We end up back on our pile of pillows, Sam between me and Raph and it almost feels like I have a complete family again. For a while we just sit, not talking, and I try to remember this moment as best as I can. I know I'll have to be the one to go with Sam tomorrow, because Raph will not be able to let him go otherwise.
'So how'd you get past the drill master?' I finally ask, trying to distract myself from having to let him go soon. It's embarrassing to admit, but after five years, although missing both people from my old life, I learnt to live without them. Now, having Sam next to me, all of that dread is coming right back.
'Drill master?' Sam asks confused. He looks at me and I can suddenly see the youth in him still.
'I can tell she's been training you. Your scrawny self is actually developing something akin to muscle.' I tease him. Raph is the only one that laughs though, Sam just resorts to pouting again.
'I might have slipped her some light sleeping pills?' It's obvious how guilty he feels, and he should. Mum is going to wake up and panic when she can't find Sam. When she walked away that day with Sam in her arms, it was clear to me that she took him under her wing as her own pup right then.
'Well, you better be ready for when you get back.' I say to cheer him up.
'I'm sorry I came. I didn't think that they might find you.' He's crying now. Suddenly, I feel completely out of my comfort zone and have no idea what to do. Desperate, I look at Raph, who is smiling at me as if he's never seen anything more beautiful and throws me off for just a second. Then I remember that his kid brother is bawling his eyes out and I don't know how to handle it, so I gesture to Sam. That seems to pull Raph back and he immediately goes to wipe his brother's tears away.
'You're okay. They won't find you. We'll bring you back tomorrow and then you'll have to be a big boy. You'll have to wait for us to get you and you'll have to take care of mum until then, okay?' It warms my heart to hear Raph call my mother his and Sam's as well. It makes me even more determined to bring all of us together once again.
'I will. I'll be strong for mum.' the boy answers, a new determination present in his eyes and I feel suddenly proud. I feel proud of this precious person that I had no hand in raising, yet his actions matter so much in my life.
We talk a bit longer, but soon Sam can't keep his eyes open. I'm not surprised, running here from our old pack is a stretch, especially for a young pup like him.
Once I'm sure he's fast asleep, I lean over him, pulling Raph's head closer so our foreheads can rest together.
'How are you really?'
'I don't wanna let him go, Don.' There is so much raw pain in his voice, I can barely stand it. It almost physically hurts hearing his voice and seeing his face like this. I make sure to grip him properly, looking him straight in the eye.
'Listen to me. I will make sure to get you and your brother together again. I promise. I'll make sure of it.'
He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes as if overwhelmed. His eyebrows furrow and I'm scared he'll start to cry too.
'This isn't just about him. He loves your mum too. He loves you. I love you. This is about all of us. It's no use if it's not all of us. It can't be. I love you.' he repeats again and the raw emotion was unmissable.
'Raph?' I quietly say. There's something that's been weighing on my mind ever since I saw Sam at the border earlier.
'Yes?'
'Why didn't he shift? He should be just past the age when every pup should be turned.' The next breath he takes is shaky and he almost doesn't have to actually answer for me to get it.
'He didn't shift because he's ... he's not a werewolf. I'm sorry, Donny. I couldn't tell, I had to protect him. I didn't think, I was so used to keeping it a secret I didn't, I-'
'Shh, stop, you're okay, it's okay. I'm not mad.' I try calming him down. He's not himself today, too rattled, too out of it.
'I love you, Raph, and I love Sam. No matter what he is and no matter what you did and didn't tell me.'
It takes me a while to calm him down, but he eventually stops apologising and trying to come up with explanations he doesn't have to give me. Protecting your pup, your sibling, your family is not something that needs explaining.
'Does Alpha Timothy know?' I finally ask.
'I don't know. I've tried to not make it obvious, but he was always naturally scrawnier than the other pups. They must have figured it out by now. I don't even wanna .. I don't wanna think about the consequences.'
'Don't. He's got mum, he'll be alright.' Those aren't just empty words either. My mother would do whatever necessary to keep Sam safe.
Come morning I haven't slept a wink. Raph himself barely slept longer than an hour or so. We were both just watching Sam. It was during the night that it hit me how precious children are. Sam grew so much in just the few years we'd been adapting in this new environment. Not watching him during this process and only seeing him now makes me feel strangely sad.
When he wakes up, his eyes slowly flutter open while he's trying to figure out where he is. It's actually quite funny how his head keeps going back and forth between Raph and me before it finally clicks. Then, a massive grin takes over his features and I can't help but answer with one of my own.
'We need to move' Raph says suddenly and I know he's right. We can't keep stalling, it's not safe. So we get ready, pretending there's a lot that needs preparing, when really there is nothing at all.
'Donovan!' Clarissa's voice outside sounds stressed and I don't like it at all. When I go to check on her, she's out of breath, but gets straight to the point anyway.
'They're still here. You'll have to lead them away before leaving with the boy. I don't know why they're so obsessed with him, but they're clearly not leaving any time soon without incentive.'
Before I can even say anything, Raph's voice intercepts from behind me.
'I'll do it. I'll lead them away.' I honestly do not even want to consider it, even though I knew he was going to mention it. Still, I refuse to just roll over like that.
'I'm faster than you, I should lead them.' The argument is complete bullshit, but I can't help it.
'Which is exactly why you should take Sam. The faster you get back, the faster I can come home.'
I can't even argue. He is right of course, even though I hoped, against all reason, that he might not think that way.
'I wish I could help, but...' Clarissa lets her sentence hang, but she has no reason to apologise. The Alpha called the whole pack off, no one is to get involved. This is our mess and we will deal with it.
Soon after, Clarissa leaves to report our departure to the Alpha and Sam says his goodbye to Raph.
I almost can't bare to watch as the two hug so hard, Raph's knuckles are turning white gripping the back of Sam's shirt. They whisper to each other, then Raph turns around without another comment and shifts, ripping his clothes in the process. I can feel his stress through this action alone, he would never rip his clothes if he has another option, he's clearly rattled. I wish I could go with him and the moment he disappears in the trees, everything in myself tells me to follow him, but the boy by my side reminds me that I can't.
'Let's go.' he says with a shaky voice, tears all over his face, his eyes glassy, but full of determination. He's become strong. A small smile sneaks onto my face before I take my clothes off and shift myself. I lie on the ground so Sam can get on my back, then run off into the opposite direction than Raph did.
It takes us while to get to the border, but once there, I run straight past. I don't bother stopping and listening for any threats. If there are any, we won't gain anything by slowing down. Instead I keep my senses alert and run as fast I can with Sam on my back. His hands are holding on to my fur for dear life and I'm glad I told him to lean down as close to my back as possible, it makes this a lot easier.
Surprisingly, we get to my old pack's land in less than an hour, even taking the longer way as a second security measure. I can't step foot into the land, but I know where we are, so even on foot, it shouldn't take him longer than another half an hour to get to my mother's house.
Before I let him go, I change back and give him a hug.
'Be careful, okay?' I say quietly. He only nods and I know he's crying again. Somehow, it makes me happy that this boy can cry about me.
'Alright, it's dangerous to stay here. You need to go.' I tell him, carefully pushing him away from me.
'I love you.' he says suddenly and then smiles a giant smile and I can't help but pull him back into a hug.
'Listen, don't ever tell anyone you're human. Keep it a secret. I want nothing happening to you until we come and get you, understand?' Again, he only nods, but that's good enough.
'Now, go, run home, make sure you get there as fast as possible. Tell mum I love her. And I love you, Sam.'
This time, he doesn't reply, simply runs off into the land I once called my home.
I know I need to leave, but I stay anyway, waiting until I can't see or hear him anymore before finally shifting again and running back home. My paws feel heavy as I'm running and I struggle to go any faster. Leaving Sam behind feels too wrong, even though in my head I know it's the only right choice.
When I'm about half way there, I let out three loud howls, a sign for Raph to come home. At least I have someone to share this with.