Chapter 16: : Chapter 16

There’s already three inches on my balcony. The snowstorm rages, large clumps of bright, white flakes falling to the ground with such density that I can barely tell it’s night. I let out a silent laugh, peering through the windows of my double doors. The house is quiet, the guys went to bed long ago, but I can’t sleep. I want to see this.

It’s so beautiful. And for some reason, I’m in heaven, despite Noah’s griping about there being no civilization for the next six months. I have all I need right here.

Jake had us tend to the horses before bed, but I still feel bad for them out there in the barn. The snow is definitely sticking, which means the ground temperature is as cold as the clouds.

I turn around, shivering as I fist my hands under my arms. I should put on the long underwear I bought, but I hate pants under the sheets. I walk over, deciding to stay in my silk shorts, button-down Oxford and wrapped in a blanket as I crawl into bed.

But I spot something lying at the bottom of the bed and stop, walking over and picking up Kaleb’s belt.

Or the one he gave to me. I’d tossed it there when I came up earlier.

Holding one end, I thread it through my fist, stretching it out to see the ornate carvings.

He’s kind of an artist, isn’t he? I picture him working on this, probably in the loft or one of the rooms in the barn I haven’t explored yet, where he has a place he won’t be disturbed. Or maybe in his bedroom.

What’s his room like anyway? I’ve never dared go up there, and the one time my uncle asked me to fold a load of laundry, none of Kaleb’s stuff was in the load, so even then I didn’t have an excuse to go into his room like I do Noah’s.

I graze my thumb over the dreamcatcher.

What was he thinking when he carved all this stuff? He must’ve thought of me.

He spent time on this. A long time.

I stare at the notches, absently walking over to my floor-length mirror as I thread the end through the buckle and slip my wrist through the hole.

I yank the belt, pulling the rest of it through the buckle and feeling the cool leather tighten around my skin.

Something rises up my throat, almost like vomit but almost like my stomach and how it’s flipping, too. My chest rises and falls in shallow breaths.

I look in the mirror.

The belt fits like a cuff on my wrist, the slack hanging, and I stop breathing, the image of Kaleb grabbing it and tying it to his bed above some girl’s head flashing in my mind.

He yanks the strap, her body jerking, and I whimper.

Jesus. I shake my head and take it off, tossing it back on the bed.

I’m not old enough for that. And…I have two wrists. He only gave me one belt. Nice little scare you tried to give me, Noah.

I shiver again, looking over at my fire. Out of wood. Great.

I drop my blanket on the bed and hurry down the hallway, jogging down the stairs. I’m not going into the shop. It’s too frickin’ cold.

The fire in the great room still crackles, and I hurry over to the stockpile next to the fireplace.

But I can’t resist.

I turn around and bend over just slightly, letting the heat warm the back of my thighs. I face my fingers to the flames as well, wiggling them and basking in the heat.

I tip my head up and see Kaleb sitting in the high back leather chair not three feet away, watching me.

A shotgun lays across his lap, and he holds the neck of a beer bottle in his fingers.

I straighten, the hair on my arms standing on end. “Is everything okay?”

He slouches a little, his long legs bent ninety degrees at the knees as the firelight flashes across his bare chest.

“I know you understand me,” I say. “I know you can nod. Or write or something. Why don’t you want to talk to me?”

The light makes his eyes glow as he watches, and I frown.

He acts like an animal. He just eats and sleeps and…

The shop door opens and closes, and I pull my eyes away from Kaleb to see Noah, walking through the great room.

He looks over at me as he also carries a shotgun.

“Can’t sleep, either?” he asks.

I watch him check the locks. “It was cold,” I reply. “I came to get more wood.”

Why are they both still up? And armed? I thought we were safe.

“Watch a movie with us?” he suggests.

“I thought you said they couldn’t get up here,” I say instead.

He plops down on the couch, propping up the weapon on the arm of the sofa. “They can’t.”

“So why are you both up guarding the place?”

“Precaution.”

“For what?” I press, almost amused. “Is your plan really to open fire on police officers if they show up?”

Noah shakes his head. “Not them.”

I shoot a look to Kaleb, who watches the fire as he takes a drink of his beer, and then back to Noah.

He must see a puzzled expression on my face, because he’s quick to explain.

“Holcomb and his cronies know that we’re safe from them up here during the winter,” he points out, “but also…whatever and whoever is in town… is safe from us, too.” He grabs the beer on the end table and twists off the top, tossing it next to the lamp. “If the snow isn’t as thick as we want, I wouldn’t put it past him to ambush us tonight and try to take you back down the mountain before we woke up and lost our chance to follow you in the weather.”

So…

I glance between them. “You’re guarding me?”

He feigns a smile as his only answer.

They’re awake at one in the morning, armed and alert for me?

“Awwwww,” I croon, faking teary eyes and putting my hand to my heart.

“Shut up,” Noah grumbles.

I laugh quietly, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a beer from the fridge.

“So, what will happen, then?” I ask, sitting cross-legged on the couch next to Noah. “When the snow melts, will Kaleb be in trouble?”

What happened tonight was the locals’ fault, but I know if I wasn’t here it wouldn’t have happened at all.

“It’s not your fault,” Noah assures me, pointing the remote and clicking the TV on. “They were looking for you for a reason.”

“Why?”

He takes a deep breath and sighs. “Because for some people, it’s not enough that they have their share,” he explains. “They want it all.”

I study him as he scrolls the streaming choices. I’m not sure I know what he’s talking about, but at least it sounds like this didn’t start with me. I pull the blanket off the back of the sofa and cover up my legs, taking a drink of my beer.

The room falls quiet as we view the selections, but I’m not concentrating very hard. Noah is dressed in black pajama pants and a white sleeveless T-shirt, his skin still so tan and smooth, and I want to roll my eyes at myself for noticing. I just don’t get many opportunities to lounge around with them. They often stay up to watch TV at night, but I’m so wiped by the end of the day, I’m aching for my bed.

He settles on a film, something with Tom Cruise when he was younger, and I lie my head back, holding my beer as I try to watch.

The only thing I know about this movie is that he dances in his underwear, and I find myself constantly looking at Kaleb to see any sign of amusement. Or perhaps a foot tap to the music.

But his face is hidden behind the curve of the chair back, and his body barely shifts during the film.

There’s a decent soundtrack by Tangerine Dream, though. Unfortunately, Tom (or Joel) is a good kid, trying to lose his virginity at the behest of his stupid friends when his parents go out of town for a few days. So what does he do? He hires a hooker and turns his parents’ house into a brothel. It’s nothing more than a teen male fantasy, and I can’t believe this is the movie that turned him into a household name.

I roll my eyes and cross my arms over my chest. “This film is so dumb.”

“Is it?” Noah asks, watching Joel and Lana have sex—in public—on a train. “Your laughing over there is sending me mixed signals.”

I never laughed. The comedy is subpar.

“This was similar to how I lost my virginity,” Noah offers, taking a swig of his beer.

I cock an eyebrow and look over at him. “A prostitute?”

“An older woman who only wanted one thing.”

“Your money?”

I hear a breathy laugh and look over, seeing Kaleb’s chest and stomach shake a little. Did I just…? Did he just…?

Oh, my God. He laughed. At my joke.

I finish my beer and set the bottle on the coffee table, the glow from the fire the only thing lighting the dark room. “Well, I’m sorry things didn’t go better for both of you tonight.”

“What do you mean?”

“Last chance for overnight visitors,” I tease. “Nothing to play with this winter.”

Noah sits there a moment, looking like he’s contemplating something. “Maybe,” he says.

I narrow my eyes.

Maybe…

I nod. “You’re right. I mean, you can’t be the only people up here, right?” I ask. “There have to be other mountain men?”

He looks over at me. “Excuse me?”

“More warm bodies,” I clarify, maintaining a straight face. “There have to be more guys holed up in cabins up here, right? It’s okay. It happens in prison. Gay for the stay.”

His eyebrows shoot up. “Excuse me?”

But before I can answer, he launches over, grabs my legs and pulls me down the couch toward him as he jabs me in my ribs.

I try to hold back my laughter, but a little bit escapes. “Stop.”

“What did you say?” He pokes my inner thighs, and I slap at his hands.

“Well, you are kind of metro.”

“And what about you?”

“What about me what?” I curl, shielding myself from his fingers in my stomach.

“I saw you dancing with Cici at the race.” He leans over me, continuing his attack of jabs. “Maybe same-sex heat turns you on.”

I let out sad, little laughs but plead at him with my eyes. “Stop it.” I shove his hands away, but they keep coming back. “I mean, it’s okay. You have to cope with the seclusion somehow, right?”

He growls and grabs my feet, tickling the underside. I kick, laughing hard. “Stop it!”

But then, all of a sudden, he grabs me by the collar and pulls me up onto his lap.

He wraps his arms around me, whispering in my ear. “You wanna see how we really cope with the seclusion?”

My smile falls, my laughter gone, and I watch as he scrolls the TV’s files and finally clicks on one.

My ass is planted firmly in his lap, my back against his chest, and all I’m aware of is his body underneath mine, through the thin fabric we wear.

The screen goes black, the whole room cast in darkness again except for the fire, and Noah sits back, pulling me with him.

I tense.

Another soft glow lights up the room, but I’m afraid to raise my eyes because I know what he put on the TV.

I can’t look.

But I don’t want to leave, either.

I hear kissing. And rain.

The acting is bad—my face warms with embarrassment for them—but… I don’t know.

I stay sitting there on top of Noah.

It’s a boy and girl in the film. Teenagers. They’re making out in their car, and I can tell from the conversation that they’re in the woods on a rainy night. Secluded and alone.

Or so they think.

I look up, taking in the gradient picture of the porno, the windows of their car fogged up as the rain pounds the roof, but then flashing lights appear and two cops are knocking on their window.

Noah holds me, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand as we watch.

“No, please,” the young guy on the movie begs the cops. “I don’t have money for all that. I’ll pay it. Can we just forget about this?”

Apparently, the loser has a couple warrants for unpaid tickets and expired insurance. They want to take him to jail.

But then, of course, they flash their lights inside the car and get a good look at his little girlfriend.

Cop #1 cocks his head and offers the idiot a Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card.

I watch as the two uniformed officers pull the girl out of the car and coerce her into compliance. Her boyfriend can go home, the warrants erased, and her daddy will never have to pick her up at the station tonight. If she gives them what they want.

The rain drenches her little white blouse which she has tied up under her breasts, her nipples and skin showing clear through the wet fabric as the cop looks hungrily at them. An ache settles between my legs, pulsating and warm.

“This is what we do,” Noah whispers in my ear. “This is what we do to get through the winter, Tiernan.”

I glance over at Kaleb, his face hidden, but I see his chest and stomach rising and falling with his quickened breathing.

“It’s what you’ll do, too,” Noah adds.

With them? Or…

I drop my eyes, hearing the girl’s clothes tearing.

Noah’s breathing turns ragged, and he shifts under me, his cock hardening and rubbing me.

I draw in a breath.

“You should go to bed now,” he says in a low voice.

Gently, he pushes me off his lap and scoots down in his seat, getting more comfortable as the officer shoves the young girl up against her boyfriend’s window, her bare tits pressing against the wet glass so he can watch.

I slide down the sofa, and I should leave. I…

He pulls down her shorts, rips off her shirt, and pulls her panties aside, gripping her hair as he pushes inside of her.

She whimpers, looking guilty and shy, but she doesn’t protest as the shot slides to her boyfriend inside the car who watches her wet tits bounce against the glass as she gets fucked right in front of him.

I look over at Noah and see he’s not watching the movie. He’s watching me.

“Last chance,” he says softly, rubbing his cock through his pants. “You should leave.”

But I don’t want to. Heat rises to my cheeks, but I pull the blanket over my legs and hold his eyes as he gives me a few more seconds to make sure I’m sure.

A grin plays on his mouth, but the humor he always has is gone. He’s hot right now. His muscles are tense, his eyes are on fire, and he knows we’re about to cross a line.

Holding my gaze, he reaches inside his black pants, stroking himself under the fabric and watching me for a reaction. But when I don’t move, he takes it out.

My eyes flash to what he holds in his hand, and my stomach immediately starts swirling with heat and butterflies.

Shit.

He’s thick and hard, the firelight dancing across the fat tip, and I watch as he pulls off his T-shirt and licks his hand, stroking himself up and down again and again, never taking his eyes off me.

“You wanna watch?” he whispers so quietly I almost can’t hear it.

Yes. His beautiful body glows and flexes as he strokes himself, and I lick my lips, just wanting this one thing. I just want to see.

He quirks a smile and looks back at the TV, while I watch him and the film, both of them making my heart pump faster and harder. I feel the slickness between my legs and lean back against the arm, the girl’s moans, the cops’ grunts, and the boys’ breathing filling our small space as sweat glistens across Noah’s chest.

The girl is being used so hard, the first cop coming inside her and squeezing her breasts, while the second one immediately throws her into the back seat of her boyfriend’s car, undoes his trousers and comes down on top of her, taking his turn.

Her boyfriend watches in the rearview mirror, her leg thrown over the front seat to open her wide as the cop thrusts inside of her, jerking into her body again and again.

I draw short, shallow breaths, the ache between my thighs deep and throbbing. It hurts low in my belly, and I chew on my bottom lip, seeing the bulge in Kaleb’s jeans growing.

God.

I scoot down, lying back on the sofa and clenching my thighs against the discomfort. Noah takes my leg and lays it across his lap, resting his hand on my thigh as he closes his eyes and continues jerking himself off with the other one.

The cop sits back, pulls her into his lap, and she rides him backward, staring at her boyfriend through the rearview mirror.

“You slut,” he growls, but you can tell he’s turned on.

She bites her bottom lip to hide the smile.

Moans, cries, skin hitting skin, her wet hair sticking to her body as the boyfriend finally takes his turn on her, and I can barely get a breath as every inch of my body comes alive, my nerves firing under my skin and a need so hard I can’t stop myself from rubbing the heel of my hand over my pussy.

More nerves fire. I groan.

My hand under the blanket, I slip my fingers under my shorts, inside my panties, and play with my clit. Kaleb starts rubbing his cock through his jeans, and Noah jerks his long and slow, sucking air between his teeth as he gets more excited.

I lift up my shirt, the wool fabric of the blanket chafing my nipples in the best way, and I pull down my shorts just a hair, to fit my hand in easier.

I close my eyes, indulging in the fantasy. Indulging in being a part this and them, and how no one is here to tell us to stop.

Dipping my fingers inside, I swirl the wetness all over my clit and rub it faster and faster, imagining a mouth between my thighs, licking me and tasting me.

I rock my body back and forth, thinking about his mouth. His head down there, taking what he wants and telling me how sweet my pussy is.

Oh, God. I rub fast and faster, barely noticing the draft or that the blanket has fallen away, because I don’t care. I don’t care.

My hips roll, the skin of my nipples tightening in the cool air, I arch my neck back, slipping half my finger inside me and shuddering at the pleasure.

God… It feels so good. I bite the corner of my mouth, needing more.

I need more. I…

It suddenly registers that the sound is gone. The sound from the movie. The room is quiet, and I don’t hear her crying out or moaning anymore. I continue to rub circles as I blink my eyes open.

Noah and Kaleb aren’t watching the movie anymore. They’re watching me.

I suck in a quick breath, stopping my rubbing.

My mouth falls open, and I look down, seeing my blanket is gone, fallen on the floor. Noah is still in his seat next to me, but he’s not stroking anymore, and Kaleb has risen from his chair, standing and watching me.

My top is pulled up, my breasts exposed, and I pull my hand out of my shorts, unable to speak or barely breathe.

Shit.

I shoot up, but Noah is there, leaning over me before I have a chance to climb off the couch.

“Don’t stop,” he whispers.

His eyebrows are pinched together—vulnerable, almost like he’s in pain.

He takes my hand. I tense, but I don’t pull away as I watch him sink my fingers into his mouth. The same fingers I was using a moment ago.

He sucks them one by one and then pushes my hand back down between my legs.

“Rub it again.”

No, I…

He kisses my forehead as he slips his cock back inside his pants.

“It’s okay,” he says. “Rub your clit.”

My body still wracked with need, a trickle of sweat running down my back. Kaleb’s eyes are trained on me, unblinking and his whole body rigid.

I glance between them, nervous, but I slide my fingers back into my panties and play like he wants me to. Noah’s eyes slowly fall down my body, taking everything in.

“Look what she’s been hiding under my clothes,” he says to Kaleb.

Kaleb moves over to the sofa, sitting behind my head, and I look up, meeting his eyes. He pushes a lock of hair off my forehead as Noah leaves sweet, light kisses around my face.

My fingers start working harder as both of them hover over me, watching me.

“That’s it,” Noah says in a strained voice, holding my face as he kisses my nose and then my lips. “Good girl.”

I feel his fingers slip under the waistband of my shorts, and he starts to pull them down.

I look at him, pleading, “No.”

“Yes.”

He pulls my shorts and panties down just over my ass, so they can watch my fingers work between my legs.

Noah’s lips dip to my stomach, trailing down, and on reflex, I go to push him away with my other hand—or maybe hold him to me, I don’t know—but Kaleb grips my wrist and pulls my hand back.

I meet his eyes, groaning at the little wet circles I’m rubbing over my pussy.

“Looks like we might have a little something to play with this winter, after all,” Noah tells his brother.

I twist my lips into a snarl, about to protest, but Noah kisses me quiet. “Shhh,” he whispers.

God, his lips are soft. I pant against his mouth.

“Tiernan,” he gasps, watching my hand work on my bare pussy.

“Jesus, man,” he tells Kaleb. “Look at her. You ever seen anything that pretty? I’ll bet she’s the tightest thing, too.”

He dips down, licking my nipple, and something shoots through me like I’m about to fucking explode.

“Noah,” I whimper.

“Tiernan.” He kisses my flesh, teasing my nipple with his teeth. “I wanna fuck you.” He comes up, hovering over my mouth as he rubs his cock over my hand between my legs. “I wanna fuck you. All winter.”

I stare at his mouth, ready to pull down his pants and let him. I look up, catching Kaleb’s eyes and holding them as I kiss his brother.

“The prettiest one was under our roof the whole time,” Noah groans, grinding on me. “You’re ours.” He presses his forehead to mine. “Our sweet little one. All ours. Do you understand?” He kisses my forehead, my nose, and I move my hand away, liking the feel of his dick more. “Our piece of ass. Ours.”

Yes. I nod. I don’t care. I don’t want anyone else.

We seem to be on the same page, because he throws his brother a warning. “Don’t bruise her. At least until she’s used to us.”

What? I feel like I should be scared, but I look up at Kaleb, seeing him lift his mouth in a dark smile. Right then and there, I don’t care what he does to me. I just want it.

“I get your cherry,” Noah whispers over my mouth, grinning. “As long as I promise not to touch your ass. He’ll want that.”

And he tips his chin at his brother.

I fist my hands, my stomach knotting but flipping with excitement, too, as I arch my neck back for Noah’s mouth.

But then a stern voice suddenly barks, “Noah.”

I freeze, unable to move for a moment.

Oh, shit.

No.

Noah stops his kisses, and I pop my eyes open, recognizing Jake’s voice.

Nausea rolls through me. I slip my shorts back up and pull down my shirt, covering myself.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Jake growls.

Noah lifts up, and I can see the strain and struggle on his face, before his gaze levels and he gives a tight smirk.

He stands up and turns toward his father. “Nothing she doesn’t want.”

I sit up, Kaleb rising to his feet behind me, and I can’t bring myself to look at my uncle. Just his bare feet and the bottoms of his jeans as he stands on the last stair.

“Go to bed,” he says.

Noah hesitates, but then he clicks the TV off, grabs his shirt, and heads up the stairs, Kaleb following. I’m not sure if they look back at me or if this whole thing is amusing to them, but I quickly stand up and dart off to follow.

“Not you.” Jake grabs me.

I turn my head away, feeling his eyes blaze into me.

“What would’ve happened if I hadn’t come down?” he asks.

I don’t know. And I don’t know why I’m embarrassed. Normally, yes, I should be. Given our familial ties, this is wrong. I can see how people would see it as wrong.

But it’s not like he wasn’t all over me a few weeks ago, too.

“What would’ve happened?”

“I don’t know,” I answer.

Why didn’t I ask them that?

“What did you want to happen?” he asks.

I can only shrug, meeting his eyes as I search for words. “I… I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” He rips my blanket away and steps down, gripping my upper arms as he backs me into the living room again. “What did you want to happen?”

“I don’t know!” I cry. “I…”

“What?”

“I…”

Why am I the one in trouble? Is he really angry?

Or just disappointed?

“What did you want to happen?”

“I wanted it all to happen,” I utter, finally looking back up at him with tears in my eyes. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just…I feel it everywhere.”

He stares at me, his eyes narrowed. “You feel what everywhere?”

“You,” I whisper, dropping my eyes. “And them.”

This place, the house, the land, the wind…them. I’m alive.

“You get hard, you feel it,” I remind him of our night in the kitchen. “Am I not supposed to feel it, too?”

“You’re seventeen!”

“Eighteen,” I growl back. “I could’ve screwed anyone by now. My parents never cared, but I did.” I look up at him as he brings me close, his hot, angry breaths falling over my forehead. “No one ever felt right… b-before.”

He holds me, squeezing my arms and seething.

His fists clench, his fingers digging into my skin, and I whimper. “Jake…”

It hurts.

He drops me and twists me around, bending me over one arm. I barely have time to suck in a breath before his hand lands hard on my ass, a loud slap piercing the air.

I gasp, squeezing my eyes shut in shock.

“Still feeling good?” he asks, breathing hard.

I don’t look at him. Rage boils my blood, and part of me wants to scream and hit back, but another part of me…

Another part of me feels the knots loosen in my stomach. My heart jumps and the adrenaline runs.

Still feeling good?

Slowly, I nod.

What the fuck are you going to do to me? For some reason, I’m emboldened. I want to find out.

He’s quiet for a moment, and then I hear his threat. “You want more?”

I nod twice.

He still holds me, and I rise back up, feeling the muscles in his arm tight and hard, and his body, almost like it’s vibrating. I can’t hear him breathe.

He’s so hard. I know he is.

“Take off your shorts,” he bites out. “So you can feel my hand.”

My pulse fills my ears, and my hands start shaking, but I push my shorts down my legs, standing in my shirt and underwear.

He sits on the couch, leaning back, and looks at me, his eyes trailing over my body and down to between my legs.

“Come here,” he instructs. “Over my lap, princess.”

My nerves shake so badly, but still—my pussy clenches when he says ‘princess’. I want him to say it again.

Slowly, I crawl across his lap and lie down on my stomach as he lays an arm across my back to hold me down.

I don’t want his hand. I just want his fingers.

He peels down my panties, and my breath catches, closing my eyes on reflex at the shame.

But I like it. I want it. I want him to do whatever he wants. I—

He slaps my ass, pain spreading across my right cheek as I jerk and whimper.

He lets out a breath, and I swear, I almost hear him groan.

He spanks me again and again, fire coursing under my skin, and I clench the blanket on the sofa as I throw my head back and cry out.

“Three,” he growls. “You going to let those boys touch you again?”

I shake my head. “No.”

He slaps me again, and I wince even as my ass arches up to meet it.

“No, what?” he whispers.

“No, Uncle Jake,” I answer properly.

His hand lands on my bare ass again. “Five,” he breathes out. “You going to let them see your body?”

Another slap.

“No,” I whimper. “No.”

And another one.

“You’ll be good?”

“Yes, Jake.” I grind my pussy into his leg as sweat beads my brow. “I’ll be good. I’ll be good.”

He spanks me again, and I thrust forward, the pulse in my clit pounding. God, I’m so wet. I bury my hand into the sofa. I need him. I need his cock.

Again. Again. Again. Faster and faster, he spanks my little ass. Again and again and again, and I feel his hard cock trying to poke through his jeans.

I moan, thrust, and ache, my panties stretching across my upper thighs as I try to widen my legs, but fuck… God, I’m so wet.

“You’ll be good?” He slaps me again, and I feel it. It’s almost there. I’m almost coming.

“Yes,” I gasp. “Yes, yes, yes…”

I grip the blanket, breathing hard and waiting for another spank.

But…it doesn’t come.

I clench my thighs, every muscle in my body as tight as a rubber band, but he stops. Oh, God, please. He pulls up my panties, and tears fill my eyes, because I’m in pain. It hurts, and between Noah, Kaleb, and now Jake, I’m going insane.

Lifting me up, he pulls my shirt down and kisses my damp forehead, my nose, and my cheeks.

He’s stopping, and I close my eyes to keep from crying.

His fingers swipe between my legs, and I watch him bring them up, glistening with what’s dripping out of me and onto my thigh. He looks at his fingers as he rubs them together.

“Don’t make me do this again,” he tells me, his lips tight. “It hurts us both.”

And he pushes me away from him, his hard footfalls on the stairs echoing through the house before he slams the door to his bedroom.

The tears stream down my face as I sit there, my orgasm rolling away and my body screaming with need.

I can’t do this.

I won’t survive the fucking winter.