Three weeks later finds me standing in my room dressed only in my boxers with absolutely no clue what to do with myself.
No one's really informed me what kind of event this concert actually is. Sheila's not said anything apart from meeting times and Raph just hasn't wanted to talk about it. So here I am, an hour before Sheila and Sam will be here to pick me up and the only thing I've accomplished so far is to have a shower.
Zach's left this morning, not telling anyone where he went and mum has been called into the office, which leaves me completely alone to figure out how to present myself tonight.
I sigh and let my body drop onto the bed. This is where I stay for the next twenty minutes. It's not that I don't want to get ready, but it's one of those times that in your head you're completely convinced you're moving and doing things, but really, you're not even twitching your eyelids. However, I do fall off the bed when the door flies open and crashes into my wall. I groan and turn around to shoot whoever dared to scare me that much a death glare, only to see Zach standing there with a wide grin on his face and two bags in his hands.
'Let's get you ready, lover boy!' he shouts happily, completely ignoring my less than energetic self.
Instead, I get manhandled like a dress up doll when he puts clothes on me. Turns out what he's been doing all day is picking out clothes for me to wear.
'You could have at least helped a bit.' he huffs after stepping back and admiring his work. I only shrug.
'Good?' I ask.
'You doubting my abilities? This is pancaking fantastic! Woohoo!" he hollers before disappearing from my room, probably to get stuff to make my hair look presentable. That man takes my appearance way too seriously.
While he's gone I chance a look in the mirror and I can't help but admit how good an eye he's got for that stuff. The clothes aren't anything special really, but it's quite obvious how much time it took to find and match all of it. The skinny jeans that took entirely too long to put on are a dark blue, which goes well with the almost black blazer jacket thing he got me. Underneath he actually put the sleeveless top I was wearing on the first wanna-be-date I had with Raph.
The shoes he got I don't even know the name of and I've given up finding out without even starting. They look good though so I'm not bothered. Zach even got me a fancy looking watch that probably didn't even cost him that much. I grin, I really love this guy.
'Last touches, here we come.' he comes back into my room, hollering once again. He is way too excited for this, a lot more than I am even.
Half an hour later I'm downstairs waiting for Sheila to arrive. Zach is with me and we're watching silly TV that no one actually likes but everyone watches. When the doorbell finally rings, Zach just turns to me with a smile.
'Go get your man.'
He winks at me before shooing me towards the door. I only roll my eyes. Over dramatic much.
Outside Sheila is waiting by the car with Sam. My first instinct is to grab Sam into a hug, as we've done every time we met for the past few weeks, but then I remember that Sheila doesn't know we've met, so I clear my throat instead. Both of them look up, smiles on their faces. Sam moves to come towards me, but I just wink at him, making him stop in his step. He looks curious as I walk up to Sheila, kiss her on the cheek and then turn to him. I squat down in front of him and hold my hand out.
'Hi little man, I'm Donny, nice to meet you.' I say with another wink. Sam only chuckles before actually taking and shaking my hand.
'I'm Sam.'
During the drive Sam talks an unusual lot. It's not necessarily much, but for his standards, he doesn't even shut up. I'm getting more nervous as time goes by, because I realise how different he is with me now than when we first met and I just hope to all that is holy that Sheila doesn't find it strange. The boy isn't one to open up to people that quickly and out of the blue, but he constantly keeps talking to me and it doesn't even seem forced either.
When we actually get to get venue, I'm surprised to see an actual concert hall. It's nothing amazingly big and fancy, but it's big enough to have my jaw hang open for knowing that my boyfriend will be playing in this place. All of a sudden, I do get excited and nervous. It's a warm feeling and I can't wait to see Raph play.
We find our seats easily, and we only have to wait a few minutes before it starts.
When the room starts to darken, Sheila leans over to whisper in my ear: 'It's like a showcase. Different young musicians show off their work here. So it might be a while until Raphael comes on.'
In only nod, intently focused on the stage and what is happening. Soon, the first musician comes on.
It's actually really good quality. Every single musician has a very unique style and I can't help but admire the person that picked them.
After the girl that had the 6th performance leaves the stage, the room grows slightly louder, only to quiet down completely when Raph takes the stage.
My breath is caught in my lungs. He's wearing a unbelievably well fitting suit and his hair is slicked back and almost glossy looking. I've never seen him like that and with the way he holds his violin as if it's the most sacred thing on the world the only thing I want to do is touch him.
I can see his eyes close and his body relax as he concentrates for a second, then there is this incredible strength and elegance in the way all of him tenses up to produce the first sound. It's long and almost agonising and it goes straight to my heart.
The piece he plays sounds like it must be a classical one, but I hear parts that are very remotely resemblant of popular songs and rock influences.
His eyes stay closed throughout the first what must be two minutes, then, after a sharp pull of his bow, he opens them and lets them glide over the audience in a calm back and forth. Until his eyes meet mine and he just looks at me while playing the rest of his piece. It's the calmer, slower part of his rendition. Long notes, similar to the one in the beginning, and sharp changes seem to drive this piece completely and when he finishes and gracefully bows to the audience, I can't help but feel like he once again confessed his love to me.
'Are you okay?' a little voice says next to me once Raph has left the stage. It takes me a moment to compose myself enough to actually look over and see Sam holding out a little handkerchief to me. I chuckle weakly and try to grab it, but he quickly reaches out and gently taps at my cheeks. So I was crying then.
He motions me to come closer so he could reach my ear.
'I'll tell you a secret. Raph said to bring the hannerchy because you might cry and he can't be there to hug you.'
I look at the little boy with the wide, completely happy smile that has a hard time pronouncing handkerchief still but can already fill my heart with so much happiness and I can't help myself but hug him to me.
'Thank you' I whisper.
Once all the renditions are over, we head back stage. It takes us a while to find Raph's dressing room.
Once we do, Sam immediately launches himself into his brother's arms and gets swung around the room squealing.
'That was amazing, Raphael.' Sheila says then, crossing the distance between her and Raph and hugging him to her. It's not a friendly hug either, as she doesn't let go for at least a minute and I have to look away. I want to be the one to hug him this way after that amazing performance. I want to kiss him and dance with him and be idiots with him if I want to. I want to take a photo with Raph and Sam to commemorate this moment, but all I can do is stand there and congratulate him with a weak smile and from a safe distance.
I don't say much as we wait for Raph to finish up whatever there is to finish up and and I stay just as quiet as we go back to the car to go home.
'Should we get a bite to eat?' Sheila asks, still as excited as when she was hugging Raph in the dressing room.
'I'm actually quite tired to be honest.' Raph immediately replies, 'If it's alright I'd rather go home and go to sleep.'
It's quiet for a second. Sam is asleep, Sheila obviously disappointed and I just feel all kinds of hatred and longing in all kinds of ways.
'Sure, no problem. Another time then.' Sheila finally says. It's obvious she's not happy, but there's not much she can say either.
As always, she drops me off first. I feel heavy and tired and it takes me entirely too long to leave the car. By the time Sheila walks up to my house, I'm only just opening the car door.
When I heave myself off the seat, I feel Raph's hand holding onto mine for just a split second before letting go. Of course we can't risk anything. She can't find out, I just wish she could.
I kiss Sheila on her cheek once again to say goodbye before going inside.
I just pass everyone and they let me, probably seeing the complete defeat on my face.
Once in my room, I let myself fall face first onto my bed and know that I won't be able to sleep tonight. Zach doesn't sleep here anymore either, so I just curl up into a ball in hopes of shutting the ugly reality of the world out for just a few hours at least.