That's what I want right? Is what I want? Of course that's what I freaking want. That's exactly why I was worried it had been two weeks since our last conversation. That's the reason why my heart almost flew out of my chest when I got the notification that murtuagh13 followed me on Instagram. That's why I couldn't sleep when I saw that video of him kissing me right in the middle of Westbrook court. That's why I picked up the phone and called him even though I could have ignored his message. I don't ever want to deal with Charlie Murtaugh again.
And I don't. Lord knows I don't want to deal with Charlie and the problems he brings. Although the past two weeks, my eyes couldn't help but search for him in stat class and everywhere I went, I managed to get a sense of normalcy in my life. It was only for a short period but he walked into my life and stressed me the hell out. My whole life, I have never been able to fight back. I never even stood up to my bullies. But Charlie pushes my button so hard that I just snap. I'm still deciding if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
I've gotten so used to him pressing on about this fake relationship thing that I didn't expect him to suggest otherwise. I guess he's realised that he's never getting in my pants and has gotten tired of the chase which I suppose is a good thing for both of us. Only if I could just stop thinking so much about it.
"Can I tell you a secret?" My thoughts are cut off by the little girl sitting next to me. When Charlie asked me for a favour, I didn't think it'd be a human or that the human would be his niece. I didn't exactly peg him for the family type, he seems more like a lone ranger to me.
Apparently, she's been complaining about her belly hurting for sometime now so we're currently in the east wing of UCLA Mattel Children's Hospital which is actually on campus while Charlie's gone to do whatever it is he does. It more like him to flee from responsibility so I'm not surprised.
Mila has been awfully quiet since I met her at our apartment. After seeing how chummy she was with Shadé and Sammie, I couldn't help thinking she didn't take a liking to me. So I'm surprised that she's finally decided to talk to me. I angle my body so that I'm facing her. When kids want to tell you a "secret" it's usually a big deal.
"Yes." I reply, giving her an encouraging smile.
"You can't tell uncle Charlie."
"I won't." Not that Charlie and I even talk like that. She doesn't look like she believes me so I stick out my finger "pinkie promise?" Her face breaks into the sweetest smile as she entwines her little pinkie in mine. "What is the secret?" I smile, nudging her with my shoulder lightly.
Her face falls and she hangs her head. "My belly don't really hurt every-time." She admits aloud before looking up eagerly "It hurt one time. But that's because I had too much sweets before bed at Aunty Bronte's house and it stopped in the morning." Her face falls again as she continues "I just tell that to uncle Charlie."
"Why?" I ask genuinely intrigued.
"Because grandma is always around when I'm really sick. So If I'm really sick then maybe she'll come back." She replies in a small voice.
"Your grandma?" I frown, confused "Where did she go?"
"I don't know where exactly, uncle Charlie doesn't say. She left me with him and I don't know when she's coming back and I miss her and I want her to come back and I don't always like staying in uncle Charlie's house." she rants.
"And why's that?"
"Because he stays with uncle Dante, Bradley and Uncle Sawyer and they bring girls and drink alcohol and play stupid video games and I can't watch the tv--" She lists with her fingers sounding quite irritated "-except from Bradley, he's different. He says alcohol is bad for you and I'm the only girl he likes." She smiles meekly. Of course, that's what boys do. They lie to girls and play video games. I doubt Bradley's different but it's apparent she's got a little crush on him. Mila continues "and he lets me go to bed late and eat junk food and grandma never lets me even though she's sick and alcohol's bad for you."
I don't know if she's talking about Bradley or Charlie by the end of her sentence but something else sticks out to me.
"Sick?" I ask worriedly.
"Grandma got really sick when my mommy went to heaven."
I sit there, her words hitting me like a slap in the face. Out of all the reasons I came up with as to why Charlie had to take his niece to the hospital, her mother not being in the equation wasn't a part of it. I feel like a sh*t human being for jumping into conclusions so fast. "I'm sorry about your mommy." I say quietly.
"It's fine." She shrugs nonchalantly as you might expect from a kid who doesn't understand the concept of death "I was a baby when she went to heaven so I don't really know her. I've only heard stories and seen pictures of her."
A few questions are swimming around my head like why she's not mentioning anything about her dad- I'm guessing he's not in the picture. I have so many questions but I know I can't throw them at a little girl as it might upset her. Besides, I shouldn't poke my nose into other people's lives.
"You shouldn't be sad about your grandma leaving." I say, picking a more safer topic. There should be more to this than what Mila knows and I'm guessing Charlie is keeping information from her because it's the best thing for her.I can just hope her grandma is safe and will come back home to her soon. If she's faking belly aches just so she can see her then I think it's pretty serious. "I'm sure she'll be back soon, you just have to be really patient." The little girl doesn't look convinced by my words. "Your uncle Charlie's supposed to pick us up after your appointment so how about we do something fun before then?" I ask, biting my bottom lip slightly as she looks up at me.
"We don't have to stay?"
"Well there's nothing wrong with you. Unless you want to stay, I don't mind--"
"Can we go to the beach?" She asks, face breaking into a big smile. Santa Monica beach is just about half an hour away if we take the bus. I haven't been there in a while since the girls and I keep putting it off because everyone's so busy. We did agree to go next week Thursday-if we don't end up cancelling again-but I don't mind taking Mila if it'll cheer her up.
"Sure, we could do that." I take her hand in mine as we walk down the corridor that leads to the entrance of the hospital. I smile when she swings our entwined hands. When we get to the nearest bus stop, I give her a thankful smile "Thanks for trusting me with your secret."
***
After a quick 45 minutes at the Santa Monica which consisted of eating ice cream whilst walking on the beach and and feeding the birds by the pier, I got a message from Charlie saying he's on his way. I tell him to meet us at Starbucks where Mila and I are currently seating. She's got a strawberry lemonade and a panini in front of her. I love a kid with a good appetite and Mila's just the sweetest little thing. I don't have nieces and nephews but I do have a particular cousin in New York that's borderline annoying. I should have known that kid would be a pain in the ass when his parents named him Dennis.
"Are you my uncle's girlfriend?"
I choke on my caramel frappe, my eyes widening at the blatantly unexpected question. I grab the napkin on the table and wipe my mouth. "No." I answer immediately my cough dies down "No, I am not."
"That's too bad. I didn't like his old girlfriend, she was a meanie." She takes a sip of her lemonade as I picture Charlie's ex-girlfriend. When Elle showed me a picture of who it is, I remembered her from that awful frat party. She's the one who came to tell us about the fight and the cops. Too much was happening that night and I didn't get a proper look at her but seeing her picture was a total game changer. There's no other word to describe her except beautiful. I totally get why someone like Charlie would be with someone like her-that's how these things work. But what I don't get is how he possibly thinks she can get jealous of me. He's clearly out of him mind to think I can compete with her. "I like you and your friends. Plus you're really pretty."
"Thank you." I say touched by the compliment even though I don't believe a word of it. "You're really pretty too."
"I know." She replies proudly, her blue eyes twinkling which makes me laugh. Talk about confidence. I catch Rex walking into the coffee shop, a hasty smile on his face as he says something to the barista currently behind the counter. The smile on my face slowly disappears and I feel my heartbeat pick up as I watch him get behind the counter and put on an apron. He must be late for his shift because he's not changing into his work clothes. "What are you staring at?" Mila asks curiously. I think about telling her it's nothing but decide it's only fair she gets a secret from me too.
"Look over there." I whisper, pointing towards the counter "Do you see the guy behind the counter?"
"The one in the ugly apron?"
"Yeah. He's cute right?" I ask. Rex runs his hand through his blonde hair hurriedly as he stands behind the till.
"He's not my type."
"I've had a crush on him forever but I still haven't worked up the courage to tell him." I raise my drink to my mouth and take a long draw, my eyes not leaving his face.
"Why?"
"I can't. He probably doesn't like me back." I wince at how pathetic I probably sound admitting that. Especially when I know that the suggestive smiles I've gotten from the guy says otherwise. I bite down hard on my lip and look away from him with a slight sigh.
"You're never gonna know unless you tell him. When I like someone, I go for it."
"Like Bradley?" I tease remembering how she conveniently pointed out he's different. Which I sincerely doubt. From what I've heard, he just might be the worst. But I'm not about to tell a 5 year old that. Her face warms up as I continue "Don't you think he's a little too old for you?"
"Age is nothing but a number Lorraine." She sassed back at me and I take another sip of my frappe before smacking my lips together.
"Right."
"At least I had the balls to talk to him."
"Are you even allowed to say that?" I gasp, totally caught off guard by her statement. Fear flashes across her face as I shake my head with a confused frown "I don't think you're allowed to say that Mila."
"Sorry." She apologises in a small voice, looking down.
"It's okay, just don't say it again okay? It's a bad word." My hand reaches out to pat hers on the table so that she knows that I'm not upset with her. She slowly looks back up and nods meekly. A sigh escapes me as I pull my hands to myself "You're right anyways. I'm too much of a chicken to tell him how I feel about-"
"Tell who how you feel about what?" When I look up, Charlie is sliding into the empty seat next to Mila, his hands reaching out to grab half of the panini on the little girl's plate. I notice that he's wearing the Yankee's cap again which is making it hard to see his eyes. I am not a huge fan of that baseball cap for some reason. Ignoring Mila's cry of protest, he tells her sharing is caring before taking a hungry bite of the panini and drops what's left of it on her plate. Realising the question that he asked, my heart skips and feel my face warm up instantly.
"Nothing." I answer quickly. I sure as hell do not want Charlie to know that I fancy anyone. The thought of him finding out alone is making me want to run out of Starbucks.
"Tell the boy that she likes that she has a huge crush on him since forever." Mila declares.
"Oh my God, Mila!" I exclaim, extremely astounded by how quickly she was to announce what was supposed to be our little secret "That was supposed to be a secret." I whisper the last part to her regretting my decision to tell her.
"You didn't say that." She whispers back.
I blink rapidly, trying to remember if I did or not. I didn't tell her it's a secret. I thought it in my head but I didn't actually tell her. I have a feeling she still would have said it even if I did. I don't think kids fully understand the concept of secret keeping if it doesn't benefit them. Lesson learnt.
"Oh," Charlie says, amusement evident in his voice and I can already imagine how the next thirty seconds will go. Him teasing me about this. "Who's this boy you have a crush on."
I hate how he's making it sound like I'm an elementary student who's got a crush on the new kid, not as much as I hate that he has managed to find out yet another personal thing about my life. First it was my inability to drive, then my tattoo, now this. I roll my eyes and stick my straw in my mouth to avoid talking too much. "I'm not telling you-"
"He's over there, in the ugly apron."
I palm my face and breathe hard into my hands, "Mila--" I groan out tiredly feeling betrayed and a bit annoyed. Charlie turns around to look for the person who fit his niece's description. The moment he sees Rex he scoffs but his face is void of emotions when he turns back to me-I hate that I can't see his eyes underneath that bloody hat. Charlie folds his hand against his chest, calling my attention to the tiny writing in the middle of his plain black t-shirt.
"So what did the doctor say is wrong with her?" He motions towards Mila who's playing with her empty cup. I squint my eyes a little feeling hurt that he's just brushed off the situation like he doesn't care. It shouldn't bother me that Charlie doesn't care. But him not caring definitely stings a little bit and I have no idea why. It's better he doesn't show any interest in my love life-or the lack thereof.
I brush off the foreign feeling in my chest and swallow as I remember that we didn't stay for the doctor's appointment. "There's nothing wrong with her." I answer quickly feeling bad for the lie. "Turns out abdominal pain is actually common in children and are often caused by changes in eating and bowel habits."
"Did they give her anything to ease the pain?"
My eyes fly from him to Mila who's also waiting for a response. "I-uh-most cases of abdominal pain are not that serious and-" I scratch my head and swallow slightly, "home treatment is often all that is really needed to help relieve the discomfort. Like-uh-maybe not eating too much sweets before bed." I nod. I'm pretty sure every time I had an upset stomach as a child my mother made me drink lemon tea and lie on my belly. Still don't understand the last part. "It'll go away by itself. Nothing to worry about."
"You feeling good kiddo?" Charlie ruffles her hair as his eyes watch her worriedly. I can't help but think about what Mila told me about her sick grandma and deceased mum. If that is the case, there must be more to Charlie than what he lets out. But then again, what if Charlie's her paternal uncle and has nothing to do with all of this. Charlie might just be an everyday normal dude who enjoys being a douche but has a sweet spot for his niece. It would be highly inappropriate for me to ask any question especially when Mila confided in me. Whatever it is that's going on, I'm sure they'll find a way to sort it out. It's none of my business.
"Sophomore-"
I blink as I realise that I totally zoned out. Charlie is now on his feet, pulling back Mila's chair so that she can get up too. Amongst the sea of tattoos filling up his left lower arm I notice a circle with four names inside it. It's too hard for me to see the names from here. "Sorry." I mumble "you're leaving." I announce.
Way to go for stating the obvious.
"Yeah. I've got a lot of sh*t to do." He replies and I nod.
"Bad word uncle Charlie."
"Sorry."
"I've got a lot of work to do too." I reply awkwardly. Charlie doesn't look like he really gives a toss what I have to do. He's being very douchy but in a silent manner. It's kind of annoying.
"Do I get to see you again?" Mila walks over to me and I give her a small smile as I bend down to her height.
"I hope so." I smile even though I know the chances are slim. Charlie and I are not friends and I'm pretty sure we'll be seeing less of each other after today. He said I don't have to deal with him again and I'm perfectly fine with that. It's what I want.
Mila's hands wrap around my neck in a warm hug that I gladly return "Thank you for keeping my secret." She whispers into my ear.
"You're welcome." I whisper back "but you can't do that again, it makes your uncle worried."
"Ok. I promise." She leans in to kiss my cheeks before untangling herself from my hold which makes me laugh. "Bye Lorraine."
"Bye."
A sigh escapes me as I stand back up. My eyes automatically fly to Charlie but he's busy texting on his phone. He doesn't look at me as he grabs Mila's hands and walks out of the coffee shop. I shake my head angrily and scoff as I grab my bag from where it's hanging on my chair.
What an asshole. Not even a thank you. Or a goodbye. Well good riddance. He can go to hell for all I care.