COURTNEY'S POV
I quickly walked to my car, which was parked just near Chad's house.
Did I expect him to chase me? No.
Do I want to? Yes, desperately.
But it didn't happen.
I looked over my shoulder for the last time to see, but he wasn't there. I sighed, feeling a knot in my stomach as reality hit me with the truth. I knew I shouldn't have hoped for anything different, but was it too much to ask?
I felt a tear trickling down my cheek, a tear I had suppressed since I saw him. I brushed the tear away and continued my way, trying to forget the pain.
Despite my best efforts, it did not turn out the way I had hoped.
What? Do you expect everything to be easy?
The inner me mocked.
It's not like I didn't try. I put in the work, but it didn't turn out well.
Now what?
I asked myself, feeling really lost at the moment.
Honestly, I had no answers to that. At this point, I was only relying on Terry. That's why I need to get home quickly and find out what she has to say about all this. Her advice would be the only way for me to make any sense of my situation. I just hope it will be enough to get me back on track.
I was about to open the car door when someone tapped on my shoulder. I was startled and quickly spun around to see who it was.
"Jackson?"
"Hey." A small smile spread across his face.
For a second there, I thought he was... I shake off the idea and focus on what is in front of me.
Jackson sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Did you meet her?"
I felt my stomach twist at the word her. I wasn't sure why, but it just made me uneasy. I took a deep breath and put on a brave face as I answered, "Yeah."
"And?" He frowned, probably expecting more from me.
I was debating with myself if I should continue and tell him how I really felt. I knew Jackson didn't like me, but I also remembered what Terry said. He somehow helped Chad to see me and talk to me, by subtly saying I was at a party near his house.
It did happen, yeah, but I wasn't sure if it was what he expected.
I blew it off. That one chance, I totally blew it off.
I wasn't sure if Jackson still intended to help me after what happened. I wonder if he knew what Chad and I talked about, also the library and the exam papers incident. If he does, then I wasn't sure what he was doing by asking me all this. I bet he was thinking that I had proved him right. That I will just hurt his best friend.
And I did.
But if not, I guess being honest about how I feel is the best option. After all, I am desperate for someone to talk to, especially someone close to Chad.
I decided to tell him the truth and see his response.
"They looked like they missed each other." I told him honestly, my voice stern but cracking.
"They were always close, yeah, but I'm sure Chad was just caught off guard. He never expected her to come, and he hadn't seen or talked to her in years. Maybe that's why it came out like that." Jackson shrugged his shoulder and I could tell he was trying to be comforting.
I know that. I am also aware of their history. But hearing it from Jackson was different. I felt a pang of jealousy. His words seemed to make their story even more special.
Livi.
My Cat.
And I am Collins.
I sighed and looked away, feeling the weight of the situation.
"I know I said I don't like you for Chad, but you're way much better for him than her." Jackson's voice was quiet but firm and I could hear the sincerity in it. "I know I should let him make his own decisions, but I don't want him to make the wrong one."
I felt my heart swell with emotion, but... "Jackson, I appreciate your words. But it's up to Chad. If he wants her then..."
"That's it then?" Jackson interrupted.
I furrowed my brows at him in question. He pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing deeply. "Look, Olivia holds a special place in Chad's life. She was his first love after all."
It's frustrating for me to hear this over and over again. I get it. Olivia is special and I don't think he needs to bring this up every time, especially now that jealousy has started living in my head.
Despite this, I tried to maintain a straight face, hoping Jackson would just go straight to the point instead of torturing me with Chad's love for Olivia. It was like stabbing my heart with a knife willingly.
"But that's it. She is in the past. She had her chance and blew it. I know Chad won't go down that road again. For him, once is enough. That guy would give his all, but once it's over, it is really over."
Okay, I wasn't sure how to process this. Did Jackson expect this to be good news for me, or was he just rubbing my mistakes in my face?
I also had the chance, but I blew it. It was over when he said he loved me and gave me those exam papers, so does that mean that despite my efforts, in the end, it is still going to be over?
"Jackson. I-"
"Lucy told me what happened." He cut off whatever I was about to say. I was surprised, not just the fact that he knew already, but also by the mention of one of my best friends.
Lucy and Jackson?
Huh, I didn't see that one coming.
"I wish I could say that I fully support what you did, but sadly no." He turned away and avoided my stare. "If only you'd been honest with Chad, he'd totally understand you. The fact that you didn't tell him indicates that you have little faith in him. You prefer to lie than tell the truth."
His words were like a slap in the face. I've been told so many times that my decisions were wrong, even I know that. But coming from Chad's best friend was a complete different feeling. I felt so terrible and ashamed all at once. I wanted to crawl under a rock and never come out again.
This felt like a huge blow. Straight to the point.
I didn't realize that until now.
Jackson might have sensed my silence as a sign of defeat. So he stopped talking for a while and looked at me with concern. His face softened and he said, "I may not support what you did, but I understand why you did it." His voice was filled with reassurance.
His words gave me hope. I knew Jackson didn't agree with what I had done, but his understanding meant the world to me.
"It's not a bad thing, you were just looking out for him, I understand that. But Chad is stronger than you think. He could endure anything, accept you for who you are regardless, and love every flaw. Though he has zero tolerance for lies." Jackson said this with conviction and without reservation.
I nodded my head in agreement. I know that, I just didn't know why I still lied to him.
"Do you want to know what he likes most about you?"
My heart raced when Jackson asked the question. I was unsure of what he was going to say and scared of what his answer would be. But I was hopeful that he would tell me something that would make me feel better about the situation.
"You are so blunt and direct. You were honest about how you feel, demanding yeah, but at least bold and honest." Jackson said with a smile, I was about to thank him for this, but his face suddenly changed. "That's why Chad had trouble distinguishing your lies over the truth when you suddenly changed. He didn't want to believe you, but you somehow did. Because that's how he knew you."
My heart sank. I knew what Jackson meant, and I didn't know what to feel. I had been so honest and upfront about my feelings, but when I suddenly changed my mind, I had been so convincing that Chad couldn't tell the difference between my lies and the truth.
I realized how much I had hurt Chad.
I was holding on to the fact that he would see the lies I had told him and would eventually see why I was doing it. But no.
He believed me. Every lie, he believed them.
My face was flushed with guilt. I felt completely helpless, and Jackson might have noticed it as he walked closer to me and he put a hand on my shoulder. What he said next surprised me.
"I know it's going to be tough from here on, Courtney. And you might be tempted to give up, but please don't. Trust me, this will all be worth it in the end."
-END OF CHAPTER 52-
A/N: Did Courtney just win Jackson's approval? I'm going to miss writing this story! Soon, but not too soon though. What do you think of this Chapter? Share your thoughts!
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