I tipped back another shot, letting the liquid burn my throat. I tried not to gag as Anish placed more shot glasses in front of me.
I eyed them before looking at him. "I can't drink those."
"You can't or you won't?"
"Both."
"Oh come on. It's a good day today! Let loose."
Ignoring him, my gaze gravitated toward the woman over his shoulder, dancing in the middle of the club floor like she owned the place. Her body was languid as she moved against the beat of the roaring music with her eyes closed.
"How're things going with her?" Anish asked, leaning against the bar like me.
I shrugged. "Same as usual." I sighed. "I want to fix this, but I can't do it if she isn't on board."
"You got that right. I mean, just look at me and Sandra for example." I glanced at his fiancé, dancing next to Rani. The two were practically twins; tall, willowy and commanding. "If she says no to something, it's a no. It's not happening."
"My situation is a little different than yours."
"That's true...you two were so in love. What happened?"
I didn't know either. We had gone from being crazy in loveâcompletely in the honeymoon phaseâfor two years since we'd met and gotten married, to utter strangers. What had happened? Rani fanned her face with a hand as she headed over to the bar, deliberately standing away from me.
The neon lights shone off her sparkly white dress so snug on her body, people would mistake it for second skin. Her body still swayed to the music as she ordered glass after glass, and I narrowed my eyes. There was no way she was sober after that fourth drink.
"I'm not like you, dork," she'd used to say to me. "I can handle my alcohol." And for the most part she was right. Seeing her stumble around after her sixth drink, nearly bumping into a couple and then a group was all I needed to get a mini heart attack.
Anish was still talking, but before I could stop myself, I was right beside Rani as she stumbled. I wrapped my arm around her waist. "Careful," I said softly, straightening her up.
"Oops!" she slurred before chuckling. She tilted her head back, tufts of golden honey strands brushing against my arm. The chuckle faded. "Oh, it's you."
Disappointment. That was the term that could be used to describe her voice in that moment. "You need to make sure you don't put a target on your back by impaling people."
"Are you implying that I'm the reason guys are gonna come onto me?"
"I'm implying you're going to cut someones toes off with those heels."
She shoved at my chest and I loosened my grasp on her. "Whatever. I can look after myself."
"I know. I just want you to be careful."
A group of people surged past us, brushing us off to the side so they could get to the other side of the club. All of a sudden, Rani gasped. "What the fuck?!" she exclaimed. I furrowed my eyebrows as she circled on her thin ankle heels and grabbed the sleeve of a tall, thin man with a thick beard. "Did you just touch me?"
People were starting to stare despite the blaring music. "Nothing to see here," I said to a couple who came toward me asking if we needed help. I tapped Rani's shoulder. "I'll call the police and let them know what he did. Let's go home."
She slapped my hand away, pointing a sharp angled nail at the man who stared at her, unblinking. "I dare you to touch my ass again."
"Raniâ"
"Shut up, Dhruv!"
The man stepped forward, his friends flanking him on both sides. They glowered at us. "And if I do?" he finally asked. "What're you gonna do about it? Get your man to beat us up?" He looked me up and down and smacked his friend on the chest, as if I was a big joke. I was taller than him but not muscular enough to be considered a threat.
That didn't matter.
"No," I said, instead, not caring about stopping Rani anymore, "but she will." The man stopped chuckling. Right then, Rani's fist came flying to his nose and the club emerged into wild screams and gasps.
"Holy shit!" Anish tugged me back. "Let's go, man, I've booked an Uber."
"You take Sandra and leave." I stepped in front of Rani as soon as the other guy's friends came forward. Dangling my phone in front of them, I said, "If I give this video to the police, you'll be locked up. Do you want that?"
"See if we care," one of them snarled.
"All right. If your faces end up all over social media and you're out on the streets for being a pervert then that's on you."
They all hesitated, looking to one another for some sort of agreement. The man's nose was busted, blood trickling a little through his fingers as he pressed a hand to it. As if that would help stop the bleeding. Despite his scrunched up face, he looked like he was contemplating things, too.
But only for a few moments. Because right then, Rani went for the guy's nuts, her heels impaling something that was more precious than toes. Shouts and curses rang out, one of them belonging to me. I could see two burly men making their way into the club. It was clearly time to go. I wrapped my arms around her waist and hoisted her up, pushing my way out with Anish and Sandra right behind me who apparently hadn't left.
"Come back here, you little bitch!"
"You think you can just run away?"
"Ugly ass bitch!"
I sighed as she struggled in my arms like a cat refusing to be held. Anish flagged down the Uber and rushed us inside of it.
"What about you two?" I asked.
Sandra bit worriedly on her lower lip. "I'm going the other way, to stay at a friend's house. You guys should go ahead. I don't think it'd be wise for the two of you to be out here just a few feet away from the club." They had a point. I placed Rani down and helped her inside before climbing in after her.
She pushed herself away from me, flipping her hair away from her angled face that now held a ferocious sneer. "Why did you hold me back? I was taking care of it."
"Puttnat Road, please," I said to the driver.
"Are you listening to me?"
"You made things worse, Rani."
"I was standing up for myself!"
"I know you wereâ"
"No, you clearly fucking don't, Dhruv. What, you think I don't know how to?"
The sides of my forehead were beginning to throb. "I know you do. We've been married for two years."
"Then why did you do that?"
"Because you're drunk, Rani. You're not thinking straight and your defences are weaker than they would be if you were sober."
She didn't say anything, only stared out the window of the car. I inclined back into the leather seat, my head leaning against the head-rest. She fell asleep halfway through the ride, the fight and the drinks possibly taking a toll on her more than she'd realised. I paid the driver and got her out, her body half slung across me. Instead of dragging her, I lifted her up from under her knees and carried her like a bride inside our house.
It was a mess opening the door and getting her in bed. About to leave, I eyed her feet. Even without looking I could tell that the soles of her feet were red and bruised. I took them off and placed it beside the bed post and she instantly covered them with the blanket, lifting it over her body and curling up inside. I went to leave to take a shower when cold fingers wrapped around my hand.
"Don't leave," she mumbled, eyes still closed.
This wouldn't be a scenario that would be happening if she were awake. As much as these words were the ones I wanted to hear, I only wanted to hear it if she were sober.
I grabbed her hand and gently pulled it away from mine. "Good night."
***
Silence.
That was the only thing between us at this point. I didn't even want to mention last night because that was usually how things went down whenever we went out with friends.
She was staring at her phone as she shovelled a big spoonful of the oats I'd made. It was as if she was racing against the clock. "Slowly," I told her, snapping the lid of the lunchbox I'd made. "You don't want to choke."
"I'm not a child." Right then, she began coughing. She placed her phone on the black, glass-stained table with a loud clank and covered her mouth. I went forward and rubbed her back before pouring her a glass of water.
"You were saying?"
She clicked her tongue and resumed her phone surfing. Taking my apron off, I headed over to the wooden shelf with drawers and took out some Advil. I handed it to her. "You're going to need this if you want to be at your best today."
"I don't need it."
"You were really drunk last night and I know your headaches get awful."
"I said I don't need it."
I faltered at the coldness in her tone and tightened my lips. I placed the Advil beside her, in case she changed her mind. Sitting down opposite her and eating myself, I tried not to gag at the oats. Sugar in savoury meals? Not my favourite thing. Silence? Not my favourite, either, but one I was pretty used to after a year of enduring it. Rani shot up like a rocket a few seconds later and I glanced down at the table. The meals I'd made for her; eggs, toast, bacon, oats with cinnamon sugar as well as her favourite guava and pomegranate juice were all untouched.
"You're not eating?"
Rani brushed down the front of her dark green blouse and picked up her handbag. "Did you not see me eat the oats?" She had a total of three big spoonfuls. I didn't think that counted as eating.
"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. You sure you want to go to work on an empty stomach?"
She groaned. "Dhruv, I'm not going to die if I don't eat breakfast for one day."
"You don't eat breakfast most days," I pointed out.
"Whatever. I'm leaving."
"At least take a piece of toast with you. It's not healthy starving yourself."
Rani gave me a death glare and I flashed her a grin. She rolled her eyes and stomped over to the table, grabbed the piece of toast and violently bit in half. "Happy?" she said, mouth full.
"Extremely."
She was putting on her shoes before I handed her the lunchbox. "Here, don't forget this. I've made all your favourites."
"You didn't have to." The words sounded genuine, like she really didn't want me to. I couldn't help but laugh. It sounded bitter even to my own ears.
"I know. But I like cooking for you." I was a house husband. What else besides cleaning and cooking was I supposed to be doing, anyway?
Rani didn't say anything. She stared at the red lunchbox in my hand long and hard before taking it and shoving it in her handbag. "I'll be back at six."
"Have a good day."
I leaned against the doorsill as I watched her pull out of the driveway and out onto the road. This used to be a routine I looked forward to. But after a time, things changed and the silence both when she was around and was out was beginning to meld into one and the same. It was starting to drive me nuts.
Leaning against the kitchen counter, I flicked through the cookbook I'd bought myself. "Lasagna...hmm, she might like that." Spaghetti was probably her favourite dish and lasagna was just another variation of it. I shrugged and got out the ingredients, whistling to myself when my phone rang. I grabbed it and placed it between my ear and shoulder as I chopped some onions.
"Anish, what's up?"
"How's Rani after last night?" came the voice after some muffled noises.
"The same. She didn't even mention the fight in the club last night so I didn't bother bringing it up."
"Smart."
"Is that itâ"
"No, uh, I just wanted to ask if you two wanted to come over tonight for dinner?"
My hand holding the knife stilled. "Rani's not gonna get home from work until six."
"We can do eight or eight-thirty. Only if that's ok with you two."
I tried not to tilt my head back and groan. I loved Anish, don't get me wrong, but I knew what he was trying to do. To glue back the slowly severing rope holding me and Rani together. I appreciated it, but I wanted to fix things myself. Not have it be forced.
But at the same time, he was a good friend of mine and Rani's and he was trying. If anything, it was better than being alone with Rani which was like talking to myself most of the time.
"Yeah, sure, sounds like fun. First I have to ask Rani if she's okay with it."
"Cool. Text me and let me know."
"Will do."
Knowing she was driving, instead of calling, I opted to text her instead:
Me: Anish called. He wants us to be at his house at 8 for dinner. Is that all right with you? Let me know what you think.
There was no way I was going to give her an excuse to use her phone and drive at the same time. Even if she saw the message late, I'd rather that than have her get into an accident. My phone dinged almost instantly. Apparently, my worrying was for nothing because she was glued to her phone, anyway.
Rani: Ok.
One word. But that one word answer was as good as it was going to get.