Chapter 47: Chapter 47

“Could you bring the Oreos too?” Aunt V asks me from the couch. She adjusts the sheet mask on her face, huffing when it continues to slip over her eyes and not stay on correctly.

I smile from the small, attached kitchen, busy cutting the tops of different candy bags open and pouring them into a large bowl. It’s called a candy salad, and it’s been Vanessa’s and my favorite late-night snack in the month that I’ve been back home with her.

“I like the way you think, Aunt V.” My eyes move from her perched on the couch to my phone that sits on a stand next to me on the counter. “The thing about girls’ night is that you have to go big or go home. Junk food combined with skincare is peak girlhood,” I tell my audience in the video I’m filming to post later.

“Preach!” Aunt V yells from the living room, her eyes trained on the TV.

We’re having a celebratory girls’ night because I’ve been nominated at an award show for breakout internet star. My management team begged me to fly to LA to attend the event, but I wasn’t ready to step into the spotlight and have the media hound me with questions.

When I post to my own platform, I’m able to control the narrative. I have a team comb through the comments, so that isn’t even something I have to worry about anymore. Anything I put out into the world, I control, and it’s refreshing.

“Not another commercial break,” Vanessa complains, shaking her head.

I laugh, continuing to pour the candy into the bowl. Our eyes were a little bigger than our stomachs with the amount of candy we picked out, but I love the variety of options we have for tonight.

“If you can’t hear her in the background, my aunt Vanessa is impatiently waiting for the breakout internet portion. I, on the other hand, am so nervous. Whatever happens, I cannot believe you guys made me a finalist to begin with.” I pause what I’m doing, looking at the camera as a wave of emotions passes through me. “I just appreciate you being here every step of the way on my very messy journey, and I need you to know how much I love every single one of you.”

When I first came back to live with Aunt V, it was hard. All I wanted to do was call Preston and tell him I’d made a mistake. I wanted to find a way to be long distance and do anything to make it work. But then I’d see the Mambas’ posts of him at practice or the paparazzi videos of him leaving the gym, and I realized he was staying true to his word.

He was devoting himself to his career, and he deserved that, to be the best version of himself as a quarterback and teammate. So, if he was going to hold up his end of the deal, I needed to hold up mine.

And while with each passing day, I feel a little more at peace with where my life’s at, I know there’s still more I want to figure out before jumping into things again. If Preston and I get back together, that’ll be it for me because I still believe he’s it for me. I just don’t want to inevitably ruin things because I’m a mess, so I’ll keep doing what I came here for.

I finish pouring the last bag of candy into the bowl, pushing thoughts of Preston to the back of my mind. I blink a few times, trying to stop my own sheet mask from slipping and falling into my eyes. I laugh at myself, knowing I’m going to have to keep that part in the video.

I’ve started to do more brand deals recently and have tried to diversify my content, but my favorite videos are still the ones where followers see the more authentic parts of my life. “Now that we have all the candy in here,” I begin, telling my audience how to make a candy salad even though everyone is making them on the internet right now, “you just have to mix it all up and enjoy it.”

I pick a sour gummy worm from the bowl and take a bite. I already know by the end of the night, my taste buds are going to feel like they’re gone from all the sour candy I plan to consume, but I’m going to enjoy the candy anyway. It’s not every day you’re nominated for a huge award.

I stop the video and take my phone from the stand. There are a thousand texts from Winnie and Margo, who are watching together in Manhattan. I’m a little sad to not be there with them, but they both came to visit last week, and we spent a few days together.

Beck had to go out of town for work, and although he fought leaving Margo alone while Celeste is still so little, we were able to convince him that a girls’ weekend would be a blast. Margo was all for it. I think she pretty much leapt off the private jet when I went to pick them up from the airport.

Beck, on the other hand, pouted the entire time he was saying goodbye, but I don’t blame him. Celeste is almost six weeks and the most precious little bundle. Vanessa, Winnie, and I all fought over who got the baby snuggles while they were here.

It was great to show my best friends where I grew up. I think they knew I needed to see them but that I wasn’t ready to return to Manhattan, and I’m forever grateful to have had the time with them.

“Are you coming or not? I need the candy and Oreos!” V calls from the living room. “Plus, these dang commercials should be done soon, and I don’t want you to miss it.”

I roll my eyes. While I’ve been here, I introduced Vanessa to streaming services, and now just the mention of a commercial makes her impatient.

“I’m coming,” I tell her, grabbing the Oreos she so desperately wants in one hand and the giant bowl of candy in the other.

I take a seat on the couch next to her and put down the food. Vanessa immediately reaches for an Oreo and pops it into her mouth.

She blows a raspberry, pulling at the sheet mask on her face. “I’m pretty sure I just accidentally ate a chunk of this thing. I’m trying to be young and cool with you, but I think that’s enough skin care for me tonight.” She pulls the face mask off completely, folds it up, and places it on the side table next to her.

I repeat her motion, wanting to enjoy my food without accidentally taking a bite of the mask we were sent from a brand to try out. “You’re always cool, V.”

She immediately shushes me through her mouthful of cookie when the award show host pops up on the screen.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I look down at the texts rolling in. The first one is from Ophelia, my manager.

OPHELIA

Yours is next! They were very adamant about getting your pre-recorded thank-you video from me in case you won. They don’t typically do that unless you’re the winner.

My heart races at her text. My hands shake with nerves as I type a text back.

EMMA

Maybe they’re just extra prepared. Trying not to get my hopes up!

I look through my other texts while the host talks about a movie that just released. I’m trying to stay distracted up until the moment they present the award. If I think about it too much, I might throw up from nerves.

MARGO

Even Celeste wanted to party and watch Aunt Em win an award!

I smile at the photo she sends of Celeste. She’s got a pair of pajamas on with little paintbrushes on it, and her eyes are wide open where she’s snuggled in the crook of Margo’s arm.

EMMA

Rub her belly for good luck for me!! Wish I was there giving her all the kisses!

Vanessa practically slapping my arm pulls my attention from my phone. “Oh my god, it’s happening!” she screams as two influencers I recognize walk out to the stage.

I’ve talked with both of them online, and they even convinced me to attend a brand trip in Mexico with them next month. I’m excited to meet them in person and get out a little more, but I’m also really nervous.

No matter how many times I tell my management team I think one day people are going to wake up and lose interest in me, they tell me it’s the opposite. More brands want to work with me in different capacities, and I’m starting to believe that just maybe in admitting I was a mess to the world, I’ve found myself a career that I enjoy and find purpose in.

“Those girls seem so nice,” Vanessa says from my side, her nails biting into my arm because of nerves.

I place my hand over hers to try and stop my hands from shaking. I’ve spent days convincing myself that there’s no way I was going to get this award. I didn’t even know the award existed a few months ago. Besides, I haven’t even been on the internet long enough to feel like I deserve to be nominated, but now that they’re about to announce the winner, I’m realizing how badly I want it to be me.

“And the winner for this year’s breakout internet star is…”

“I think I might throw up,” I tell Vanessa, squeezing her hand hard.

“Shhhh,” Vanessa responds, leaning forward.

The presenters open the envelope and share a knowing smile before both leaning into the microphone. “Emma Turner!” they yell excitedly.

The crowd breaks into a cheer while the world goes hazy around me in my childhood living room.

“Oh my!” Vanessa screams, jumping up from her spot on the couch and running a circle around the living room. “That’s you, sweetie!” she shouts, looking at me with wide eyes.

I stay in place, trying to figure out if I heard that correctly. Suddenly, my prerecorded video pops up on the screen. I only recorded it a few days ago, and it took me and Vanessa hours to complete, even though I’d been given a script from my team.

I kept laughing and couldn’t take it seriously because I never thought anyone would see it. It was my way of protecting myself if I were to lose—something I thought would happen.

I’m frozen for a few more seconds, not able to even hear what I’m saying on the screen because how is this happening? How is this my life? Six months ago, I had no idea what I was doing. I felt like a mess and a failure. Now, I’m winning an award.

This is unreal.

Vanessa runs over to me and throws her arms around my body, pulling me off the couch and into a hug. “Oh, my sweet girl, I always knew you’d do big things. Look at you!”

I hug her back, immediately breaking into tears. “This isn’t happening,” I mutter against her hair. The world still seems fuzzy. I can hear my phone vibrating against the cushion behind me, but all I can focus on is the fact that I actually won.

Vanessa grabs my face, tears welling in her eyes. “It happened, dear. You did it. I’m so proud of you.”

A sob breaks free from my chest—a happy one. I hadn’t realized how bad I needed to hear someone say they were proud of me until this moment. In fact, I don’t think I would’ve believed anyone telling me they were proud of my accomplishments until this moment.

It’s been a long time since I felt like I’ve done anything important with my life, but now, I finally feel like I have. It’s the best I’ve felt about myself in a long time.

Vanessa pulls away before reaching down to grab my phone and hand it to me. “Now, celebrate with all your friends and fans!”

I take the phone from her, knowing I need to put something on my page thanking everyone. Before I can do that, a text on my screen catches my attention.

PRESTON

I’ve always known you were something special, rebel. Glad the rest of the world knows too. Counting down the days until February.

I read his text over and over again until I’ve committed it to memory. Notifications keep popping up, but I ignore every single one of them as I think about what to say back to Preston.

Do I even say anything at all?

We haven’t spoken since I left his apartment. The way he barely looked at me as he left me in that elevator has been burned in my mind. I don’t want him to think I’m ignoring him, so I type out a response and hit Send before throwing my phone and enjoying the moment with Aunt V.

EMMA

Your words mean the world to me. And me too, Rhodes.