"OOF," I GROANED as I was nearly toppled over after Ava crashed into me and nearly suffocated me with her tight embrace.
"You're finally back!" Ava shouted next to my ear, causing me to wince.
"Yeah, it's good to see you too," I chuckled, slowly returning the embrace. A moment later when Ava let go, I wheeled my suitcase into my room and plopped down onto the bed, sighing. It felt like it was just yesterday I was saying goodbye to Ava at the airport, and now here I was, back in my dorm room already.
"So how did it go? How was the trip? Ooh, what did you get me?" Ava sprouted as I pulled out a package from my carry-on. I handed her the small plastic bag and she hastily grabbed the small, black box inside. As she opened it up, she cooed at the small keychain.
"Aw, this is so cute. Thanks, Hadley," said Ava as she admired the golden keychain with her name engraved on the front and a picture of the Statue of Liberty in cartoon form on the back.
After disappearing to her room to put away the keychain and returning a minute later, Ava climbed onto the bed and urged me to tell her all about the trip. Eventually, I gave in and informed her of what happened, including what happened between me and Milo.
Ava sighed, "Hadley."
"I know, it's bad. I'm a bad person for letting that happen, right?" I groaned, launching backward, hitting the mattress with a loud poof. "God, what the hell were we thinking?"
"For the umpteenth time, Hads, you're not a bad person. You can't always be 'perfect' because you're human. You both just got caught up in the moment somehow, and...things happened."
"I feel so awful. I mean, why couldn't Nicole have been that jealous girlfriend who's always a bitch to every girl within a hundred mile radius of her boyfriend," I complained exasperatedly. "But no, she has this great, likable personality with looks and brains. For goodness sake, even her teeth are perfectly straight and pearly white," I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I pushed it out of my face.
After a few beats of silence, Ava spoke up. "Do you regret kissing him?" She questioned.
I paused as Ava stared at me intensely, waiting intently for my response, "I don't know. I mean, what happened in New York was wrong, so wrong. He has a girlfriend that, who not to mention, is literally perfect!" Before Ava could give her input, I sprang up. "You know what, this was all a mistake. What happened up there should've never happened."
I slipped on my shoes and cardigan, leaving Ava in the room.
"Wait, where are you going?" Ava screamed from behind.
I turned back to her with an unknown source of confidence flowing through me.
"To set things straight."
â
"HEY," HE SMILED as he tucked in his chair, a screech emitted as the metal chair scraped against the concrete floor.
"Hi," I responded, short and sweet with my hands folded neatly on the small, round table. All the confidence I had in the dorm vanished as I nursed a small mug of coffee.
"So, what's up?" Milo asked, raising his eyebrows. I wanted to respond with "the ceiling", but I don't think now was a good time for a joke.
"So listen, about New York. It was really fun, and I'm really glad that we were able to reconnect over the trip, but...I think what happened that one night in our room was a mistake." I averted my gaze, biting on my lower lip as I felt my lungs closing up.
Milo stayed silent as I continued without looking back up at him, afraid of what his expression would be. "I'm sorry I didn't stop you from making that mistake, and it was wrong of me to let that kiss even happen. The entire time, my subconscious was screaming at me and saying that what we were doing was wrong, but I don't know. I just couldn't help it for some reason, and I'm sorry."
I finally looked up at Milo, lips rolled in, eyebrows scrunched, as I prepared myself for his reaction. As I studied his face, there was nothing there, just a stoic expression. Not even his eyes gave away a clue to what he was thinking about.
Finally, he spoke, "Is that how you feel?"
I nodded. "Don't you think so?"
He exhaled deeply as he studied my face.
"You're right. New York was a mistake."
An unsettling feeling lurched in my chest, which made me feel like an idiot. Why would I expect him to say otherwise?
He loves someone else.
"Good, I'm glad we're both on the same page, and we can forget about it," I plastered on a fake, cheery smile. Taking in a deep breath as I tried to steady my emotions that were threatening to spill out soon, I took a slow sip of my coffee, finishing up whatever was left in the mug.
"There's something else I also wanted to say," I added slowly, hesitating with every word. My gaze flickered down to the empty mug that I seemed to be holding onto for dear life. "I don't think we can be friends anymore."
"Why not?" Milo urgently pleaded after pausing to let my words sink in. "Hadley, I'm going to be honest here, I thought we wouldn't have been able to even look each other in the eye when you first got here. But look at us now, we're enjoying each other's company, and I'm elated that we were able to reconnect and become friends."
"Yeah, but not everything has been going great. Things just aren't the same anymore...and I don't think they ever will be," I stated slow and unsteadily. My eyes darted back and forth between my hands, not daring to look up at Milo.
"So just because we kissed in New York means that we can't be friends anymore?" Milo questioned, hurt and confused.
"How can you say it like that, as if kissing someone else when you have a girlfriend is something so minuscule?" My eyebrows were drawn together as I finally looked up at Milo. "That changed everything."
"I'm not saying that it's nothing," he defended. "What I'm saying is, you're gonna cut me off because of one little mistake that happened?"
One little mistake, was he kidding?
I stayed quiet as he exhaled deeply. "So just like that? You're gonna leave again and have us go back to being strangers?" Milo questioned, hurt and exasperation filling his voice.
Averting his gaze, I gathered my things, tossing my long purse strap over my shoulder. "I'm sorry, Milo." Pushing my chair back, I stood up, "I'll head out first." As I took a step, Milo gripped onto my arm.
"One last thing," said Milo defeatedly, slightly loosening his grip. Milo looked up at me with pleading and puzzled eyes, staring deeply into my soul. "Do you regret that night?"
I took in a deep breath.
"Yes, I wish it never happened."
He searched my face for any hesitation, anything that would tell him otherwise as my heart sunk even deeper into my stomach. After a moment, he let go of my arm and sat there dejectedly as I headed for the exit, feeling like the walls of the tiny coffee shop that once felt cozy now closing in.
Tears pricked my eyes, but I held them back as I tried to keep on my best poker face because the truth was, I didn't regret New York, and I didn't think that that kiss was a mistake.
But Milo could never know that.
He'll never know how badly I wanted to kiss him. He'll never know how I thought that kiss felt so right. He'll never know how that was the best mistake I've ever made, and I regretted none of it.
But most importantly, he'll never know how that kiss rekindled all of those warm, fuzzy feelings I felt for him three years ago, and that I'm still and always was in love with the chocolate brown eyed boy with obsidian hair who always smelled like sweet lavender.
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A/N: hello everyone! Agh, this chapter was just urghhh. This was probably one of my favorite chapters to write. Once again, for the millionth time, thank you for reading! â¡
-Karlee ð