Sorry to spring it on you guys, but last chapter was the final chapter of POSSESSIVE ALPHA KADEN. PLEASE don't hate me for how I ended things, but that was always how I felt the final scene would go down. I never wanted to write a stereotypical werewolf story where everyone lives happily ever after, and she gets pregnant, has her kid and lives until the ripe old age of 132 with Kaden by her side.
I was always going to write this epilogue, frankly I had this chapter written and finished a while ago, so here it is, I hope this cheers you up, and I hope that it makes you feel a little bit better about how I left everything.
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Kaden's POV:
"Come on daddy, tell me about mummy one more time."
I smile softly as my daughter, the exact replica of her mother, snuggles deeper into my arms as we sit outside our house on the porch swings and wait for the sunset.
Because Lola wasn't a werewolf when Allivander threw that knife into her chest, she didn't heal. Blood kept pouring out like a crimson waterfall, staining my skin a fresh scarlet. I watched as she grew paler and paler in my arms, until Otis and Viola wrenched her from my grasp and rushed her to the hospital in her old half of our new pack.
I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I disregarded the pack and everyone in it. I hated the person I became when she didn't heal, when she didn't wake up...
"Well..." I begin, sticking my fingers gently into the gaps between her small ribs and tickle her, my smile growing as she screams and wriggles around in my lap. I push the dark thoughts to the back of my mind, relishing in the fact that there was only one good thing that came from the incident.
My beautiful daughter Koda. She is the replica of her mother, with her dark hair, pale skin and even darker eyes. She has her mother's laugh, her smile, her temperament. She is always wanting to help her dad in any way she can, and to honour Lola's memory, I let her. I tell her that I love her every single minute of every single day. I tell her when I leave to go to pack meetings, I tell her when I tuck her up in her Star Wars covers (her choice) before she goes to bed.
Due to the spell that Viola put on Lola, encasing our child in magic that protected her from the regular eyes of the supernatural, it also protected my Koda from any harm done to her mother. They managed to take her out of Lola's womb before they took her in for surgery, so I had a small joy in the turmoil of raw pain and helplessness I felt when the girl my whole heart belonged to was rushed into surgery and there was nothing I could do about it.
I tell Koda I love her in a hope that Lola hears from wherever she is, and knows that I'm saying it enough times it's from both mummy and daddy even though mummy isn't here, and in a small off chance that she knows that I loved her too, even though I never had the chance to tell her until it was too late.
"Dad, stop!" She squeals as a way of distraction, sliding into a tube like shape in an attempt to wriggle from my grip. "I want to hear about mommy, not get tickled to death."
I didn't give Koda her name until Otis was almost certain that Lola wouldn't wake up. I didn't want to name our baby girl until I knew for a fact her mother wouldn't be able to contribute. I know she'd like this name, a quirky name because she herself was quirky in a rebellious, sarcastic way. It also means "Friend." in native american according to google, and seen as though they believed in shape shifters, I deemed it appropriate. It also means little bear, which is where Koda gets her nickname from.
"Alright little bear." I take my hand away from her stomach and prop her up in my lap, letting her get comfortable befor I begin to tell her the same story I tell her every time she asks.
Our story, from start to finish.
Koda knows what she is, what we all are. I didn't see the need to hide from her what she really is, because it's her heritage, it's her history, it's her. She needs to know her customs and where she comes from to fully understand the nature of how important she is to the future of the DawnStar pack.
I spill to her everything that ever happened in the story of her mother and I, from finding her running after a rogue into my territory, to playing chicken with her on the beach at that party she invited me along to. The story always excites Koda, brings out the adventurous side of her that always puts a soft smile on my face. "I want to do that one day dad, I want to see that one day dad, can we do that when I'm older dad." I'll never hold my daughter back from doing what excites her, but I'll never let her have free reign, for fear that what happened to Lola could happen to her, and the thought of losing the closest thing I have to my mate, terrifies the shit out of me.
"I think mummy looked prettiest when was was wearing white." Koda mumbles under her breath when I get to the part of the story where her mother begins her ascension, letting go of the reigns of her old pack, only to recieve them again when Sophia died. There were pictures taken following the ceremony, a photo I have kept in the house is of myself and my beautiful mate in matching white, Lola wearing a greek style chiton that clung to every dip and curve of her amazing figure. Koda claims that is her favoutire photo of us, where we are both smiling because it means that she can officially become the Luna of my pack, and she doesn't have to stress about her old pack.
"I think so too, little bear." I mumble into her hair as I kiss her head softly, tilting my head to see her eyes are drifting shut and she is falling asleep in my arms. "You think it's time for bed?"
"Not yet." She yawns sleepily, forcing her eyes open to look at the sun on the horizon. "We haven't seen mummy on the horizontal yet."
I grin at her mis-saying of horizon, a word I've constantly tried to correct her on but eventually given up on. Viola once told her a story that if you see the horizon flash green when the sun touches it, you get a glimpse through to the other side. Koda loves to wave at the green flash whenever we see it so that Lola knows that we still remember her and still miss her.
I don't think I'm ever going to stop missing her.
We wait a little while longer, until the sun touches the horizon, and when the sky doesn't flash green, Koda huffs in disappointment and curls up in my lap. "Maybe we'll see her tomorrow daddy."
"I'm sure we will, little bear." I say quietly to her, pushing up from the porch swing and carrying her up to bed. "Or maybe you'll get lucky and see her in your dreams."
"I hope so daddy." She whispers, her yes shut and her cheek resting against my chest. "I hope you do too."
"So do I." I sigh heavily, a weight the size of a brick resting on my heart until it's almost crushed under it's size. "So do I."
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It's coming up to Koda's 5th birthday party, i.e the 5th anniversary of losing Lola. And whilst I try to be really happy for Koda, as do Olivia and Jasper and their respective counter parts, we all carry with us a gaping hole that only seems to get bigger and fill with bigger rocks each time this day comes around.
Five years is a long time have lost a friend, mother, partner. Whilst the loss does get easier, the feeling that something is missing never lessens.
We begin to start party preparations by hanging streamers and banners around my house whilst Lola is at elementary school.
When she left the house it was empty of decorations besides a mountain of presents from everyone in the pack that I only let her open four of before she left, a birthday banner I drew up and hung above her bed for when she woke up, and the caterpillar cake she saw on the kitchen counter in its box when she was eating he cereal.
"She's going to be even more amazed than last year." Olivia remarks as she ties the end of another balloon and dropping it to the floor where is blended in with
The hundreds already there. Her and Brett have been blowing the ocean of balloons up for over an hour and now the floor is undetectable underneath all of the blown up rubber.
"She better be." I chuckle tiredly, running my hand the whole length of my face in an attempt to wake myself up. My beard is scratchy against my palm, long underneath my fingertips. It's grown into quite the lumberjack piece, not even bothering to cut it when I was sat by Lola's bedside until it became unkempt turning into keeping it trimmed to honour her memory.
She always used to love the feeling of my stubble under her hands.
"What did you actually get her for her birthday?" Olivia asks me as we move in from balloons to setting up the buffet on my kitchen table. We pop open large packets of chips and pour them into bowls, place trays filled with various sandwiches in the middle, and even out the caterpillar cake decorated in candles on. "It's been kept very under wraps by yourself."
"I've given her a photo album filled with pictures of her mom." I say quietly, the singly packaged twinkies suddenly more interesting than Lola's best friend. "It's a gift for the both of us. We can look at the photos and I can tell Koda the stories behind them. She loves hearing about Lola."
I asked her mom and dad if they had any photos they could spare of her so that Koda could have a photo album of her mother on hand. I know that Koda loves to talk to the photo frame she has in her room of Lola when she was 16, so she can have lots of fun talking to different pictures.
I hope it makes her feel closer to Lola.
I check my watch and my eyes widen at the time. "Do you mind if I shoot off?"
Brett wanders over from the kitchen and smiles sadly, wrapping his arms tightly around his mate, his hands resting protectively on her raised stomach. "Is it that time already?"
I nod my head, pain and jealousy filling my chest at the sight of Brett touching his mate, being able to get a reaction from her, feel her skin under his own.
I think Olivia notices my instant change in mood and rests her hand atop my clenched one, her eyes soft but careful. I am still her alpha and I have snapped unnecessarily when Lola has been brought up, even if it's my parents. "Let her know we said hi."
I nod tightly and walk from the room knowing that I have exactly two hours with Lola before I need to be back for Koda's birthday party. I grab the fresh bouquet of flowers I bought earlier this morning and my car keys, stepping out into the brisk winter air, goosebumps breaking out across my hands and exposed knees.
It will come to a day when I can take Koda to see her mom, a day when she'll finally understand what has happened to her mom and why she had to "go away" for a while. I dread that day because a part of Koda's adoration of her mother will die because it'll finally sink in that she won't get to meet her like I know she hopes she will.
I park the car and sit for a while, maybe 5 minutes, like I always do. I inhale and exhale deeply a couple of times in order to prepare myself to see the girl that I hoped one day I would marry, have more kids with, grow old with.
I swallow the growing lump in my throat and force my legs to move, walking to where I know Lola lies still and unmoving. I ache to see her dark brown eyes, her soft smile, feel her lips against mine just one more time.
I heard stories about how some mates lose themselves when their other half dies, like a section of their heart and soul have been ripped out and left unfilled, and I can't help but feel that has happened to me.
I was never a gentle boy growing up. I was always pushing myself to the limits, distancing myself from people until Jasper and Carrick were my only friends in order for me to become a powerful alpha. I'm not the same person anymore. I'm soft, no longer have the heart for ruthlessness. Hell, because Lola has gone I've started inviting rogues to join my pack in the hopes that they find their other half and find happiness.
I sigh as I end up in the same place I always do when I think of Lola. The darkest part of my mind.
"Alpha." Jasper bows courteously when I turn the final corner and find him exiting my mate's room. "No new signs but she's still stable. We believe that our most recent attempt to return Shiva to her body following the notes made by Allivander himself may provide hopeful responses but time will tell."
"How long ago was this?" I ask, stepping aside to let a nurse pushing a man in a wheelchair past, Jasper doing the same.
"Maybe four days ago, but we didn't expect immediate results."
"Thank you Jasper." I respond, scratching the back of my head. "Will you be attending Koda's party? She misses you."
"I finish in five, I wouldn't miss it for the world." He smiles, placing his hand on my shoulder and giving it a comforting squeeze. "Send Lola our love."
He leaves me alone and I push open the door, greeted by the scent of antiseptic and decaying flowers.
I bow my head in shame, knowing that I haven't visited her as recently as I should've. I hate looking at her with the IV shoved into her wrist and the various tubes coming out of her nose. It makes me remember how I failed to save her, how Allivander still got the drop on me even after I thought we had won.
"Hey, baby." I say quietly, removing the dead roses from the vase by her bedside and dropping them in the bin, replacing them with the orchids I brought with me. "Sorry it's been so long."
I sit in the chair beside her bed and grasp her hand, my eyes watering when she doesn't grip back like she used to. She hasn't aged a day, her face still young and beautiful. Her hair is slightly longer despite a hairdresser coming in and cutting it every so often. A fist squeezes around my head and I see the stitching of the knife wound peeking out from her hospital gown, the covers tucked up to her waist.
"It's been five years since you left, since our little girl joined the world. You'd love her baby, I know you would. She becomes more like you every second of every day."
I sit and I talk to her about everything she's missed over the last couple of weeks, from Koda winning her first judo medal at her elementary school judo club to Jasper welcoming his second child, George, into the world.
"Koda is still best friends with Dane." I chuckle, running my spare hand through my hair. "Those two are attached to the hip more often than not. In a way I hope they're mates because I know one day I'll be able to trust that little bit with our daughter's life."
I talk at her some more until my watch beeps, telling me it's time to go or I'll be late to my own child's birthday party. I bring her hand up to my lips and kiss it softly, before leaning up and kissing her forehead. "Goodbye my love, may we hopefully meet again in this land of the living."
I stand up and head towards the door, looking back at my beautiful mate one last time before placing my hand on the door handle and pulling it open.
"Kaden."
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