Chapter 10: Naughty & Nice: Chapter 10

The snow falls heavily around me. But it’s too soft. Too peaceful.

I need the anger of the lashing rain, not the gentle flakes.

Unlike Wilder, I actually packed for this trip and have some winter clothes, but that doesn’t mean I’m currently warm. Quite the opposite, in fact.

I’m pretty sure it’s worse than it actually is as well. I’m numb.

The past hour… well, to say I didn’t see it coming would be an exaggeration.

Sure, Noelle hasn’t been quite like herself since we left our house in South Carolina yesterday morning. But while I suspected that Wilder’s sudden appearance on our little trip might have had something to do with it, I never could have predicted what I now fear to be the reason.

Was running away the best reaction? N

If I were more like Wilder, I probably would have stayed and had it out with them both.

But I’m not him. And isn’t that the whole fucking issue with my life?

I. Am. Not. Wilder.

I’ve learned to deal with not being the fun one, the smart one, the athletic one, the popular one. I could because I had her.

Noelle never looked at me like the second-best twin. From day one, our connection always made me her favorite, and that meant everything to me.

If that’s no longer the case, then…

I stop in the middle of the deserted street and look up.

The falling snow makes my head spin like I’m in a wintery vortex, but I welcome the sensation. It’s a hell of a lot better than focusing on the pain in my chest.

I’ve no idea what to do.

I know what I should do. I should confront them and demand the truth.

But that’s going to hurt. I don’t want that.

It’s Christmas.

It’s supposed to be the time for happiness and miracles, not pain and heartbreak.

This should have been the trip that dreams are made of for us, but day one and it’s already turning into a nightmare.

The snow is settling faster than I’ve ever seen, and not two seconds after I’ve taken a step has my mark been eradicated.

It’s a sight that doesn’t make me feel any better about the current situation.

Could I be forgotten about just as easily?

I have no idea how long passes by the time I convince myself that I need to return to the cabin and deal with the situation.

The sun is already sinking in the sky, teasing me with the fact that I’ve wasted the first day of our vacation.

I can barely see anything in front of me as I close in on our cabin, the snow is so heavy. The wind is also picking up, bitter and painful against the exposed skin of my face.

With my head down, I trudge through the snow and up onto our deck.

The lights glowing through the windows taunt me, and I can’t help but slow my pace and look into the living room.

Wilder is on the couch on his cell and Noelle is reading. It’s a sight I’ve seen many, many times over the years. But this time, despite the fact they’re sitting feet apart and totally innocently, my heart picks up speed.

What would I have done if I’d discovered a very different scene?

If Wilder was touching her the way he had earlier? His hand around her delicate throat, her breath catching, betraying her feelings?

Would she lean into him? Beg for more in the way I want more from her?

Heat surges through my body as my imagination runs away with me. Watching them together shouldn’t affect me like this. But it does.

Shaking my head, I rip my gaze away from them and continue toward the front door.

Unease trickles through my veins. I want to ignore everything, bury my head in the sand and just continue as usual. That’s the easiest, least stressful and painful way to deal with this. But it’s also wrong.

For once, I need to poke my head above the parapet and find out the truth, consequences be damned.

“Rix,” Noelle cries the second she hears my return.

Her quiet footsteps race through the cabin and in a heartbeat, she’s right there in front of me.

Her hair is piled on top of her head and she’s still wearing my hoodie. The sight of her in my clothes gives me the warm and fuzzies just like it always does. When she’s in my things, it’s easy to lie to myself and pretend that she’s mine.

I just manage to shrug my coat off when we collide.

“Shit,” I grunt, taking a step back as the force of her small body hits me.

“Oh my god, you’re soaking,” Noelle points out, releasing me in a flash.

The loss of her body heat causes a violent shiver to rip through me.

“Come on,” she says, taking my hand and leading me through to the bedroom.

Wilder’s gaze burns into me, but I don’t look at him.

I can’t.

If I do, I fear that all I’ll see is my worst nightmare playing out in my mind like a high-definition movie.

“Where have you been?” Noelle demands as the door closes behind us.

“Walking,” I mutter.

“In the snow?”

I shrug. It’s a Wilder move, and I hate that I’ve been reduced to that now.

“Take your clothes off,” she instructs as she rummages through my case to find warm replacements.

It’s something we’ve done a million times for each other in the past, but suddenly, everything feels different, and the prospect of stripping down to my underwear is suddenly very, very daunting.

When she spins around with a pair of sweats and a t-shirt in her hand, I’m still standing in exactly the same place.

I had no idea that my coat was doing fuck all to protect me from the snow. It just goes to prove how numb I was out there.

Right now, though, everything is coming back with the power of a tsunami.

“Rix, you need to⁠—”

“I need to know everything,” I blurt, cutting her off.

Her brow creases with concern. “W-what?” she stutters.

“Something has happened with you and Wilder, and I need to know what that is,” I state, my voice steadier than I was expecting.

“Rix,” she warns.

“No,” I bark. “Don’t try to protect me. It’s too late. I’ve got all these images and ideas floating around my head, and I need to know if they’re right or not.”

“There’s nothing going on with us,” she says firmly.

“Something has happened though, hasn’t it? That out there,” I say, throwing my arm out in the general direction of the kitchen, “wasn’t the first time he’s been that close to you.”

Her eyes hold mine for a few seconds, and I hate what I can see in them.

Fear.

Pure. Unfiltered. Fear.

I know because I feel it too. Right down to my fucking toes.

Ripping her eyes from mine, she stares up at the ceiling for a beat before wrapping her arms around herself as if they’ll help keep her together before she turns around.

“I went out on the night of Nick’s anniversary,” she starts, her voice weak.

Nick was her brother. He was the most incredible kid. Sweet, funny, smart. A lot like Wilder in many ways. He was destined to break hearts and do incredible things. Or at least, he was until he got sick.

Watching him suffer, and in turn, watching Noelle fight to stay strong for him was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced.

Their parents couldn’t cope. Hell, they’d checked out long before he was ill. But it got worse once he was diagnosed with Leukemia.

Noelle became his parent even more than she already was. But she couldn’t give him what he really needed.

Sure, he had all the love and support he could ever want, but as far as medical attention went…

Not being able to get him the treatment he required is something that’s going to haunt her for the rest of her life. She was only a child herself; it wasn’t her responsibility, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel the weight of it in the way her parents should.

“Noelle,” I breathe, taking a step closer, although coming nowhere close to touching her.

“I know,” she confesses. “I know.”

I’d told her I wasn’t going to go out that night. I’d told her that I’d stay with her, do whatever she wanted to do, be whatever she needed me to be, just like the other years I’ve supported her through the worst day of her life.

But she persuaded me to go.

I had an assignment due and I needed all the support I could get. I didn’t want to go, but she convinced me.

She fucking convinced me, and I wasn’t there when she needed me.

Wilder was.

Fuck. Pain lashes at my chest knowing that I had a part in whatever is going to happen next.

“There was a frat Halloween party I saw posted online about an hour after you left. I don’t even know why I thought it would be a good idea. Hell, I knew it would be a really bad idea. But once it took hold of me, I was powerless to stop it.

“I pulled together a questionable costume and left the house without second-guessing my decision. The party was in full flow when I got there, and I slipped in unnoticed.

“One drink led to a few more. I was dragged out onto the dancefloor by someone in a werewolf costume, and I let go.

“For a while, it was great, and I started to wonder why I hadn’t done it before.

“My dance partners came and went, but I didn’t really notice. Not until one guy grabbed my hips.

“Admittedly, I was pretty drunk by this point, but it was different.”

My stomach knots, knowing exactly who it was, and terrified of what happened next.

“We danced. It was…” She trails off, clearly uneasy about confessing how it really felt. “It was everything I didn’t know I needed.

“His touch burned. Lit me up inside in a way I kinda always thought it might do but was never curious enough to find out.”

I close my eyes as pain slices through me.

I should have given her that.

Not him.

“We danced and danced. Things got… a lot.”

A growl fills the room, and it takes a few seconds to realize that the noise actually comes from me.

Noelle spins around, facing me for the first time since she started this little story, and my chest tightens at the sight of her tears.

“Did you sleep with him?” I force out.

She hiccups but thankfully shakes her head.

“No, Rix. I haven’t—we haven’t.”

The breath I didn’t realize I was holding comes rushing out of me.

“So…”

“He…” She swallows thickly. “He touched me. Made me feel good. Made me forget.”

An image very similar to earlier with him pinning her back against the wall fills my head, but his hand isn’t only around her throat…

Silence falls, the air between us charged with a million and one emotions we’re battling with.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, her eyes locked on the floor.

My chest heaves as I stand there staring at my best friend curled in on herself as her regrets get the better of her.

Anger pulses through my veins, but there is more than just that. My feelings for Noelle have never been that simple. They don’t fit neatly into any box.

I’ve tried to keep her contained in the best friend zone, but she’s never managed to stay there.

“Noelle,” I breathe, needing to see her eyes.

It takes her a couple of seconds, but she finally lifts her gaze.

Something crackles between us, and for the first time ever, the barrier that’s always stopped me from crossing the line with her has gone.

Not just gone.

Obliterated.