ËËË dim lights and muted fireworks  'ËË
â·
Mahika is sitting cross-legged on the carpet, mindlessly scrolling through the list of shows on her laptop to find something new to watch now that they've decided that Guardian isn't going to be worth it almost immediately after starting the second episode.
Keerti was probably the most passionate about her blatant dislike, if throwing popcorn at the screen and repeating 'cradle snatcher' every three minutes was any indication on her part.
"I'm telling you we should watch Okja â"
"Absolutely not," Sakshi interrupts Keerti mid-sentence, snatching the bowl of popcorn from her and sticking out her tongue when Keerti tries to bat her away. "We're watching something lighthearted. The last time we took a suggestion from you, I had a headache that lasted like, two days from how hard I cried."
"You cry over everything!" Keerti retaliates, throwing the couch pillow at her that Sakshi just catches and puts behind herself.
Mahika turns to pin Keerti with a 'You Can't Be Serious' look. "You made us watch The Book of Henry."
Keerti leans against the backrest with her arms folded across her chest. "Your point?"
"We value our sanity," Mahika retorts, before turning back to the screen and reluctantly adding, "Well, some days, at least."
Amoli, who was silently watching the interaction with an amused lilt to her lips beside Mahika, leans close to ask, "Is there something wrong with those movies?"
"Not at all," Mahika says through a huff of laughter. "They're great but also just... really sad? Keerti watches the saddest stuff."
"And ropes us into it," Sakshi grumbles, kicking Keerti's thigh with a socked foot before directing her attention to Amoli. "Amo, tell us your comfort movie."
"Um." Amoli scratches her cheek self-consciously, probably a bit surprised at being put on the spot like this. "I have a few? Uh..."
"Don't be shy," Keerti says, pointing a thumb at Sakshi and lowering her voice like what she says next is a secret. "Her favorite movie is Set It Up. So Sak is the only person we judge here."
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"
Mahika clicks her tongue. "I liked that movie. I don't know what you're on about."
"Ha!" Sakshi smacks her palm against her knee and points a finger in Keerti's face. "Apologize."
"I'm sorry you have no taste," Keerti deadpans and gets kicked again. She doesn't react to it, instead raising her eyebrows at Amoli in encouragement. "So?"
Amoli glances at Mahika for a split second, but it's somehow enough time for Mahika to immediately read the 'help me' in her gaze. "Pride & Prejudice, maybe," Amoli says eventually, and Mahika rolls her eyes when she sees Keerti sit up straighter.
"A woman of culture!" she exclaims, snapping her fingers. "Give me more."
"Uh, I either watch Crazy Rich Asians or Queen when I'm stressed, so probably those as well," she continues, now sounding a little less hesitant. Mahika sees Amoli fiddle with her fingers in her lap from the corner of her eye for a few seconds. "And there was this really cute movie that came out last Christmas..."
"Single All The Way," Mahika supplies easily when Amoli's voice falters and then eventually trails off, flashing her a smile and then looking at Sakshi. "You'll like that one, actually. It's a rom-com." Sakshi claps enthusiastically. "I watched it immediately after it came out but I could definitely go for a rewatch, if you guys want to. It was fun."
"I'm down," Keerti chimes in after checking what the movie is about on her phone, stretching her limbs out and then clicking her tongue when Sakshi immediately takes that as an invitation to crawl closer and tuck herself under Keerti's arm. Mahika knows that the eye roll from Keerti is all pretense, because she curls her fingers around Sakshi's shoulder almost immediately.
"Me too," Sakshi says, adjusting her head in a way that makes her bun smack right up against Keerti's jaw and Mahika watches Amoli stifle a giggle at the face Keerti makes. "I'm always down for cute shit."
Keerti hums. "I'm always down to see queer people living their best lives."
Mahika doesn't miss the way Amoli fidgets beside her, and she somehow knows exactly how Amoli feels in this moment.
When you've spent almost your entire life hiding from the world, it feels inexplicably unsettling to be surrounded by people that make you feel like you don't need any reservations around them.
Mahika has never talked to them about it.
"They don't know," she says to Amoli lowly so she is the only one who can hear. "This is just how they are." When Amoli turns to look at her with her eyes a little wide and mouth still slightly parted in surprise, Mahika adds, "You get used to it. Really."
-
Two hours later, Keerti is stretching her arms above her and letting out a loud yawn, while Sakshi already looks half-asleep with her head on her lap.
"I think I'm gonna call it a day," she announces, and it's such an uncharacteristic set of words coming from Keerti that both Mahika and Sakshi turn to look at the clock at the same time â it's almost midnight.
"Are you feeling sick or something?" Sakshi mumbles, looking up at Keerti with a frown.
Keerti rolls her eyes. "I'm aware that I never go to bed at a normal time, but I'm tired." She tilts her head to one side and narrows her eyes at Mahika. "How come you never get attacked for your sleeping habits but I do?"
"Some things you just get away with when you're everyone's favorite," Mahika says with a wave of her hand. "You wouldn't get it."
Keerti scoffs but doesn't retaliate, because they both know Keerti's worse. Sometimes she goes days without sleeping at all. Mahika always joins in on the jokes, but some days she genuinely worries about her.
Sakshi whines dramatically about having to get off Keerti's lap to let her up, but then eventually sits up as well and announces that she should go to bed as well through a big yawn. Mahika doesn't blame either of them for being tired.
They've been studying all week.
She feels the same way, but there's also a newfound energy buzzing under her skin from being around Amoli all day, and now it's mixed with the tiniest bit of nervousness at the realization that they're going to be alone after their friends leave the living room.
Once Sakshi takes hold of Mahika's head from behind to plant a loud kiss on her forehead and does the same to Amoli, she follows Keerti into the guest bedroom after throwing a sleepy 'good night' over her shoulder.
There's a few seconds of loud silence between them, during which Amoli sits completely still beside Mahika, while the latter scrolls through more shows and movies without really taking in the titles.
Until Amoli, bless her soul, clears her throat and says, "Are you going to..." Mahika raises her head to see Amoli pointing in the direction of her room, and quickly shakes her head.
"I'm not sleepy." She almost stutters through the words, and she doesn't know why. "Are you? I wouldn't... like, you can head in first. If you want."
Amoli's eyes are big, the light of the room they had dimmed for the movie reflecting in her irises like muted fireworks. "Oh, um." She looks down at her hands, and breathes out a little laugh like she doesn't quite know what else to do. "I'm not sleepy either but... I-I thought I was going to take the couch."
"Oh." Mahika blinks, feeling the tops of her ears turn hot with embarrassment. "Right. That's... yeah. I just..." She realizes she'd been flailing her hands around a lot so she tucks them into her lap. "You could... do that. But. When my friends are over, we just. Share. So I... yeah," she finishes lamely.
Amoli huffs out another laugh like she can't quite help it, but it sounds endeared instead of mocking. She shakes her head when Mahika gives her a wry look, and says, "If you'd be okay with that, then..." A shrug that looks far more casual than she sounds. Mahika feels the tiniest bit of guilty relief in their shared shyness. "I don't mind."
Mahika nods, and then there's silence between them again. It's odd how it comes and goes, because Mahika wouldn't say they're uncomfortable around each other. She isn't sure how to get rid of it no matter how hard she racks her brain for an answer. Maybe she should be glad that it doesn't feel pressing, at least. Like it used to a few months ago.
Amoli is the one to break it.
"Feels like we should be way past this awkwardness by now."
Mahika lets out a snicker that soon dissolves into giggles. Amoli joins in almost immediately, and they both have to muffle it behind their hands so they wouldn't disturb Keerti and Sakshi.
"I don't understand," Amoli continues, still unable to hold back her laughter. "I mean... you've seen me naked. What other way is there to break the ice?"
Mahika squeezes her eyes shut and covers her face, letting out an audible groan amidst the laughter because she can't believe one of them is finally addressing what she refers to as That Day inside her head.
"Don't say it like that." Mahika whines, trying to talk through the flurry of butterflies flapping up a storm in her stomach. "You know it wasn't under the best circumstances." When Amoli seems to lose it even further at that, Mahika adds petulantly, "Plus, I didn't even look. It doesn't count."
"That's a lie and you know it."
Mahika gasps like she's offended at the implication, but she isn't because she knows Amoli is just joking around. "It's not!" Then she pauses, throws her hands in the air, and adds, "Well, not more than what I saw in my peripheral vision but â"
"Nothing you haven't seen in the mirror before, I'm guessing."
Mahika shoves her, jaw aching with how big she's smiling. "Stop it."
"Okay, okay," Amoli relents, shoulders still shaking and eyes twinkling twice as bright.
Mahika scrunches her nose and reaches out to lightly flick Amoli's forehead. "I should have known you'd be a complete brat once you get comfortable enough." She knows there's fondness dripping from her voice, but she doesn't care.
"I did grow up with two brothers," Amoli responds, like it explains everything. It probably does. Mahika doesn't have any siblings, so she isn't sure how that works. Maybe it shows on her face, because Amoli tilts her head a little and asks, "What was it like? Being an only child."
Mahika thinks about it. "Quiet?" she tries, but it doesn't sound right. "I'm not sure what to compare it with. It got kind of lonely afterward, but I can't say it wasn't nice to have my mother's full attention as a kid."
Amoli nods, leaning back on her palms without taking her eyes off of Mahika's face. "That makes sense."
"What's it like growing up with two brothers?"
Amoli rolls her eyes. "Like having three fathers, some days."
Mahika chuckles. "Sounds like a lot."
"It was," Amoli says, but she doesn't sound like she minds. At all. "Papa is protective enough, and Akash definitely takes after him. And Arnav is the youngest, but ever since he grew taller than me, he thinks it's his job to play the 'big intimidating brother' role whenever he gets the chance."
"Not to burst your bubble or anything, but I don't think it's all that hard to grow taller than you," Mahika tells her, trying to keep a straight face and failing when Amoli turns to shoot her a look of exasperation.
"Big talk for someone that's built like a broomstick."
"Big insult for someone I could use like an elbow-rest."
Amoli gasps, but she can't hide her surprised laugh quickly enough. "Oh, my God, I hate you." She swats at Mahika's shoulder lightly. "Stupid beanpole."
The air around them has settled comfortably, and Mahika feels like she can finally breathe again.
They talk about their families some more, and Mahika realizes that Amoli's parents are so much stricter than she had originally thought. Amoli jokes her way through how rigid her parents had been with their rules about boys and curfews when she was a teenager, but Mahika can't help the wide-eyed look on her face the more she listens.
"It's funny now, because I was only allowed to be close to other girls, and look how that went," Amoli says with a laugh.
"I can't imagine," Mahika breathes out, shaking her head. "My mother has always adored all of my friends equally." Amoli doesn't look surprised when Mahika adds, "I'm pretty sure she was counting on Dhruv and I ending up together, actually."
Amoli also talks to Mahika about how she's always had trouble making friends, and how the idea seemed so much more intimidating once she grew up because she had already learned to see herself as an outsider.
"Just..." Amoli trails off, for a few seconds. "I think it's a weird time period over all. When you're coming to terms with your sexuality, I mean." Mahika nods, because she does get it. "I had already graduated school when it happened, and it kind of threw me off track for a bit."
Mahika hums, losing her focus for a moment when she realizes just how fortunate she's been about most things. Her parents weren't borderline oppressive, and she wasn't questioned every time she was around boys her age â even when her father was around. That gave her much more space and time to realize that she didn't like men that way.
She grew up with friends like Naina, and then Dhruv by her side so she never had to face the awkwardness of having to get along with new people over and over. In college, Sakshi, Keerti and Samay came into her life and fit like they were always there, and Mahika never had to sit back and wonder if she actually belonged with them or not.
"I have people I hang out with between classes, but..." Amoli tells her, shrugging. "But I don't know if I'd call them my friends, you know?" She straightens up and stretches her limbs out. "Besides, they're all much closer to each other than they are with me."
"Do you wanna move to the couch?" Mahika asks when Amoli winces at the pop that comes from her wrist from having it in a weird position for too long.
Mahika stands and helps Amoli up, moving the table a little so it's closer to the couch. That way, they can still use the laptop, although Mahika doubts either of them will actually be paying attention to the screen.
They've been talking the whole time anyway.
But Mahika puts on something random for low background noise, because she doesn't want to break the bubble of comfort they've formed between them.
When she sits down at the end, folding her legs under herself and leaning back against the armrest, she watches Amoli contemplate where to sit for a couple seconds before she seems to give up on whatever she was thinking, sitting right beside Mahika and leaving the rest of the couch empty.
Mahika presses her knuckles to her lips to hide her smile.
"Don't," Amoli says, just like she had in the bathroom the day Naina was leaving. It makes Mahika smile even wider, cheeks bunching up with the effort to hold it back.
"I didn't say anything."
"Good," says Amoli, and Mahika sees the next words coming even before Amoli actually says them. "Keep it that way."
â·
a/n
pls don't throw tomatoes at me i swear i have valid reasons for going awol all the time
anyways, i first want to address the Absolutely Massive number of new readers i've seen on this book the past few days and i want to take a moment to thank all of you for being here! i have no idea how you found me, but i'm incredibly grateful for your support <3
and for my old readers who also happen to know me outside of wp: i am officially jobless, brothers. i'm taking a Real break this time; focusing on writing, my health (for real this time), and just life in general bec too much has happened this year
i hope you're all doing well, staying warm and taking care of yourselves.
if you want to talk about what your weekend was like, feel free to drop a comment! i love hearing about your lives (not in a nosy way, just in a 'wow, you're all real' way)
thanks so much for being here! i'll see you again soon x