Sheena's POV
Dahan dahan akong pumasok papunta sa kwarto ni Gwen. She was wearing a pair of patient's sweats while intently reading a copy of Dangerous Liaisons. After rushing her to the hospital, she immediately went okay but her doctor said, we should put her in the ICU for the next few days. She needs to take the operation, walang ibang choice, kahit pa sinabi nilang hindi kakayanin ng katawan niya.
"Hey," I greeted her and sat beside her.
Binaba niya ang libro at hinalikan ako sa pisngi. A smile crept upon my lips. "Runner ka na pala ni Mommy ngayon eh." she teased.
I received a message from Tita awhile ago, asking if I could do her a favor of buying groceries and stuff for Gweneth. So I did. I went to the largest grocery store, inabot pa siguro ako ng dalawang oras bago mahanap ang mga kailangan ni Gwen. Naligaw pa ako sa ibang sections but I wasn't in the mood to ask the staffs kaya ako nalang ang kusang naghanap. I messaged my friends earlier asking if they can accompany me but they were busy with their work. Blessing in disguise because they probably laughed at me kung nakita lang nila ang hitsura ko kanina.
"Whatever," I dismissed her and saw her sticking her tongue out. I shook my head and tucked a few strands of her hair behind her ear. "How are you today, love?"
"The letters are jumbled ... again. Nahihilo ako parati at maya't mayang sumasakit ang tummy ko." she looked up to me, her lips slightly pouted. It was a sight I never want to see.
Inakbay ko ang braso ko sa balikat niya at umusog. "Did you take your meds already?" I asked.
She tangled her legs with mine and placed the book on my lap. She nodded. Her fingers found their way through mine, our matchy bracelet that she gave during my graduation touched. "You're stopping your life for me." mahinang sambit niya.
I leaned closer to her head, inhaling the lavender scent while kissing her hair. "You are my life."
She looked at me and went closer. She really is my life.
"Are you sleepy?" I asked.
"No," she croaked out. My hands reached out to the book on my lap and opened it. I started reading. "Now, I'm not going to deny that I was aware of your beauty. But the point is, this has nothing to do with your beauty. As I got to know you, I began to realize that beauty was the least of your qualities. I became fascinated by your goodness. I was drown in by it..."
This fits to her so well. It was like reading my own mind.
"I didn't understand what was happening to me. And it was only when I began to feel actual, physical pain every time you left the room that it finally dawned on me. I was in love, for the first time in my life. I knew it was hopeless, but that didn't matter to me. And it's not that I want to have you. All I want is to deserve you. Tell me what to do. Show me how to behave. I'll do anything you say."
Gwen spoke. "Volmant was romantic." she said while playing my bracelet. "Just like you."
"He made Tourvel fall in love just to feed his misogynistic ego." I stated. Gwen believed in romantic novels and all those shit. Pero sa akin, iba iba ang kwento nila. I can't generally say that I believe in those but I do believe in her.
"He fell in love and didn't even knew it. The most scary thing about being in love is not knowing that you are in love. Valmont was a cruel guy pero kawawa siya, sa totoo lang," she reasond out. I love this side of her. Gwen wasn't hesitant to speak her mind and this is what I love most about her.
I love her.
"I love you." I blurted out.
"Huh?" she asked, absentmindedly.
"You heard me." Sinulyapan ko siya at tumingin sa gilid.
A smile crept upon her lips. "Say it again, love."
I sighed. "Mahal kita, Gwen." Pagod na akong matakot sa kung ano ano. I'm not gonna lose her the same way I lost my grandparents.
I was watching Gwen while she's sleeping tightly when I received a message from dad.
Dad: Shee, hindi ka raw nagbubukas ng clinic mo.
Sheena: Just close it or have it rented by other Dentists, dad. I'm not going to operate anymore.
Dad: What? Napag-usapan na natin 'to. You're going to operate your clinic!
Sheena: I can't, dad. I have to take care of Gwen. She's sick and in a few days ia-admit na siya sa ICU.
Dad: Oh. I'll think of a way.
Dad: And shee, try to still operate your clinic. Para sa future niyo rin naman 'yan ni Gwen.
I smiled upon reading my dad's last message. Para sa future namin ni Gwen. Of course! Gagaling siya at magpapakasal na kami pagkatapos. I've been saving up since Grade 11 for this. Madalas nga lang ay nababawasan dahil hindi ako humihingi sa parents ko ng pang date namin at mga gifts na binibigay ko sa kanya.
Hindi ako masyadong nakakatulog tuwing gabi. I kept checking if Gwen's okay, if the position of her pillow is okay. Sanay naman na akong hindi matulog eh. I just want to keep her safe as much as possible. Same nights, I found myself trying to hear her heartbeat.
I started at her face and kissed her forehead, whispering 'I love you' against her skin. Everytime I say it, the less afraid I get.
"I recorded a few songs for you to listen at night," Gwen showed me her phone. "Just in case my speech goes bad and I can't sing anymore." my heard ached. Hindi ko maimagine ang isang araw na hindi naririnig ang boses niya.
"I love you." she added.
After that, Gwen's became unresponsive for days now. Napansin ko na wala na siya sa mood kaya hindi ko siya kinukulit at hinahayaan ko lang siya sa kung ano ang gusto niyang gawin.
"Bebe ..." I called out.
"Gwen." I repeated. She stared at me with no expression, causing me to frown. "Are you okay?"
"I-i t-think ..." she said, drawing out words. "I'm not. I ... I can't feel my face." she stuttered with her hands fiddling with her bottom lip.
"Gwen? What do you feel?" Tita worriedly asked pero hindi siya sumasagot.
I saw her eyes close faintly and collapsed to her bed. Agad akong tumayo at pinuntahan siya. I held her head on my lap as I caress her head.
"Fuck. Gwen, love? Shit. What is happening?" my voice broke as tears started streaming down my cheeks.
The nurses came in an instant. We had to give space as the doctors gave her sort of injection. Nilagyan siya ng oxygen mask at inilabas ang hospital bed niya. "Isa lang ang pwedeng sumama." sabi ng doctor sa amin.
I wanted to punch him and get in the damn ICU but I couldn't. Tita kissed my cheek and went inside the room, leaving my paralyzed body in Gwen's room.
Susunod ako. I have to be there for my girlfriend.