Fuck.
Fucking, fuck.
Okay, maybe if I could get that word out of my immediate thoughts, I could actually think straight and function.
Fuck!
I jump to my feet and storm to the kitchen, crumpling the letter Teal left me in my fingers and shoving it in my pocket. I couldnât get her words out of my head even if I tried. Thereâs this constant sound that wonât end or stop.
The weeping of a small girl.
My breathing deepens at the thought of what happened to her and the way her voice, her tears, and her feelings were stolen.
It wasnât only her innocence; it was her life essence. No wonder she built walls and forts and did everything possible to stay away.
Iâm nothing in comparison. I had my parents, even if they were absentee. She had no one. Her only parent was a monster.
And now, she thinks my father is also a monster.
Heâs not.
Edric and I might have some issues â okay, a lot, and all of them have to do with his stiff personality and the way he stole Mum away from me â but heâs not a paedophile.
Heâs not sick.
Besides, he was too busy with Mum during the time frame Teal described. He didnât go to Birmingham, and he never spent ten minutes away from Mum.
I know, because I hated him at the time. I hated how he wouldnât let me stay in Mumâs room. I always thought he was controlling her, but it turns out he was only respecting her wish.
However, I do know who went to Birmingham on Dadâs behalf. I know who took care of the business and used the Astor name as he saw fit.
He sits on the counter in the kitchen. He hasnât left, of course. If Dad says he wants to have a word with him and thereâs a possible new business venture, Eduard the fucker mopes around like a dog waiting for a bone.
Lars notices me first and cuts off his one-sided glare towards Eduard. The latter is nose-deep in his English scones and bacon.
Lars has never hidden the fact that he doesnât like Eduard, but since he never actually confirmed what happened that night, he couldnât be Dadâs informant. Not to mention the fact that I wouldâve fucking murdered him if heâd spilt my secret to Dad without my knowledge.
He already has fewer brownie points for hiding Mumâs sickness.
Eduard lifts his head from his plate and maintains eye contact. Soon enough, a glint shines in his bland green eyes and his giddiness comes out to play.
Heâs always acted that way around me, as if Iâm a puppy he lost and he wants it back at any price.
For a second, thereâs this urge to grab the kitchen knife and jam it straight into his eyes and poke them the fuck out.
Or his intestine.
This fucker didnât only ruin my life, he also destroyed Tealâs. I might have been ready to forget about me for my parentsâ sakes, but Teal is another story altogether.
Teal will be the reason for his fucking demise.
âMorning, dear nephewââ
I jam my fist straight into his nose. He shrieks and tumbles from the chair, causing the plate to clatter on the counter.
Before he can get his footing back, I punch him again. He wails, clutching his bleeding nose. âWhat the fuck is wrong with youââ
I shut him up with another fist to his face. âThatâs for me.â Punch. âFor every fucking time I felt disgusting in my own skin.â Punch. âFor betraying my parentsâ trust.â Punch. âFor all the times I had those nightmares and thought the world was an empty hole like that night.â
Heâs on the ground by the time Iâm finished with him. He splutters on his own blood, and it drips from his nose and mouth, mixing with his spit and pooling on the marble ground. âR-Ronanâ¦â He chokes on his words. âIt was a long time ago. I havenât done it since then. I-I promise.â
âHow about the little girl in Birmingham?â My voice is cold, so cold I sound almost like Dad. âRemember her?â
âW-What?â Eduard is on all fours like the fucking animal he is, so when he stares up at me with confused eyes and blood marring his features, I almost believe he doesnât remember.
I almost believe he didnât do it.
But the thing about Eduard is, heâs a fucking liar. Heâs perfected it so well, going unnoticed in a crowd. Heâs the monster you never see until heâs squeezing you between his claws, ready to rip you apart.
It could be because Iâd already seen his monster image, but Eduard hasnât fooled me since that night.
Thereâs this sick spark in his eyes as if heâs living the violation all over again, enjoying it, finding gratification in the memory.
And for that reason alone, Iâm so close to jamming a knife in his fucking heart â that is, if he had one.
âBirmingham, Eduard. Fucking Birmingham.â I kick his stomach, making him topple over. When he tries to get up, I kick him again until a crunch of bones echoes in the air.
He wails, âLars, you fucking idiot, stop him.â
In a second, Lars appears by my side, and Iâm ready to punch him too if he so much as tries to get in my way.
Lars, however, has his neutral, snobby expression on as he gives me a napkin. âYou got filthy blood on your hands, young lord.â
âL-Lars!â Eduard shrieks then it ends on an oomph when I kick him in the ribs.
âThis was long overdue.â Lars steps aside. âIâm here if you need any assistance.â
âO-Okay, okay! Stop!â Eduard crawls away from me, hiding behind a chair like a small kid with issues. âThe only ones I touched in Birmingham were fucking whores. They didnât matter.â
âWhores?â I repeat. âIn what universe are children considered whores?â
âTheir mother was selling them. Besides, I didnât have intercourse or force that kid to touch me like with the others. She had it easy â why the fuck are you bitching about it? I didnât kidnap and rape her.â He scoffs. âIâm a proper gentleman.â
I lift the chair and bring it down on his head, making it splinter into pieces. He falls limp on the ground, blood oozing from a wound in his nape.
Iâm breathing so harshly I canât even make out what Iâve done.
Is he dead?
Did I kill him?
The moment he spoke about her like that, I couldnât stop myself. There was an urge and then there was only one course of action.
Lars kneels beside him, checking his neck with his white gloves. âHe just passed out. His pulse is steady.â
My jaw clenches, and for a moment, I have the urge to finish him off once and for all, but before I can do that, Teal needs to know the truth.
She has the wrong brother. Dad was never a criminal, even if he housed one.
I call her, but she doesnât pick up. Not again. Fuck.
I curse under my breath, but then my phone vibrates.
Knox.
Iâve never answered so quickly in my life. âDo you know where Teal went?â
âNo.â He sounds agitated. âBut she took my car and left me this fucking note saying she loves me and sheâs sorry. Teal doesnât say that, mate. Besides, Agnus just told me he gave her some paralysing drug.â
That fucker.
âShe was acting weird last night,â he continues. âI shouldnât have left her alone.â
âOkay, okay, weâll find her.â I pace the length of the kitchen. âAny ideas where she could be?â
âNo, but I have a GPS tracker on my car, or rather Dad does so he can locate me whenever he wants. Iâll send you the signal â itâs closer to you.â
Thank God.
âWhat do you plan to do with him? His blood is messing up my kitchen,â Lars asks after I hang up on Knox. Heâs glaring down at Eduard as if heâs mentally sharpening the best knife in his collection so he can drive it into his chest.
âDo you have a rope?â I ask.
He smiles. âOf course, sir.â
I hope Iâm not too late.
Donât do it, Teal. Donât make this mistake.