Chapter 25: Chapter Twenty-Five

LOGAN

I swear this woman is the most perfect person in the goddamn universe. Her chocolate eyes are glistening with tears because she just poured her fucking heart out.

We only met a few weeks ago, and she already feels comfortable enough to tell me about her mental health.

I’m going to marry her someday. I don’t care how cheesy or unbelievable that sounds. It doesn’t matter.

I’m sure of it. I’d buy the ring tomorrow if I knew she’d say yes. There’s something about her that makes me feel whole.

“You’re…,” I trail off because I don’t have the words. Rae is indescribable. “Want to sit on the couch?”

I crave her touch, the way she molds herself so no space remains between us. There’s nothing better than the feeling of Rae melting into me.

She nods with a small smile, seemingly in deep thought. I wonder if what’s playing out in her mind is the same as what’s running through mine.

Settling onto the couch, she rests her head on my shoulder and leans into me. Her hand finds mine, and our fingers lace together.

I hear a small intake of breath before she speaks. “Was family dinner okay? You were still hungry for pizza, so…”

Everything she says and does is so incredibly thoughtful. It’s like she inspects each word before it leaves her mouth, careful to ensure it won’t hurt anyone.

“No pressure,” she adds, and I remember that Rae stresses out when her words are met with silence.

“I heard my dad crying,” I tell her. Saying it aloud should feel strange, but it doesn’t right now, not to Rae.

“He said some fucked-up things about my brother, and I kind of snapped. When I came back, I heard him crying in his office.”

“Maybe he’s coping through anger. It’s easier to be angry than sad sometimes.”

I’m stunned into silence again because she’s right. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable though, so I pull together some words and hope they come out somewhat coherent.

“Yeah, he’s not a good… Yeah, I think you’re right. He would cope with anger.”

“I don’t mean that it’s okay for him to say things like that to you or your brother. I just mean as an explanation, that could be why he’s lashing out.”

I hate talking about Zach, but I don’t want to let her believe that he’s living, that he’s someone Dad can say things to.

I can’t deceive Rae, even though she would understand why I did. “He wasn’t there,” I say. “My brother, I mean. He died—” I swallow “—three years ago.”

“Oh, Logan. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“No, don’t be sorry. I talk about him like he’s still around.”

She squeezes my hand and adjusts her position, resting her head in the crook of my neck. “There’s nothing wrong with that. I think I would too.”

My lips part to tell her about Zach, but common sense zips them shut a second later. What the hell am I doing?

“I hope you know that I’m always here if you want to talk,” she says softly, responding to my silence. “I know I’m depressed a lot, but I can handle talking about sad things.

“You don’t—” She inhales deeply and exhales slowly, the way she does when she’s calming herself down—“have to worry about protecting me or my feelings or anything.”

Her free hand jumps to her necklace as she quickly adds, “Not that we have to talk about it. I just… I just want you to know that.”

She astounds me. The amount of silent strength she has in that tiny body is unbelievable.

She endures so much on a daily basis with her anxiety and depression, but she still manages to stay strong for the people she cares about.

“Thanks, Rae,” I murmur. I almost feel as if she’ll think I don’t believe her if I change the subject, so I add, “He was eighteen.”

“Was he a lot like you? Like your personality, I mean?”

I think she might be the first person to ever stray from meaningless comforting words. Feelings I’ve never experienced before converge in my chest. This woman is perfect.

“Kind of,” I reply. I want to give the answer more thought, but I ~really~ don’t want Rae to think her question made me uncomfortable, because it didn’t, not at all.

“He was really adventurous. Free-spirited. We were different like that, but we’re both outgoing, so yeah, kind of similar.”

“I love free spirits,” Rae says softly, dropping her necklace.

“Yeah, he was… He was great.” I don’t have it in me to keep talking, not if I want to avoid what happened at the burial, when Brady had to pry me off the ground.

She nestles her head into my neck, leaving a soft kiss, as if she’s telling me that she knows I’ve reached my limit with our conversation.

I don’t think my closest friends understand me so well. It’s like I’ve known Rae my entire life, like she’s in tune with who I am and what I need.

I draw circles on her shoulder with my thumb, feeling overwhelmed by the effect she has on me, and her hand slowly runs along my thigh.

When my breathing catches, she tilts her head toward mine, and I fall into our kiss, starting up where we left off in the kitchen. I trace the inside of her lip with my tongue, prompting a soft moan.

As our kiss deepens, she turns onto my lap, straddling me. I lean my head back, caught up in the feeling of her rubbing against my erection, but she doesn’t break the kiss.

She moves her lips to my neck, sucking gently at the sensitive skin.

I need to touch her. Hell, I need to be inside her, but I don’t want her to think I’m taking advantage after our emotional conversation.

I cup her ass with my palms and pull her close. She moans into my ear again and lifts her lips for a second before planting them on mine.

“God, Rae,” I growl, “you’re so sexy.”

She giggles. “So are you.”

“I thought you were perfect from the second I saw you in Smash.”

She shoots me a look like I’m crazy. “I was a hot mess that night.”

I shake my head. “You were this hysterical firecracker. I couldn’t get enough, and then Taylor fucked it up.”

Rae blushes and bites her lip. “She wasn’t the only one who did.”

“Courtney and I wanted to kill him,” I mutter.

“You should have.” She traces my jaw with a finger and giggles. “You’re very handsome; did you know that?”

“And you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes upon.”

She narrows her eyes. “Ever?”

“Ever,” I repeat.

Her eyes remain narrowed. “You’ve seen Beyoncé, right?”

I smirk. “I stand by what I said.”

“I’m bringing you to an eye doctor for our next date.”

How she goes from pouring her heart out to teasing me in a matter of minutes, I don’t understand. Although, I guess I’ve been doing the same, and I haven’t even realized it.

“Be mine.” The words tumble out of my mouth. I planned to phrase them better, but I’m too caught up in her aura to be eloquent.

Rae furrows her brows, confused. “What?”

“Be mine. Be my girlfriend.” I know it’s soon, but I don’t care. She’s everything I need, and I can’t go another day without her as mine or, honestly, without being hers.

She sparks something in me that I crave, something I didn’t know I was missing.

“Yes,” she breathes. “W-wait. Really?”

“Really,” I laugh.

She emits this adorable, excited squeak, and I swear, I’m falling in love with her. At this pace, I’ll be declaring my love in a couple of days.

“I can’t bel…wow.”

She’s talking to herself, and I think she was about to say that she couldn’t believe it. As if she’s the unworthy one, not me, in this relationship.

Fuck that. I’m going to show her how worthy she is. I want her to wake up every day knowing that she’s a goddamn goddess. And I can think of a couple of good ways to start showing her tonight.