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Chapter Fifteen
Dear Beautiful,
I've never felt a want this strong before. I want to tell you my feelings and make you feel the same zoo of butterflies that I do. I want to tell you that you take my breath away whenever I see you. I want to play with your hair, listen to your 3am thoughts. I want you to roll your eyes at my sarcasm and laugh at my corny jokes. I want to kiss you until my lips are numb, and even then I'll want to kiss you some more. I want to lay in an open field with you and watch the stars in the dark sky as we talk about everything and nothing all at once. I want to love everything about you. I want you to love everything about me.
But wanting you so bad has made me realize how powerful fear truly is. Fear of being turned down. Fear of rejection. To be honest, fear of falling even more in love with you.
That's why I'm anonymous, Beautiful. Because I'm afraid of having you and then losing you.
Love,
Anonymous
I roll my bottom lip between my teeth as I finish reading my letter and tuck it back into its envelope. I glance around the hallway in empty hope of the author of my love letters standing nearby, but since it's early in the morning no one else but me is here.
I slide the envelope into my back pocket and start walking towards my art class, 30 minutes early to continue my usual routine.
"So I heard that you were the culprit of that lovely outfit Hayden wore the other day." Duncan greets me.
I chuckle and take the coffee sitting at my desk with a small thank you. "He lost a crucial game of pool." I shrug, sipping my deliciously warm coffee.
"Is there anything going on there? You know, more than a friendship?"
His question has me choking on the coffee that I was trying to swallow, and I cough it up so that it drops out of my mouth and onto the floor.
"No!" I exclaim through a fit of coughing.
Mr. Duncan jumps from my reaction and quickly grabs some paper towels from the counter, rushing to me to help clean up my small mess.
"I was only asking." He defends.
"I've only just admitted to him being tolerable. We truly aren't even friends." I mutter, wiping some coffee from my jeans.
"Aren't friends?" Duncan echoes in disbelief.
I glance at him and shake my head.
"You were at his house playing pool. You convinced him to wear pink short shorts and he didn't get revenge. You voluntarily talk and laugh with him. Need I go on?"
"I try not to dwell on the facts." I say, still trying to remove the hideous stain from my light wash jeans. "I just got these the other day!" I groan.
Mr. Duncan sits/leans on my desk and crosses his arms. "Well have you thought of him as an option for the love letters?"
I snap my head up so fast that I think I may have broken my neck or gotten a serious case of whiplash. "Excuse me?"
"Hayden, the author of your love letters?"
I narrow my eyes. "Are you on something?"
He sighs and pushes off of my desk, standing up. "All I'm saying is that you two seem to be getting sort of close, have you not considered him?"
I laugh, "Duncan! Hayden is the last person I would ever even assume!"
"How come?" He asks, tilting his head. "Why is that such a ridiculous statement?"
I throw away the paper towel I was using to clean my jeans and sigh. "The letters are so sweet and tender; they are practically perfect. Hayden is nothing like that at all. He's just a big pile of lust that was thrown together in one hunk of a guy- the opposite of my letters." I explain, looking down. "I can't imagine him writing something so loving. I mean, yeah Hayden is turning out to be an okay guy, but he's the opposite of what I imagine my anonymous lover like."
"What do you imagine him like?" Duncan asks. "The author of your letters?"
I pause for a few seconds and then look down with a dejected such. "I don't know."
"Then how can you say it isn't Hayden?" He presses further.
I glance up at him and narrow my eyes suspiciously. "What's with all the questions anyways?"
He smiles and starts to walk back to his desk. "I'm curious, that's all. I want you to find this guy as much as you do."
"So do I," a familiar voice snips, sauntering into the room with his backpack lazily thrown over his shoulder.
My eyes snap towards the door to see Hayden in all his glory. He's wearing a tropical print short sleeve button up, and somehow he makes it look amazing. The light tropical colors accentuate his dark hair and bright eyes, and the shirt itself makes him look tan. He's wearing khaki shorts with it and boat shoes to tie it all together, and I don't think anyone can pull this look off as well as he is.
"Hayden? You're here a little early." Duncan states in surprise.
He shrugs and throws his stuff down next to me. "Only like eight minutes. I happened to wake up early and figured I'd come see my favorite teacher." He grins mockingly.
Duncan rolls his eyes but doesn't respond aside from muttering something under his breath.
"Or I came to take a letter from your locker, just to see nothing was there." Hayden suggests as he pulls his seat out and arrogantly sits down.
My jaw drops in anger and I shove him harshly, but he barely moves. "You broke into my locker again?!"
"Cupcake, I thought we already established that routine... You get a letter, I break into your locker to steal it, and then you do that cute pouty glare thing and try to snatch it back." He smirks, twirling a pencil around his fingers.
I narrow my eyes at him and I see his eyes light up and he points at me.
"See? There it is!" He grins, and I feel my cheeks heat up in either anger or embarrassment, or a mixture of the two.
---
I clumsily park Kermit into the smallest parking space ever made. It doesn't help that the SUV next to me is just about over the line, and I have half an inch of room to actually get out of my car.
I squeeze through the small gap and shut my door, carefully maneuvering between my car and this stupid SUV to get to Panera. I somehow manage to avoid hitting the side mirrors and finally reach the doors to Panera, but before I can open them on my own someone else does for me.
"Hey," Noah greets me as I walk through the door with a kind smile. "You look beautiful," he observes, glancing at my outfit.
I smile back and blush profusely, quickly using my hair as a shield. "Thank you Noah, sorry I'm a little late."
During art this morning, Noah came in to let me know he wouldn't be in English and asked me if I wanted to meet him at Panera to catch up on what he was going to miss. Since I didn't have any plans, I went ahead and said yes.
I was a little nervous on the way here. I know this isn't a date or anything, but Noah is really attractive and is such a good guy that I can't help but think further into things. Doesn't every girl do that anyways?
We settle down in a small booth in the middle of the restaurant and I get my things out as we wait for our buzzers to go off to get our food.
"So I forget, why did you miss class?" I ask, setting my folder on the table.
Noah sighs, "I had to visit my grandmother in the hospital."
I cringe and vaguely remember him telling me. "Oh yeah, I'm so sorry. How is she?"
"She's doing better, actually. The chemo is working." He says, smiling slightly. "Thanks for asking."
I smile sadly back. "It's tough to have someone close to you go through that."
He nods, "You're telling me."
"What type of cancer does she have?" I ask hesitantly.
He sighs and his eyes focus downward. "Lung cancer. Her parents were big smokers, so she inhaled a lot of second-hand smoke as a child and I guess it finally caught up to her."
I nod sympathetically. "I'm really sorry, Noah. But I'm sure she'll pull through."
He glances up at me and gives a gracious smile. "Thanks, Reagan. But enough about this doom and gloom, how was English?"
"It sucked. I can't believe you left me all alone." I joke to lighten the mood, and thankfully he chuckles at my stupid humor.
"Trust me, I wanted to be there. That's the only class I have with you." He says, and I fight away my blush.
I chuckle, "It was a little unbearable, not going to lie."
"Whenever you're not there it's pretty crappy too."
We work for an hour and I get him up to speed on the writing prompt we were handed today. I give him the notes that we went over, and we talk about little things in between. I learn that he has an older brother, his mother is a stay at home mom, and that his dad is a successful Buffalo Wild Wings franchise owner.
"You may not want to hear this...but I've never been a fan of Buffalo Wild Wings." I say, shrugging as I finish my water.
Noah's jaw drops slightly in surprise and he chuckles, shaking his head. "You aren't?"
I shake my head.
"Not even a little?"
"Not even a little."
He leans back and shakes his head. "Dang...to think you were almost perfect."
His comment has my eyes widening and I almost choke on the ice cube I was sucking on, but I do it as discreetly as possible and he doesn't seem to notice.
"At least tell me what it is you don't like about it." He suggests playfully.
I swirl the straw around the ice in my cup as I think. "For starters it's expensive."
"Alright, fair enough. What else?" He asks.
"I don't like wings." I say, and his jaw drops again.
"Reagan you're making this harder and harder." He says with a laugh. "I'm not sure this is going to work now."
I raise a brow. "Not sure what's going to work?"
His smile drops and his eyes widen as he realizes what he said. "I-I mean you and I are becoming pretty good friends and-"
Before he finishes his statement, some girls from school appear at our table and cut him off. "Hey Noah!" They exclaim, and he glances up at them with an almost relieved smile.
"Hey Olivia, hey Haley." He greets, and I awkwardly listen to their conversation. I don't know Haley or Olivia, so I don't throw myself into their conversation. They don't try to include me either, so I go to my phone.
"We didn't see you earlier today." The one who I think is Haley says.
He nods, "Yeah, I had to work out some family stuff."
"Well we missed you in Econ." Olivia pouts.
"What did you guys do? Do I have a lot of makeup work?" He frowns.
Haley shakes her head, "We didn't do much. Just one worksheet."
He lets out a sigh of relief. "That's good news."
My phone buzzes and I get a text from my mom to start coming home soon. I see Noah still engrossed in his conversation, so I quietly start to gather my things. I'm not mad that he's talking to them, not at all. This is what it's like to hang out with Noah- there is always someone else for him to talk to no matter who he is with.
"The only hard part was-"
"Hey I'm sorry to interrupt, but I've got to head out Noah." I say, smiling apologetically at him.
He frowns, "Are you sure?"
I nod with a small sigh, gesturing to my phone. "My mom texted me."
His shoulders deflate and he nods. "Alright, well thanks so much for meeting me here."
"Of course," I say. "I'll see you tomorrow in English."
"Yeah, see you tomorrow." He sighs.
I kindly nod to Olivia and Haley, who quickly take my seat once I'm gone.
---
Opening my locker, I start to trade my textbooks for my lunch-money check, but before I can do anything a small white envelope with a perfect heart drifts to the ground. I can't contain my smile as I reach down to pick it up, but as I stand back up it's quickly snatched from my hands.
I snap my eyes to the thief and am not surprised to meet Hayden's mischievous blue eyes. He holds it away from me with a stupid smirk and I huff at him.
"Give it back!" I whine as I try to jump up to take it from him.
He chuckles and holds me back with his other arm. "Say please."
I stop struggling and cross my arms with a huff and a glare.
"There's that cute glare pouty thing you do." He says, and it just makes me even more annoyed.
"This is why we aren't friends, just so you know." I snap.
"Well if you say we're friends then maybe I'll hand it back to you." He retorts slyly.
I narrow my eyes at him and his stupidly perfect face. Why do his eyes have to be so blue?
"I will scream if you don't hand it over." I say with a shrug, finding a loophole to this annoying situation.
His facade falters and he hands it back to me. I smile victoriously and grab it from his hands, my smile melting into something softer as I look at the envelope. I can't even imagine what it's going to say today- you would think he would run out of sweet things to say, but he always has something new for me to read. I place it in my backpack to read later, my small smile refusing to go away.
I can feel Hayden's eyes on me, but I ignore him until he speaks. "You really like these letters, don't you?" He muses, leaning against my locker.
I glance at him and nod with a small blush. "Yeah, I do."
He nods thoughtfully. "Well, whoever wrote them has you wrapped around his finger." He chuckles, pushing off of the locker as Cole and Chloe walk up together. "Well, well, well look who we have here." He smirks, and Cole rolls his eyes and shoves Hayden slightly.
"Kiss my ass, man." Cole says.
Hayden laughs and backs off. Cole goes back to Chloe, who gives me a look saying she'll explain later, and they continue their conversation off to the side.
I'm completely shocked. When did this happen? I didn't even know that they were on a talking basis again.
I look up at Hayden and see him watching them as well.
"I didn't know they were talking again." I say.
He crosses his arms and shrugs. "Cole finally got the balls to talk to her earlier today. I think he showed up at her house this morning and they talked things through. Seems like whatever he said worked- they're friends again."
I chuckle, "It's a good thing, because Chloe was starting to ask me to get to Cole through you."
Hayden nods but doesn't respond.
"How come it took him until now to talk to her?" I ask, leaning back against my locker.
Hayden glances down at me with a small smile, something soft and knowing in his blue eyes. He looks back at his friend as he responds. "That I'm not sure of. Because he's going to realize it's the best decision he's ever made."
Something in his voice sends a jolt to my heart and I quickly look away from him, refusing to get caught with whatever look is in my eyes right now.
All of the sudden, Logan pops up out of nowhere and worms his way in the middle of us with his arm draped over each of our shoulders.
"True love is a beautiful thing, isn't it?" He says, staring at Cole and Chloe with a dramatic smile.
Hayden and I stare at him in surprise.
"Logan, where the hell did you come from?" I ask.
He chuckles at me. "Reagan, did your parents never tell you about the birds and the bees? You see, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much-"
I facepalm and quickly lift my hand to his mouth to shut him up.
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