Chapter Nineteen
After speaking to my mom I decided to pack a small bag and head home for the day. I figured I could just stay overnight since I don't have any classes on Tuesdays and then come back Wednesday morning. It worked out because the second I drove away from campus I felt as if this big weight was lifted off my shoulders. All the pent up stress and heaviness I felt for the last few days just floated away and I could finally breathe.
It dulled the ache in my chest; an ache I didn't even realize was there until I left.
I spent most of the time watching movies, playing cards, and just hanging out with my family. Layla and I even had a campout in the living room like we used to do all the time when we were younger. We would move the coffee table over and lay out a bunch of pillows and blankets. Then we would stay up half the night eating popcorn and just talking about random things. It made me realize just how much I missed being home.
Luckily though spring break is only a few weeks away and I kept reminding myself of that fact as I pulled back up to campus. I let out a sigh, yank my keys out of the ignition, and reach behind me to grab my small duffle bag before getting out of the car. I would say my mind set is definitely more at ease than when I left, but that still doesn't keep the dread from seeping into my body as I edge closer and closer to my dorm.
Walking inside I toss my bag on my bed and flop down beside it. I glance over at the alarm clock on my nightstand, seeing its eleven o'clock which means I have to go to class in about an hour.
Just then the door creaks open and I turn to see Stephanie poke her head in.
"Eek!" She squeals when she sees me and runs over, crushing me on top of the bed. "I'm so happy you're back!"
"S-Steph c-can't br-reathe," I squeak and she quickly sits up, relieving the pressure on my abdomen.
"I missed you." She smiles and I shake my head as I sit up.
"I was only gone for like twenty four hours."
"But I was lonely," she pouts and I laugh. "Oh, oh." She shakes my arm excitedly. "You know that weird, but cute guy from my intro to statistics class?"
"Yeah," I nod sitting up a little straighter.
"Well," She bites her lip, "I think we're going on a date."
My mouth drops. "No way!" She nods excitedly as a smile breaks out across her lips. "How did that happen?" I ask and she tilts her head to the side.
"Well..."
****
I slide my granola bar back and forth between my hands on the counter as I wait for my tea. It's now the late afternoon, so there's a good amount of people hanging around the student lounge. I glance towards the door as conversations flutter around my ears only to see a group of guys walking in laughing. Spotting a red and black flannel shirt and a backwards red baseball cap, I quickly whip my head back around.
Please don't see me, please don't see me.
The lady comes back with my drink and I quickly hand her my ID, while my eyes dart between the red baseball cap and the door.
"Here you go," the women says handing me my ID back and I send her a quick smile before quickly walking to the right side of the room, behind all the tables. I maneuver around chairs and backpacks as I try to make a quick escape. My eyes go back to the group of guys and in that exact second brown eyes lock with mine. Crap. I turn back around only to have someone abruptly pull back there chair, slamming it into my legs.
"Lacie!" I hear him call out while the person who hit me with their chair apologizes, but I just nod my head and continue walking. I make it to the door and in my peripheral vision I see plaid moving towards me. I quickly speed walk out of the building and down the pathway with my heart beating rapidly in my chest. "Lacie, wait!" I try to pick up my pace, but before I know it I can hear footsteps pounding against the cement behind me. He grabs my shoulder, turning me around to face him, but I quickly shove his hand off.
"What do you want, Zack?" My voice comes out harsh, harsher than I intended, and his eyes widen.
"I-I-" I just shake my head and go to turn back around, but he jumps in front of me, my eyes coming into contact with his stomach. "Look, I don't know why Trent said what he said, but he didn't mean it." I snort looking down at the Styrofoam cup in my hand and loosen my grip on my granola bar realizing I practically crushed it into crumbs in its package. "Lacie, look," Zack sighs. "I'm really sorry."
My eyebrows furrow as I meet his gaze. "You're not the one who should be apologizing. You didn't make him say the things he said." Zack takes his cap off his head and runs his hands through his hair.
"I know it's just I know him. I've known him since we were ten years old and I've seen him with his girlfriends over the years, but with you, you Lacie, are different."Â He waves his cap around. "I've never seen him soâso love struck." I shake my head refusing to analyze his words, but he takes a step closer. "Honestly, I don't know why he cared about what those guys thought because he's never cared before." He pauses for a minute. "He's actually a huge jackass for doing what he did." My lips tilt upwards on their own accord.
"I prefer the word asshole," I mumble and a chuckle erupts from Zack's chest. I look up at him only to see he's smiling down at me and I smile back before my lips droop back down and I look back down along with them.
"Look," Zack says, promptly dragging my eyes back up again. "I know he definitely needs to apologize for himself, maybe even a hundred times, but I just want you to know that he really does care about you. Like a lot." I shake my head at him, but he puts a hand under my chin forcing me to meet his gaze. "Man," He breathes shaking his head. "I really should've called dibs though." A laugh escapes my lips and he grins down at me.
"Thanks, Zack," I say, but then a tear runs down my cheek despite the small smile on my face.
"Aw, Peas." Zack pulls me in for a hug and I hug him back, wrapping my arms around his lanky form. I could never hold a grudge against him, even if I tried. He gives my back a little rub before we both pull back. He sends a smile my way before heading back to the student lounge and I continue to walk in the opposite direction.
****
I continue to aimlessly scroll through my phone while lying in my bed. No matter how hard I try, my mind keeps wandering back to him.
What he's thinking. What he's doing.
I shake my head opening up instagram. I scroll through my feed alternating between liking a few pictures and scrolling past others. I go to scroll past another picture when my thumb freezes. It's a picture of a group of guys, but my eyes are only focused on a bright green eyed one with spiked up blonde hair. The other guys are making funny faces, but he's smiling with a red plastic cup in his hand. The caption of the photo is 'Party in the middle of the week' and the most recent comment by some guy that I don't know is 'all day every day.'
I scroll past the photo, but I can already feel the ache growing more prominent in my chest. Then my heart squeezes because there's another one. This photo is specifically of just three guys doing cheers with their cups, one of them being Trent. I shake my head, shaking it off, but then a few photos down there's another. On the left there's a guy chugging back a beer and there are a few guys with their fists in the air cheering him on. Then on the right, there he is again, smiling down at the girl by his side.
I immediately lock my phone, blackening the screen, and toss it at the end of my bed. I sit up, covering my face with my hands, and shake my head.
I can't believe this.
I get up from my bed and reach my hands up, fisting them in my hair. Tears begin to sting in the back of my eyes, but I bite my lip and shake them away. I am so sick of crying. I'm sick of being sad.
Zack was wrong.
He doesn't care about meâhe can't care about me.
Here I am, sitting around in my dorm still dealing with not being able to see him, not being with him, but he's out partying as if without a care in the world.
And I miss him.
I miss his voice... his smile... his laugh.
I miss his teasing and somewhat obvious flirting. I even miss him forcing me to cuddle.
Just then my phone starts ringing and I pick it back up. My heart rate picks up seeing Red Velvet splayed across the screen, but I lock my phone again and throw it back down on the bed.
That guy in those pictures is definitely not the Trent I know. He's definitely not the Trent I knew and I am so done with being upset.
I'm so done with him.