I'm pissed. Charlie's pissed. We're both pissed. And I can't say it's a good thing that we're locked in a room together with no way of leaving.
I'm staring at Charlie, finding it strange that despite the fact that this guy in front of me has made it a mission to make my life hell, that this dark-haired boy who has continuously disrespected me and manipulated situations so that they can benefit him is making me worried. That despite hating him and wanting nothing to do with him I still chose to be here, in this room, with him, hoping that he would look at me.
That he would talk to me.
For him to know that the two words I want to hear from him have now changed from I'm sorry to I'm fine.
And that even though I'm furious at myself for having zero control over how I feel, knowing Charlie Murtaugh doesn't deserve a thing from me, that I am here. I am here.
"You should be with your friends."
I was actually beginning to think that we'd spend the night in here without so much as a word to each other. But as I raise my head up from where it's laid on the soft pillows on the only bed in the room to look at Charlie, I realise he has finally looked away from the painting he's been staring at since he was forced in here by the boys. His eyes -still void of any emotion- are settled on my face in an intimidating manner which builds up slight nervousness in me.
I didn't see what happened between him and that guy but the limp body I saw being hauled out of the Harrington mansion was enough to let me know Charlie did a number on him. Not to talk about the fight he almost had with Bradley immediately after. Remembering the wild look on his face as he forcefully tried to push past the group of boys holding him from throwing a punch at Bradley makes me apprehensive. To me, it seems like Charlie was out for blood tonight and I want to know why.
Not wanting to seem intimidated by his disturbing gaze, I shrug casually. The girls know that I'm in here with him. They were all there when the first fight broke out and probably know about the reason why it did more than I do. I was just starting up a conversation with Rex by the pool when we heard the ruckus. (Can't forget to add that to the list of things Charlie has managed to ruin for me.) Elle was there when Dante pleaded with me to stay in the room with Charlie. Something about needing someone to get "his head straight."
Although, I didn't understand why Dante would think I'm the best person for the job, I willingly stepped into the room and let him lock me in here with someone I could barely recognise.
"Even if I wanted to, Dante's not going to let us out. We're locked in here till morning."
Saying that out loud suddenly makes me realise the situation I'm in. I am actually locked in a room with Charlie with no way out and it's only my first night here. Three hours ago, I was leaving the room with the hopes of jumpstarting operation dinosaur after Elle got info from her buddy that Rex was already at Dante's birthday party and my friends weren't about to leave me sulking in the room just because I'm avoiding one person.
So, I put on makeup, curled my hair and wore the most slutty dress Elle could find- a white, body hugging dress that had low cut sweetheart neckline with inbuilt cups to hold my boobs in place. The dress only stops right underneath my ass and hugged me in all the right places. I could barely recognise myself in the mirror and although it terrified me to step out looking like that, deep in my mind I wanted to because I needed someone to notice me.
And I don't mean Rex.
But Charlie ignored me for the entire night-didn't even act like he saw me. I shouldn't have cared but I did. It left a sting that didn't go away.
"Are you okay?" I ask against all my better judgement. I tell myself I'm asking because it's the reason Dante put me in this room and not because I care.
"What the f*ck do you care." He spits, looking away from me to the painting again.
"You're right. I shouldn't care. I should hate you for what you did to me-"
"What I did to you?" Charlie scoffs, shaking his head aggressively in disapproval "what I did to you? Are you crazy? How about what you did to me?" Shocked, I give him a what the hell are you talking about look. "You promised you wouldn't write about that damn accident but you did it anyways."
"Do you think I wanted to write about it? I had no choice. Melissa Huntley wouldn't -"
"You had a choice sophomore." He cuts me off "we always have a choice to do the right thing." It doesn't seem like the last line was directed at me anymore. Charlie almost sounds guilty as he stands up from the sofa so that he's facing me. I can see his tanned chest peeking in between the short sleeve, black and white bandanna print shirt he's wearing. Although he left some buttons undone more must have popped out of the silk material during the fight leaving his bare torso on display. I do my best to ignore it "And why the f*ck didn't you just tell me about it instead of letting me find out that the whole world knows my business on live tv?"
As hypocritical as it is coming from him, I know Charlie's right. I did have a choice to stand up to Melissa. I had a choice to stand up for myself and do what was right but when have I ever been able to? But I'm also not about to let him think I'm the only one in the wrong here. He hurt me more than I did him. Besides my 'choice' was limited. He actively chose to be a jackass.
"I was going to tell you at some point but Melissa moved up the article. Everything was happening too quick." I spit back angrily "You had a choice too but you chose to lie on my name."
"I didn't do sh*t."
"'You know what I mean?' wink? What the hell was that supposed to mean Charlie!" I explode, feeling the anger deep in the pit of my stomach as I move from the bed. I walk around the bed so that we're now standing in front of each other "and maybe you didn't mean it. Maybe you can't control how everyone interprets things, but not once did you try to clear up what you said. You just let everyone believe that lie. I waited everyday for something Charlie, but you never defended me." I'm so angry that my hands are flying everywhere as I yell it out to him "and don't even get me started on tonight. Getting drunk and beating up people? What's that all about?"
"I wouldn't be beating up people if you didn't show up at the party in that f*cking please f*ck me dress you're wearing." Charlie gives me a thorough once over, his eyes darkening when they return to my face.
"And what is wrong with me wearing a 'fuck me dress?'" Not only am I now conscious of how I look, I'm genuinely confused as to what my dress has got to do with anything.
"Because all those assholes think they can get in your f*cking pants." He scowls.
"Well," I frown as I fold my hands underneath my chest "maybe they wouldn't think that if you didn't start up a silly rumour about how easy I am to get."
"I never said you were easy."
"Not directly."
"So what the f*ck a couple of losers think we had sex. Big deal?"
"Because I would never have sex with you Charlie. Even if you're the last guy on earth."
"You really want to know why I almost f*cking killed that guy?" For some reason I simply cannot comprehend Charlie's eyes spark with anger shocking me completely. Despite the queasy feeling in my chest, I stay rooted to the spot and don't break eye contact even though holding his gaze is killing me. His voice drops dangerously low and his words are slower. Taunting. "he said 'in that dress, I'd fuck her ten ways to Sunday' and that made me angry because no one can f*cking talk about you like that," at this point, Charlie is only a few centimetres away from me. His dark brown eyes shift to rest on my lips for far too long before returning to my eyes "Except me."
Kiss him.
The thought popped out from nowhere. I'm staring at Charlie and he's staring right back at me like he's waiting for me to make the first move. Suddenly I'm aching to close the space between us.
Don't do it Lorraine. It's not too late to take a step back.
Don't -
But before I know it, I've pushed myself into Charlie's arms and he's crashed his lips on mine. My heart is racing wildly against my rib cage as his soft velvety lips caresses mine, knocking the air out of my lungs. My hands are running through his hair and over his neck, pushing him further into me as his mouth works wonders on mine. In one swift movement, he picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist feeling lightweight. Of course the flimsy dress I'm wearing rises up, leaving my lace clad ass on the show. Charlie groans into my mouth as his hands cup my ass softly and I rub against him. He pushes his tongue in, allowing me to taste him. He tastes tangy-a mixture of scotch and mint. I feel like I'm floating but there's a tightness in my belly-and somewhere else. Somewhere I've never felt anything before.
Charlie moves wet, sloppy kisses from my mouth to my chin, down to my neck and I find myself tilting my head to give him more access. There's too much going on, it's too hot in here and I've definitely lost all sense of thinking. I feel another wicked squeeze on my butt before being laid on the bed. Charlie's staring at me on the bed. His eyes are dark with lust-for me. His hair is sticking in all direction from me pulling and tugging at it. He's staring at me as my chest rises and falls to the rhythm of my hard breathing.
I've lost trail of thoughts. All I can hear is the thumping in my ears and feel my heart slamming against my ribcage-hard and fast. I don't know what's to happen next. I'm on the bed with half my body on the show and I was just kissing Charlie. I want it to keep going. But I see it in his eyes before the unexpected happens. The instant regret. Charlie takes two steps back before turning to walk into the bathroom leaving me on the bed to suffer the aftermath of what could possibly be the hottest moment of my life and nurse the sting of the rejection that followed.
As soon as the door shut, I spring off the bed and pull down my dress to cover up. The rejection is like a cold slap to the face-it did a good job of clearing my mind and seeing just how stupid I acted.
What was I thinking kissing Charlie right after I said I'd never have sex with him. What the hell was I thinking?
I'm pacing the room with my heart slamming hard against my chest as I remember the kiss. God. I sit on the bed with my face in my palm. What is wrong with me? Why? How in the hell did that happen? What the hell was I thinking? I clearly wasn't thinking because the Lorraine that I know would never kiss Charlie-and even if she did, she certainly wouldn't like it as much as I do right now. And what's more humiliating is that he left. That's how much it must have sucked for him. God.
I feel like such an idiot.
I admit, I have zero experience when it comes to this. In all honesty, I've only ever kissed 2 people before Charlie-the only guy who asked me out for winter formal in middle school and a stranger at some party last year. Both kisses combined barely lasted longer than ten seconds so technically I can't even say they taught me anything about kissing. Maybe it's because I'm so bad at it. God how embarrassing.
I should ask him why he left and what I did wrong. I get up from the bed and start walking towards the bathroom but stop myself from knocking. That would come off as desperate. Why should I acknowledge anything happened. If he's willing to walk away from whatever the hell just happened then I should be able to pretend it never happened too.
Right?
I pull open the cover so I can get under it. I don't care that my makeup stains the sheets as I push my face into a pillow and release a scream. I turn around in the bed so that I'm staring at the plain white ceiling with one thought dancing in my head. Why do I always let Charlie asshole Murtaugh get his way?
Because he's fine as hell and just beat up a guy for disrespecting you?
But he disrespected me. In a way, he's the same as whoever that guy was. And I'm certainly not comfortable with him beating a guy to a pulp because of me. And he still hasn't apologised or shown any sign of remorse for what he did.
But those words. Except me. Those two words send a shiver down my spine and I have to squeeze my eyes shut to keep away the thoughts of Charlie's lips on mine, his hands on my butt and his hands running down my back.
God. How can I hate someone and feel like this at the same time. Something is definitely wrong with me. I close my eyes and clear my mind in hopes of falling asleep. And just as I am about slip into a slumber, I feel the bed dip next to me. Although I am vividly aware of his presence, my eyes stay shut as I try to stay calm.
I got to the bed first so I automatically assumed Charlie would crash on the couch. But now I'm guessing it's bold of me to assume anything. When it comes to Charlie I should expect the unexpected.
"You can stop pretending. I know you're not sleeping." I hear him say "Open your eyes sophomore. You look ridiculous."
Sighing, I pop my eyes open and turn to glare at him. But I doubt he can see me because the light and the side lamps are off. I lean over to my side and turn on the lamp "Do you mind? I got dibs on the bed."
"Are we really going to argue about this?" He rolls his eyes casually. It's like nothing happened between us a few minutes ago. Right there, a few metres away from where we're laying right now. Where he left me. Seeing him again with that blank expression he wears most time refreshes the sting of the rejection and anger I'm feeling. He's an asshole and I won't let him play with my head. "I just want to sleep."
"Why can't you do that on the couch?" I ask "I don't want to share a bed with you."
Charlie snickers "you weren't saying that ten minutes ago."
Feeling embarrassed, I throw the cover off my body, grab two pillows and start walking towards the couch. There is no way in hell I'm sleeping next to him. It's too much. It'd do nothing to get rid of the illicit thoughts in my mind. Not when he's only a few inches away from me and I can feel his body warmth.
"What are you doing?" Charlie asks but I ignore him as I dump the pillow on the couch. It's a renaissance style chair and it looks uncomfortable as hell but anything's better than being that close to Charlie. Even though the air conditioning is on and the room is getting cold. I curl my legs to myself to keep warm. I can get through one night of this.
Maybe the cold will get rid of whatever the hell i think I felt ten minutes. Whatever feelings came with that kiss needs to wear off before the sun rises. Clearly, it was only one-sided. Which makes me realise that he's exactly what they say. He doesn't care about girls. He toys with their emotions and I don't want to be a victim. I'm not-
I feel myself being hauled up from my position on the couch. My eyes fly open as Charlie throws me over his shoulder. I continuously hit him on his back as I scream at him to let me go but he doesn't. He dumps me on the bed, causing my flimsy dress to rise up again. I can swear his eyes darken again as a feeling of déjà vu washed over me making the beat of my heart pick up. I do my best to look away from his chest and focus on his face as I move so that I'm sitting up on the bed whilst pulling down my dress.
"What do you think you're doing?"
"In that silly dress you're wearing," He says as he walks towards the sofa and grabs the pillows before dumping them next to me "You'll freeze over before morning."
"What do you care if I'm cold?"
"I'm an asshole, not heartless."
"Really? I didn't think there was a difference." I grab the pillows and proceed to get out of the bed but Charlie gets in my way "Move." I command but he doesn't.
Charlie towers over me already so it doesn't help that I'm sitting on the bed whilst he's standing over me like a watchdog "If you so much as move from the bed sophomore I swear to God I will tie you down if I must." We look fixedly at each other as I weigh his words. He doesn't sound like he's joking. Aggressively, I arrange the pillows and get under the cover.
"Happy?"
"That's a good girl." Charlie gives me a fake smile before patting my head mockingly and I scoff as I slap his hand away. I have never met anyone so annoying. He makes my blood boil.
"I'm just going to get out when you fall asleep." I mumble under my breath as he walks over to the other side and gets in. I didn't think Charlie would hear me but he did.
"Well I guess I'm not falling asleep then."
The silence in the room is deafening as we both stare at the ceiling. Two stubborn people determined to not fall asleep. I'm scared to fall asleep or even move an inch. It's killing me that he's so close and all I want to do is close the distance between us and share that body heat I can feel radiating towards me. But I can't because this is Charlie and this is not how I'm supposed to feel about him. Where is all of this coming from?
I need something to get mind off this. I'm clearly not thinking straight.
"Why are you here Lorraine?" I hear Charlie ask next to me. Every thought of sleep leaves my body at his question.
"Because Dante forced me to be here." I say immediately. It's not entirely a lie but it's not the truth either. The truth is I don't why I'm here. I could have said no to Dante but I didn't. A part of me wanted to be locked up in a room with Charlie and I hate it.
"Bullshit."
"Why else would I be here Charlie?" I ask but the question is more directed at myself. What am I doing here? I should be avoiding anything Charlie related especially after that video that he still hasn't apologised for.
"I can't answer that for you sophomore."
And he's right. But I'm afraid I can't answer for myself either.