A/N : Hi, If you 're enjoying this book so far, please don't forget to vote and comment your thoughts.
The people around me seem to be aware of certain facts that I'm not.
It's hard to get answers when you don't know what to ask for to begin with, so the best course of action in these situations is to be very observant.
Which is something I didn't do.
Alexander turned towards the man and an animalistic growl escaped his lips. The man froze in place at the sound and dropped the sandwich that was in his hand like he was ready to bolt out of the area if needed. He was a chubby man with grey hair poking under a baseball cap; loose khaki shorts and a military jacket over a yellow shirt. If he decided to take off, I'm sure Alexander would catch up to him in a heartbeat and rip his heart out.
I lifted my head at Alexander and his eyes were now fully black while the light of the full moon made it look like they were glowing. It also felt like he was actually thinking about ripping his heart out.
I suddenly realized not only was I in a bralet with my legs apart while he was standing between them, his own arms wrapped around my waist, but I was also about to ask him to kiss me just a minute ago.
What the hell? This escalated so quickly.
I told myself to stay away from him a few days ago until I got out of my PMS window. Why am I in his arms?
I suddenly felt a huge amount of embarrassment fall over my head. I pushed Alexander even farther and he frowned while looking down at me in confusion.
I ignored him and turned towards the man.
"I am so sorry sir, I was hurt, I'll get down right now!" I slid my leg to the side of Alexander and tried to push my hips forwards to get off the car's hood while putting my cardigan back on my shoulders, avoiding Alexander's face. He sighted then grabbed me by the waist and gently helped me off the jeep, a frustrated groan escaping his lips. I was still not looking at him.
And I'm not planning on anytime soon.
This was so embarrassing.
The man waited for us to turn away to come towards his car door and open it while I started dialing Emily's phone number with red cheeks. We were now both heading back to the area I was harassed in.
The awkward tension was unbearable. At least for me, he just looked pissed while walking close behind me like a bodyguard.
I almost asked him to kiss me. Oh my god, imagine if he said "no" and laughed at my face?
Or worse, imagine if he did it. How could I ever be his lab partner for the rest of the year?
I started walking faster.
Urgggg!!! What the hell, Alexa!
Once we were back to the area the fight took in, I recognized Victoria's purple hair, along with Jay, Emily and the nameless girl Alexander brought with him to the festival.
Fuck, I forgot about her. Is this the type of guy Alexander was? Bringing a girl to a festival then leaving her to embrace another one?
I shook the painful thought out of my head. Who cares? It's not like I'm interested in him.
Right? I'm not..
I was about to run towards them but I froze in my place as something was very off about the situation.
Jay was crouching down at the bodies of the two guys Alexander knocked out. His fingers on the base of the neck of one of them; checking for a pulse.
Victoria and Emily seemed to be holding their breath in while looking down. The other girl didn't seem to care and was leaning against a rail with her arms crossed. Jay then let out a relieved sigh and nodded towards the girls as if to reassure them and the girls sighed in unison.
I frowned.
Why was he checking for a pulse? Alexander merely punched them around. It's not like he pulled out a knife and jammed it in them. Victoria's head snapped towards us and she let out a huge sigh while coming my way.
"Oh my god, Alexa, there you are!", she yelled while grabbing my shoulders and jerking me towards her in a quick hug "where the hell were you?" She scowled and Alexander tensed up. Jay and Emily quickly came running towards us and the third girl came to Alexander's side.
It felt so weird having Victoria hug me and being all motherly. It got me all flustered.
Damn it, I'm really sensitive today. I'm just not used to receiving this much affection from people I barely know.
"I called you so many times but you weren't answering, I was so scared, we looked everywhere for you..." Emily breathed in.
For some reason, those last words made me really happy. I honestly thought no one even noticed I was missing.
"I got lost and those two guys over there took my phone, lucky, Alexander was here.." I explained and that got Victoria pissed off.
But she wasn't pissed off at me at all. Rather protective over me, but pissed at Alexander.
"Lucky?" she repeated and then raised her eyebrows at him "yeah lucky they're still drawing breath..." she pointed at the two guys and Jay took her arm, "why didn't you bring her back right away? We were so scared, where did you even take her?" she accused and my heart started to race.
Oh my god, please don't answer that question. We were on somebody's Jeep, embracing one another for some reason and that fact was very upsetting for me.
"Watch your tone!" Alexander gravely commanded and everybody took a step back, including me "I do whatever I want, I owe you nothing!" he continued and I flinched.
I didn't like the way he was talking to her and knowing Victoria's temper, I thought a fight was about to break but she simply backed off and lowered her head in submission.
And I understood her.
For some reason, he became incredibly overpowering while saying those words. I was intimidated by him as well as everybody else. He grimaced when I stepped back though, and looked annoyed at me being far from his reach.
Jay tensed up and pushed Victoria back while she pursed her lips.
"Sorry! She saw the two guys on the ground and she panicked! We all did! You understand why right?" Jay explained and I narrowed my eyes.
What the hell are they getting all riled up for? He just punched them. They were acting like he was some sort of uncontrollable demon that would've murdered them.
"yeah sorry..."Victoria lowered her head, "I just got scared for her..." she continued while looking at me and Alexander put his hand around the nameless girl's shoulder.
"No need to be, I don't break new toys.."
I should've paid more attention to that last part. But I was such an outsider from their friend's group at that moment that I just figured it was some sort of inside joke or story between them that had nothing to do with me.
"come on!" he ordered and the girl in his arms followed him with a smile.
And they both took off, leaving us behind.
The tension was high. Victoria seemed in a really bad mood and Jay kept trying to sooth her and telling her to let it go. For some reason, she couldn't.
I, on the other hand was thinking about something else.
ALEXANDER TOOK THE GIRL'S HAND AND THEY WENT SOMEWHERE.
I couldn't.
I just couldn't focus on anything other than that.
It wouldn't leave my mind.
Just who the hell is she? Why did nobody introduce her to me? Why was he hugging me on the car when she was probably somewhere looking and waiting for him to come back to her?
It pissed me off.
Eventually, over the rest of the night, Victoria and Jay slowly managed to go back to doing their thing and finished their date. Emily and I tried to enjoy ourselves as well. I know she had a blast afterwards and she loved the dragon parade but I just wasn't feeling it. For some reason, Alexander taking off with that girl put me out of the mood of doing anything that night.
Didn't enjoy the parade. Didn't enjoy the rest of the night. Didn't enjoy the extra Mooncakes we packed. Neither the ride home. I was off into another dimension of wondering where they were and what they might be doing. It was eating at me. I also forgot my bag that had my uniform in the back seat of Victoria's car. I was so out of it.
I kept telling myself that I didn't care. That I shouldn't care. But it kept coming back and every time, a slight feeling of uneasiness would take over me.
What is this feeling? I hate it!
I hated everything about that night except for the moment I shared with him.
I texted Victoria about my uniform that night and she said she'll send somebody to bring it to me on Sunday. She joked about burning it so I'd never wear it when hanging out with her and I got scared that she'd actually do it.
And so, the next day came about, it was Saturday.
My wrist was blue from Alexander's weird strength test yesterday. But I didn't pay much attention to it.
See, unlike bruises from Markus. These one didn't hold any heavy negative sentiments. They were just random. I don't know what he was doing but I know he didn't do it to hurt me.
I think...
So I just focused on my week end.
Usually, I would spend it locked in my room, studying.
If I'm already all caught up on homework. I would open my textbooks and study the lessons that were coming for the next weeks. Take notes for future project ideas and maybe do some math to get my brain going. I would take mock exams sometimes. Prepare college applications and write motivation letters. I know, it might seem like torture to some people but once you're used to it. It gets kind of fun.
At the very least when I'm fed up with school work I would read a book.
This one particular Saturday however, I spent very differently. Mom was at work the whole day and Markus was off to Michigan for some unknown reason.
Goodness gracious, good radiance.
I had the whole house to myself, so I decided I was going to have me-time. I don't know what got into me. But I did very little studying. In fact, I did a complete 180 and became an actual girl for a day.
I drew a hot bubble bath. Put a hair and clay face mask on. Had my tea and a scented candle. I exfoliated, shaved, moisturized. Filed my nails. Dried and actually curled my hair with an iron. Put nail polish on. Organized my closet. My room. Cleaned the house.
Mind you. These are things I don't usually do. I mean obviously, anything that has to do with hygiene is mandatory but self-care?
Nope.
Relaxing bubble bath time?
Absolutely not.
I was prancing around the house in a fluffy bathrobe for crying out loud, with music blasting in my phone.
My baths usually consisted of me washing myself and getting the hell out of the bathroom as quickly as humanly possible before Markus gets tempted to come in with me.
I don't know what came over me. Was it the makeover Victoria gave me? I guess it was.
It made me so happy that Alexander said I was pretty yesterday I just...I don't know...
I made dinner for my mom and I and we had a blast. It felt nice not having Markus around. These were the only moments I felt truly safe and home.
But before going to bed, something rather surprising happened.
Remember when I checked my phone and found a missed call from Emily and another unknown number yesterday? I asked the group about the second number and they said it wasn't any of theirs. Everybody was hovering above Emily's head when she was calling me. None of them tried to reach me. I didn't look too much into the new number and just shrugged it off.
However, tonight. I received a text message from that unknown number itself and it was a rather happy occurrence.
"Hey Alexa, I hope you're doing well! It's been a while.
I saw you yesterday at the Autumn Festival and thought I'd give you a call. I'm back in Melrose for the next few months; I hope we can meet soon and catch up!
Let me know when you're free!
Hong."
When I read that last part, I almost jumped and screamed.
In the public middle school I went to, we had an exchange student from China. That was Hong.
We were friends. We were more than friends. Not in any romantic way. We were companions, comrades. Never have I met a child with such wonderful manners, kindness, respect and level of maturity. Even at a young age. We shared a strong friendship bond.
I didn't have a middle school life where I was in love with a boy and spent my days dreaming about him.
I had a middle school life where I met Hong; and he shaped the person I am today.
He came from the slums of Beijing. Spoke very poor English with a heavy accent but he was brilliant in mathematics and physics. The children at my school were interested the first day but eventually they tired of the hype and he just became another student nobody could communicate with as the days went on because of the language barrier.
In the middle of winter, he started getting bullied by some 8th graders. It got so bad one day, he got injured and had to be taken to the hospital my mom worked at. She was the nurse that took care of him. That's how WE met.
I used to be a good student and that was about it.
I didn't really have any aspirations up until the point I met him and he kind of turned me into an ambitious person. I found out his story. He studied day and night to get a scholarship to the US and eventually got one.
He was the one friend that was truly a good influence on me. He taught me to take life into my own hands; he was living proof that I could achieve anything I put my mind to.
From the slums across the planet to Melrose.
That was when I realized it was doable; I might have been 13 at the time, but the plan of getting away from Markus needed to start right then so that by 18, I'd be out.
And when I got accepted into Eastwell was when I started seeing the beginning of the escape. That was also when Markus started to see it as his aggressive behavior was getting worse this year.
I quickly made my way downstairs to tell mom about Hong.
I responded to his text and told him I was damn free tomorrow if he wanted to meet and he should've came to see me at the festival yesterday instead of just calling.
Maybe It would have been different had he come to meet me. I wouldn't have gotten lost and saved by Alexander and the feeling of him leaving with his date wouldn't have bothered me if I had Hong with me.
I went to bed happy. Saturday was a good day.
Sunday sure as hell wasn't.
It started well though. I woke up to a text from Hong telling me he was free to meet this afternoon and gave me a location for a café. I was happy.
Since I had organized my closet yesterday, it was easy to put together something cute.
I'm not romantically interested in Hong at all, don't get me wrong. But at this point, my hair was already styled in pretty lose curls, my nails were already done, my skin felt clear and smooth. Let's just keep it up. To hell with it.
Give me a break. I'm a teenage girl. I, too, want to be cute once in a while.
I wore a white blouse that I kept unbuttoned at the collar, with light washed denim jeans. I had on the white sneakers Victoria picked out for me along with the brown cardigan. It just went well together. This was the first time I put thoughts into my clothes myself. My hair was in a high ponytail.
Didn't take the Chloe bag with me. It just felt too much. I'm not that comfortable with expensive designers.
Granted, It did look like I was going on a date but it was purely coincidental. Just hang tight, this little detail is going to be very relevant in a second.
Once I got inside the café. I spotted him right away. Jet black straight hair and and square glasses all year around.
He hadn't changed at all. His nose was up a book while sitting at the table. He was wearing a white shirt with blue strips and white pants.
God I missed him. He always looked so serious, it made me smile.
I went towards his table and bent my entire body to be at his eye level and shot him a giddy smile. He raised his eye from his book and a look of surprised crossed his face when he saw me.
"Hi!" I laughingly spoke and a warm smile formed while he got up from his chair.
I didn't really know how to greet him at the moment. When he left Melrose to go to another high school across the country, we hugged at the airport and I was the one who initiated it. And he felt so awkward the whole time I regretted ever doing it. I thought he hated it.
I guess it was awkward, we were 14.
However, he looked like the high school years loosened him up. He got up from his chair and pulled my shoulders in a quick friendly hug and I only then realized how tall he has gotten.
"It's so nice to see you again, Alexa!" He spoke and his voice was deeper and his accent faded so much he almost sounded like a native.
"You too Hong! God it feels like it's been forever! You look good!" I smiled while sitting down and he lowered his eyes with a smile.
He was still as shy as ever.
"So do you!" He smiled and he was just plain cute.
We talked for a long time and it was good. I told him about Eastwell and he told me about Richard high. His old high school in New York. He said he was in Melrose because his brother moved to the US and he was coming to live with him here. This meant he was transferring here again.
THIS meant I had a friend in Melrose again. I was beaming. I hope he comes to Eastwell with me. That would be amazing.
But mainly, with Hong, high school, the present, current situations, were always just a stepping stone. He always steered conversations towards the future. College admissions. SAT exams. Scholarships. That was it. He put me in perspective. And I loved it. I needed it.
Yesterday started to seem like a waste of a good Saturday that should have been spent documenting myself about other universities and looking into after school programs. Yet I spent it goofing around and curling my hair and doing my nails. It was so stupid. I promised myself to make it up once I was home.
This was the influence Hong had on me. He made me want to be productive and serious. Discipline seemed appealing thanks to him. I've let myself go these past few weeks because of Alexander's distraction.
Alexander started to seem like a sidetracking element. I mean, think about it; ever since he became my lab partner, my future was put on very shaky grounds. I got a C for the first time in my life and god knows how much I'm going to get on Mister Henderson's last quiz seeing as how I missed a couple key questions in it. My next grade depended on Alexander taking the make-up quiz.
These were all warning signs.
I need to change my ways. Was this really temporary and hormonal?
I let myself get distracted by a boy. This doesn't sound like me at all.
God this felt nice. It's been such a long time. Hong was my rock.
Now you might be wondering, why did I say Sunday wasn't good?
Well, here goes;
After the coffee. We decided to head for my house. It was around 5PM and Hong really wanted to see mom again.
Remember when I said Victoria would bring me my uniform on Sunday? Today was Sunday. I forgot. She didn't. She sent actually someone.
As we were heading towards the bus station and about to cross the street, a black G-wagon drove in front of us. Almost running over Hong's foot. We both jumped and backed off and as I was about to curse, the driver parked right in the middle of the crosswalk, blocking our way and then the door of the car flew open and we could finally see who it was.
I felt my heart start to race as Alexander got out and slammed the door so hard, I winced. He was marching towards me seemingly infuriated at the sight of Hong next to me. He looked at my outfit from head to toe and his anger seemed to triple.
"Were you on a date?" he asked and shivers traveled down my spine at his tone. It was cold and menacing. His eyes made their way to Hong and I panicked.
"n-no..."I answered and Hong turned towards me confused.
Wait, why am I getting scared? I owe him nothing. I can be on a date if I want to.
He was on a date at the festival, wasn't he?
"Come here!" he ordered and I was outraged. My legs started to move but I stopped myself.
How dare he? Does he just expect me to obey him? I was pissed at him leaving with the girl on Friday. How can he just drive by and tell me what to do?
"No, what the hell?"I breathed out then took Hong's arm to get ready to leave and Alexander turned towards him. His hand balled in a fist while his breathing started getting heavy. Hong flinched and I admit I was scared at how furious he was getting but look at it from my perspective;
How can he just come out of thin air and tell me to go to him? Why is he even here?
"If you want to see your uniform again, get in the car." He headed for the driver's door and that's where it all clicked.
Victoria sent Alexander to deliver my uniform and he must have been heading for my house.
Oh, how I wish she actually just burned it like she joked before.
"Jesus Christ!" I breathed out and turned towards Hong who was completely at a loss for words.
"I'll text you! I'll explain everything, please go home, and thank you for today!" I said quickly and he blinked, puzzled, "I'm sorry, this guy's has my school uniform and he's insane, he could shred it!" I explained and he nodded slowly.
I made my way to the G-wagon and opened the passenger's seat door but didn't get it.
"Give me the uniform" I asked.
"Get in the car!"
"Give me the uniform!" I repeated
"Get in the car! I will not say it a third time" he growled and I sighed.
Hell!
I walked inside the car and closed the door. He leaned in to grab my seatbelt and strapped me in like a hostage. He made sure my door was childlocked and I turned towards Hong who was still outside, looking concerned.
Alexander turned on the engine and drove off to the direction of my house, anger clearly written on his face.
Why is he pissed at me? I should be pissed at him.
"Who was that?" He asked, irritated and I rolled my eyes.
"An old friend of mine, can I have my uniform back and be gone? Stop the car I don't need a ride!" I asked.
"were you two on a date?" he asked again and okay.
Okay look!...here's some solid advice.
Don't poke a lion.
Don't ever poke a lion.
I would never usually attempt something like this, but the thing is;
Every time Alexander was around, smart Alexa would leave my body and it was like I would get replaced by a really dumb bitch. I decided at the moment to shrug my little indifferent shoulders twice and look out the window.
"yes...we were very much on a date" Â I lied. I don't know why.
I guess I just wanted a reaction and I got served as he slammed on the breaks, turned the car around and took a different road leading right to the country side. I slammed against my window from the impact of the car turning left.
"Where are you going?" I panicked and he kept a straight face on while starring ahead, we were now driving in the middle of nowhere, "Alexander?" I called and he turned the blinkers on to park on the side of the road. There was a forest on my right and a field on the other side of the road. Nobody else was driving through here. He turned off the engine and angrily pushed his door open to get out and I was just so confused.
Wait, where is he going? I was now fully on alert. This was the perfect place to burry a corpse and I didn't want to it to be mine.
He opened the back door of the car on his side and reached for a bag which I recognized instantly. It was my bag. The shopping bag I forgot in Victoria's car, it had my uniform in it.
"Hey, what are you going to do with that?" I wiggled in my seat and tried to jump to reach the bag before him, but the seatbelt held me back. Before I was able to unclasp it, he had child locked the doors of the car with me inside.
"HEY!! What the hell! LET ME OUT!" I screamed and he walked towards the front of the car so I had a view of what he was doing outside from where I was sitting. I then realized he had a bottle of liquor in his hand and my uniform in the other.
I started to hyperventilate.
Oh god! No! He wouldn't!
There's no way!
He's bluffing. He would never do that.
Wait. It's Alexander. He doesn't care. He would actually do it.
He threw my uniform on the dirt ground and I started furiously tapping on the windshield.
"STOP! HEY! STOP THAT!" I tried to yank the car door open but nothing moved, I was locked in, "knock it off, it's not funny!" I started screaming at him as he poured the bottle of liquor over the uniform before getting a lighter out of his pocket.
I stared in horror as I watched him throw the lit lighter onto my uniform and fire hungrily consumed the fabric thanks to the alcohol.
I couldn't help but bite my shaking lips and tears formed at the rim of my waterline.
Oh my god! He didn't!
How could he?
I was a scholarship student. Meaning I didn't have to pay the one thousand dollars school uniform fee. However; my great aunt Marie paid the two thousand dollars damage security deposit that the school was supposed to give back to her at the end of the year.
Now that the uniform was burned. The school was going to keep the security deposit and WE would have to refund Aunt Marie the two grand.
Alexander just burned me two thousand dollars. This might seem like pocket change to him but this was time and hard labor for my mom.
Also, before asking for a new uniform, I had to fill out a form of what happened to my old one. If I lost or damaged it. The uniform was an Eastwell statement. It was like an honor badge. You take care of it. I was going to get an observation on my record for this that future universities were going to read.
To top it off, I didn't HAVE two thousand dollars. My mom didn't have it either, and even if she did, I didn't want her paying for it.
She works too hard for her to give a couple thousand dollars away like that.
I stared blankly while the flames ate at my items of clothing and Alexander started heading back for the car. I had tears dripping down the sides of my face and I was sobbing frantically.
I was so angry and sad and hurt, my eyes fell on my wrist and I saw the bruises Alexander gave me two days ago and I flinched.
How could I be so stupid?
Nothing Markus ever did to me was equal to this.
He opened the door and I was breathing and sobbing. He glanced towards me but kept a straight face while sitting down and then closed his door while leaning towards me.
After the flames died down I was left with a bitter taste in my mouth.
This is why Alexander was bad news for me. The universe sent me Hong as a safety net. I was falling into a dangerous hole until he caught me and I was thankful for that.
"I hate you..." I sobbed and he clenched his jaw before grabbing my wrist and pulling me towards him.
"I'm going to ask you again, were you on a date?" he stared angrily at me.
"Why does it matter?" I continued, exhausted from crying. I was done. Done with him.
"Answer me!" He continued and I shook my head.
"No" I breathed out and my entire smug attitude went through the window, "we weren't on a date, he's just an old friend, it was a stupid joke..."I explained, feeling defeated at life.
Suddenly, his eyes softened and he reached towards my cheek to touch a tear.
"Why are you crying then?" he asked sincerely. Like he truly didn't get it. Like he thought this was just a harmless vengeance he could pull on me to make me regret lying and annoy me.
See, this pissed me off. He didn't get it. He could never get it. This didn't just annoy me; this hurt me and my mom financially.
He can't just burn a couple grand and then softly ask me why I'm crying.
"you have no idea what you just did..." my voice broke and my nose was now red, I lowered my head to face my door while whipping my eyes.
"Is it about the school security deposit?" he asked and my eyes widened while I pursed my lips, turned towards him and punched him in the shoulder, which felt like banging my knuckles against a brick wall. I think I did more damage to myself than him.
Damn it. I keep forgetting he's smart.
"if you knew about that, why would you do that!" I cried again and he smiled.
"because you're adorable..." he grabbed me suddenly by the hips and pulled me towards him. Before I could even say anything, I found myself sitting on his lap, facing him. Trapped between the steering wheel and his chest.
Even while sitting on his lap, he was still taller than me. I looked up at him and my whole face was red. He was too close.
"What are you doing? Get off.." I tried to crawl back at my seat but he put his hands on the steering wheel on both sides of my waist, trapping me between his strong arms, an amused look on his face.
"stay!" he smiled and I breathed in.
"Of course you're laughing, you don't get it, I don't expect you to get it, ever..." I accused.
Two grand was probably nothing to him. Of course this was a joke to him.
"What did I do, love?" he asked and I swallowed hard.
"You damaged my belongings!" I whined, helpless almost about to cry again.
"Is that so?" he leaned in and I pushed myself away so my back was against the steering wheel.
"What do you think genius?" I answered.
He leaned back slightly on his chair and I could finally breathe out. He looked at my blouse then back at me, and then his eyes started darkening while eying me. I started feeling hot in the face from the situation. My eyes were red. My nose was runny. My lips were swollen and my cheeks were wet.
He did it.
He got me all flustered. Congrats.
"Would it make you feel better if I replaced your uniform?" He continued and I raised my eyes at him then nodded.
Yes, I would very much like that.
"Do you want me to replace it?" He repeated with a smile, establishing dominance over me and I felt completely powerless.
I nodded quickly.
"Alright then, come closer" He instructed and my heart started to pound. I inched a little closer to him without question.
Hey, if the spoiled brat is offering to pay for the damages he caused, I don't mind getting close to him.
"Let you hair down" he instructed and I blinked.
He kept a smug smile on and I put my hand behind my head to pull my scrunchie from my hair. The long lose curls fell on my chest. His pupils dilated making his eyes seem black and he suddenly leaned towards me. His hands that were on the steering wheel on my sides grabbed my back to push me against him in a tight hug. His face was in my neck, I felt his warm lips on my skin and shivers went down my spine. I gently rested my hands on his big shoulders.
"so soft.." he squeezed me against him and I froze up entirely. Contrasting what he just said, his chest was so strong and hard.
This was a bad position to be in.
How does it always get to this with him?My heart was pounding in my ears and my breathing was shortening.
"Take it back!" He commanded and I blinked, confused, "you said you hated me, take it back!" he continued with his head on my collar bone and I swallowed.
I didn't mean it the slightest.
"I don't hate you, Alexander..."
Not even close.
Not even a little.
Not even by a margin.
I really really don't hate you at all.