Chapter 14: Heroes and Assassins

Slowly, I wake up. My entire body is hurting and my eyelids feel so heavy that I can’t open my eyes. There seem to be voices talking around me, I think one of them is Hildi.

“I can’t fucking believe you! She could have died, you know!? In fact, she almost did! If I hadn’t shown up there, wondering what the shit is taking so long, she would have died! I told you to do the kid regiment but noooooooo you had to fucking do the trial.”

A deep man's voice answers, “Well, to be fair I thought the ‘kid training’ was code for the trial. You know, like when I trained you.”

“She is fucking fourteen, Khopa. FOURTEEN! She even had the kidlets on, why the fuck did you think I’d let her do the Silent Leaf trial???”

“I mean to be fair, I thought something might not be right after she got dismembered by the Red Cap but she did win in the end and completed all three fights, so I’d say she is a prodigy! Gohahaha.”

She sounds shocked, “Did you say dismembered?”

“Yup, it was really intense. She lost her legs and crawled away. Afterward, she tricked the Red Cap into cutting her left arm off so she could kill him with her right! It was very cunning! She really has that warrior’s spirit of never giving up! Gohahaha," He explains giddily.

“I am so mad at you right now, Khopa. You’re lucky she survived or I would have cut your balls off, fed them to you and then tortured you until death would seem like a mercy!”

“Well, for that, you’d have to beat me first. Gohahaha!”

“You’re as annoying as ever. So, what happened in the other trials?”

“Well, first of all, I should tell you about her choice of weapons and boon…” This is the last thing I hear before drifting back into unconsciousness.

When I wake up again, Hildi is sitting at my bedside reading a book. She has both a calm, yet concerned look on her face. My body does feel completely fine again, prompting me to sit up. The moment she sees I’m awake, she drops her book and gives me a hug, tears flowing down her face.

“I’m so glad you’re alive Sammy! None of what happened to you was supposed to happen! It was supposed to be a test, simulating danger, but you were never supposed to get more than a little beaten up! I swear! How are you feeling? Physically and mentally?”

“I… It’s hard to tell. I felt horrible in every bad moment but I’m… Fine? Both physically and mentally. My body healed and mentally… I don’t feel much of anything right now. So, I guess there's nothing wrong with me,” I say with a smile.

“Nope, what you have is trauma. A big one at that. And I should have protected you from it.”

“It’s fine, Hildi. I overheard you talking before when I was passed out. This wasn’t intended to be as serious as it turned out to be, but hey, I got some valuable combat experience.”

Giving me a serious yet compassionate look, she says, “Alright. Sammy, if you’re truly fine, I want you to remember what happened to you during your first fight with the Red Cap.”

“Why would I need to do that?”

“Just do it. Try remembering everything that happened. How you felt and what happened to you.”

“That’s a little extra, don’t you think, Hildi? Can’t we just go now? We don’t have too much time to waste. We gotta get to your friends and the magic place. The longer we stay here, the more likely something bad will happen to the farmer family that helped me and the girls in the tent.”

“A few extra minutes will not change that, now stop avoiding it and try remembering it.”

“You’re just annoying me now at this point. Why are you so obsessed over this? I’m fine. Now let’s go.” I say, as I try to get up but Hildi stops me.

“We’re not going anywhere until we do this, Sammy.”

“I just don’t wanna do this right now, Hildi.”

“I know you don’t, which is why you HAVE to do it right now.”

“FINE, ok. I’ll do it,” I say falling back on the bed annoyed.

Taking my hand, Hildi calmly says, “Alright, good. Now I want you to think back to your first encounter with the Red Cap. What did you feel?”

“I guess the best word to use would be hubris. I didn’t think there would be actual danger, so I treated it like a training exercise.”

“And then what happened next?”

“I tried to sneak attack him but ran into a trap instead. He noticed me and started dodging my attacks. After that, he disarmed me. I held my hands up to surrender and he… He…”

“Go on.”

“He cut my leg off. It all went so fast. I fell over and as I looked down, there was blood… So much blood. I didn’t even have time to register things before he cut off the other one too… And then he started laughing and mocking me.”

“How did that make you feel?”

“Weak. Alone. Scared…”

“What happened then?”

“I… I Crawled away. It wasn’t even to get distance, just out of pure survival instinct. When he caught up to me, I only remember having to stab him. Kill that little shit. And I did. I became a murderer…”

“That’s hardly murder, it was self-defense.”

“But I still killed that thing. I’m not sure how sentient he really was, but still… Ever since I came here, I started killing things. And the worst part is… It’s affecting me less and less. I think I’m getting used to it. That one-eyed woman. I tried to kill her in her sleep. Didn’t even try to see if she had anything to say, even after finding out not everyone is a bad person in these trials. I feel like I’m losing my humanity, Hildi.”

Letting out a chuckle, she brushes over my cheek and jokes, “Well, that’s not really a bad thing, you’re just becoming a normal Fey. Fuck humanity, embrace Feyhood, am I right?”

Getting angry, I shout, “You don’t get it Hildi! Humans are all I know. And I also don’t appreciate how you said bad things about my parents in the past. I know they weren’t perfect but they raised me and I love them! Same with my sisters. And since I’m already unable to see them again, humanity is the last shred I can cling to from before all this happened to me. They wouldn’t even recognize me with this body… How can I convince them it’s me when I can’t even keep my humanity intact, Hildi?” I ask while holding back tears.

Tightening her grip around my hand she says, “I… Have had my biases cloud my judgment. It saddens me that my words were chosen so carelessly.”

“It’s just… I feel like I’m becoming a monster, Hildi”

“And why is that?”

“I kill things now. I hurt people. I’m in a body that’s not my own and people tell me now I’m something I wasn’t before.”

Gently brushing over my forehead, she answers, “I know we talked about this before but you most likely killed before too. Be it the plants you use for your house, the steps you take crushing insects or the food you eat. The only people so far that you told me you hurt were people that tried to harm you. But overall, while I didn’t meet you when you were living with your human family, I find it hard to believe that the quirky, optimistic Sammy with a thirst for knowledge I came to know these last few days, would be too different from the one you were before.

We’ll figure out what’s going on with your body too! Sigh, even if that means mingling with humans. We’ll get through this Sammy, together.”

Looking at me with hopeful eyes, I can't help but feel some hope myself, “Yeah… I guess you’re right. Either way, I’m me and you and I can move mountains together!”

She chuckles, “Well, I don’t know about mountains but we’ll definitely get some boulders out of the way.”

“Yeah! Now let’s go to the magic shop!”

Trying to get up again, Hildi gently pushes me down once more, “Not quite yet, Sammy. It’s somewhat late already, so we’ll go straight to Gundola after your ceremony and you can look at the baubles on the way. I’ll let you off the leash so to speak.”

“Wait, why would you let me out of your sight after I got hurt that badly? Also, what sort of ceremony are we talking about?”

Brushing through my hair, she answers, “You’ll see. This time I made sure it’s a pleasant surprise. I have some garments here for you I’d like you to wear for it.”

Looking at the clothes, they seem like a full set of leaf armor. There is also the dagger I fought with as well as the Bola and Man Catcher. Even my helmet and boots are there. Putting them on, they fit like a glove.

“Perfect, you’re looking great. Now come follow me downstairs.”

Leaving the small room I'm in, I almost fall down a hole as there seems to be a ladder leading down right in front of the door.

Climbing down, it seems like I’m still in the tent since the walls are made of cloth. It looks like the room I’m in was kind of like a tree house inside the tent. The ladder luckily seems to be quite short though. I have a terrible fear of heights and a ladder longer than an apple tree would make me too scared to continue.

At the bottom of the ladder, it seems like there is another room that leads to a kitchen. It smells like curry here. Only one chair though. Seems like the person living here lives alone… Going further down, I hear the drums of the arena again.

Don dokodokodoko don dokodokodoko don dokodokodoko don.

It’s bringing back some really bad memories just hearing it. But when I feel Hildi’s encouraging hand on my back, I decide to go towards it regardless through one of those hippie doors made out of beads. Opening the bead curtain, a blinding light makes me shield my eyes. Once they adjust, I can see the arena, now fully lit. It seems like the arena is surrounded by bleachers with masks on them made out of different looking leaves. It doesn’t seem like there are any actual people on them though. When I turn around to ask Hildi about them she is gone.

“Step into the middle challenger!” the skull lords voice bellows.

Carefully and weary, I move to the center of the arena with my man catcher clutched in my hand. I know Hildi wouldn’t set me up to anything like the trials willingly. So, I doubt this will be dangerous but my alarm bells are ringing. There is a spotlight in the middle of the arena.

Guessing that’s my spot…

I walk into it and look around for something to happen.

“Remember what I said at the beginning of your trials, challenger? If you succeed in all of them, you will face me. Khopaadeisha, the Skull Lord… Well that day has come, challenger!” As he says this, the drums get more intense. There is also a horn sound as well as the chimes of bells… Maybe a tambourine? Also, some sort of flute. I don’t see any instruments though. Or musicians for that matter.

Then a shadow comes closer from up top… Some sort of disk maybe? I think there is someone standing on it. As it’s getting closer it looks like a golden shield with different jewels on it. The music then gets even more intense as a person jumps off the shield and slams a spear into the ground landing right in front of me. Lighting strikes him only seconds after, forming a horse iron shaped halo on his back. He’s wearing heavy looking ceremonial armor made out of gold and has a huge jade club with iron spikes on it as a weapon. He seems to have two necklaces made of skulls on him. His skin is dark blue and he has small, but elephant-like ears. His face looks like that of a vicious ogre with two tusks curving upward up to his nose, out of his fang-like mouth. There is also red flame-like hair peeking out of his golden helmet waving in the air. As he stands up, I see just how massive this man is, he must be at least seven feet tall, maybe even eight. His body looks like that of a bodybuilder.

“So… We finally meet, challenger”

Feeling angry, I ask back, “So, you’re the guy that made me go through all this?”

“Indeed I am. I have come to congratulate you and welcome you into the order of the Silent Leaf.”

“Huh?”

He then looks up to the bleachers, stomps his club into the ground and screams “Elders of the Silent Leaf. You have seen the trials. Born witness to the deeds of this child. Will you accept Sam Gardner, adoptive orphan to Hildegard, descendant of Manta and Uluhu, into our midst!? Do you deem her worthy!?”

There are movements to be seen in the masks on the bleachers. Their eyes lighting up and twig-like bodies form from them. They seem to be chatting with each other but I can’t understand what they’re saying. After about five minutes of this, there is silence. It is then that Khopaadeisha speaks up.

“It seems you have made up your minds, elders. Throw your seeds into the arena, Wisteria for acceptance, Maple for rejection and Dead Vlei for indecision.”

The twig mask people then start throwing seeds around me. It seems like they’re trying to create a circle around me. A few seconds after hitting the ground, they seem to grow roots. Those roots then, like little arms, bury the seeds in the ground. After they’re fully covered, they instantly grow out of the ground and turn from small spuds into full sized trees in a matter of maybe two minutes.

As I’m being encircled by this forest, I notice a lot of red maples and wisteria trees as well as some dead looking trees. It’s hard to say which outweighs which as most of them are being blocked by the trees directly around me, so it’s hard to see the ones behind it.

I wonder what it means to pass or not. Also, what the heck is the order of the Silent Leaf. That sounds like some ninja stuff. You know, like the hidden leaf village. Also, were those creepy leaf mask people there the whole time or just now? I wonder if they’re actually people or just a device through which to speak to. Or maybe they’re like living dolls imbued with the memories of their dead wielders. OR they’re like spectral ghosts of nature making me their acolyte… Yeah that sounds cool. Radical eco terrorists making me plant trees in peoples yards when they’re not looking. Samuel Gardner, Tree Ninja.

“The elders have spoken! Thirty-seven undecided.”

Ok that sounds like a lot that can’t make up their minds.

“Four-hundred and twenty-two against.”

Oh shit, guess I’m not gonna be a tree ninja then.

“And lastly, five-hundred and forty-one for acceptance.”

Wow, I did not think so many trees fit in here, nor that he could count them that fast.

“The elders have spoken. You Sam, shall from now on be a member of the Silent Leaf. All the training and resources shall be available to you once you become a little older. For your early training, Hildegard will be your mentor. After that, an elder will be assigned to you. Congratulations Sam. You are now a Sprout of the Silent Leaf. Do you have anything to say to the elders?”

“Ehm… To be honest I don’t really know what’s going on but your selection methods are really fucked up. I might have the mind of an adult but still. Imagine an actual kid my age going through this!”

There is some murmuring going on on the belches before one of the mask people stands up. “I, elder Muxlam agree that thine treatment hath been subpar. It was unbecoming of an organization such as ours to not adequately research thee before starting the trials. If thou wisheth, we shall execute the instructor known as Khopaadeisha at once.”

“Wait, what? No! Why would I want him murdered? That doesn’t solve anything.”

“Then what kind of compensation does thou seeketh?”

Wait, this is one of those rare opportunities in life. I just unlocked a super-secret quest reward for completing an insanely hard quest. Whatever I say should be well thought out. Let’s see. I have no idea what this organization is about but they do seem secret and something that has to do with violence… So a favor might be good… OR I could ask them to get rid of Boss’ camp for me! Yoooo that would get rid of the problem just like that! But wait… Wouldn’t that be a waste? I presumably got all this power at my reach. Would I really give it up for something I could attempt by myself with the help of Hildi? It would save the family though as well as the girls stuck there as prisoners… No, I think I have to be selfish here. I’m not going to ask for help on this… But what should I ask for? I know! Knowledge. These secret societies always have hidden knowledge and who knows if I will ever find that without this opportunity.

“I will forgive you in exchange for unrestricted access to all secret or hidden knowledge you possess.”

There is rumbling and the sound of outrage going on from the belchers until Muxlam starts talking again.

“Thee has a wise predisposition for thine age. Has thou been asked by others to make this request?”

“Nope. Came up with it entirely on my own.” I answer proudly.

“Marvelous. Truly thou holdest talent in both body and mind. I shall accept ye request provided thou will accepteth me as thine mentor once thee reachest one hundred and fifty years of age.”

“That seems fair, I’ll accept these conditions as long as I won’t be forced to do anything I don’t want to do.”

“A smart addition to the contract. I accept.” Colors seem to envelop me and the mask as what I think is a pact is formed between us.

“We elders shall now take our leave. I shall meet thee again in one hundred thirty-six years, my apprentice.”

After he said that, the twigs seem to die off of the masks and the masks return to non-sentience. With them, the trees around me also wither and die, revealing a very proud looking Hildi walking towards me.

“Congratulations, Sammy! You must be one of the youngest members to have been accepted into the Order!”

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“Yay! So, what’s this Order about?”

“It is an assassin order; we work directly under the orders of the Princess and Queen. Well, technically we don’t. We’re just the grunts, but the Elders do.”

“Holy shit. So, who was the elder Muxlam? Is he like the leader of the Silent Leaf???”

“No, he’s not.”

“So what rank is he then?”

“Well, he’s an elder. One of a thousand, which is quite impressive! Don’t get me wrong. He’s just not anyone particularly famous. I don’t really know anything about him but who cares. You have an elder interested to mentor you AND you asked for a really interesting compensation! I’m very proud of you Sammy!”

“YES! I need an Assassin name now… Sammyio Garditore… Head assassin. Yeah, sounds cool as fuck.”

“Haha well, it’s a horrible cover name but you’ll probably think of better ones when the time comes”

“Hmph, I think it sounds cool.”

Bending down a little, she puts her hand on my cheek with a warm smile, “It’s definitely official now though, Sammy.”

“Huh? What is?”

“You becoming my daughter. You even managed to complete the assassin trial. At least until we find your real parents, I’ll adopt you!”

“I appreciate the gesture Hildi, but I’m basically an adult. I don’t need a mom.”

“Uhu, sure. Miss, ‘I don’t even know what or where I am,’ doesn’t need a mom. Don’t flatter yourself, Sammy. I've already been your mom these last few days.”

“I’d call you more of a friend than a mom.”

“Uhuh, sure ‘buddy’ let’s go to Gundola’s then,” she says sarcastically as she picks me up and straps me in her baby carrier.

“Hey! I can walk on my own.”

“Sure, you can but not here. There’s some seedy folk around this area. How about this though, I’ll let you move around a little on your own in the baubles place. It’s next to the housing district so there isn’t much danger there. Until then, just stay put and get carried.”

“Hmm, ok…” I say as she walks me towards the edge of the arena.

“So, how’re we going to get out of this ten–,“ I try to ask before Hildi transforms her arms into tick legs and climbs the arena.

Huh, I guess that answers that question...

When we arrive at the entrance. Even though it's still night, my eyes still need to readjust to the bright streetlights again. In comparison to the tent, any decent lighting seems blinding.

Last time, I slept through the walk towards the weapons district, so this is my first time seeing it for more than a few seconds. It’s a little surprising. Judging from the whole black-market aspect and Hildi’s apprehension, I assumed it would be a bunch of thug looking people with hook hands and booze in dirty streets but it’s a lot more like a gun show. Very orderly, a bunch of safety measures in place including hired guards standing near stands and even the customers seem normal. While there are definitely some shady or battle-hardened looking people around, most just seem like regular citizens. There are even some moms with their kids shopping and judging from their kidlets, most of them are older than me… A lot of red and yellows.

Hildi was right though. You can’t really tell from their outward appearance. Like, there is one guy, about the size of a Red Cap with green skin, orange patches of fur, a cow tail and a single bull horn, holding hands with what I assume is his son, who has a light red kidlet on meaning he is probably in his early 20s which in Fae terms is the age of barely a toddler. This ‘kid’ is about seven feet tall with similar fur lining and skin color but instead of a horn, he seems to have a cactus afro growing on his head. His general features are also more similar to Ogrin than whatever his dad is, since he’s definitely not a pureblood it’s hard to know his tribes.

But then there is also what I’d assumed would be a four-year-old with blue hair and butterfly wings, wearing a flower print bathing suit but she has a kidlet that’s a light green, meaning she’s at least three hundred years old, possibly putting her closer to Hildi in age than me. She seems to also be accompanied by a fairy the size of a large water bottle, most likely the mother. Fey biology is weird as fuck.

It’s also funny how the weapons come in all sizes. Most of the designs are very much what I’m used to, so bows, swords, mallets that sorta thing but the sizes vary greatly. They seem to go down to toothpick size and up to car sized. There was even one shop catering to giants specifically, where the shop owner yelled around that he makes the greatest giant weapons in all of the Unseelie lands and that he can craft weapons the size of houses for them. I’d be skeptical of that claim usually but with the size and beard length, I’m guessing he might be a dwarf. And those guys, from my knowledge, are insane blacksmiths. The coolest guy I have seen so far is a fairy, the size of one and a half large water bottles, decked out in black shiny armor, carrying a regular greatsword. Not many humans can even use those because they’re that heavy but this guy just flies around with it despite it being like six times his body size.

I kinda wanna talk to him, check out his training regimen.

“Hey, Hildi?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you see that small fairy with the huge sword? Can you let me down so I can talk to him? He seems super cool.”

“Sure, just don’t be disappointed if he doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“Ok!”

Hildi then lets me on the ground and I walk up to the sword fairy.

“Um, excuse me?” I ask the fairy.

“Huh? You talkin’ to me?” he answers in a high voice.

“Yeah! You look super cool and strong! How long did it take to train for you to get this strong? I mean you are insanely strong, right!?”

He looks me up and down for a second before knocking on his chest-plate and saying “You have a keen eye young girl. I am indeed one of the strongest of my tribe. It took me countless years of training and battle as well as ten cycles of death and rebirth for me to get to this state. But I do not intend to stop there. It is my goal to become the strongest person to have ever lived!”

“That’s so fucking cool!!! So, what about your gear? Is it made by insane craftsmen and imbued with magic???”

“Garharhar, I do not use any magic equipment. I want to win by my own strength, not the power of others. This armor is made from the chitin of a Gorgeloth I have killed in honorable combat and my sword is made from Tungsten, created by Dwarven smiths in the mountain of Erudian, forged in the flames of the sword dragon Takemura.”

“Holy shit, that’s sooooo cool!!!” I say jumping up and down.

“Garharhar, thank you my dear. I will have to go now though. Have a nice day.”

“You too!”

He then bumps his fist on his chest again and flies away.

“Damn, he’s so cool.”

“So, how’d it go Sammy? Did he talk much?”

“It was so cool, Hildi! This guy is like the strongest fairy ever! He’s like some anime protagonist!”

“Haha, that’s nice Sammy. Glad you had fun, now hop back on mommas back.”

“Ok, but you’re still my friend, not my mom.”

“Uhuh, sure Sammy,” she says with a wink.

Getting back into the child carrier, it takes us about an hour before the scenery changes and we leave the weapons district for what looks like a giant flea market, with random junk, jewelry and dolls being sold here. There are also a lot more kids and families present here than in the weapons district.

“Alright Sammy, I’ll take you a little further into the middle of this district and then you can go exploring a bit. I’ll even give you a bit of money so you can buy things.”

“Dope, let’s go!”

She then carries me further into the middle of the flea market and stops at a small plaza with a huge fountain, benches and some food stands. The fountain also seems to be used as a pool for the water-based races to refresh in.

How did they get here though? I didn’t really see any fish-Fey or the like anywhere but here there are a few of them.

“Hey Hildi, how come there is aquatic Fey here but nowhere else?”

“Oh, it’s because this is a hangout spot for them to meet with us land Fey.”

“Ok but how did they get here? I don’t see any teacup trains here”

“Teacup trains? Oh, you mean the rail transporters at Gundola’s? Yeah, you only use those when there is no other option. They got here through the underground waterways.”

“What’s that?”

“Well under the ground, there are a bunch of waterways connecting to different districts for the aquatic races. There's a whole underground market down there. Usually, there are just big rivers for them in the big cities but since it’s perpetually dark here anyways, they just moved underground. But there are countless spots to go above ground for them as well, like this little place here.”

“Oh wow.”

“Yeah, it’s actually pretty nice down there. We could take the waterway on our way to my friends' home tomorrow if you want to.”

“Sure!”

“Alright let’s do that then,” After saying that, Hildi puts me on the ground and gives me a little hourglass and a ball, as well as a single blue coin with what looks like multiple dots on it in a small belt pouch.

“Alright Sammy, you can go exploring now. I want you to be back by the time the hourglass runs out. It would be best to be moving back here at around this level of sand. The ball is so you don’t walk off too far. When it starts to glow, you shouldn’t move further in that direction, and the coin is one Hail. With that, you should be able to buy something nice. Got that?”

“Yup!”

“I’ll see you later then.”

“Ok, see ya.”

Yeah baby, let’s go! Freedom! I’m my own man once more! Alright… What to do now? Guess I should just pick a random direction and walk there. Ehhhm, let’s go straight.

Walking by different stands, it really is like a flea market. There is a bunch of random stuff here, like oil lamps, lanterns, toys, jewelry, clothes, anything you can think of really.

I’m not really interested in any clothing though, maybe jewelry could be good. It might be super rare magic trinkets or something that no one knew off. I should also definitely rub every oil lamp I come across. Also, in movies and such, it’s always the shadiest looking merchants that sell the cursed or powerful artifacts, so I should check out back alleys and hooded merchants at the edges of the market. Alright so… Rub all oil lamps, find shady people, and buy cursed goods. Sounds like a great plan to me. Oh, this man seems to sell oil lamps.

“Hey mister?”

“Huh? Oh, look who we got here. A little lady, how can I help you sweetheart?”

“Can I rub your oil lamps?”

“Ehhh, sure? Why not,” he then gets the oil lamp box and puts it where I can reach it. Excitedly I start rubbing each lamp but nothing happens… When I look down though, I can see that my hands are all black and smeary.

“Eeew”

“What is it honey?” the guy asks.

“My hands are all black and dirty”

“Well… That’s what happens when you rub old oil lamps dear,” he then takes out a piece of cloth and a bucket and says “Hold your hands over the bucket I’ll help you clean them”

I do as instructed and then watch how he engorges his throat like a frog and shoots out a stream of water out of his mouth onto my hands while rubbing my hands clean.

“There ya go, all clean” he says with a smile.

I just look at him horrified and then look down at my hands, "Did… Did you just spit my hands clean?”

“Yeah, I’m one-eighth water elemental on my mothers side. Pretty cool huh?”

“No, it’s not cool! You spit on my hands!”

“Oh, don’t worry dear. It’s not saliva it’s fresh water! So fresh you could even drink it”

“Oh… Ok I’m glad you did that then.”

“Yeah, I don’t recommend touching random oil lamps though, young lady. Not everyone is gonna have fresh pressurized water ready for you to clean your hands with.”

“Yeah… I guess so.”

“Why did you even want to rub them to begin with?”

“I was hoping there was a Genie hidden inside!”

“Oh goodness no. I would never imprison a Djinn in an oil lamp.”

“You know what Genies are?”

“Yeah, they’re demons. Really good at magic from what I’ve heard.”

“And they grant you three wishes when you free them from their lamps, right?”

“What?”

“Is that not how that works?”

“I have no idea where you heard that before dear but I personally have never heard of anything like that.”

“Damn… That sucks. Anyways thank you mister!”

“You’re welcome, if you get your hands dirty again do come back here, I’ll help you clean em.”

“Will do!” I say while waving him goodbye.

Just to make sure, I also sniff my hands but they only smell like oil.

Damn, so provided what he said was true, I won’t get any wishes from a Genie that way. There is still a chance he’s wrong. But I also don’t want my hands to get dirty again, so I don’t think it’s worth the risk.

Alright then… Time to check out the dark alleys.

Walking a little further, I go to one of the smaller passages between the tents and then another one and another one, getting further away from the center and always taking the shadiest looking ones. It seems to work out well. The stands seem to be more filled with weird stuff and the people look more shady the further I go. There are even the stereotypical hooded figures walking around. In fact there are two of them walking towards me. Hard to tell what’s under the hood but I think one of them’s a cat person of some sort and the other, I can’t really tell. Looks really round and short though, and she glows a bit. There are also two goat horns peeking out of her hood.

It doesn’t seem like they saw me though because the cat woman bumps into me and says, “Watch where you’re going twerp.”

And the shorter woman follows up with a bit of a giggle saying “You’re so bad sometimes, kitten.”

Fucking rude. But hey, at least that means I’m on the right track. The ruder the people the closer you get to the scum. The closer you get to the scum, the closer you get to the cursed items! Continuing my strategy, the tents become dirtier and the streets smaller. It is then that I see the sight of what looks like a drunk woman harassing some kid. The kid looks like ten years old maybe even younger and it’s hard to make out whether it’s a boy or a girl. They also look quite out of place. The clothing is weird. They’re wearing a blue jacket with a white fur lining on the hood as well as a bull skull with a broken horn hanging diagonally off the snow-white hair. If it weren’t for the skull, I’d say it’s like a kid from my world. I don’t really want to get involved but the drunk lady seems really aggressive.

She is like a cow Fey or something, currently in her hybrid form swaying her udders around in front of the kid saying things like “Wanna suck it cutie? Mommas here for you.” Which already is pretty disgusting, but I draw the line at,

“So, when do you want me to suck your little dick huh?”

I take out my man catcher, point it at her and yell “Away from the kid you pervert!”

When she turns around, she puts her hands up and says “I, hick, didn’t do nuffin officer. I was just selling my services.”

“STEP. AWAY. FROM. THE. CHILD!”

“Alright man, I’ll go!”

I then watch her stumble away from the scene leaving the kid alone, looking confused.

Wait. The kid is not wearing a kidlet. FUUCK is this like an adult I stopped from having sex with a prostitute?

“Hey, you there, skull kid?”

“Ye?”

“You are a kid right?”

“Yeah, are you?”

“I am fourteen-year-old but in my mind I’m basically twenty-two so I’m essentially an adult. How old are you?”

He grins, “I’m twelve.”

YES! Nice, good job Sammy, you saved a kid. And he’s even kind of the age he looks like! Let’s go!

“Why did you scare the lady away?” the boy asks me.

“Well, because the lady was going to do inappropriate things to you! I saved you.”

“You did!? Well, thank you! You’re my hero!”

“Yeah… I guess I am! So, what were you doing here anyways? Are you lost?”

“No, not really.”

“Then why were you here?”

“I heard that woman sells great blowjobs and I wanted to try one.”

I let out an audible gasp before saying “You’re WAY too young for that! Who even told you about that???”

“Eh, some guy.”

“Well, don’t go asking around for that sorta stuff until you’re at least a teenager! People will exploit you!”

“Oh, then it's a good that you saved me! Thanks again!” he says with a smile.

“You’re welcome!”

“Anyways, we should get you out of the shady area. It’s dangerous out here for a kid like you!”

“Ehhhh, ok but I have a question first.”

“Sure, what kind of questions?”

“Are you a warrior or something?”

“Why do you ask? Oh! Because of the armor and weapons. Yeah, I did some weapons training but I’m not a warrior. In fact, I don’t like fighting all that much.”

“Huh, interesting. I like you. You’re interesting.”

“Eh… Thanks? Anyways, let me bring you towards the center at least. I have this ball that shines brighter the further I get away from Hildi so I should be able to find our way back very eas–, Huh?” I touch around my coin pouch for a bit before noticing it’s empty. And not only that, it’s been cut open!

Wait… When?

I gasp “It must have been that dirty cat lady!”

“Dirty cat lady?” he asks me.

“Yeah, there was this cat lady that bumped into me! She must have stolen my stuff… Damn. now we’re both lost.”

Swaying around where he stands, he answers, “I already told you, I’m not lost.”

“Oh yeah. Maybe you can help me out now. I need to get back to the middle part with the fountain”

“Sure! I’ll get you there. My name is Dave, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you Dave, you can call me Sam. So… Do you live here?”

“Nah, I live somewhere way cooler than this, you?”

“I’m not sure I live anywhere currently. I’m staying at Hildi’s place though.”

“Who’s Hildi?”

“She’s my friend. She took me in a while ago after some weird events happened I don’t wanna get into.”

“Uhuh, I bet. Don't worry, I won't tell your mom. I’m guessing your mental and physical age are related to that?”

“Yeah.”

“Gotcha, gotcha. You can just follow me, my hero! I shall bring you to thine destination!” he says while doing a pose.

He’s kinda… Goofy? But hey, he’s only twelve, so by their standards he's still a baby.

“So, what were you doing out here, Sam?”

“Eh, I was looking for cool cursed or magical items.”

He raises an eyebrow, “Why were you looking for cursed items? Also, why are you searching for magic items here?”

“I just thought it was the perfect place to look for to find some secretly powerful, hidden item.”

“Hmm, do you have money? I can give you a cool magic item in exchange!”

“Wait really!? I’d love that…But the catwoman stole the money Hildi gave me too...”

“What about that bee coin in your pocket?”

“Oh yeah! I totally forgot about that! Heeeey, wait a second. How did you know about that coin?”

He gives me an innocent smile, “I saw it.”

I narrow my eyes, “Sus… But ok. Yeah, I do have the coin but what item do you have to trade for it?”

“It’s a ring that keeps demons away. Here, it even has my initials on it.”

Looking at it, it’s a ring that looks like it's made from bone. The letters engraved on it look like a lot of weird red scratches though, “Hmm and what does that scribbling mean?”

“It’s a D. It stands for Dave~”

“And you promise me it is actually magical and keeps demons away?”

“Yup, see? It has runes on it and everything.”

Looking at the side, there do seem to be a bunch of pentagrams and the like engraved into it. The ring itself also looks like it’s made of some boney material so all that checks out from my knowledge of what demons are like.

“So, how does it work?”

“Well, if you ever get harassed by a demon just show them the ring and speak the magic incantation.”

“What’s the magic incantation?”

He grins, “It is, ‘Fuck off’. If you say that, that demon will then leave you alone.”

“Really?”

“Really!”

“Hmm, ok I trust you,” I hand over the bee coin to him and he then gives me the ring. The moment I put it on, I feel a bit of a weird feeling coming from it. Like it’s something I shouldn’t mess with. Gives me a real shiver, but the feeling seems to go away with time.

“It suits you!” Dave tells me and I have to say I agree, it’s kinda cool, like a biker ring.

“Well, I’m glad I met you Dave.”

“Same! Here let me show you the way back.”

He then takes me by my hands and walks me through the alleys. We seem to be taking the long way around as we partially end up in the housing district. We pass a few different stores, including a plant store where an Ogre with butterfly wings complains to the cactus person cashier about how the Wisteria he just bought instantly wilted when he left the store. The cashier probably scammed the poor guy though as there doesn’t seem to be a return policy. We then go back to the baubles section and after a while I can see Hildi walking towards me. She seems kinda angry.

“Sammy! I told you not to go too far! That’s why I gave you that ball! I saw you drifting off way too far away, so I came to get you”

“It wasn’t my fault Hildi! I got pickpocketed, see?” I hold out the cut open pouch to her.

“Really?" She looks at my pouch then says, "Damn! Bunch of scum stealing from children they are." Giving me a hug, she continues, "It’s a good thing you managed to find your way back alone.”

“I didn’t do it alone! My friend Dave helped me!”

“Oh really? Who’s Dave?”

“He’s right here, he led me here.”

“Right where?”

“Huh?” As I look around, it seems like Dave just vanished. “I swear he was just here!”

“Uhuh. Well, either way, I seemingly can’t let you walk around alone without things happening to you, so get back on my back. It’s late we’re going to Gundola’s.”

“But…”

“No buts, get on.”

Reluctantly I get back on her back and take one last look around for Dave who seems to have been hiding behind a tent and is now waving me goodbye. I wave back at him and Hildi moves me towards the housing district.