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Chapter Seventeen
"Morning, Duncan." I smile as I walk into the art room.
A sense of familiarity always washes over me when I get in here. It has a certain smell, like dried paint mixed with fresh coffee and the old air freshener he has yet to replace- an odd mixture but a calming one nonetheless.
He glances at me from above his coffee cup and his eyes smile at me. "Hey Reagan, what are you going to draw this morning?"
I sit down and place my things next to me, reaching under the desk yet again for my sketchbook.
"I'm not sure. We'll see where my mind takes me, I guess." I shrug.
He nods and places his cup down on the edge of his desk, trading it for a pencil to mark in his notebook. "I'm sure it's going to be great. I've got to step out for a meeting before class starts, so you know you're welcome to stay in here while I'm out." He says, and I nod with a grateful smile.
I start sketching, and seconds into it I get lost in my drawing. If Duncan came back into the room, I didn't hear him. If anything happened at all, I'm completely oblivious to it. My entire mind and body are focused in the movement of my pencil along the paper.
Time flies as I sketch in my journal. I don't know how long I have been working when I feel warm breath cascades across the back of my neck that sends chills down my spine, and hear a deep voice very close to my ear.
"What are you drawing?"
The surprise of having that voice so close to my ear and come from absolutely nowhere causes me to jump out of my chair while gasping in a pound of air. I place my hand over my heart when I meet the cool blue eyes that could only belong to Hayden.
"You scared the shit out of me." I breathe.
"I couldn't tell." He hums, raising an amused brow. He slides into the seat next to me, taking the drawing and sliding it in front of him.
He scrunches his brow as he examines it, and I suddenly realize that I still don't know what I drew. I got so lost in my head that my hand created a mind of its own. I can't tell what the drawing is because Hayden's broad shoulders are blocking my view, but soon he answers my silent question.
"Is this...me?" He asks, his voice laced with surprise.
I instantly pull my journal to where I can see it and my face heats as I realize that he's exactly what I drew. I drew him walking Bruce a few days ago, when he was shirtless.
Why am I like this?
I decide not to answer him, because if I do I will just bury myself deeper into this hole.
I cannot believe I just drew this man shirtless. It's as if I want him to make fun of me.
"How come you're here so early again?" I ask, clearing my throat. Better to avoid the situation I've been thrown into.
Hayden seems to disregard the drawing as well, and he lounges back in his chair. "I needed Duncan, but I guess he's not here." He says, then he glances at me. "I could ask you the same thing."
I shrug and close my sketchbook in the hopes of him forgetting what I drew. "I'm here every morning."
I don't give much of an answer, because there really is no answer to give. I just...do. I've been coming in here all year long and it just became my routine.
Hayden chuckles, "Do you not value sleep or something?"
I sigh and glance down at the table, trailing my finger along a paint stain. "Sometimes it's just better to be at school rather than at home."
Hayden instantly furrows his brow. "What do you mean?"
I realize I said a little bit too much about my home life and I shake my head. "Nothing, really. Just..." I shake my head, "Nothing."
There's no point in complaining to him. It's not as if I have a miserable home life, it's just not the ideal situation.
Hayden tries to catch my eye as he replies. "Wait Reagan if something serious is going on you need to tell someone." He says, scooting his chair closer to me. "If your parents aren't good to you-"
I glance at him and shake my head, quickly dismissing his thoughts. "It's nothing that serious, Hayden," I chuckle. "My parents just don't get along."
I notice his eyes soften a considerable amount and fill with a sense of understanding. "I know what you mean," he says quietly, showing me an entirely different side of him.
Instead of cool and cocky oblivion, his eyes show a wise understanding of my six worded, simple sentence that half of the US could say. He brushes his knee against mine as a sense of comfort and the simple action provides me with warmth and relief. I suddenly remember that his parents are divorced and I smile sadly.
"It sucks." I say.
"I know." He softly replies.
Before I can say anything else, Mr. Duncan gets back from his meeting.
"That was a quick meeting." I comment, shaking off my conversation with Hayden.
Duncan glances at me from his desk where he's shuffling through papers. "It wasn't meant to be long." He dismisses, stacking them nearly in the center of his desk.
From the corner of my eye, I see Hayden staring intently at Duncan before he smirks widely and crosses his arms. "You were with a girl." He says.
Duncan chokes on his coffee and looks at Hayden through wide eyes. "Excuse me?"
Hayden shrugs smugly. "You can lie all you want, but I can tell."
Duncan is at a loss for words as he stares at Hayden. "How..."
"The dismissive, guarded tone, the forgotten top button on your shirt, the distraction with the papers. It's all there."
My jaw drops as I look back between Duncan and Hayden. "And you didn't tell me?!" I exclaim to Duncan.
"I wasn't-"
"Save it." I cut him off.
After learning that Duncan was off with Ms. Kush, a freshman biology teacher, the bell rang and class started filling in. Duncan started lecturing right at the bell, his face still a little red from our conversation.
During the beginning of Duncan's lecture about how the projects went, Hayden leans in close so that he can whisper in my ear and his warm voice sends a shiver down my spine.
"By the way, I haven't forgotten about that lovely drawing of me."
Shit.
---
Dear Beautiful,
I read something today that instantly had my mind swirling with my thoughts and opinions. I read that love doesn't have to hurt, it doesn't have to be hard. With you, Reagan, I believe it would be easy, but I don't believe it wouldn't hurt.
Love is meant to hurt. It's meant to burn you, it's meant to torment you, it's meant to scare you. It's meant to comfort you, it's meant to pleasure you, it's meant to always be there for you.
Love won't always be a walk in the park, I know that. It will hurt sometimes, but what makes that love authentic is when you always end the day in your lover's arms, no matter the circumstances. When you gravitate towards one another after a fight, when you realize that no matter how much it burns you to be near them, it hurts you more to stay away.
Beautiful...I believe that if you gave me the chance to love you, our love would be timeless.
I wish I had it in me to admit who I am, because every day I see you my heart wants to burst from my chest and exclaim how deeply I care for you.
But I still can't.
I'm still too afraid of the outcome.
Love,
Anonymous
I'm snapped from the fairy tale my letter sent me into when I hear Logan's voice carrying down the hallway.
"I'm just saying that she's hot!" Logan exclaims.
I swivel my head to them and see him throwing his arms in the air as Cole and Chloe roll their eyes at him.
"Just saying who's hot?" I ask with a raised brow as they approach me.
Cole glances at Logan and rolls his eyes. "Mrs. Love. He started saying how he wishes she wasn't married to that marine so he could have that student teacher relationship every guy secretly wishes for."
I recoil from his statement and look at Logan.
"What about Vicky?"
"She has a teacher at her school she fantasizes about." He shrugs.
Chloe looks up at Cole and cocks a questioning brow. "What about you, have any secret hopes of getting with a teacher?"
He chuckles and shrugs, lifting his lips into a smirk. "I don't know, there are a few who have caught my eye." He says, gauging her reaction.
She snorts and shoves his shoulder and I watch with a secret smile.
They are so going to become a thing.
However, she still hasn't talked to me about her newfound relationship with Cole.
...Or would it be an oldfound relationship since they were once friends already?
Hayden walks up soon after and wacks Cole on the back of the head for no good reason, causing him to scowl and lash out at his friend. Hayden chuckles and spins to avoid Cole's thrown punch, and he lands in front of me. Hayden grins down at me and then goes to snatch my letter from my hand, but I'm a step ahead of him and I rip it away before he has the chance.
"Nice try, Summers." I jeer, placing it in my back pocket.
He chuckles, "I tried."
We all start walking towards the parking lot together, listening to Logan blab on about how he's a better fit for Mrs. Love than her current husband.
"Logan, you do realize they've been together since high school, right?" Chloe asks.
He nods but dismisses it. "Who cares? That means she's into high school men." He grins, puffing out his chest.
The three of them start to walk off to the side, leaving me and Hayden walking to our cars alone.
"So, what did your letter say today?" He asks, sticking his hands in his pockets.
I snort and look up at him. His head is barely blocking the sun, and the rays that make their way around him illuminate his facial structure, keeping me to have to squint in order to meet his shimmering eyes.
"Let's be honest here, do you really care?" I question.
He seems slightly taken aback by the question. "Well, yeah."
I'm surprised by his instant response. "Why?" I ask, tilting my head curiously.
He looks off to the side and scrunches his brow as he tries to form an answer. "Because, even if you won't admit it, I consider us friends."
"Hey Reagan!"
I turn around and see Noah jogging towards me from the other end of the parking lot, and I can sense Hayden tensing up next to me. The action sends a hundred questions flying to my head. I thought Hayden was cool with Noah?
"Hey Noah," I greet as he runs up to us.
"I was wondering if you're busy later? I was kind of hoping we could study for that test." He asks with a hopeful smile.
I unconsciously glance at Hayden from the corner of my eye and see him standing rather uncomfortably.
"I think I'm free." I say, finally answering Noah. "I'll just have to check with the parents." I say, and the thought of going home to them arguing has a part of me deflating.
Noah smiles triumphantly and I think I see him smirk slightly at Hayden...
"Great, I'll text you later?" He asks, any hint of a smirk gone and replaced with a dazzling smile that reveals nothing but kindness.
I don't remember him having my number, so I cock my head. "You have my number?"
He chuckles. "Well no, I was getting to that."
I blush slightly and nod, "Right." I take my phone from my back pocket and pass it to him, watching as he types in his number and texts himself.
"Thank you, I'll see you later tonight." He winks with a cheerful smile, handing my phone back before walking away.
I say a quick goodbye to Noah and then focus my attention back on Hayden. "Sorry, thanks for waiting."
He pushes away his previous scowl and smiles, sending a random jolt to my heart. "Not a problem. What's going on there?" He asks, nodding towards where Noah walked off. I notice a certain stiffness to his voice and it shocks me.
I shake my head, "Nothing. Noah is just starting to become a good friend."
He nods. "So you friend-zoned him?"
I purse my lips. "Well, not exactly. I didn't need to, I mean I don't like him in that way."
"Does he know that?"
"Why do you care?" I question, staring warily at him.
His curious eyes instantly morph back into dismissive arrogance and he shrugs. "I just want to make sure he knows that if it came down to it, we all know you would choose me as a friend."
I scoff and stop in my tracks, crossing my arms as a challenge to his bold statement. "What makes you so sure?"
He glances down at me and smirks, mocking me by crossing his own muscled arms.
"You don't draw him shirtless."
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