Chapter 34: 33 | doing it wrong

• • •

Elijah Baker

I never took acting classes, but it looks like I should have. I could've been an actor.

My face remained stoic though I wanted to laugh, do a few backflips.

"He has an alibi." I stated calmly, "He was with his wife and daughter that day."

So far, so good. They couldn't prove that Marc had done anything right now, all they had was a badly decomposed leg. They'd want the rest of the body, to bring the family closure, they'd offer him a reduced sentence, I'd convince him to take it while I worked on an appeal that would never come.

It was a perfect plan.

"The entire day?"

I nodded, "You said it was a Saturday, right? Family day."

"A neighbor was the one who reported that someone was outside digging." He flipped through the call transcript, "Described you to the T."

"Could've been anybody." Marc leaned forward. "Was it Mrs. Johnson? Her vision always been bad– swore a bear was outside her house. Whole time it was a dog. A German Shephard."

I closed my eyes to keep from laughing, "He's right. She's not that much of a credible witness, and if that's all you have...."

"We're getting a warrant for your home security footage– bank statements."

They wouldn't find anything about that day, and Marc knew that. What they would find though, was his mistress in the house, tying him to her even though he'd said he didn't know her.

I knew that because I'd gone through them.

On the bank statements, they'd find his payments for the apartment that he rented for her, and when they combed it looking for traces of her, they'd find hers and Lauren's DNA everywhere.

Like I said, a really perfect plan.

Someone should write a book about my life, I thought, Nobody would believe this shit.

I asked for a moment to speak with Marc in private, waiting until we were alone to lean in, "Gotta take a plea until I find somebody to take ya' charge– think of a basis for an appeal."

He rested his head on the table, "Why would I move the body? Why would I do that?"

Marc drank nearly every night, often to the point of his not remembering what he did, "You tell me."

"God made me do it." He sounded decisive, and when he looked up there were tears in his eyes, "This the time for me to confess my sins before the Lord. All of this was my fault. I can't send Lau to prison for some that I started."

I massaged one of his shoulders, "It won't be that long. Just 'til I find somebody."

"I deserve it– however long it take."

As I told the officer we wanted to make a deal, I thought I'd feel the same relief Lauren mentioned, but I just felt empty.

All the times he told me I was no better than them ran through my mind, and I agreed with him. The only difference was that he was finally accepting his punishment, and I was still avoiding mine.

My phone was vibrating in my pocket, and I knew who it was without looking at it. There wasn't a need to answer it since I was going to their house. I came to a decision on the way there, finding Christian and my mama waiting for me.

They listened to me detail why Marc wasn't making it out, accepting the excuse of him not wanting them to look into Lauren.

Christian nodded, "Good for him. He need some time to get himself together."

I waited until my mom got up to leave, before I told him, "I'm quitting."

"What?"

He'd heard me the first time, there wasn't a need to repeat myself, "I'll give everything back. It's not like I been doing shit forreal, anyway. Anybody–"

"Ion' want no anybody in my business." Christian stood up, "And since you giving everything back, what about my money, huh? I handed that shit out like nothing, and now you wanna walk in here talking 'bout you quitting? Nah."

My role in this was little to none. I barely answered my phone now as it is unless I needed the distraction, it shouldn't have come as that much of a surprise.

He didn't need me. Christian could find a much better lawyer, a more consistent person willing to do whatever he said, without the underlying animosity from me.

"I'm tryna get my life together, be a better person."

"Lemme tell ya' some– Quitting on the person who gave you everything don't make you a better person. You knew where the money came from, ain't have no problem taking it, but now, it's a issue?"

"Zi said I can be a bartender at his restaurant or some. When my chickens start laying eggs I'll go sell 'em at the flea market. Ion know, but this? I'm done with this."

Christian snorted, "Ian the one made Ken tell you to leave her alone. You wanna talk to her? Go get her ass. It's that simple."

I'd watched him "go get" my mama before. It wasn't something I wanted to do, "So you want me to bring you the boxes? Or you wanna come get 'em? All that other shit irrelevant."

"Only thing I want, is for you to get out my house before I forget you came from me."

"They'll be onna porch." I turned to yell towards the stairs, "Bye ma!"

He was still mumbling about me when I walked out.

• • •

Kensley Parker

Coming here was the last thing I planned on doing.

Yet here I was, sitting with my parents on a rooftop for my "friend". I'd wrapped the present, given it to mom, and was told that I should put whatever happened to the side for the day.

For the baby.

By now, weeks had gone by since I'd talked to Jailyn, but I refused to initiate contact since I didn't feel I was in the wrong. The invite caught me by surprise, only it came from Zi, who called from time to time to see how I was doing.

I tried to explain to mom and dad that since the invitation didn't come from her, I shouldn't be expected to come, only they claimed they'd talked to Jai personally and she asked would I be in attendance.

Balloons and unicorn-themed decorations surrounded the rooftop of the restaurant, excitement evident on Jai's face as she thanked everyone for coming.

From what I gathered, Zi and Maria offered to throw her a baby shower despite the closeness of her delivery date. Zi provided the venue, Maria the planner, her parents helping with the guest list.

I never took her parents for the messy type, but they had to be with this seating arrangement. I'm guessing they wanted family and friends to sit at the same table, but they could've sat Elijah and me at different ends.

Instead, they sat us directly across from one another.

So for the first half of the shower, I found everything to look at but him, and he returned the favor by being on his phone.

"Thank y'all so much for finding time to come out." Jai spoke over the wind, "I can't believe I have friends like this, that would put all of this together for Rayne and me. I'm sure everyone here knows about how rough this has been for us, and I can't explain how grateful we are for everyone that's been helping us. I would've just been happy to have the people I love around me, but to see a vision I didn't even know I had come to life is just...." She trailed off and wiped her fingers under her eyes.

Maria stood to hand her a napkin, ignoring Jai's protruding stomach and hugging her, "We know you've had a hard pregnancy. We just wanna see you smile."

I watched the embrace in disdain.

Mom gripped my hand tightly, leaning in to whisper, "Remember today is about Rayne. She has nothing to do with you and her mother."

"I'm happy she's happy." I whispered back, "And surrounded by people that she loves."

The sarcasm was evident in my tone, she shook her head, "You're here too, you know. You grandma always said, "this too, shall pass."

"She also liked to say, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them."

A motto I'd like to believe I lived by, only I gave out way too many chances to way too many people.

Ari, after she showed me she jealous and possessive.

Jai, when she exhibited her self-serving nature in asking me to do something I clearly wasn't comfortable with.

Elijah– showed me a whole list of things that I ignored.

My parents were included too, I just thought that I had to interact with them simply because they were my parents.

In hindsight, they were likely the reason I was so forgiving. Years of accepting apologies, as it was easier than confrontation, less stressful than finding the words to explain how I felt.

I felt like a doormat. An apology in that instance was shaking the mat off, only when you came home you still stepped on it again– Rinse and repeat.

People apologize for mistakes, and if you keep making the same mistake, it becomes a choice.

Inhaling deeply, I listened to Maria announce it was time for games.

From that point forward, it was a blur of activities that I mindlessly watched, never partaking in. By the time everyone stood to go eat, I was ready to leave.

Elijah stayed seated with me, waiting for them to be out of earshot before asking, "How are you?"

"Good." I finally made eye contact with him, "How have you been?"

"I got some chickens." He showed me a picture, "And built a lil house for them. They was inna gate at first, but that felt so inhumane."

"They're not human, so there's that."

Elijah kept swiping, pausing on a different picture, "And I'm growing corn."

All I saw was dirt.

He was waiting for a reaction from me, "Very nice."

"You don't have to lie." He laughed, "I'm just showing you what I been doing with my time."

It was more than what I did.

When I wasn't working or at my parent's house, I'd go to the gym. If I wasn't doing that, Alex, Nia, Maria, we'd find something to do.

I didn't look forward to downtime, only going home to sleep, and when I couldn't do that, I wrote.

"I quit, too. I might go be a real lawyer or a bartender at the restaurant."

"Oh, how the tables have turned." I laughed, "How much does Zi pay?"

"I know my worth. Ian taking less than 20 an hour."

"To make drinks? You selling ass on the side?"

He pinched his thumb and index finger together, "Maybe a lil piece of ass. Not too much."

I noticed Jailyn watching us, turning back around when she got caught.

Trying not to read too much into that, I put my attention back on Elijah, thinking of how easily the conversation flowed despite the time we hadn't talk to each other.

It seemed like a trap that I was falling into, except like he said, he was the same person.

I couldn't understand it, wished I wouldn't have found out, which brought me back to the unhealthy coping mechanism of avoiding situations because they were simpler than the truth.

An internal conflict began as it had been doing– choosing between my feelings for Elijah and morality.

"You not eating?" Elijah asked, "Zi made it, not Maria so you good."

"Y'all do her so bad. She make some nasty macaroni once and nobody wanna let it go."

He leaned forward, "It ain't just the macaroni. She really ain't got a cooking bone in her body."

"I'ma tell her." I stood from my chair, "'Cause that's real fake."

We passed by my dad who paused in front of us, clearing his throat, "Good to see you, Eli."

"Uh... Good to see you too."

Dad left it at that, continuing his path to the table. I glanced at Elijah who shrugged, "Well, Ian worried about going to hell anymore. It gotta be freezing down there."

"He never hated you, he only... didn't like you."

"Can't be mad at that. When I have a daughter if she brought somebody home like me." He shook his head, "I wouldn't like me either."

I surveyed the food options, grabbing pieces of fruit, "You know, most men don't want daughters."

"Karma and shit for how they treat women. I don't think I'm that bad."

"You're not. You just need help— not from me, but actual help."

Elijah nodded, "I know. I'm working onna lot right now. Not just for you, even though you're a big part of it. I understand that my peace isn't your burden to bear, and I don't want you to think that's the only reason I love you."

What a way to change the direction of the conversation.

"And I know that we have a long way to go, so I'm not expecting you to forgive me right now. But I wanna be friends or some? Move slower this time."

"I might fit you into my extensive friends' list. I'm very popular."

A person who I was still trying to determine if I considered them a friend interrupted us, "Elijah can you help me move the gifts? I'm about to open them."

I noticed that it'd switched from Eli to Elijah, wondering when that happened.

He glanced towards the tables, "Uh, I'll ask Zi. I'm tryna' talk to Kensley real quick."

"At least she's talking to one of us." A smile appeared, "I'll ask him– don't worry about it."

Just like that, the air of tension returned.

If Jailyn wanted to talk to me, she would've called, stopped by. I didn't feel it was on me to repair the friendship, take the elephant out of the room.

I'm human. I can have bad days. Rather than try to make those days better, as a good friend would do, she completely removed herself from the situation.

Contrary to what I thought earlier, I would've accepted an apology from Jai, only she never gave one.

Zi helped her move the big boxes and she took the smaller ones, holding them against her stomach and moving towards a chair in the front.

Elijah and I were still whispering by the table when she made it to mine and my parent's gift, she only read their name, though I'm sure she saw mine.

And I'm supposed to believe she wanted me here?

Luckily for me, mom and dad were finally ready to go. They hugged her, telling her congratulations for the hundredth time, and we walked towards the door.

The elevator was sliding open when someone came in behind us, "Ken?"

I turned to look at her, sighing under my breath, "Yeah?"

"I wanna talk to you. Just for a minute."

She watched the door close, playing with her fingers, "So, you and Elijah? How's that going?"

"That's what you wanna talk about?"

Jai wouldn't look at me, "I just... Ken you know I love you. I can't repay you for the time that you helped me through. Eli was there too though, we formed a bond and... And I love him too."

It took me a while to put that together– A very long time to understand that she didn't mean as a friend.

The question that made it to the front of my mind, "Why are you telling me this?"

"I feel so guilty– that's why I haven't talked to you. I know he was just being nice, I know he's in love with you, but I still wonder what it'd be like if he got over you, you know? I thought it was a sig when y'all broke up, I thought y'all were really done— then I saw you too talking... It'll never happen."

"Jailyn, just stop."

"I have to get it off my chest, please listen."

"Sorry I don't have an interest in hearing you tell me that you like– wait, "love" the same person as me. There's not a sane person on Earth that would want to hear this."

Jai wiped her face, dragging her fingers under her eyes, "It didn't start like that, I swear, Ken. I've been tryna ignore how I feel and that only makes it worse. It's been over a month since you last talked to him, you didn't wanna be with him for whatever reason. I got lost in everything going on."

"And again, why are you telling me this?"

"To move past it. I miss you a lot, Ken."

There were many holes in that statement, "I'm tryna make sure I'm understanding this right. You couldn't talk to me, because you had or have feelings for Elijah, but now, since you saw me talking to him, it's okay?"

"It's not like you reached out either, and I didn't act on my feelings. We're both grown, I'm trying to be the bigger person— express where I went wrong, and that's still not good enough."

"No." I thought about it, "It's really not."

"It's natural! They have a medical term for it, look it up."

I knew what she was talking about, understood it perfectly, acknowledged that she hadn't "acted on it", appreciated the fact that she told me.

Still.

How was I supposed to take it? Even if we reconciled, even if Elijah and I started dating again, it'd always be in the back of my mind— something I'd never worried about before.

I just stared at her, hearing her voice continue but not comprehending the words.

"My parents are waiting." I nodded towards the elevator, "I hope you have a great, easy, rest of your pregnancy."

"I really am sorry, Kenny."

"Thanks."

• • •

Later that evening, I watched Alex drag a paintbrush across pallets, attempting to make a new headboard for Nia.

"This why I tell her ass to stay off the internet." He grumbled, "It's always something she wanna try on there, and she never does it, it's always me."

"You always whining, and still do whatever you complaining about. Must be a man thing."

"It's an 'I'm tired of doing shit' thing. The other day I was out here building a table from pallets 'cause she saw it on HGTV. We finna be living like the Amish–  no phones no TVs– I can't do this anymore."

He couldn't have actually minded, as he readily agreed every time, and I caught him a few times flipping through the Better Homes and Gardens magazine.

I thought it was cute, that they liked to do these projects together. Nia providing only moral support, since, like Alex said, she hardly ever participated.

"How was the baby shower?" He asked, setting the finished board to the side to dry before applying a second coat.

"It went well, I guess. I saw Elijah, he wants to be my friend."

I left off the part about Jai because it wasn't his business, and I didn't care to talk about it.

Alex laughed, "The oldest trick in the book. Good for y'all."

"Don't tell me you're one of those people who think that opposite genders can't be friends."

"They can," He gestured between us, "But it's impossible when they used to have sex. I'm speaking from experience, Nia was my friend, and now look at me– Married to her."

A smile crossed my face, "You're right. It's just an excuse for us to talk, I think. We still have shit to work on."

"Can I be the maid of honor at the wedding? I'll shave my legs and everything."

"You gonna put on a wig?"

"My mama got some. She'll let me borrow it for the special occasion."

I was thankful to have met Alex, very thankful to meet Nia. If they grew tired of me being there, they never showed it, welcoming me into their home with open arms every time.

Nia and Maria were the ones who told me that being a drunk didn't look good on me. I didn't particularly think I was an alcoholic, but that's the way addictions work, everyone notices it before you do.

So, I still drank, just switched to wine most nights, and didn't do it daily.

Alex pulled the glove off his left hand, reminding me, "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Nothing good ever comes from questions prefaced by that, but go ahead."

"Why don't you wear your ring at work?"

He looked down at his finger, then back up to me, "Oh... About two years ago, Nia and I were close to a divorce, She was trying to hurt me, went to our job to find a divorce lawyer." Alex laughed softly, "It worked. Everybody whispered about it, talked shit about why. Yeah, she was the one who went there, but they could've been respectful about the situation. If they didn't know she rescinded the paperwork, I'd be happy with them thinking we got divorced."

"So that's why you don't talk to them outside of work?"

"Exactly. She thinks of it differently, wants to prove to them that we're fine– feels bad that she went that route, but I'll never invite them to shit I do, especially not into my house when they were laughing about my downfall."

"I never would've thought that."

He shrugged, "Everybody has problems, Ken. Just gotta decide if the person is worth working through them."

Just that easy.

• • •

how would y'all feel if your friend was like "hey sis. i think i'm in love w/ your man." i think it was very respectful of her not to act on it but kensley obvi doesn't think that.

i like the friendship angle w/ eli. hopefully it works for them.

thanks for reading 💕