose and I find myself snuggling closer to the smell of spring. I'm starting at Charlie as he watches the ceiling, his tattooed arm raised above his head, slightly covering his face. His mouth moves to say something and I open mine to reply but I don't understand a word I'm saying.