Chapter 59: 59: A Shattered Bond

GRAYSON

I was in a shitty-ass mood. Any guesses as to why?

I had just gotten back from a long meeting with three of the Mortars. They preferred to work late during the night—a vampire thing.

They liked the nighttime. Perpetual night owls. It usually worked out. I trained with the wolves in the morning, met with the vampires at night, and did whatever else in between.

But today, it had taken everything in me to force myself to go.

My stomach roiled just thinking about what had happened earlier today. The way she had looked at me after I yelled at her.

~Yelled at her.~

She had been trying to kiss me. She had been trying to love me. And I yelled at her.

Fuck. ~Fuck.~

I could feel all of her emotions through the bond. Sadness, hurt, disappointment. Never anger, though. Never contempt. She was so kind, so sweet.

It was normal for lunas—female mates of alpha males—to idolize their mates and think they could do no wrong. Lunas were naturally submissive and easy to put down.

Belle would believe anything I told her because I was her alpha. I mean, she believed it so easily when Azazel told her she meant nothing to me when he had been in control of my body.

And now she thought my rejection of her was all her fault. But it was~ my~ fault. It was all my fault. It was my fault she was going through all of this.

A clammy layer of sweat formed on the back of my neck when I remembered how she had looked at me when I pushed her away.

It had been the same expression she had given Azazel when he’d hit her for the first time. Shock and raw, tangible devastation. And I wanted to die for making her feel that way.

And then another emotion took over her face.

Humiliation.

If I could punch myself in the face, I would. Hard. Unceasing. Until I was bloody and broken on the floor. That was what I deserved.

What Belle didn’t know was that I wanted her just as much as she wanted me. More. I was dying without her. Going mad.

When I said I wasn’t going to fuck her for the first time in a hot tub, it had been more for my benefit than for hers. It was a reminder to myself that she deserved more than this.

I took the steps up to Belle’s and my room two at a time. I flung open the door and stepped inside, searching for my mate with desperate eyes.

I needed to see her. To hold her. To just be with her and reassure her that everything was okay. That I was so unbelievably sorry.

She wasn’t here. Her scent was just as old as mine, telling me she hadn’t been back here since we had both left for the hot tub earlier today.

Before I had time to panic, my cell phone dinged in my pocket.

I still wasn’t used to carrying the stupid thing around with me, preferring to mind-link anyone I needed to talk to, but I had to have a way to communicate with any non-werewolf people as well.

I growled when it went off, planning on just ignoring it, but I ended up digging it out of my pocket just in case it was a text from Belle. To my utter relief, it was.

Belle

Hi, this is Minnie. I have the luna’s phone. She’s at my place. Fell asleep on my couch.

Thought you would like to know so you don’t go all alpha-who-can’t-find-his-mate and kill everyone.

I was out the door a second later.

***

My knuckles rapped gently but hurriedly against Minnie’s apartment door, not wanting to wake my sleeping mate, who I knew was on the other side.

I could smell her scent coming through the wood, along with the smell of her tears.

I didn’t have to wait long for Minnie to open it, which was good; any longer than five—maybe ten—seconds and I would have been breaking down the door.

Minnie gave me a sad smile when she saw it was me. She didn’t hesitate to open the door wider and wave me inside. “Come on,” she said with a dejected tone. “She’s in here.”

I followed her into the other room. I released a breath when I found Belle sleeping on the couch in the living room, a thin blanket over her body and a throw pillow tucked under her head.

She was wearing a T-shirt now—one of Minnie’s by the smell—but I could still see the outline of her black bikini under the cotton. She never went back to our room.

I knelt down beside her, gently caressing the side of her head, being careful not to wake her. She had tear stains streaming down her cheeks. And I was suddenly convinced that I was the biggest asshole in the world.

My vampire started to purr for her, and my wolf surrendered to the back of my consciousness, letting me have complete control.

The supernatural parts of me—both of which only knew how to operate solely on instinct—knew that this was a moment of importance.

“How long did she cry for?” I asked Minnie.

“She was crying when she got here,” Minnie responded quietly.

The wetness of her tears was still fresh on her cheeks.

I nodded. ~Fuck~.

I looked back at Minnie. “Did she tell you what happened?”

She shook her head. “She didn’t give me all the details. Said she didn’t want to spend the night crying. All I could get out of her was that she was worried.”

“Worried?” I repeated.

“About her relationship with you.” She shifted on her feet, pausing for a moment while it felt like my entire body was being ripped in two.

“Then she sat on my couch and cried and ate ice cream while we watched~ Twilight ~together~.”~

I grit my teeth together so hard that it felt like my jaw was about to explode. Then, as gently as I could, I lifted her into my arms.

The T-shirt she was wearing was wet from her swimsuit, clinging to her skin. She had to be cold. I cradled her sleeping form to my chest, treating her as though she were the most precious thing in the world.

Because she was.

And I didn’t deserve her.

“Thank you for being here for her,” I said to Minnie. “She’s lucky to have you as her friend.”

Minnie gave me a sad smile. “She’s lucky to have you too, you know. You’re a good mate. Always protecting her—even when it hurts.”

She was trying to make me feel better. And I appreciated that. I just wished she wouldn’t. I deserved to feel all of the guilt coiling my stomach.

Instead of responding, I carried Belle to the door. “What time are the two of you leaving tomorrow?” I asked Minnie before leaving.

“She said she wasn’t coming with me tomorrow. Said she wanted to spend the day in bed.”

I sighed.

“Have a nice rest of your night, Minnie,” I said.

“You too, Alpha,” Minnie replied as I walked down the hall. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, okay?”

I would have laughed if I were capable of any other emotion besides self-hatred at that moment.

It was too late for that.